The One Sided Ring

Raw Number 17

2012-01-05T15:25:00.000Z

It's the seventeenth ever edition of Monday Night Raw! Huzzah. We start with Our epic trio of Vince, Randy and Bobby, the latter looking fetching in the same bloody horrible lurid orange shell suit jacket as the week previous. We see some footage from the Special Olympics with Randy Savage and the Smoking Gunns on hand.

Vince says we have Razor Ramon on tonight's show. Also, he says Tatanka is on, and is still undefeated. That's interesting, as last week there was a plug for him fighting Giant Gonzales on Superstars. I wonder if they'll tell us (show us?) how that match went, or whether I'll have to google it. There's also an interview with Shawn Michaels and Kamala v Yokozuna says Vinny Mac.

We see the footage from last week of Shawn and Perfect fighting in the street, before the worst actor/commentator/interviewer/presenter in the entire world (Lord Alfred) greets us. Now I cannot do just to what he just said, so here is the entire transcript, and you'll have to imagine it said in a plummy English accent with an odd timbre to it.

"Vincent... (yes, he started with the word Vincent) I couldn't believe my eyes last week, but I certainly couldn't believe them this week. Something happened that you cannot imagine. I saw somebody here before we came on the air, IN DISGUISE! And shortly, you there, on Monday Night Raw, are going to be as surprised as I was, when you find out who it is."

Right, firstly, I take exception that this is a scenario that I "couldn't imagine". How stunted is your imagination if you can't even stretch to this. Second, does he mean they will be surprised to see someone, or surprised at his identity? Because if it's the first, then they won't be surprised because you'll just bloody told them, Alfie Boy, and second, if you just mean they will be surprised at who it is, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS IF HE IS IN A FLAMING DISGUISE.

Sorry about that, I got a little bit unnecessarily angry there. It was just so badly done. It's actually quite a good idea, but the execution was terrible. Savage and Heenan sell that they want to know what Alfred saw, but it seems we are not going to find out yet. Firstly, we'll get The Smoking Gunns against some jobbers (Glenn Ruth and Tony Vajda, apparently. The last named sounds like nasty infection, to me.)

The Gunns dominate, as is the point of the match, and the comms chat about what Hayes may have seen. Heenan suggests it was Alfred's first girlfriend, and he can't believe she is 103. The match ends with an astonishing finishing move. Billy flips Ruth over for a back body drop, only for the jobber to be caught by Bart, upside down, and turned into a piledriver. Not a good looking one, either. Ouch. That was extraordinarily dangerous.

Time for another HBK in-ring interview. Shawn says he is a man of word. He told you he'd win the title, and he did. He said he'd defend it, and he did. He also told us he was better than Mr Perfect, and that he took Mr Perfect's best shot, and is still the champ. Vince says he is a reluctant champ, Shawn denies this. He says he fears no man, and will defend against anybody, anywhere, at any time.

At this point, into the ring hops someone in shorts, a hoodie and sunglasses. Shawn assumes it's someone from the crowd. The person disrobes a little and......it's Marty Jannetty! Actually that's a pretty cool surprise. Marty asks Shawn if he is a man of his word, and if he'll defend against him. Shawn is backed into a corner, and the match is set. Wow. I genuinely don't remember this, so I'm intrigued as to what will happen.

Next up it's Razor Ramon, and he'll be squashing which jobber this week? Oh my, it's "The Kid". Not "The Kamikaze Kid". Not "The Cannonball Kid". Just "The Kid". So I think I know where this is going. Let's just watch and see.......

Savage asks about what "The Kid"s name is this week, and after Razor throws the toothpick at him, Randy sarcastically suggests that this is the best he's ever done already. Razor just tosses The Kid around, and the announcers acknowledge how much Ramon is dominating.

Soon, Razor tries a splash in the corner, and misses. The Kid goes upstairs and hits a moonsault to a standing Ramon. It transitions into a cover, and he gets the (say it with me) 1-2-3. The crowd goes nuts and The Kid high-tails it to the outside fearing a reaction from Razor. Razor does freak out, but goes to remonstrate with the announcers. Savage tells Ramon "You got beat", while Heenan declares it was a fast count.

Back after a break, it's Tatanka v Scott Taylor. Yes, that Scott Taylor. He is presumably looking at Tatanka's ludicrous red mohawk and thinking "I can do better than that". Tatanka, it's worth pointing out, had been in WWF nearly 18 months at this stage and was still undefeated. He goes to work on Taylor, as Heenan talks about toilet paper. I'm not kidding, Bobby actually starts talking about how you fold your toilet paper.

To be fair, I don't blame him. I think anyone who looks back fondly on Tatanka is just sugar coating their memories. He is truly dreary to watch. The announcers actually do a lot of talking about Razor's loss and what a shock it was. That's great as it truly makes it feel like an event, like a big deal. They even start mentioning that he might now be called the 1-2-3 Kid.

Taylor makes a brief comeback on Tatanka, but only so that Tatanka can get tanked up and do his big comeback for the win. Off to Gene Mean for a KOTR report, and he too starts by exclaiming about the Kid's upset. Good stuff. He also tells us that as well as Hogan v Yokozuna, it's Bret v Razor, Duggan v Bam Bam and Luger v Tatanka in opening round matches. Shawn v Crush is a qualifier on Superstars, and Mr Hughes v Kamala will be on Challenge. Now I thought Hennig was in this tourney (I thought Bret wrestled him), so I'm interested to see how he gets worked in.

Next, it's Kamala. Now he might not have been much of a technical wizard, but the guy played his role to the hilt. Great mannerisms as he comes to the ring. He's up against Yokozuna here, who is being set for Hogan at King of the Ring, so don't expect anything other than a Yokozuna one-sided victory.

We start with a running collision of the pair, and Kamala appears to have the best of things, but Yoko soon gets the upper hand. With Kamala well placed for the Bansai Drop, Vince suggests Kamala is playing possum. Heenan says Kamala isn't smart enough to play possum. Guess who is right.

Yoko wins, and after an All American Wrestling plug we have an Intercontinental Title match. Jannetty, as you might expect, starts like a house on fire. A nice reversal of a hip toss (he landed on his feet) is followed by well executed baseball slide and plancha. The crowd chant 'Marty' and we have a nice set-up.....

Marty stays on top, and Shawn does the old 'get the belt and leave' routine, but Mr Perfect appears to block his to path. After a break, Shawn is back in the ring and Marty is still on top. Michaels swings it back in his favour, and I make it four minutes left of the show.

Marty makes a big babyface comeback with a series of nearfalls. Perfect is looking on, as an interested spectator. Michaels counters with a superkick, and it's still strange seeing a time when that was not a finisher. Michaels turns his attention to Perfect, who throws his towel at Michaels. As Michaels flinches, Jannetty hits a small package (not perfectly applied, I have to say) for the three count. Perfect looks joyous as Marty celebrates and Bobby goes apoplectic on the mic.

To be honest, that was the kind of match that today we'd probably consider to be a slight letdown, but of it's time it was fine, and it had a good intensity to it, which kept the crowd going. They were into it and popped huge for the finish. Vince and Savage frantically round off the show as Bobby looks glum. Perfect v Doink in a KOTR qualifier need week, says Vince. Hang on, we've got six spaces filled and three matches to fill remaining two. Doesn't make sense!

I'm sure all will be revealed next time.......

Look within.....

2011-12-08T16:31:00.000Z

Right, let's get something straight from the off. The hypothesis I am about to offer is not necessarily what I think WILL happen, nor is it what I WANT to happen. It certainly isn't what I think SHOULD happen.

But it COULD happen. It really could.

Recently, the hottest talking point in wrestling has been the series of quirky videos involving a small boy in a classroom talking about a major return on January 2. The smart money seems to be on Undertaker, returning for his annual run towards Wrestlemania, or Chris Jericho, who has been gone for some time and has been rumoured for a comeback.

I talked at length on my latest One Sided Ring Podcast about who I felt could be candidates, after I had seen the first video. You can listen to that podcast here - http://robmcnichol.podbean.com/2011/11/28/the-one-sided-ringring/ or on iTunes. The podcast also contains an interview with Ken Anderson.

But since I have seen all three something else has been whirring in my mind. Are we all missing the point? Is the wording so cryptic that it does not mean that someone we haven't seen for a while will return but instead, someone we are familiar with might have a change of heart?

What if this is the foreshadowing of a John Cena turn?

The first of these videos, entitled "It Begins2012" was advertised during Raw on November 21. The following week, when Raw pointed to the second of the videos (cleverly entitled: "Second2012") was the week when Rowdy Roddy Piper confronted John Cena about fans booing him. The commentators played this angle up on this week's show, suggesting that something in creative is putting this angle in motion, not just a one-week thing with Hot Rod.

My point is that although surely the videos will have been produced ahead of time, is it a coincidence that the two seemingly separate angles started only a few days apart?

Let's have a look at each video, shall we, and I'll point out what could be hinting at Cena turning heel on January 2.

"Come my people and shut thy doors about thee" - is this a reference to Cena addressing the unit of fans he has built up that are still loyal to him?

"A power shall come to punish the meek for their inequity" - Maybe this is Cena saying that he is going to punish those who didn't back him, after all he did for them in doing the right thing and being a good hero.

"A familiar force shall arrive to claim what is his." - He certainly is a familiar force. Is claiming 'what is his' the WWE title? Or maybe his dignity?

"The end of the world as you know it" is a line I'll come back to after all three videos.

Let's have a look at the next one.

To be honest, there is less in this one than either of the other two, but here goes.

"to claim what others have taken" could be a reference to the title belt or perhaps Rock 'taking' Cena's popularity.

"Those who are unjust, destruction will come upon them and they shall not escape" - More talk about those that have let him down.

Here's number three:

"Behold the power will come vengeance to render his anger with fury. The deception the meek have perpetrated will be castigated." More talk of getting back at fans booing him?

"The second day of 2012 the prophet will emerge and destroy the weak." Here is where the theory starts to gain traction. What if the 'return' is simply another part of Cena's psyche? What if it is a return of 'ruthless aggression' Cena? 'Emerging to destroy the weak' suddenly sounds to me like a man transforming his character. The 'heel' part of John Cena will finally emerge, after he has been holding it back, and the 'weak' it will destroy is 'babyface John Cena'. The weak is the 'Hustle, Loyalty, Respect' part of Cena,

The third video is called "Look within". That led me to thinking that the videos are not the heralding of someone who is missing but the metamorphosis of one we are familiar with. It could convey that we, looking for clues, must look within - and that the person in question has to 'look within' themselves and find their true self.

Going back to the first video, it is called 'It begins'. The most talked about subject for years in WWE has been the Cena heel turn. Perhaps that was signifying that this was the week it began - the following week was the Piper's Pit episode previously mentioned.

"The end of the world as we know it" - or perhaps the end of the universe as we know it? The WWE world that we know right now is dominated by Cena and his ethos. If he turns heel it means Punk takes over as number one baby. It could be the end of the 'PG world'.

Look, I don't think I really believe that this is the aim of the video. I still hold the impression that it's meant for Jericho, but if things fall through they can relate it to Taker.

But if you want to look closely enough, as I have done, you can find clues for Vince, Shane, Steph, HHH, Batista, Brock Lesnar, JBL, the NWO or many others. That's why the videos are so terrific, because they have so many possible answers.

I've read some of the comments under the videos on Youtube, and people have heard Cena's name mentioned, seen DX logos on the kid's buttons, heard a part of Vince's music, noticed faces in the clouds, deformities in the girl's face, seen the letters NWO written down. They have worked out the Roman numerals of DX and worked out how to do a sum which gets you to the year the Walls of Jericho came down. One person even posted that "It Begins" is an anagram of "I BE STING".

You can find what you like in these videos. I still think that if clues are to taken then more point to Shane than anyone, but he ain't coming back, so I don't think it's him.

Anyway, roll on Monday when we get to see a new video - and all of our theories go out of the window once again. I love it.

Bound For Glory live notes

2011-10-21T00:45:00.001+01:00

Here are my 'as-live' notes as I watch TNA Bound For Glory....

Could Tenay sound any less excited at the start? IT’S YOUR BIGGEST PPV OF THE YEAR YOU IDIOT! Sorry, that’s harsh on Mike, who is a good guy, but even Michael Cole tries to sound excited about where he is.
I would suggest that starting your biggest PPV of the year with Kendrick’s stupid music is a horrific decision.
POP for Aries. With TNA’s knowledgeable audience, it’s always going to be staggeringly difficult for A-Double to boo him. He is too good, these people know that.
The arena is dressed well, but the high-angle crane shot makes it look very obvious that the hard camera side has barely any seats at all.
Terrific match. Aries is fantastic in every manner. His mannerisms and confidence in his character – he gives the impression he knows he is a star – are awesome. Kendrick’s in ring work was very good indeed, but I just feel his character is not connecting with anyone, so it felt a little awkward that the crowd were cheering Aries.
That said, the pace of the match, the storytelling, the execution were all very good indeed. The crowd made a big noise for the false finish of Aries getting out of the pin cover after the Sliced Bread. And the right man went over too. Good start.
Talking about Jerry Lynn and Rob Van Dam, at the very moment where Taz said that the two men ‘haven’t missed a beat’ they messed up two spots.
Another quote from Taz: “I feel like I’m going back in time” – he didn’t mean it the way I do, but I agree 100%. We should be going forwards, not back.
I detested that match. Hated it. It made me feel sick. If I want to see Jerry Lynn and RVD fight (this wasn’t wrestling) I’ll get an ECW DVD from a dozen years ago. I don’t need to see all this again. Especially not when both guys are miles off of what they used to be.
Much of this match made me feel physically sick. The suplex spot (which I assume was basically botched) was appalling. Why are people doing this in 2011? This match wasn’t going to make either guy’s career? Why would you do that to yourself?
Have two wrongs made a right in this triple threat? Typically you don’t put two babyfaces in a three-way match. TNA have, but the crowd want to cheer for Joe anyway.
After a series of big moves to the outside, Phillie are so into Joe/Crimson/Morgan that they chant ‘You Screwed Bret’ at Hebner.
Crimson is so perfect for a heel turn right now. Similar to when Rock was pushed heavily in 1996 and no-one bought it.
I sort of like that Taz is acknowledging that the fans aren’t towing the line.
Nah. Not a great match. Not a terrible one, I suppose, but nothing seemed to click. Joe worked really hard with the two big fellas, but nothing about the match flowed, for me. Crimson was the obvious man to go over, and it was no surprise that he won.
Good, sensible decision to have Bully Ray trash Philadelphia.
I’ve been trying to work out for ages who Bully Ray reminds me of. It’s the One Man Gang. That’s a compliment, by the way.
Shots to the head? Fuck me. Pardon my French, but oh my goodness. What is going on here?
Unless you are positioning Joe as a wuss, or Anderson as the toughest guy in the world, how can someone kick out of a piledriver to concrete and not an ordinary looking spear.
This won’t surprise you, but I hated that too. No place for crappy garbage wrestling in 2011.
Pretty awful call by Taz, I thought, at the end of the match. ‘Anderson called an audible’ he said. Well what the hell has he been doing the rest of the match? Calling a match as an athletic contest, that didn’t make sense.
I wonder if whoever made Madison Rayne’s music deliberately made it terrible and annoying, or whether he thinks it’s a good song.
It’s weird calling Madison the ‘Queen Bee’ and having her come out to ‘Killer Queen’ when Karen is positioned as The Queen, too.
OK, she gave her tiara, that makes more sense.
Genuinely laughed at Taz calling that the KO title was upside down.
Sorry, but the girls four way bored me to tears. Too many moving parts, as Taz might say. That was all about Karen, not about the wrestlers.
This is a big match coming up for Styles and Daniels. There last match, in my mind, was a let down. They have a legacy to live up to, they are supposed to be two of TNA’s franchise guys. This needs to be good.
Murdered? MURDERED? Daniels is actually talking about KILLING someone. This is bleak, now. I feel very uneasy watching this.
OK, so next time I’m in an I QUIT match, I should just walk to win with a gun, right? Point the gun. If they don’t quit, shoot them. That should do it.
Jeff v Jeff in the type of pull apart brawl which we see EVERY week on Impact. Isn’t this a PPV?
So the big gimmick going into Hogan v Sting is that the referee is on Immortal’s side. He’s Eric’s boy. So then, was it a good decision to already have a crooked ref deal earlier in the night?
Hogan is so good at branding he did a signature taunt of one of the biggest factions in the rival company’s history. Great work, Terry.
“It’s not like the referee’s going to do a damn thing to stop it because it’s Bischoff’s kid”. Erm, isn’t it No DQ?”
That could have been a lot worse. Really it could. I didn’t enjoy it particularly, but I can’t fault it too heavily, I guess.
It’s the Rock/Hogan match, basically. That’s the booking of it, just with a few different personnel. As I queried on the Ministry of Slam this week, they needed a way that Hogan could carry on with the company, and the babyface turn does it.
You know what? This wasn't terrible. I didn't necessarily enjoy it, it's not my thing, but it served it's purpose. It got an awesome reaction. It told a story. It's another example of something that would work so much better if there wasn't two matches on every show which had outside interference or a brawl.
I'm going with a broad thumbs up for the match because it was actually a pay off. Months of Sting talking about finding the Real Hulk Hogan. Eric Bischoff getting his. Dixie getting the company back. That's a long term storyline (a year, really) which has let to a pay off. So I shall commend them for that, and for not trying to do too much.
I could have done without about the blood, but that's a personal thing, and I can understand why it was just another bell or whistle to distract from the fact that Hogan v Sting would actually be a dire match if it was just a straight up wrestling bout.
Why did JB do the ring announcements as Roode and Angle were en route to the ring? Do you think the show is running over?
This must be running over. I'm near the end (I think) of Roode v Angle, because it’s into near fall sequences, but it felt like ten minutes of the match were missing. There was no build at all, it was straight into the action.
Taz said something about Kurt pulling his groin in training, perhaps that wasn’t a kayfabed comment.
Wow. They ended their biggest PPV of the year, their WRESTLEMANIA, with a screwy finish. AGAIN.
I feel bad for some of the guys, because sometimes it happens, but there were enough major spots missed that they built up during the night to make TNA look bad. From a sloppy RVD/Lynn exchange mid match (and a missed bump from RVD which is amongst the most stupidly dangerous things I have ever seen) to Anderson missing the finish to his match to the finale of this one. Not only was a bad decision to have Angle CHEAT to win, but Brian Hebner basically got the count wrong (he hit Bobby Roode's foot and the crowd thought it was a two count). I'm not bashing Brian, who's a good dude and good at his job, it was just a mistake and they happen. It was just a rotten time for it to occur.
I thought this was a staggeringly underwhelming show. The opener was the best match of the night by far. The main event was fine, but ‘fine’ is not good enough for Bound For Glory. It was cut way too short to be believable or star-making. I could live with Roode losing if he lost to Angle straight up. If we are supposed to be believe that Kurt is the best wrestler ever, and to back up Bobby’s quotes, why would he cheat to win. Having him win clean wouldn’t hurt Bobby – actually it would make him look better if he wins down the road.
This was a mess. An overbooked, overhyped let down of an event. I'm frankly left a little bit physically sick at it. I can live with bad booking decisions (Angle/Roode) and ordinary matches (most of the card) but to have a cop out finish in two of three biggest matches on the card as well as a MURDER threat, unprotected shots to the head and career/life threatening bumps, this show unsettled me greatly. There was only one match I felt was of a high enough standard, and that was the opener. I feel hugely let down.

Impact Thoughts

2011-10-11T16:27:00.002+01:00

Decided to offer some thoughts on Impact this week. The last few weeks have been fairly decent, and I'm intrigued about Bound for Glory.

I didn't think the wide shot of the arena in Knoxville at the start of the show did them any favours. I thought it looked a bit small time. Don't get me wrong, I like them being in arenas and outside of the Impact Zone, but it was obvious this was a small crowd.
Great decision, though, to start with their most over act (Beer Money) in one of their home states (Storm's) - got the crowd up.
I didn't like Storm's promo. Probably not his fault, as I doubt he scripted it. But there was way too much of the insider stuff like 'we're in the semi-main event', 'we're going to have a great match', 'we're being held back by the old guys'. I think Storm is better than that.
I particularly hate it when they mention having a great match. You wouldn't hear footballer saying they HOPE they have a good game. They want to be 4-0 up at half time and to cruise to victory. The promo picked up.
TNA have done a GREAT job with Roode. Fans genuinely want him to beat Angle.
The Hogan storyline has been, in contrast, awful. Every time I see him on my TV I feel the need to scream "YOU'RE A HEEL!". It's so confused. Why are they running celebrations of this bloke who has been a heel in the company for a year and has ousted Dixie Carter through nefarious means. Do we cheer for Sting? Are we supposed to want Dixie back at all? I'm ok with Gunner going over Kaz. I honestly think Gunner has more upside right now.
The decision reversal was way too quick. Post match attacks happen all the time. Why reverse it for this one? And why was Gunner so happy after the match? If all he was interested in was hurting Kaz, why didn't he just get DQed from the off? Shouldn't he have been pissed off that he lost the match? After all, that's what is supposed to count.
Mr Anderson's promos are just classless now. He's had a poor year. "swinging off nutsacks" and innuendo about Bully Ray's chain and his penis. The asshole thing has totally run it's course. Bully Ray, on the other hand, has had a great year. But I have zero interest in seeing these two wrestle.
Hang on, Mike Tenay just said that Anderson v Bully Ray is signed for Bound For Glory, and then Bully Ray started to deny that he would fight him. After the promo, Tenay said 'challenge issued' and then in his next sentence said something to the tune of 'these two will meet at Bound For Glory'!!! It's just too confusing.
Why are wrestlers shown doing press ups before a match? Is that really a pre-match workout? Shouldn't they be stretching?
Hey, it's the march of time and TV shot in HD, but Bischoff looked OLD in that backstage interview.
If you saw Kendrick and Aries build to a real fight (MMA, boxing, whatever) would you even consider that Kendrick had a chance?
The five knockouts involved in this match (Mickie, Velvet, Angelina, Madison, Winter) I think do good to great jobs with their characters. Winter's one is a daft concept, but she does a good job with it.
I would have liked to have seen Velvet get a better build to her challenge. I think she could be a great lead babyface for the division for a while. She is undeniably attractive, but also very charismatic and likeable. I'm not saying she is a great worker, but her character is strong enough to carry her through in what is a weak wrestling division right now.
I just typed about six sentences explaining how I thought it was possible that Angelina could be plotting to get the belt off of Winter and onto herself - then I realised she isn't in the match. I'm a clown.
I liked Hardy's other theme music. "Modest to the Top" doesn't make sense. "Another me is what there will never be. Another like like this you will never see" is absolutely what Hardy is. I thought it was perfect.
BOOM! 'Pave the way' is said. Take a shot. Whoa, and 'drop the ball'. Wow, it's cliché central tonight.
I didn't care for Hardy attacking Bischoff. For one, it does nothing to sell the PPV next week, and secondly it didn't exactly solidify Hardy as a sympathetic character who is trying to make himself better. He just attacked when provoked. He is the same, impetuous guy he has always been. And everyone attacks Eric anyway, so it means very little.
Big piped cheers for Crimson. People don't want to boo Joe.
Another great video package showing why we should care about Bobby Roode. They have done a brilliant job on those.
Tenay, at the start of Roode v Storm, like a colossal idiot, said that 'both men are one step ahead'. How the hell does that work, prey tell?
What is the justification for making Daniels v AJ Styles an 'I Quit' match?
Speaking of AJ, I wonder if he ever bitches and moans about guys like John Morrison stealing his moves? Or I wonder if Kurt Angle ever sounds off in Storm's company about Randy Orton nicking things from him. Because Storm is very blatant about some of the moves he used. Not only does he use Carlito's backcracker and Jericho's Codebreaker, but he's worked Randy Orton's draping DDT into his arsenal.
Good match. I didn't understand Angle's interference to help Roode, but I'll let them off that as I assume it will be explained next week. I didn't particularly think it was necessary, whatever the storyline motivation. Would it have really have killed them if Roode simply beat Storm?
Huge "Hogan" chants. This is ego driven. It's awful business to turn him de facto babyface by spouting platitudes and pandering to the people. It's noticeable that Bischoff has done all the slimy stuff of late. But are we still trying to sell Sting v Hogan? I think Sting will get booed. I really do. And that's awful business.
If Hogan's story is that he is retiring from the Wrestling business, they haven't explained who is going to own TNA. They showed a clip of Hogan telling Dixie earlier this year that he owns 100% of the company. So who is he giving it to?
I obviously typed all of the above before the final revelation. Actually, I think it was quite a good idea. That's a good way to reinforce a heel. Build up some reasons to cheer someone so you think they are turning back babyface, then pull the rug out from underneath the fans. Good booking. They have extra reason to hate Hogan now, because the anger you feel when someone makes (or tries to make) a fool of you is very potent.
That said, I hated the big Hogan blow up. Firstly, the look on his face - the hand over the mouth - was ludicrous. It was so hammed up. It was the kind of moment where you might have the wrestling on while your buddy is in the room and they turn to you and say "you watch this shit?".
And here's the other thing. Hogan is a heel. He wouldn't care about his word. Hell, he just lied to the fans trying to convince them he is retiring. So it wouldn't bother him to go back on his word and say that he withdraws the stipulation he mentioned to Sting. It's hardly binding, is it? If Sting had come out with a contract, and goaded Hogan to sign it, only to reveal to Hulk that there was a stip Hogan hadn't read that said that control would go over to Dixie, then I'd be ok with it. It would be a nice callback to the way Hulk and Eric stitched Dixie up in the first place. But Hogan has an 'out' here. Why would he not sneak out of it?
I know I've complained a lot here, but all in all this wasn't bad at all. They've done an AWESOME job of selling their BFG main event. That's very crucial. So I can't get at them too much because their central storyline is so good. But there was plenty of stuff I turned my nose at. I didn't care for most of the talking segments, actually. The in-ring work, though, was pretty good.
I'd like to see more from Angle next week. It's been great to see Roode built up, but we need a strong Kurt next week to give us an idea of who Roode is trying to beat. Perhaps some clips of Kurt's best TNA matches, major moves and moments.

Can you smell a conspiracy?

2011-10-03T23:33:00.000+01:00

After the Hell in a Cell PPV we can now be sure that the Miz/Truth/HHH conspiracy storyline is THE major storyline in the company. The mass confrontation and the strong characterisation of Miz and Truth (particularly Miz) is where the focus is, and the build is that Triple H cannot keep control of his own company.

One hopes that they have a payoff for this. You would like to believe that there is an endgame to this storyline, and that the WWE creative team have a plan for where this whole thing is going.

In many ways I am sceptical about that. In more ways I am not sold that the whole storyline has taken off. Well, just look at the ratings. As much as we all loved the initial CM Punk promo that started something very different for a while earlier this summer, to be honest WWE will look at buyrates and ratings, and aside from a bumped up buyrate for Money in the Bank (which could have been even higher had it not been free in the UK) there is no evidence that WWE has turned any sort of corner.

The 3.0 mark has long been the absolute bottom limit of where a Raw rating should be, but things have dipped as low as 2.7 lately. There has only been one proven ratings grabber and buyrate-spiker in Wrestling in 2011. I'll let you have a think about who that might be for a second - I'll name him shortly.

WWE have a tendency to react in a big way when their ratings dip severely. This often involves Vince McMahon, and most are fairly confident that this conspiracy angle will involve Vince at the helm. We've been assuming it's Vince that is behind Miz & Truth, helping them into buildings, via his stooge John Laurinaitis. It's Vince that was pulling Kevin Nash's strings. Vince that has Johnny Ace still on his side. Vince that has the contacts backstage to lift up the Cell structure. All this could be true. But what if.......

........there is another layer to this. What if the conspirators have a different leader? What if they are using Vince to get at HHH? After all, several of the complaints that many protagonists have were true when Vince was in charge, not just complaints of Hunter's COO-ship. Might they be using Vince to leverage their position, then will ditch him as soon as they get a foot in the door. What if there is another leader?

Let's jump cut to Survivor Series. After another month or so of Miz, Truth & co causing havoc - a period in which Johnny Ace is fired - Triple H finally blows up and admits that he is losing control. So he signs the match - it will be his team at Survivor Series against Miz's insurgents team. If HHH's team loses, then he's gone. He'll walk. And Miz & co can help install a new COO, which we shall all assume is Vince McMahon. If Hunter's team prevail, then Miz & Truth are history. To press this home, the contract signing involves Miz & Truth agreeing that if they lose and ever attempt to comeback, they will be sued for everything they own or something.

So you need to work the teams out. Let's have HHH convince Cena to be his guy, and that means that Rock will be on that team too. Hunter can put the boots on as well. So that's three. HHH can ask Punk to be on his team, but Punk says no. Hunter can plead for weeks, and eventually Punk agrees. Cena questions the decision - can Punk be trusted? That can be a nice hook going in. Can Punk be trusted to help HHH and the babyfaces?

We need one more for that team, and it's sort of arbitrary who it is in this plan, since the match would be an elimination match, so we need some people to get beat. Let's make Orton the fifth guy. I was going to suggest Sheamus since it plays into his babyface push right now and would be an interesting display of Triple H uniting his troops. 'Look at Hunter, everyone believes in his cause so much that Sheamus can put aside his hatred in order to fight the good fight.' HHH, for his part, can say he chose Sheamus because he knows full well how tough Sheamus is because the Irishman put him out for so long. I'll explain why I chose Orton in a second, but Sheamus would be a decent alternative.

So we have a team of HHH, Cena, Rock, Punk and Orton. Who do they face?

Well for a start it's Miz and Truth. We'll add Nash to that mix. He can be protected well enough in a ten-man environment and the story fits. We need two more. Most likely it would be Christian and/or Cody. They are in positions where they can do something heinous enough to get fired in the coming weeks, and things have been built that they are being allegedly sinned against. I'd quite like to see Wade Barrett be one of these guys, since he has previous for being part of an anti-establishment gimmick as Nexus leader, and he'd fit well. He'd also add a bit of size and presence to the group.

But you know who I'd love to add to this? Chris Jericho. It's just - JUST - about possible, since the last show of Fozzy's European Tour is the day before Survivor Series in Germany. It would be tight, but he could make it.

It's far from ideal, because my fantasy way of booking this would be to have Chris Jericho appear on Raw before Survivor Series and use his famous orartory skills to cut an awesome promo against Punk, against Cena, against Rock and especially against Triple H, explaining why he is siding with Miz. This is the main reason why I've gone, in this scenario, with Randy Orton. Orton featuring would provide the same sense of solidarity as Sheamus (Randy siding with HHH after their storied past) but would offer Jericho a perfect reason for coming back to get revenge, since Orton put him out of commission with a punt to the head.

Jericho would be a fantastic addition to the Miz team, but I strongly doubt it would be practical. There is a great alternative, though - Batista.

The big man, in storyline, quit in a strop because he wasn't getting his own way. He has heat with Cena. He can bitch and whine about Triple H quite easily, I'm sure. He'd be a good fit.

I want Jericho or Batista involved to give the Miz side of the equation that extra credibility and intrigue. In storyline, no-one could really believe, could they, that Miz, Truth, Nash, Cody and Christian (for example) could beat Cena, Orton, Punk, Rock and HHH. Adding Batista and/or Jericho would add more weight to Miz & co's chances, not to mention that it would make Miz's powers of persuasion all the greater.

In many ways, the personnel of the heel team is not the most important thing. There is one major storyline issue which we need to get to.

It's a risky one. It might well piss off a number of people - but I would hope that it will be a big enough story that they would forgive WWE. Or at least the intrigue would draw in more people than it drove off.

I'd need Rock to give me one Raw episode. Preferably the one before the PPV, but it can be the one before that if necessary. We go off the air on that Raw with a to-the-point Rock promo highlighting why he loves WWE, the reasons why he can stand side by side with Cena, despite their past. He can stand side by side with Punk, despite Punk's jibes. He can align with HHH, in spite of their history together. He can stand shoulder to shoulder with Orton, even though Randy ostensibly brought Rock out of retirement at Wrestlemania XX.

The gist of Rock's speech will be that this threat to WWE by Miz is too great. He loves WWE, as he has said before, and will do whatever he has to to make sure it is in the right hands.

The Pay Per View arrives. I'd make it a major priority to stack the undercard with high quality matches. Let's say Daniel Bryan v Cody Rhodes for the IC title (if Cody is not in the main event), Dolph Ziggler v John Morrison for the US title, Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston v The Kings of Wrestling (I can dream, can't I?) and Sheamus v Mark Henry. I know most would say "No other Survivor Series matches?" but I'd just have one to keep the main event special.

I'd make the main feature of the Raw shows post Vengeance the putting together of the teams, especially the babyface team. There has to be focus on how they will get along. Are the past rivalries of Cena/Orton, Punk/Cena, Punk/HHH, Orton/HHH and so on too much for them to all co-exist? Can Punk be trusted? Does HHH really have their respect?

The intro of the show itself would be all about the main event and it's consequences. Before we even go live to the arena I'd screen some 'earlier today' clips, voiced over by Jim Ross and Michael Cole, of first Triple H arriving at the building looking stressed, then quick clips of Cena and Orton getting there too. The announcers sell the magnitude of the match and the babyfaces getting along. Then we have pyro and the first match.

After the first match, we go backstage and see the arrival of none other than The Rock. he cuts a typical Rock promo then asks where CM Punk's locker room is, since he needs to speak to him. Josh (or whomever) says he hasn't arrived yet. Rock looks concerned.

During match two, Miz and his entire team arrive as one. It's really important they are portrayed as a unit. Josh goes to interview but they have an escort to the locker room and Josh is refused access to them. We see this on a split screen during the match in progress, to give a sense that things are happening, and not always choreographed to occur coincidentally during a break. In fact Rock's arrival earlier on could happen during match one, then the announcers say that the interview was recorded during the match.

After match three I'd go backstage and show Punk arriving. He starts to explain that there was traffic and he was late. He is confronted by Cena who questions Punk's commitment. Punk starts to rebut and then commotion is heard. Cena, Punk and cameraman charge to the source of the noise. We see some of Miz's crew scuttle away and find Rock laid out in his dressing room.

So the question now is whether Rock will be fit for the match. When the times comes, all individual entrances are done, with Rock's coming last. He does not emerge. We start the match 5 on 4. Because of the numerical advantage, Miz's team are able to distract and play enough games that Orton and Punk are eliminated. It's five on two. Out comes Rock, limping to ringside.

Rejuvenated, the faces fight back. Cena eliminates Christian and then Jericho. Triple H pedigrees and pins Nash. Nash, though, returns with a sledgehammer and lays out HHH. Miz pins him.

It's left with Rock and Cena v Miz and Truth. Miz and Truth dominate Cena, with the crowd crying out for a Rock tag. Just as Cena gets there, Rock removes his hand.

Cena looks bemused. Rock flashes a Hollwood smile. Miz grabs Cena - Skull Crushing Finale. Truth picks Cena up and hits Paydirt. In comes Rock. He hits a Rock Bottom and a People's Elbow. Miz pins Cena. They laugh together. Rock stands toe to toe with Miz, who pokes him with one finger. Rock sells it, and allows Miz to pin him. Out come all the heels, including John Laurinaitis, and they celebrate.

This gives Rock a prominent position on the show. You don't need him to be around all the time. Maybe just half a dozen Raws before Mania. The fact is that Rock is the single proven ratings getter that I referred to near the top of this column. His lustre will wear off eventually, but if used strategically he could be vital to getting WWE back on track.

So the plan is revealed. Rock is the mastermind. Or is he? It's Raw, and the heels are all out at the start of the show. Rock says that he was only ever going to come back for something groundbreaking, and this is it. He looked at Raw and saw HHH conniving to get the top spot, and was sickened. He was doing this ten years ago when Rock was on the scene the first time. So Rock was sickened to see this, and had to put it right. And as for Cena? He's just as bad as Hunter. Too much power. We will now make sure things are put right.

Laurinaitis gets the mic. But of course there was only one man who could make this right, he says. Only one man who could pull the right strings - it's Vince McMahon. Out comes Vince. He says how else could the Cell get lowered, who else could get hold of Nash and get him to 'stick Punk'? Vince is not quite reinstalled, because 'the board' won't let him run the show again, but Miz was allowed to name a COO as per the deal of the match, and he chose Rock. But Rock knows that I (Vince) am the only man capable of running this place, so he'll be directed by me. Next week we will have the second ever Vince McMahon appreciation night - and Triple H is going to join the Kiss My Ass club.

The following week, they tell HHH he will join the Kiss My Ass club or be fired. Vince says Rock is not there, he's in Hollywood, but he's watching on. "We couldn't have done it without you Rock." Trips comes to the ring to confront them and refuses to kiss Vince's ass. Vince says anyone who helps HHH will be fired immediately. The heels jump HHH and Miz hits a SCF on HHH. From that position he lifts Trips up for the horrible deed. Vince cackles. In front of him, Johnny Ace gets a text and the camera focuses on the shock on his face. As he goes to tell Vince something, Nash boots Ace in the face. Vince looks confused. Miz low blows Vince. Out comes the Rock. "So you got my text, Johnny?" he says. He Rock Bottoms the VP (Talent Relations).

"Vince, Johnny. You're fired." he says.

After this, in the coming weeks, the group try to court Punk to get him in their stable. Punk wavers but ultimately doesn't join. Del Rio petitions to be part of Rock's group but they rebut him and say they want his belt. If the fans went for it you could (possibly) turn ADR babyface. Punk can become a Sting like figure (in terms of mood, not specific character) who is only out for himself.

Rock doesn't have to be there all the time, just sporadically, but he is running things, and Miz is the shining star of the group. I'd add to the group a little - Barrett would be a good addition. So would Henry. In fact Henry could be there from the start to add muscle and credibility - though I'd get the belt off him first by dubious means to give him the complaint of being sinned against too.

I'd be tempted to get them oust Nash after a while as he represents an old guard that they don't need. So Rock, Miz, Truth, Christian, Jericho, Barrett and Henry rule the world.

Look, I haven't got as far as the Rumble and Mania. I'll be honest, not all of the above is that palatable to even myself, because do we really need another heel faction in power? Some of it is more than a little derivative of previous ideas - a hash of Immortal, nWo, InVasion you might say.

This is less fantasy booking and more a stream of conciousness on something that might happen. I don't honestly expect it too, and neither would I fully endorse it. But it might be a good instigator for change. Have Rock & his gang change loads of things - end the brand split, the title belts, the amount of titles, the set design, the commentary teams - anything.

There is something about WWE which feels sanitised and clinical. I don't even mean the PG-level booking people talk about. I've said many times that I don't have a problem with PG booking. Punk's big promo and the build to MitB was within the PG boundaries. It's not about PG or non PG. It's about good TV and bad TV.

What I don't like about WWE is how safe it all feels. How predictable it is. Not predictable angles necessarily, but predictable in that someone will go to the outside of the ring and the announcers go to a break.You know it's coming. It's predictable that announcers will bicker, that Twitter will be overhyped for no reason, no angles will ever be analysed in depth. Nothing feels important, it's style over substance.

The attitude era worked not only because of edginess, blood, violence and bad language. It worked because it had characters fans could get behind, or were hooked into watching. They were perhaps lucky that they struck upon Austin, Vince, Rock, Foley & DX at basically the same time, but it was the nature of larger than life characters that pushed them over the edge.

Have a look back to the initial Hulkamania boom - Hogan, Savage, Warrior, Andre, Piper. There are others. Colourful, loud, gripping characters. Look at the mid-90s. I love Bret to death, but did he, Luger, Diesel, Razor, Sid, Shawn really have you in the same way? Of course not. And that's not huge knocks on those guys necessarily, it's just the ensemble coming together.

The difference now is that WWE does not have an environment in which these characters can breed, or breathe. Punk happened by accident and they've stifled him. They like a safe character way more, possibly for their corporate image, or possibly because they can't bear to see someone succeed with a character that isn't really theirs.

Let Miz and Barrett be the men to lead them on. Let them have that rub from The Rock. Let Punk with a new band of brothers (not Cena, Orton and HHH) be the ones to dethrone Miz & co eventually.

More importantly let someone have a go at changing the look and feel of wrestling shows in the 21st century which have served major companies well, but are now stale, overplayed and predictable.

OK, maybe I've gone too far. Expecting miracles.

But The Rock as the heel in the swerve. Could happen. Couldn't it?

TNA No Surrender "As Live" notes

2011-09-17T18:23:00.000+01:00

Ongoing No Surrender observations.....

I think I heard the crowd, in the first match, chant “Alex Riley” at Jesse Sorensen. I also thought I heard a small group chanting. “That was decent”, presumably as a counter to the overdone “This is Awesome” chant. I heartily approve.

Tazz pronounced the ‘r’ in ‘Frustration’. Will wonders never cease. Well done, Peter.

Kash is a decent addition to the company, because he has a bit of name cache, he can work, he plays a good heel, and can be used to elevate younger talent. After the initial Hardcore Justice PPV last year, I suggested that I’d have signed CW Anderson after it, because he’d have been a decent designated jobber to put people over.

Sorensen has potential, but has a long way to go. Although the crowd were chanting ‘Riley’ at him, I think Cody Rhodes is a better comparison. Cody was miles away from ready when he was first called up, but he got there, and now I think he has a great character. Sorensen looked hesitant at times, and the match never really flowed. But let’s not be too critical. He’s young, and he’ll get better.

OK, so there goes my theory about Roode screwing Storm out of it, because this match is up second. Although I did suggest having set out my idea that it could be flipped, and Storm could stitch Roode up. This is still on.

I have a HUGE problem with the positioning of this on the show, though, because typing this before the match starts, what happens if Bully Ray wins? He’ll be in an unassailable lead at the head of the BFG standings and the second match will count for nothing, because neither Gunner nor Roode will be able to catch him. Now, I suspect Storm will win this, and he’ll do it by submission, so that Roode or Gunner has to repeat the dose, but if you go deep with the logic it is very flawed.

A guy yelling ‘fag’ into the camera. Classy. Apology forthcoming?

Awesome heel behaviour by Bully Ray at the outset to this one. He might be as good a heel as there is in the business right now. I mean that. He’s terrific.

I smiled at the long pause when Storm applied a....let’s say Leg Grapevine. I don’t know if any produces the announcers in TNA like Vince McMahon does in WWE, but I imagined someone screaming in their ears “DON”T SAY SHARPSHOOTER! SAY SCORPION DEATH LOCK”

I enjoyed the hell out of that match for a long time......but I wasn’t crazy about the finish – both the execution of it, and the ramifications. I’ll start with the positives. I think both guys have great characters, and believe them. They played their parts brilliantly, and I thought the psychology of the match, and the storytelling, was terrific.

I wasn’t crazy about the end, but I am typing this before the show finishes. It may turn out to make sense. Instinctively I don’t like that they did it this way thus far, but what it does is leave two guys fighting for a submission to get a tie at the top of the leaderboard. That could be exciting.

Of course, if you get right down to it, what kind of committee would not know what happens if it was a draw? There ought to be a contingency plan – i.e. who won the most matches cleanly, how did those who drew fair against each other? And so forth. – but you know there won’t be. Logically, too, Bully Ray should just run to ringside after five seconds and punch Roode in the face. Then Gunner will lose ten, Roode only gain three, and Bully will win.

Mostly, though, there should be a forum to let this sink in. Would it hurt to cut one match out of the card (do we need another Woman’s title match or Tag title match really?) and have 10-15 minutes on the show which you can use to reflect on what you have seen. When a big incident happens in a big sport – and Storm losing his big chance in controversial circumstances ought to be a big incident – you go to a studio and you watch replays, and experts talk about what happened. They assess what built to it, what went down, what the consequences are. This needed two people to discuss and say what it meant, what Gunner and Roode would have to do. You have to keep up so closely in this, and even then things can be a shade confusing.

Mickie v Winter was the best v the worst music in the company. I’ll let you work out which is which.

Mickie, while not being a wonderful technical wrestler and never really having great matches, just ok ones, is a really good babyface. Her fire and mannerisms are excellent.

The match itself was again ok until the finish. How come senior referee Earl Hebner, with his 483 years in wrestling, can’t look at Mickie’s face and know something is seriously wrong? And if that blood stuff is so debilitating, how come Winter can have it in her mouth.

My head hurts and we’ve only had three matches.

Kissing a girl by force then dangling her by the hair outside the ring. That’s being a babyface, is it?

Oh look, the girls help Mexican America win. Three out of four matches so far are screwy finishes. Two of those are heel wins by interference.

I am so sick of the word ‘frickin’’ on this TV show. Anderson’s promo was awful. What was it supposed to achieve? He seemed to lose his train of thought. If that wasn’t intentional, then that’s worrying. If it was intentional, then I don’t understand it. It went nowhere.

I don’t like Tazz defending Samoa Joe’s action of late. I wouldn’t mind at all if Tazz was established as a heel commentator, but he is usually pretty down the line. His defence of Joe was flimsy, and was effectively promoting the idea that if you can’t win something, then you spoil it for everyone else. That is a heel trait, which is why a heel Joe is using it. Tazz defending it will simply conflict more viewers that don’t really want to boo Joe anyway.

Morgan v Joe was fine. It was certainly on the good side of average. But I sort of felt that needed to be better to raise the standard of the show. There were moments in the match that looked sticky, but I forgive that sometimes, especially if the story is there. Points, definitely, awarded by me for the clean finish.

Decent match between Roode and Gunner. I never felt that it got near to reaching a crescendo, but after Bischoff’s assertion that there would be a tournament final between Roode and Ray, I guess that’s why. Part of me thinks that if they were going to do a final, why not just book it and advertise it that way from the start? An extra benefit to that would be the tease to fans of Storm v Roode.

And what’s with Bischoff? Fair enough that he would book the Bully Ray v Roode match, but why did he address Roode on it like he was stitching him up? Wasn’t it fairly obvious that they’d have to do a final when the scores were tied? Was it necessary to boast about the match being unadvertised? Doesn’t that highlight a flaw?

Tenay and Tazz spent ages talking about Brian Kendrick’s headgear. Tenay said: “It’s what separates Kendrick from the rest of the pack.” What is? A hat?

It took Tenay under this match – on September 11 – to say “Crash and Burn”.

Really, really enjoyed Aries v Kendrick. Great match with excellent, physical looking action. I might have made more of the fact that Sorensen was waiting for the winner, but that’s nitpicking. One other nitpick is that I wouldn’t have had Aries do that draping, twisting DDT, for the sheer fact that if you had to have him win by Brainbuster, then the DDT looked much more devastating. Either don’t have Kendrick kick out, or don’t do the move full stop. Long term it makes it harder for places to go.

As I say, though, nitpicking. It was a great match. The best on the show so far, by miles.

The look on Bully Ray’s face when Roode no-sold the first chop was fantastic. Sold fear and confusion. Like I said, fantastic heel activity. The crowd are going crazy for Roode in this match, where they didn’t in the Gunner match. It’s not that they don’t like Roode, but that they are not sold on Gunner as a heel. He simply isn’t that dislikeable. Bully Ray (and I’m talking the character here – I don’t know the man personally) is a dick, so people want him to get beat and they rally behind the babyface.

Match is over. Right, first of all, purely from a storyline consistency perspective, why didn’t Immortal help Bully Ray? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that they didn’t, as it was a far better match, but if you get inside the psychology of the TV show, why didn’t they get involved?

Anyway, let’s forget that. I thought the match was great. Not the technical or speedy affair that Aries v Kendrick was, but it was full of emotion and terrific storytelling. They got that crowd into it from the very start and they never let up. It was classic heel v babyface. I loved it.

The post match was ok, but I think I’d have had Fortune celebrating with Roode. It didn’t quite feel as special as it could have been. AJ, Storm and Kaz (Daniels maybe) greeting Roode backstage or running to ringside would have suggested that the win was a big deal. They could perhaps have had Roode going into the Fortune dressing room or behind the curtain and being greeted by them. Small thing, perhaps, but it would reinforced how special the group is.

The main event was just fine. TNA have to realise at some point that Sting matches are simply not good anymore. This was very much a formula three-way match, except for the fact that it contained two babyface and one heel, which was slightly awkward. We all knew Hogan would get involved in the main event – it’s just a matter of when, these days – and as expected he popped up to cost Sting the match.

I simply can’t remember the last TNA PPV which had a great main event. That’s shocking, really, given the talent they have, but it’s just been combos of a bombed Jeff Hardy, Angle, Anderson and Sting for a while. Matt Morgan occasionally. Might you, even at Destination X AJ v Daniels didn’t quite nail it. I’ve good hopes for Angle v Roode, and Angle winning was definitely the right decision, so he can defend the belt at BFG.

Possible Bound for Glory card? (Admittedly, at 10 matches, it’s a little long)

Bobby Roode v Kurt Angle
Sting v Hulk Hogan
Samoa Joe v Crimson
AJ Styles v Daniels (add a stip)
RVD v Jerry Lynn
Bully Ray, Gunner and Scott Steiner v James Storm, Mr Anderson and Jeff Hardy
Mexican America v D-Von & Pope v British Invasion v Ink Inc
Austin Aries v Jesse Sorensen
X-Division multiman Spotfest match
Mickie James v Velvet Sky v Winter

A BFG series idea.......

2011-09-11T22:12:00.000+01:00

This is a very off-the-cuff, unscheduled blog, based solely upon an idea I had whilst doing my regular stint on the Ministry of Slam podcast tonight.

We were talking about TNA No Surrender which takes place tonight, and I admitted that I am a couple of weeks behind on my Impact viewing, so taking a look at the card was a bit puzzling to me, as I wasn't up to date. In particular, the final four of the Bound For Glory series had me scratching my head a little.

You see, at the point of my current viewing (about three shows back) I haven't heard the announcers explain the format of the matches at No Surrender. Or perhaps they have but because I have been watching on Sky+, and hence fast forward liberally, I may not have heard them explain. My understanding was that there would be two semi finals and then a final, in the style of the Rugby Premiership, or football's Play Offs. Apparently, that's not correct.

Instead, the final two matches will simply count toward the general standings, and I am informed that they stand as follows: Bully Ray 49pts, Bobby Roode 42pts, Gunner 42pts, James Storm 40pts.

So then, using a sensible booking structure (that may be my first mistake) I would suggest that what happens is that Bobby Roode wins his match by pinfall, scoring seven points and tieing for the lead with Bully Ray. This then leaves the field open for Storm to win by submission, therefore getting ten points and getting to 50pts, just one ahead of Ray and Roode. Game over. Finito.

Now I'm not saying that's not what they'll do. In fact, it would be an excellent plan. But is there an alternative. Is there that rarest of commodities, a genuinely shocking but logical booking swerve that TNA employ that actually works and makes sense.

Here's how I see it. The first half of the plan is fine. Roode beats Gunner, possibly with Storm at ringside to fend off Immortal interference, and he goes on to 49pts. So the stage is set for later that night, with Storm needing a submission to win it all.

And so that is the talk. He acknowledges it in an interview, the commentators play it up. The match begins. Immortal are represented at ringside, but Roode is there in his partner's corner. As could be the rest of Fortune. Immortal try to get involved, and are run off by Daniels, Kazarian and Styles. In the ring, after dozens of submission attempts which have failed, Storm locks in a submission hold. Perhaps a figure four or a fujiwara arm bar, or something that fits the story. Whatever it is, he has it locked in, and Bully Ray can't escape. It's over.....isn't it?

Not so fast. At the point where Bully Ray looks poised to tap, Bobby Roode slides in......and kicks Storm in the head. He picks up Storm and nails him with a huge spine buster or something. The bell rings.

Storm wins the match by DQ. So he gets three points. He moves on to 43pts. That's not enough. But better than that, Bully Ray loses 10 for being disqualified. He goes down to 39pts. So the table reads Roode 49, Storm 43, Gunner 42, Bully Ray 39. Roode wins. He goes to BFG as the number one contender. It works on every level.

It makes sense. He didn't facilitate the break up before now because he needed Storm's help to gain points and watch his back. Why do it? Well, for one he wants the glory of being number one contender and being the champion. Two, what happened when he was injured? Storm buddied up to Alex Shelley, and defended the title belts. Ok, they won, but Storm was risking Roode's livelihood. How could he?

There is one major flaw. In makes Roode v Storm the biggest feud in the company, and they can't do anything about it at Bound For Glory because it's Roode v the Champ. And there is a further problem, because there is then no heat on the title match, because if we assume Kurt retains, then it's heel v heel at the biggest show of the year. If Anderson wins to make it face v heel that's better, but Anderson isn't over. And who does Kurt wrestle at BFG?

Look, it's not perfect, I admit. But I've only just come up with it. In fact, it could work the other way around. Storm could win the first match, and then screw Roode later on. But I don't feel that Storm would be right as the scheming heel. I'm championed Roode as potentially the biggest star anywhere if he is booked correctly. All the comparisons to Curt Hennig, Rick Rude and others are fair, but I see a lot of 1999/2000 Triple H in him. And say what you like about Hunter, he was a mega heel at that time.

I'll be honest, I think I'd rather see either Storm or Roode win it fairly and have the momentum going forward to face Angle (or whomever) at BFG, but this is a decent alternative. We'll wait, and watch, and see.......

Raw: Number 16

2011-09-06T22:20:00.001+01:00

I've got my check shirt on and my chopper in hand (ooh, hello) because it's Lumberjack time! I will work all night and work all day to provide you with up to the minute coverage of, erm, something that happened eighteen years ago.

Anyway, it's Raw and it's the scheduled rematch between that tedious oaf Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the staggeringly brilliant Shawn Michaels. Both of whom are going into the same Hall of Fame class. No justice, is there?

Michaels starts the show chatting to Lord Alfred saying that Duggan is going to find out why he is the IC champion, when a blonde chap in a sports coat attacks. Hoorah, it's Curt Hennig, who blasts Michaels into the door of what appears to be a parked taxi. Nice. He follows this up with a modified hip toss as various New Yorkers look on at an incident the likes of which they have probably only seen three times that day. A group of people eventually try to break the fight up. To begin with they look like civilians, but eventually more and more of them have ties on and I spot Tony Garea who I'm sure broke up more fights in a suit than he had matches.

It's quite a cool visual and an interesting segment as it was very different. It felt like chaos, which was what they were trying to get across. After the fight is broken up we have the annoying theme song and then it's Vince signing in, with Savage 'ooh yeah'ing all over him. Heenan completes the comms trio, wearing a lurid orange jacket.

McMahon excitedly plugs the lumberjack match. The combination of a crowd chanting something I can't quite work out (egged on by Savage, so perhaps something offensive to Heenan) the announcers shouting and the annoying siren make this a very hard opening to watch/listen to. Heenan says Duggan paid off Perfect to do that. He says that Yokozuna will be one of the Lumberjacks. Savage says Perfect will be too.

His yammering is interrupted by the strains of "bam bam" and Mr Bigelow's uninspired theme music. Bammer is facing Typhoon - Vince says there is more than 700lbs in there, not including the official. What an odd qualifying statement.

Speaking of qualifying, this is a qualifier for the King of the Ring. It probably ought to be Prince of the Mints or Lord of the Cheeseboard, really. These two hefty fellas exchanged some shoulderblocks and slams, and I can't help but notice that the ropes look really slack. I don't know if that is due to girth or because I'm not used to seeing matches from this era.

As we get a nip slip on live TV (don't get too excited - it's Typhoon coming out of his his singlet a little. Ugh) Vince says that he thinks that the Intercontinental Title is going to change hands tonight. Oh well, that's Duggan's dreams dashed already. Unlucky, Jim. Might as well not bother since Vince "Kiss of Death" McMahon has proclaimed you champion elect.

Bigelow takes control of the match, keeping Typhoon on the outside, while Heenan rightly points out a huge gash in Bam Bam's head. Typh mounts a comeback just as we go to break, and when we return, it's a slugfest which the former Tugboat wins. However, he misses an avalanche to the corner, and Triple B nails him with a pretty awesome looking Samoan Drop. He goes up for a top rope headbutt and it's over. BBB in the KOTR.

Great call by Vince, by the way. Bam Bam is feuding with Tatanka at this point, and McMahon points out that Bigelow used Tatanka's finishing move in that match. More piebald horses and cacti herald another Smoking Gunns vignette, and Vince says they'll be on "Saturday Morning Mania" this week. Bobby stands up to get a good look at the bikini-ed up ring girl, who appears to have a killer body but also eyebrows like Groucho Marx's moustache (oh, just Google him).

Next, we have a man to make Bam Bam and Typhoon look like Victoria Beckham on one of her skinny days, it's Yokozuna. He's facing PJ Walker, which is of course Justin Credible/Aldo Montoya in a former life. By the way, if you enjoyed Bigelow and Typhoon plodding around, you get Yoko v Kamala next week.

Yoko obviously annihilates Justin Montwalker in short order, but it's really impressive. I sorely miss these type of squash (literally in Yoko's case) matches as it does so much for a character. This took about 90 seconds of TV time, tops, and the announcers did a good job of talking up his upcoming match with Hogan at King of the Ring.

Off to Gene Mean for a plug for a ICOPRO dressed up as a KOTR preview. He mentions Hogan v Yoko, then tells us Bret, Luger, Razor, Duggan and now Bam Bam are all in the tournament. Doink v Perfect is on for Wrestling Challenge and Tatanka meets Giant Gonzales on Superstars, says Gene Mean.

Back to Raw, and it's one of the deliberate unattractive, plumper ring girls. "Is that Knobbs or Sags?" says Bobby. Mr Perfect, for it he who is up next, starts to flirt with her, tenderly grabs her face and shapes to kiss her - then puts his gum in her mouth. Lovely. She liked it, though.

Jobber of the Millennium Iron Mike Sharpe is the opponent for Hennig, cast and all, and Vince calls him a veteran. The announcers talk about the upcoming Lumberjack match, which Perfect will be on hand for. Vince said last week that it's the first ever Lumberjack match, but Heenan says he has been in them before and they hurt.

Heenan says he is bored of watching Mr Perfect, and starts playing with his TV monitor like he did last week.
Again, I assume this is to prove WWF is live. After some standard action, Hennig wins with the Perfect Plex. Coming next is another 'Mr'. It's Mr Hughes.

Heenan attempts to get a (slim, attractive) ring girl's number, whilst in the ring I think I spy 'The Kamikaze Kid' aka X-Pac waiting to be jobbed. We get ICOPRO and Slim Jim ads, then we are back with Mr Hughes and Harvey Whippleman. McMahon did say last week that Hughes was being eyed up by managers, it seems old Bruno got him. Meanwhile, Sean Waltman is advertised as "The Cannonball Kid", which is different to last week. I wonder if they'll make anything of that.

Aha, yes they do. Vince calls him the Kamikaze Kid, then corrects himself. Savage points out that he was called the Kamikaze Kid the week before. Hughes is again wrestling with his sunglasses on again. After a big boot which Vince oversells, it's a Boss Man Slam variant for the win.

A commercial airs for All American Wrestling. In it, Gene Mean and Heenan mention Paris, France (That's not All American) and Mars (Neither is that). Back in the arena, Vince and Bobby hype Crush v Blake Beverley for the next show. Oooh, that's a hook, isn't it? (Note sarcasm)

Here come the Lumberjacks! First out is Terry Taylor, and he's got red and black checks on, pure lumberjack style. Oh, actually, they all have. They haven't entered to music, they've just wandered out, so I'm trying to pick out who they are. Mr Hughes is back, as is Yokozuna (no checks for him). I think I see Typhoon again. Bigelow, too.

Hacksaw Jim is out to his 'hoooo' music, and he runs into the ring.....then out again to punch Yoko to the floor. Good move, Jim, anger the biggest Lumberjack. That'll work.

Michaels arrives on crutches. He is obviously suggesting he can't wrestle. Perfect sneaks up behind him, punches him, and throws him in the ring. At this point Shawn is obviously ok, and as a true American hero, Duggan attacks Shawn from behind. Shawn goes to the outside, and Perfect throws him back again. I think I see Tatanka and Bob Backlund as lumberjacks, too. Michaels is dressed in jeans and cowboys boots, by the way.

This is now a virtual re-run of last week. Slow, dull offence by Duggan, "Shawn is Gay" chants from homophobic idiots in New York, pointless "U-S-A" chants to follow (they are both American, you spanners) and Shawn desperately overselling. Can you tell I'm not enjoying it?

At one stage, Shawn tries to leave, but Perfect and Backund bring him back. Shawn has had no offence for the entire match so far, which is probably about six minutes. Duggan misses a legdrop, and when he stands, Shawn has taken off his boot and nails Jim with it. Ref knocked down and didn't see it. Duggan to the outside, but the heels roll him in.

We go back and forth with this for a while before HJD takes over, and hits his three-point-stance clothesline which knocks Shawn to the outside. Stupidly, WWF go to break at this point. Are you kidding? We had to sit through that then a finisher hits and you go to commercials? Wow.

We're back, though, and now Shawn is on top and looks fine. Michaels misses a splash in the corner, and Bam Bam pops up onto the apron. Duggan is distracted, Shawn knees him in the back and throws him to Yokozuna. The big Samoan chops and legdrops Hacksaw then rolls him in. Shawn places one foot on Duggan for a pin, but on the count of two Perfect runs in and smashes Shawn. So it's a DQ. After all that, it's a DQ and Shawn wins. Vince says 'there's going to be trouble here' and we go to....Macho Man in a pretape plugging action figures. Random. Back to the ring, and Bam Bam is inside it and pacing about. Shawn comes running back in and attacks Perfect. Then all the Lumberjacks (except Yoko) come in and start a mass brawl. Duggan swing his plank at everyone and they scarper (hey, was that Iron Mike Sharpe?).

And that's your lot. A mess of a show that. No action to truly speak of, and an awful main event. Next time, we have Kamala v Yokozuna to look forward to. Oh joy..........

Blue Meanie interview

2011-09-05T10:58:00.000+01:00

I have a brand new podcast now up with an 80+ minute interview with former WWE and ECW star The Blie Meanie - check it out - http://robmcnichol.podbean.com/2011/09/04/the-blue-sided-ring/

Raw15

2011-08-26T12:56:00.000+01:00

We've reached May 1993, and this week's Raw starts with Hacksaw Jim Duggan carrying an American flag, wearing a singlet adorned with Stars and Stripes, and the USA network logo in the bottom corner.

Any guesses which nation we might be in??

Yes, it's Raw from New York City (That's in the United States of America) and we're kicking off with the advertised Intercontinental title match between Shawn Michaels and Jim Duggan. Shawn is in the ring as the show starts, so doesn't even get a ring entrance on the show. Duggan does his (can I say retarded?) odd walk around the ring and brandishes his piece of wood. I never, ever got Duggan's gimmick. It basically screams "America is represented by this unathletic, mentally deficit moron."

(That's not true by the way. It's a wonderful country, genuinely my favourite I have visited save for my own, with welcoming, hospitable people. At least in the places I have visited anyway. Now after that disclaimer, back to the action...)

The action finally starts three minutes and twenty five seconds into the broadcast. The interim is filled with "USA", "Hoooooooo" and "Shawn is Gay" chants from the crowd. You're all class, Big Apple. Let's hear it for New York.

Heenan (still on commentary, thank goodness) says that people are complaining about Lex Luger's loaded forearm, but not Duggan's 2 X 4, which leads to a classic Vince McMahon line, when you think about it. He says "The two by four has not been surgically implanted anywhere on Hacksaw Jim Duggan". Now there's an image.

Michaels sells like a lunatic for a bit, then walks away, prompting Duggan to go and fetch him, then it's a break. After the break, Michaels drops Duggan on the top rope and takes control. Shawn actually does a great job in this match of looking like a little guy bumping for the big fella, then hitting and running afterwards.

Duggan makes the occasional fightback (basically consisting of running into his opponent a bit) but Shawn keeps him at bay. Duggan is fired up by the crowd's USA chant. Funny, I always thought Michaels from America too. Wouldn't it inspire him, as well? Perhaps in New York they think San Antonio is in Mexico.

Duggan makes a comeback as Vince says the fans will be behind him when he faces Yokozuna - but he doesn't say when. Michaels stops the fightback again and locks in a chinlock. Eventually Hacksaw makes the full babyface comeback.....which consists of solely punching Shawn, then a bodyslam. Talk about basic. This is starting to make Great Khali look like William Regal.

Hacksaw leans down for his three-point stance thing, and basically hits a running clothesline. That was his finisher, as well. Man alive. Shawn bumps to the outside and starts to leave again. Duggan retrieves him again, because Vince says that Duggan can't win the belt via count out. Ah, you see, smart guy is Jim. Don't let appearances fool you, he is sharp as a............

Oh. He's just won via count out. You see, Shawn created some separation with a the old Greco Roman poke to the eye, but Jim clotheslined him over the barrier. Then got back in the ring. And Shawn got counted out.

If you've ever been horse racing in the UK, you'll know that even in a three mile race where the horses have to go round a couple of times, there will a collection of wallies who think the race is finished when they pass the post for the first time, despite the fact that the horses are cantering and the jockeys not pushing them. The same people that get confused in this situation cheer when a babyface wins a title match via count out. Half the audience go wild for Duggan getting his arm raised, but have neglected, apparently, to ever pay attention during a title bout in their lives, because he doesn't win the belt this way.

This was a staggeringly bad opening fifteen minutes or so. Dull, simple action and moronic jingoistic 'patriotism' on top of strange booking. I know Shawn did ok in the long term, but did it make sense to have the middle age guy that couldn't work destroy the IC champion? Really?

Oh wait, it's not done. Duggan has a mic. He says WWF does a lot of things right, but they have this wrong. He beat Shawn from pillar to post, he says, and when Shawn knew he was about to be taken down, he took a run for it. Yes, and you sent him over the barricade, Jimbo, and got back in the ring. He says he isn't leaving until he gets another piece of Shawn Michaels (tough guy!)

He throws two chairs (well, three, but the last one bounces off the ropes) into the ring. Not folding chairs, padded wooden ones. He sits on one (back to the hard camera) and claps along with the fans. I don't know what they are chanting, though.

After an ad break, Hacksaw is now circling the chair, still in the ring. We're approaching fifteen minutes of show time (not including ads). Duggan circles for thirty seconds and Vince then gets bored and starts talking about something else. Namely Hulk Hogan against Yokozuna. Vince throws to Gene Mean to tell us more about King of the Ring, and says he hopes Duggan will leave soon. You speak for us all, Vin Man.

A fanfare heralds the arrival of Gene Mean on a Green Screen (GMGS) where he says the report is brought to you by ICOPRO (that was the WWF's bodybuilding supplement). He then says "Do it like Crush does it". Yeah, I'm going to leave that one.

Crush lifts some weights and says ICOPRO is great, basically. Gene says Bret Hart is 'number one seed for obvious reasons' and tells us that Luger qualified over the weekend. Perfect and Doink drew, apparently. Gene says there might be a rematch. The main event is Hogan v Yoko.

Gene then does the old 'hand-to-the-ear', I've just received word (it's a pretape) routine, and says that Duggan has left the ring and is calling President Jack Tunney. Actually that was pretty good acting by Gene. Well, quite good. Well, passable.

Gene says Tito Santana v Razor Ramon is on Superstars, and Duggan v Papa Shango on Wrestling Challenge. Back to the arena, and it's the aforementioned Clown, the Doinkster.

His opponent is.......The Kamikaze Kid. Ring any bells? Nope? Well, it's a fresh-faced Sean Waltman, weeks away from his twenty first birthday. He weighs about forty pounds at this point.

Doink shows his nice technical skills, rocking an STF (a proper one) amongst other things. He eventually locks in the Stump-puller, his submission finisher which the announcers don't call by name. The referee and time-keeper seem to completely forget their jobs (perhaps they nodded off during the Duggan segment) and there is about seven seconds between Kid submitting and the bell being rung. Vince says Duggan will be back when they return. Oh joy.

It's not Duggan, but Backlund, who appears first. And he's against......GILLBERG! Well, it's actually Dwayne Gill, but it would only be a few short years until he morphed into his alter ego.

It's funny how I recall Backlund as being a technical master, but watching this he is quite clunky, and frankly Doink was smoother in there. In fact Gill looks slightly better in this one. Vince says he has received a note saying that Duggan has had success on the phone to Tunney, and next week it'll be a rematch - and it's a Lumberjack match. Can't. Flipping. Wait. Backlund eventually wins with a bridging pin.

Back after some ads and.........oh, it's Duggan again. He says he spoke to Jack Tunney, and that the Prez told him that Shawn can run but can't hide, and that the match is set for next week.........tough guy. (I doubt Tunnet said Tough Guy)

Hacksaw says Shawn is pretty and wrestles well but can't fight a lick (just assume he says "Tough Guy" from time to time. Saves me doing it). They talk blah about the title and lumberjacks. That was pointless. Savage on comms says Headshrinkers, Kamala and a very special surprise after the break.

First, though, it's Billy & Bart playing with guns. Wholesome. But I suppose it's their name, so they have to do it. They say hear there is trouble from the Headshrinkers, Money Inc and the Beverley Brothers.

Back in the arena, there are two (presumed) jobbers in the ring, and Howard Finkel is talking. It's difficult to hear what he is saying, because the announcers (all three, including Vince) talk over him. I can make out that he is introducing one of the premier managers of all time - and it's Captain Lou Albano. He's barking. Presumably he is out here to make Duggan look sane. Nice shell suit. Must be the mid-90s.

He shakes hands with the jobbers, who Finkel namechecks but the announcers are still talking, so I miss them. The opponents are the Headshrinkers, so I think I am starting to see where this is going, since Capt. Lou later became their manager. Though I might have my timeline off - I thought they turn face much later than this. Albano joins the commentary team. I won't repeat what he says, because it's basically nonsense. Although at one point he says that he used to manage the Wild Samoans, but now they are the Headhunters. Vince doesn't correct him. Albano rants about Heenan while the Samoan crew look on.

The Shrinkers attack the jobbers from behind. Albano, meanwhile talks such little sense he makes Booker T sound like Noel Coward. Samu and Fatu are pretty dominant, and even hit a spike piledriver as a transition move. As Samu pulls up an opponent to stop a pin, Heenan says he can't understand a word Albano says. Actually Captain Lou's nonsense is worth it for Heenan's comeback, witticisms and asides.

Vince asks about Lou's earring, and I think he says it is "an eclectic rubber band from an eclectic tree in Borneo". What?? The Headshrinkers hit a double "Skull crushing finale", as it were, then Fatu hit's his big splash that genuinely did look great. Vince says to Albano to come back soon. Heenan says "no, don't".

We get a shot of the Bushwhackers trying 'home improvement", which consists of them loosening a pipe so that it empties on Lord Alfred's head. I think it was a plug from Coliseum Video, thought I have no idea which title. Still, probably better than the Tim Allen series.

Kamala is next in town. I didn't catch the name of the jobber. Haven't we seen Kamala team up with Reverend Slick on Raw before this, or did I imagine that? Anyway, he is alone this time. On comms they say Yokozuna and Mr Perfect will be lumberjacks in the Duggan/Michaels match. The jobber runs into Kamala unsuccessfully a few times.

A little while into the match (about a minute, so quite near the end) Vince says Slick has been teaching Kamala social graces, but doesn't think he needs them any more. I assume that means Slick left the company.

Kamala splashes his opponent, who lies on his front. Kamala try to pin his this way several times, then realises and turns him over. Kamala wins, and the director cuts to the obvious shot - a lady eating an ice cream. Fine.

McMahon says it's Typhoon v Bam Bam Bigelow next week in a King of the Ring qualifier. Heenan has disappeared to interview Shawn Michaels. Heenan says Shawn has been stabbed in the back by "Jack Tunney Incorporated". Michaels bemoans that he has to wrestle Duggan again, and feels mistreated. Heenan asks what Shawn has up his sleeve, but Michaels won't tell the camera. Vince says it is the "first ever lumberjack match" as we go off air. That sounds a fanciful claim, but I can't deny it or back it up.

Anyone want to check that for me?

Booking Punk

2011-07-02T15:32:00.001+01:00

Here is a scenario of how I would book the next few months, potentially making Cena the WWE's number one heel, Punk the number one babyface, and maybe even a phenomenal Wrestlemania line-up.

------------

It’s the last Raw before Money in the Bank. CM Punk attempts to get into the building multiple times. They stop him. Cena can say he is happy to face Punk but Vince, Raw GM, and so forth keep Punk out.

Cena is in the main event v The Miz or similar, and the match degenerates with Miz fighting Riley to force a countout. Camera widens, to see “CM Punk” in the ring. He attacks, and the crowd (hopefully) go crazy. The announcers sell it huge. Maybe they even say he looks taller than usual.

Security, agents, etc, move Punk out of the ring in a huge pile. Cam back to the ring, where the real CM Punk now stands. GTS. Cena laid out.

Everyone realises that it wasn’t actually Punk. It was Tyler Black (they don’t have to namecheck him).

You then make a huge thing about it on Smackdown, and then throughout the PPV keep going backstage awaiting Punk ‘s arrival at the building. Maybe threaten that he won’t show up. He arrives during the show surrounded by security and hoopla.

There is a real need to make sure the rest of the PPV is a belter. Go all out with the MitB matches. Rey Mysterio wins the Raw version.

Main event time. Long match, which goes this way and that. Cena throws everything at Punk, who keeps kicking out. Kicks out of an FU, survives ages in the STF. Eventually slaps on the Anaconda Vise. Cena’s arm drops once. Drops twice. Drops a third time. Punk leaps in the air, his music plays, Justin Roberts announces him as champion.

He celebrates, turns into Cena, who drops him with an FU. Music abruptly stops. 1-2-3. Confusion. Ref hands Cena the belt, announcers sell shock. Punk goes nuts, starts destroying the set, security drag him out. The announcers watch and commentate on a replay. They come to the conclusion that Cena’s arm did drop and the ref made a terrible call. They put over that like him or hate him, Punk deserved to win that match. How will he react? Will he turn up at Raw? Will they change the decision? Tune into Raw. And you would, wouldn’t you?

Raw features the first seeds of a Cena heel turn. He starts the show and brags about beating Punk easily. The commentators question the truth of that (That’s where Michael Cole being untrustworthy is a fault. Could do with JR really)and Cena is interrupted by Rey Mysterio, carrying his MitB briefcase. They fist bump and hug and whatever. John does his thing: “Hey everybody, it’s Rey Mysterio, he won Money in the Bank last night. Let’s hear it. You were great Rey, well done. Did you see my match? I was awesome, wasn’t I?” Or something to that effect.

Rey responds that he is happy that Cena beat Punk, but “it wasn’t easy John. I hate to say it, but he put up a great fight.”

John: “I always had it under control. He’s really not all that hard to beat.”

Rey: “He beat me fair and square a couple of times. I may not like the guy, but he’s a great wrestler. Are you saying that since Punk beat me, you could beat me easily too?”

John: “C’mon, Rey, let’s not get into this, huh? We’re buddies. We’ve been buddies since we first joined the company in 2002. We have fought side by side. I don’t want to fall out with you.” They shake hands.

Cena continues: “Especially over something as obvious as the fact that I could beat you easily”

Rey: “Excuse me? You could beat me easily? Have you forgotten who I am?”

John: “I know exactly who you are. You’re the guy who has had two World title reigns. In the first one you kept losing non-title matches, and the second you were champ for what, three minutes? I like you man, and you’ve done great to get where you are, but you’re no World Champion. You’re no John Cena.”

Rey: “Oh is that right? Well maybe my mask slipped down in front of my eyes, but last night I saw CM Punk beat you, and saw the referee totally screw up, and I have to ask whether it was intentional or not. You are WWE Champion by the grace of God.....or maybe the grace of Vince McMahon.

“The more I think about it, the more I realise that what was said a couple of weeks ago was all a ruse. Vince didn’t want to fire you. In fact, he was making you sure you won and stayed. I never thought I’d be saying this, but CM Punk is the real WWE Champion.”

Out come Nexus. They blast Mysterio and Cena for failing to respect their leader CM Punk, and blame them for Punk’s departure. They challenge Cena and Mysterio to a handicap match on that edition of Raw, which becomes the main event.

A standard match takes place, with Rey receiving a hot tag and taking out Nexus. He sets up a 619, runs the ropes, and gets nailed by a Cena clothesline. Or, even better, by Rey’s Money in the Bank briefcase. An FU later, he leaves Rey to be pinned by Nexus.

The following week, Rey begins the show. He walks to the ring alone and with a purpose. He stands mid ring. “Cena....” he says, and pauses.

“CENA” he says again, this time more forcefully. He then points up. The briefcase descends from a wire, and Rey clutches it. He simply says “Summerslam”, before throwing down the mic and the briefcase.

After that I’m not so clear on the exact path. It would depend on Punk’s needs. However, my thoughts would be that Cena beats Rey at Summerslam, then perhaps beats Morrison and Riley in the weeks and months following. He could even win one-off matches on Raw against Big Show, Ezekiel Jackson, even Sin Cara. Cena just keeps winning, beating babyfaces, bragging about doing so, and pissing off his detractors. I’d keep a rivalry with Rey bubbling under the surface all this time.

You could even do Orton v Cena at Night of Champions, and have Cena win.

Meanwhile, during all this time, the announcers keep mentioning that Cena should have lost the belt to Punk, subtly turning Punk babyface in his absence. I’d even have Tyler Black/Seth Rollins wrestle sporadically and do well, occasionally getting the chance to speak and put Punk over.

At some point, with Punk’s promo and loss becoming fable, and Cena’s heel turn gathering apace, Punk returns out of nowhere, preferably after a PPV main event which Cena wins. The best choice I think would be Hell in a Cell at the start of October. Have Cena v Rey again, with Rey having earned his number one contenders spot, and after Cena prevails (just), Punk attacks. The number for the Raw the night after would be enormous.

Here’s a little idea for how Punk comes back. About six weeks from HiaC, Cena starts to become extra uppity about his status and tells the fans they don’t even deserve to see him walk to and from the ring. During this time, his music can play (maybe a new tune), and he walks onto the stage, poses, and the lights go off. When they come back on, he is in the ring. The reverse would happen when he wins, and leaves.

The lights go off after he has beaten Rey, as they have been doing, but this time the lights come back on quickly, while Cena is just about to exit the ropes. He looks up and sees Punk gripping on to the side of the Cell, which is just starting to lift off the ground. He drops to the floor, and dives into the ring, grabbing Cena and hitting the GTS.

You can then do Punk v Cena at Vengeance, with Punk the rebellious fan favourite in the Austin mould, and he wins the title.

Shortly afterwards, Cena stages a vicious attack on Punk, who vows revenge. I’d not even have a title match at Survivor Series. Instead Punk and Cena each head up teams, with Punk’s team winning, but Cena ducking out and getting counted out.

They meet again at TLC, and Punk again emerges victorious. Thanks to Vince McMahon, Cena gets granted another title shot at the Royal Rumble. You could even write into the story Punk being at odds with Vince from time to time, and Punk agrees to a stip that if he loses the title he agrees to forfeit his rematch clause, but if he wins he gets Vince at Mania. Cena then wins by dubious means.

The following night on Raw Cena states (as he would have on previous occasions) that Punk’s wins were fluke and that Punk somehow cheated, but this is a fair win, and proves that he, John Cena, is the man, no-one can beat him.

He then gets rushed by another returning Superstar, who nails Cena with his big move.

The Rock Bottom.

There is a post script to this story. Depending on how well Punk’s push and development goes, WWE keep the lines of communication open with Stone Cold Steve Austin. If he could be persuaded to do one more match, it could be with Punk.

Imagine a Mania which has not only John Cena v The Rock and Smackdown Champion v Rumble Winner, but also CM Punk, who could be the hottest property in wrestling, against the biggest star in WWE history.

This is all possible. I’m not saying it’s probable or even likely. But it’s possible. It could happen.

Have faith.

Punk 3:16?

2011-07-02T01:16:00.000+01:00

YESTERDAY, I was watching CM Punk’s astonishing Raw promo for about the twentieth time, and something came to me – CM Punk was wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt.

Now I wasn’t by any means the first or only person to spot this but, as I wrote on Twitter(@RobMcNichol) at the time, I am surprised more people are not commenting on Punk’s sartorial choice.

Those who follow both Austin and Punk on Twitter will know that their small face-off on screen a couple of weeks ago on Raw was a reference to their jokey rivalry, but moreover it is a nod to a very obvious level of respect between the two men.

That is surely why Punk wore a Stone Cold shirt, along with the idea that by wearing someone else’s shirt it was an extra thing to persuade viewers that what they were witnessing was ‘real’.

But there is an extra, perhaps unintentional, parallel between the two men, and the reason came fifteen years ago almost to the day.

On June 23 1996, when CM Punk would have been a seventeen year old wrestling fanatic, Steve Austin won the King of the Ring and told Jake Roberts “You talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16? Well Austin 3:16 says I just kicked your ass.”

The industry, at that point, changed.

Although they would trail WCW and their hot nWo angle for some time, the WWF had seen the genesis of the man that would be their most successful character in their history.

The main reason, long term, for Austin’s popularity was that it came against a back drop of the WWF becoming stale, and then he found the perfect antagonist in Vince McMahon who stood for everything the fans hated about safe, boring TV and the caricature of the evil boss.

CM Punk’s tirade, however worked and scripted, hit on many points that people actually feel. Some people are tired of John Cena being considered the best, and do have concerns about the company’s use of guys like CM Punk.

In 1996, a groundswell of fans was growing tired of guys like Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart and Diesel being ‘safe’ heroes. Austin wasn’t an old-fashioned role model, but he was someone who had an edge that left fans thinking ‘I wish I could be like that’.

Punk has that, and it shone through his speech. Like Austin and his big moment, the character and the promo contained that elusive x-factor that leaves fans saying ‘That was cool’. Save for about a fortnight when The Rock came back, WWE hasn’t had a moment like this since the Nexus debut, and that more shock value than anything else.

And here’s the most important point about the CM Punk promo – it was done to draw money. TNA, like WCW before them, have had a host of angles which have hinted to a viewer that it is unscripted, but none have hit the mark. In fact, it is attempted so often that it has no (pardon the pun) impact any more. In fact, if Samoa Joe, for example, literally broke character and slated the company, it would cause barely a ripple because we’d all assume it was another Vince Russo swerve.

This angle is carefully cultured to draw. There is enough time to draw some TV ratings and to tell a story in the build to a Pay Per View, which fortuitously happens to be in Punk’s home town of Chicago. Expect an atmosphere of which we haven’t seen the like since the famous “If Cena Wins We Riot” match with Rob Van Dam at the Hammerstein Ballroom at the second One Night Stand PPV.

There is actually scope in all of this, down the line, to turn John Cena into a heel and change the direction of the company, if they so wish. Perhaps we can go into that more next time.

But for now, we need to revel in the fact that we have seen something very special. As always, it is the follow up that is oh-so-crucial. If handled correctly, this could be industry changing.

CM Punk just stepped into a world that very few wrestlers before him have entered – and that truly is the bottom line.

Raw Thoughts - June 21

2011-06-21T20:54:00.000+01:00

Punk with another masterclass to open the show. Let speculation flow as to whether he was scripted to say that he was 'the best wrestler in the world' and that 'wins and losses do still matter'.
Should they not actually have something happen on the screen when Cole is reading it to make it look a little like it's genuine. And this has happened more than once.
How bloody thin-skinned and impetuous is the GM? Because Punk was 'disrespectful' to him (not much, actually) he changes his mind? Twice?
Right, lets see how much the WWE universe drives the audience's voting.........
OK, King votes for Kelly Kelly and.........
Yup, K2 wins the vote. SHOCKING! (Note sarcasm)
I think we should some up with some alternative votes. A) Eve B) Kelly C) Beth Phoenix D) Bacon.
I vote D)
What, you've never had Bacon and Brie before?
Shut up, it was not that bad.
Not a pretty match at all, but happy that the belt is off the Bellas. Credit to Kelly for at least trying to make the result seem like it meant something, although she only has two facial expressions, so it was hardly Emmy-worthy.
It would have been better had Kelly responded to King's congratulations by saying "Leave me alone, you pervert."
Nice little hype video for Bourne.
Hmm. Two heels and a babyface. Just who will the fans vote for. Perhaps it might be the only one King sounded enthusiastic about.
Should it be A) Jack Swagger B) Mason Ryan C) Sin Cara D) TJ Wilson
Hint: TJ Wilson is better than Sin Cara.
WOW! Now I did not expect that. Mason Ryan wins the vote. That's a huge result. For one it will tell Vince to push the big musclehead even more. Second, what an indictment of Sin Cara's push out of the gate.
Crowd chanting 'Batista' at Ryan was hilarious. Almost as funny as his tan line on his back.
They've actually done a really good job with Mason Ryan as far as pushing him goes. It's just a shame he has no discernible talent.
Kane v Mark Henry? Wow
A) Body Slam Match B) Arm Wrestling Match C) Over the Top Rope D) NO BLOODY MATCH AT ALL!!
Seriously, they should put in the power of veto. That would send them a great message about the type of match their audience wants to see. I mean, I don't expect them to do that for a second, but it would be an interesting experiment.
The WWE Universe wants to see these two......arm wrestler. These people are idiots.
These votes should take place under AV rules.
"This is stupid" chants? Wow. You go Baltimore!
If Kane wins does he become the World's Strongest Man?
"Let him suffer like I've suffered" says Mizark. You haven't suffered as much as we have, fella.
Mad, crazy, paranoid heel R-Truth is great. I loved him telling the crowd to stop laughing at him. Proper old school (PG) heeling.
That said, the whole Miz/Christian/Truth segment felt off to me until the the Really/Riley/Randy/Jimmy bit. That was very funny.
I want to see if Zack Ryder gets into any of the people's choice sections. That might be interesting.
Dolph v Kofi - A) Two out of Three Falls B) Vickie banned from ringside C) Submission D) Booker and King shut the f*** up for a match?
Two out of Three falls wins. I'll hold my hands up, I wouldn't have guessed how many of these votes would go correctly.
Does anyone in WWE know what a birds eye view is? For years they have said it as though it means 'up close'. It doesn't, it means from above. Are WWE's front row seats in the rafters?
Why does Kofi have to get Ziggler back in the ring to win the title? It's a two-out-of-three falls match.
Oh, and now Kofi has won the last fall via DQ. What would have happened if Kofi won his first fall via DQ? Should the match have been thrown out? That's ridiculous.
ADR v Rey v Punk - A) No DQ B) Falls Count Anywhere C) Submission D) Hair v Mask v Scarf match.
I enjoy that Alberto cheers when he says his own name.
Terrific triple threat TV match. I really enjoyed that. I loved Rey's spot where he rolled over Punk and dived onto Alberto. At this point, I really don't understand why that didn't go on last. I can only assume they think that there are some viewers that will switch off once Cena has done his thing. I'd argue that by telling them he is the main event they could switch off then flick back with 15 minutes left.
Interesting that they put the Punk revelation out in the open. No-one can argue they are booking him into oblivion. That's two big wins in 24 hours. I'm pretty distraught to see him go.
But then maybe it's a big swerve. Maybe the honesty goes out the window and he signs a new contract.
But that might be me being over optimistic.
Now while I have no real issue with the angle involving Cody. Bryan and Ted, can anyone explain to me why those 3 or 4 minutes couldn't have gone to Kofi and Dolph to make their match longer and better?
Just as I was thinking "This show is another example of a three-show being about an hour too long", they announce Vickie v one of the announce team in a dance contest. Oh my stars.
Nice to see Matt Striker has found his level again.
Haha. I actually did laugh out loud at the line "Just call me Michael Travolta"
Don't get me wrong, I hated the dance-off segment and would happily pay a great deal of money to ensure I never see one again..........but Cole did make me laugh. I'll give Vickie and Cole credit for throwing themselves into it.
The best thing about Riley is that he acts like a star. Whether he is or not is irrelevant. He just carries himself perfectly.
That said, I'd have liked to have seen them make a bit more of him beating Miz the night before.
Great crowd tonight, BTW.
Pretty decent main event. Yes it was a predictable conclusion, but there was some decent action, the crowd really got into it, and it did Christian the power of good, getting a pin over Orton on Raw.
The show was just way too long again. It picked up towards the end, and had two pretty long and decent matches, but it had almost switched me off before we got there.

Macho Man Randy Savage

2011-05-22T18:53:00.000+01:00

Yesterday on Twitter I suggested I may be producing a Randy Savage tribute podcast and involving some of you. That plan has not changed, but simply been delayed.

What I am likely to do is to pick four or five people at random to call and have a chat for maybe five minutes about your memories of the Macho Man. If you are interested, please tweet me that you are and I'll get back to you. The decisions on who I speak to will be totally random.

If you are not comfortable in speaking on a podcast, or do not get chosen, why not respond to this post in the comments section and I will use a selection of the messages when I get round to a podcast.

In the meantime, I will be doing the usual PPV Livechat from 10pm Sunday night, which will run until the end of the Over the Limit show. I do hope you'll join me.

RMc

Raw Thoughts - May 2

2011-05-03T23:34:00.000+01:00

Interesting that the montage at the start of the show only included George W Bush, and not Barack Obama. Surely an oversight, and not a McMahon directive. Right? :-)
Good to see Lillian back. Hearing Justin Roberts' staggeringly annoying voice and intonation makes me miss Lillian every week.
To be honest, I'm left feeling strange about this whole opening. I don't blame the Americans for being happy about the Bin Laden thing, but a) I don't need it on a wrestling (or Entertainment) show and b) I don't think this is likely to end all terrorism. Being all pleased with yourself isn't going to help matters. Look, don't me wrong, I've been to the States three times and I genuinely love. Mostly, they are lovely, generous, kind, polite people. But I don't think on the whole they have any idea how much and why most of the rest of the world hates them. This kind of thing doesn't help their world image. I'm happy with you saying "America is the greatest country in the world" if you have experience of plenty of others. I know this is a stupid point, but it's like people who say Ashley Cole is the best left back in the world. If they do that, ask them to name three others. They'll come up with Evra, and then struggle. You won't hear Capdevilla or Lahm or Chivu or any of the other top contenders. They don't think beyond their own comfort zone, their own borders.
Mind you, it would have been very cool to see Finlay interrupt the national anthem.
That was a joke, relax.
Cena v Miz in this show. Some will criticise it. I'm not so down on them doing this, as long it is only once in a while. The fact that the match the night before was a three-way helps too, because they aren't simply repeating the match. It's an indication that they are ready to transition Miz into something else (My money is on Rey Mysterio) and give Del Rio to Cena.
It took fifteen minutes before anything on this show was jingoistic nationalism, and when it came, it was a cock joke.
When I said 'when it came' in the previous bullet point, it was not a cock joke.
In the previous bullet when I quoted myself saying 'when it came', it was sort of a cock joke.
I'll stop now. Back to The Rock. He's just been interrupted by the GM.
ENORMOUS heat for Cole. Miami Heat, if you will.
Fun stuff with Cole. Nice pay off to a fun segment.
I don't know who the Pitbull is. I was hoping to see Gary Wolfe. For a second I thought it was Santino.
I didn't think for a second Truth v Morrison was going to happen.
Maryse v Kelly? I smell Kharma.
Oh look. Kharma, already, has changed the division. Interesting to see what happens.
Many will have hated the stuff with Santino, Swoggle, Koslov et al, but I have to say the Khali reveal made me laugh out loud.
World title at the top of the hour? I smell shenanigans.
Steve Carrell was hilarious.
The commentary for Miz v Cena was very good. Nice to have JR back. Well booked TV match. Not seen a dusty finish in WWE for a while. Again, as long as these matches are done sparingly, they'll have an effect. It will, I'm sure, get a negative reaction because Cena was involved.
My big problem with it was that it was a title match lost in the shuffle. I don't really know why it couldn't have been promoted on this show and drawn a rating the week after.
Tried very hard to think of a Degeneres X joke for Ellen but can't think of one.
If a tag title existed (a proper one) then Rey and Kofi would be a fun team to go after it.
I LOVED hearing JR explain to people some details about the draftees to people who don't watch Smackdown.
They seem to be building to Del Rio v Mysterio again.
I believe Cena. I think he will keep that belt until Mania next year. Or at least I believe that is their plan right now.
Mason Ryan's wrestling trunks are obviously slightly smaller than the shorts he wears in the tanning salon.
This is the first time I've watched Kane and thought he looked completely past it. I've loved Glen Jacobs' act for years. He has been utterly terrific in his role. Better than anyone expected or had the right to expect. But he looked unsteady and off balance many times in his match with Mason Ryan.
Vince will be furious at the camera shot which blocked him off.
Always good to see Vince. I love how he can be a heel for as long as he likes, but as soon as he comes back, he gets a pop. Says a lot.
He also handles the 'What' chants better than anyone.
Oh. That ending was a little flat. I was expecting someone to draw some heat from attacking Rock or getting in a verbal exchange. I have a big problem with Rock being around often if he isn't putting anyone over. No-one has got a rub from working with Rock yet except maybe Miz, although that is debatable because he was a secondary figure.
Overall, not my kind of show. It felt like they aren't really sure where to go with anything except Truth and Morrison, which is rolling along well. With Rock, I just continually can't help but shift the feeling that he has been back for ages and hasn't really done anything, or helped anyone. I have a problem with that. I don't really understand the point of what I'm watching.

TNA Lockdown - ongoing notes

2011-04-21T13:38:00.000+01:00

I'm about to sit down and watch TNA Lockdown as I type this. This blog entry will consist of my random, real-time, ongoing thoughts on the show.

Nothing too wrong with the opener, I suppose. I felt they could have ‘made’ someone, and didn’t seem to try, but it was fine for what it was.

I don’t like the multiple pins, but it isn’t like they’ve made any of those guys mean anything. Except Sabin, although you could use a poor performance to be a catalyst to show hat a good team they are.

Bischoff’s interview, at time of watching anyway, was just weird. Crowd chanting “We Want Wrestling.” Was the promo to fill time while something was happening?

Four corner tag. Was it a number one contender deal? If so, they didn’t say it enough. Similar to them in WWE, the commentary utterly ruined it. Taz was an obnoxious prick throughout. Only unlike Cole he wasn’t trying to be.

‘Crimsom’ on the graphic. Typo. Bush league.

Young’s antics ruined the finish. Moore hits the finisher to crickets, because everyone was watching Moore. Much of the match was very sound, and I enjoyed watching it. The finish was a mess. No big deal made about the winners which was a shame. Overall, happiness level is up.

My first instinct with Mickie v Madison is that the curiosity of a hair match is to see someone without hair. It sort of helps if they are a heel. I kind of wanted to see Mickie lose her hair. I guess there is a chance that the rematch sees Mickie demand Madison puts her hair up, and Madison loses. Or maybe Tara gets embroiled and loses hers, which makes her snap at Madison.

Tenay runs through a tale of the tape with a straight face. Tazz: “I got a tale of the tape of my own. Both these chicks are hot.” Ugh. Needless, sexist garbage. Remember that this is supposed to be a replication of a real sport. If a commentator said that they’d get fired. Tazz, Andy Gray on Line One for you, Peter.

He then couldn’t say Sinead O’Connor, and had to ask about the word ‘tiara’. It isn’t becoming of a commentator that he, a supposed expert, is making himself look like an utter fool. Taz probably has enough in the bank with viewers to overcome this, but it’s still unpleasant to listen to.

I’ll assume one of them was injured, I guess. It can’t be a time thing before Bischoff rattled on for five minutes.

Pope’s selling face is ridiculous.

His arse is more ridiculous. Seeing it, anyway. Flair won’t be happy, Pope stealing his gimmick.

I didn’t think Pope v Joe was a classic, but it was really, really nice to watch Joe wrestle (WRESTLE) for more than three minutes. The match fine. Not special, but nothing wrong with it.

Proper booking of a cage match, incidentally. Heel attempts to run, hits sneak attacks for a while. Weeks go by, they are booked where he can’t escape. Face beats the shit out of him. Simple, isn’t it?

Decent enough match with Morgan and Hernandez. I thought Morgan’s comebacks were a little out of the blue at times. Anarchia trying to climb the cage and the door flying open was unintentionally hilarious.

The PPV has run exactly along the line of ‘fine’ thus far. If the main events suck, this will be a bad PPV. If they are great, it will be a thumbs up. No-one will remember the opening hour and a half, but then they are not supposed to.

Kurt and JJ next.

The most heated rivalry, the most personal situation in the history of the business. The first move? A headlock. Major confusion over pinfall/submission on first fall. Bush League.

I’d noticed it earlier but thought perhaps they were waiting for matches they cared about, but even during this, the crowd are DEAD.

Sign: "Earl steals shirts, Jeff steals wives." I can’t believe that (potentially libellous) sign stays in TNA, but WWE removes “Ryder = Ratings”

Tazz was saying “this late in the match-up” at one fall to zero and after nine minutes.

I got a kick out of Angle using a modified (though not well modified) RKO and Tenay saying that he created a new move. Funny.

TNA do not understand cage doors. What’s the point of a lock if the wrestler can just open it?

Holy botches, Batman! What was that supposed to be? A powerbomb? A super huracanrana? Whatever it was, it was the first thing to pop the crowd all night.

Oh man, what is he thinking? I stopped enjoying the match towards the end because I thought Kurt was going to die.

Generally speaking I’ve no real problem with the match in the sense that it popped the crowd and I think the target audience would probably have enjoyed it. But I felt completely uncomfortable with it. Kurt Angle matches just make me nervous now. I’ve stopped enjoying them.

Even without thinking about the moonsault and the botched powerbomb that match was nowhere near as good as Angle v Jarrett from Bound for Glory 2008.

It’s just occurred to me that Mickie got injured a couple of weeks ago, didn’t she? I don’t mean in storyline, I mean in actuality. That will explain the short match.

The door opened AGAIN in the title match. Come on.........

I liked the double Scorpion Death Lock. Creative and offering something different at a PPV. Nice.

And then double Mic Check. Pretty cool.

I was literally uttering the phrase “I’m enjoying this match. It’s really well laid out” (I don’t know why, because I was alone) when Hogan’s music hit. I didn’t care for the conclusion at all. Hogan still has to be the focus of attention. That shouldn’t have been about him.

I’d even forgive them the shortness of the match because they’d got me into it. But the interference finish felt like they didn’t really know how to book an ending, so they shoved Hogan out there for the hell of it.

The short match length is a little strange given the Sting v Hardy thing, I guess. But again, I’d forgive them that if it wasn’t for the Hogan deal.

Shit, they’re doing Sting v Hogan aren’t they?

I love Matt Hardy’s finisher. The submission one. Seriously, I do. It's great.

Oh, Ric. Really? Must you? I don’t know which was worse – him very obviously blading on camera, his arse coming out (Told you Pope was stealing the gimmick) or Tazz saying “His pants are ripped up and falling down, drawers are hanging out, he’s bleeding, his ass is out, he’s getting spanked. What the hell is going on here?” Only for Tenay to imbecilely reply “That’s Lockdown”. What the hell does that even mean? At least Tazz said “Is it?” and sounded doubtful. This commentary has been dire tonight. Tenay just sounds like a confused old man who has lost his enthusiasm.

It’s just sad. Like Tazz said, that’s a Hall of Famer. I’m not blaming TNA. That’s what Ric wants.

Oh look, the door opened again.

Cool spot with them doing the ‘Beer!’ ‘Money!’ thing as the roof closed.

Oh my. I’m getting a little tired of getting worried for people. Was it worth the risk with Daniels, when Hardy backdropped him? He wasn’t a million miles away from coming off that cage.

Ugh. Cane shots to the head. Needless.

Flair looks hideous. And now he went up wrong for a spinebuster. He could have broken his leg there.

Oh, now Daniels has come off the cage, but of his own volition. I’m ok with that bit – he, Abyss and Hardy are pros – but the backdrop spot was too risky.

If you accept the nature of TNA in that AJ can just wander into the cage, that wasn’t a terrible ending. It lessens the point of the cage match, but that had been killed before this show anyway. You could argue that it’s not really selling an injury too, but I’m trying to be positive.

Generally I didn't like that main event, but I accept that it's the kind of match that if you are a big TNA fan you probably really enjoy. So I won't be too down on the concept and some of the execution, because it probably suited the audience.

When I was at school we did a science project where we had to build a bridge out of string, paper and pasta strong enough that a matchbox car could run over it. Shortly into the project our teacher said he thought ours was the best in the class by miles. We were really chuffed.

But we didn’t leave it. We kept adding to it. And adding to it. Then we added things. And then added to it. In the end, we ruined it. We should have left it be. But we kept tweaking and it ended up being a nightmare. That's a true story.

That’s TNA. Their basics are fine, and then they overbook, overwrite and you end up with chaos. They don't know when to leave things.

I thought Taz was awful during that show. Really bad. He took away from match after match and made himself sound like a tool. Get Foley on the headset. Tenay not much better.

Frankly, that was another TNA show which will please TNA fans and apologists but won’t attract anyone else. So, then, business as usual. It wasn’t a bad PPV, but there was better booking and wrestling at Wrestlemania, which many people said was a piece of garbage.

The last hour or so made me feel ill. If TNA lose a wrestler to a major injury or worse, they can’t say they were not warned.

It was interesting that Hogan and Flair got bigger pops than most babyfaces. No one wants to boo them.

The crowd looked great but sounded terrible. The one in Fayetteville kicked this one’s arse.

I thought the first half of this show was ok, fair, middling. Nothing special but nothing bad. The second half featured more excitement, energy and crowd reaction, but it had plenty of aspects that I hated.

Wrestlemania week: First memories

2011-04-01T03:09:00.000+01:00

I guess there is a certain irony that perhaps my favourite Wrestlemania is the arguably the worst in history.

It isn’t because of some kitsch value or because I don’t know what I’m on about (a point you might argue, however) but because it was the first one I remember thinking about for weeks, month on end. It was Wrestlemania 9 (or IX, if you prefer) from Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada. My young brain didn’t know that it wrestling terms it was a pile of old toss, instead I drank in the spectacle and knew I wanted to go to one of these events some day (If you’ve been following the Mania blogs this week, you’ll know I did so, 16 years later, in Houston, Texas. Scroll down and you’ll find I’ve told you all about it)

The first Wrestlemania I ever saw was actually Wrestlemania 8. Wrestling was something other kids at my school were into, and ever since one had leant me a copy of Summerslam ’91 on VHS – yes kids, a video tape – I knew I wanted to watch this bizarre new spectacle I’d been introduced to. However, WWF was only on Sky television, and my house did not have Sky until about February 1992.

Reading my mates’ wrestling magazines, playing wrestling top trumps and pretending to understand conversations was my education in wrestling until that wonderful day in 1992 when our Sky was installed. I kid you not – the very first thing that worked on that satellite system was wrestling. Maybe that was a sign. It was a Sid Justice squash match. I watched Mania a few weeks later, but I was still very much on a learning curve.

By the time Wrestlemania 9 was occurring, I was obsessed. I watched every show I could. WWF Mania Saturday morning, WWF Superstars Saturday night, WWF Wrestling Challenge Sunday mornings. Heaven. I was a huge Bret Hart fan as a kid (still am) and so the whole build for me was about Bret v Yokozuna. The other aspect of the build I remember massively was Tatanka beating Shawn Michaels in a non-title match (The Native American was still unbeaten at this point) on Superstars and the crowd going crazy. I still think much could be learned from the booking of a secondary title on a heel the way Michaels carried that IC belt.

I loved Wrestlemania 9. I now know it sucked, but I was so immersed in the WWF at this point, completely sold on how much I loved Bret Hart, Randy Savage, The Steiner Brothers and Mr Perfect, totally in love with wrestling.

I think I knew it was a work. Obviously I didn’t understand the inner workings of the business (maybe I still don’t!!) at the time, but I can’t ever recall thinking “this is real”. I think the only part of WM9 I hated at the time was the two Doinks nonsense. I loved that Doink character, and never liked Crush for some reason, but hated that finish. I had good taste from an early age.

Actually, no I didn’t, because I remember being intrigued by Giant Gonzales. Stupid boy I was.

Wrestlemania 10 was one of my favourite Manias, and still is to this day. I think it was a decent show, certainly for it’s time, and stands the test of time. HBK v Razor in a ladder match was so ahead of it’s time. And if you watch it is so different from the types of matches that involve ladders these days. It wasn’t a flipping and flopping X-Division style match, it was a TLC/MitB stunt show. It was still a psychological classic, it just happened to use a ladder as a weapon. Some of the bumps Shawn took were crazy.

As a Bret fan, obviously I was intrigued by Bret v Owen. That was one of my favourite feuds of my formative wrestling years. There are a couple of Bret Hart matches which are held in massively high regard that I’m not fond of – specifically versus Owen in the cage at Summerslam and HBK at Mania 12 – but the opening match against his brother was a cracking effort. It made Owen a star.

I’ve always loved watching shows from Madison Square Garden. WWF always did a good job of making it feel special, and I’ve always liked the fact that the aisle faces the hard camera, especially for Royal Rumbles.

Aside from a brief cameo from the likes of Burt Reynolds to ring announce or perform a similar job, the early Manias in my life were Celebrity free. WM11 was the I saw to be heavy on that. From Lawrence Taylor in the main event wrestling Bam Bam Bigelow to Pam Anderson accompanying Diesel to the ring. They don't always get it right with the celeb involvement, but it was one of the things that by this point started to make Mania feel that little bit special. You didn't get Salt and Pepa singing for Survivor Series.

Tomorrow I'll talk some more about some of my favourite early mania memories.

Wrestlemania Week: Raw Emotion

2011-03-31T02:18:00.000+01:00

I don't have a great deal of time today, so rather than go too deep into Wrestlemania stuff - I still want to talk to you about my favourite Wrestlemanias and my thoughts on this year's show yet - I thought I'd offer a few thoughts on Raw this week.

I was hugely impressed with some many facets of this week's Raw. From the build - they expressly told their audience that Rock and Taker would be on the show - to the execution, the show delivered in nearly every way. An extra positive to it will be if a buyrate comes in and Mania has eclipsed recent editions and perhaps jup back about that magic one million mark.

A lot about the Raw this week was about the timing of certain things. I watched Wales v England at the weekend, and I was surprised at how negative the reaction was to England's performance. I felt England were dominant, in control and played some nice football. However, most of their chances and exciting play came in the first half. The second half, I'll admit, was nowhere near as exciting as the first. I think if the halves had been reversed, and England had played their best stuff in the second half, people would have gone away thinking better of the performance.

A month or so ago, The Rock returned to WWE and reminded us all of how (go on, I'll say it) electrifying he is, and ignited a feud with John Cena. A week later, the well built Undertaker cabin segments came to a head with Taker's return and Triple H's surprise involvement. Their initial, silent face-off was captivating.

Both feuds, though, lost a bit of steam after that. HHH/Taker in particular was only kept alive by virtue of some wonderful video packages. However good those initial scenes were, there was a danger of Wrestlemania arriving without the fans recapturing that excitement level which naturally dwindled after the opening gambits.

This week, though, both feuds suddenly became current, interesting and relevant again. I personally can't wait to see what happens on Sunday.

A big return on a TV show often offers conflicting views on how you promote it. Do you keep it quiet and enhance the surprise, yet risk not adding extra viewers? Or do you plug that Superstar X will be around but lose that surprise factor in an attempt to add 0.1 to your rating?

Shawn Michaels appearing on Raw was a terrific moment, and the fact that the promise of Rock and Taker on the show had already done the work of bringing in the people made it all the easier. HBK, hall of fame or no hall of fame, is so massively respected by the WWE Universe that anything he is involved with instantly lends it more credibility. The fact that one of the big Mania matches happens to feature his best friend and his best opponent makes things all the more perfect.

When three men and a microphone can make a 10,000+ crowd go 'ooooh' several times in a promo, you know you are onto something. HBK's "what make you think you can do what I can't?" to Hunter was good. Taker's "ask him" in reference to Shawn hit the spot too. That crowd had forgotten they were at a pro wrestling show and had suspended their disbelief. That's when wrestling is at it's best.

I wasn't expecting The Rock to get physical before Wrestlemania. In fact even at Mania I was only expecting a Rock Bottom and a People's elbow. On Raw he got attacked, hit a comeback, nailed a fabulous DVD. I would say he hadn't lost a step if wasn't for him stumbling when nipping up. He even took an Attitude Adjustment from Cena. The beatdown of Miz might not have helped him too much, but it isn't like Miz has been built as a phenomenal wrestler. He's an opportunist and an annoying figure on the mic, and can easily get his heat back. Being involved with Rock for a few months won't do him any harm at all.

Rock's physical work, especially the last bit, with Cena attacking him, means that now speculation for his involvement on Mania centres on a different purview entirely. I, like many others, had it down that Rock would find his way into this match and find an excuse to attack Miz, either pre- or post-bell, and symbolically pass the torch to Cena. Now though, I'd see this as a letdown. Rock needs to look strong in reacting to Cena.

In another Blog entry later in the week I'll discuss what I think might go down in the matches in Mania as a whole, but just quickly I think there is a possibility that Rock promises, during the night, to not get involved at all in the match. He lives up to his word, save for maybe getting rid of Alex Riley forcibly, and after Cena reclaims his belt, The Rock attacks him.

On Raw, you could go with one of two things, depending on how involved Rock wants to get. He either challenges Cena for the title (highly unlikely, still, though, I feel) or offers Cena his hand in respect. The latter incident could either mean a handshake to try and get Cena over with Rock fans, or Cena viciously attacks Rock and turns properly heel. It would make a fantastic post-Mania, first Raw angle.

I liked a lot of the rest of this week's Raw, too. I particularly liked the Punk v Orton action, with Punk getting a great deal of heat back and creating a story for their match. Really, really solid and logical booking creating a situation where you want to see a match.

The Mania line-up is an interesting one. Almost every contest has a chance to be good to very good. It's how much they live up, and how many potentially good ones make it to the great level.

But that is all for another day...............

Wrestlemania Week, Day Two: My Wrestlemania experience

2011-03-30T03:37:00.000+01:00

As part of my quest to give you a blog each day before Wrestlemania 27, I thought that today I would give you my story of the only Wrestlemania that I have seen in person.......so far.

If you have stumbled across this blog by accident, a quick catch up on who I am. I am currently the lead wrestling writer for top UK newspaper The Sun's website. I have been writing for the site for around five years, and started under the stewardship of Simon Rothstein, the Wrestling editor, who now works in PR for TNA.

Simon got to visit many Wrestlemanias, and was expected to go to the 25th incarnation of the Sports Entertainment phenomenon in 2009. However, he was invited to TNA Lockdown, which is typically scheduled near Mania, and could not justify a second trip to the States in a short space of time. I had been with Simon to TNA Bound for Glory the previous October, and was delighted when he said that I could attend Mania in his place.

Wrestlemania took place that year in Houston, Texas. I was delighted to learn when my travel details arrived that Joel Ross was also attended. For the uninitiated, Joel is one half of TV and radio duo JK and Joel. These days he is my co-host on The Sun's Wrestlecast, but this was long before I took Simon's place on that show. I had met Joel and his lovely girlfriend, Kat, on several occasions, so it was nice to know they would be attending, too.

Sadly, though, Joel inadvertently played a part in lessening my experience to a certain extent, though no blame ought to go to him or Simon, whose Wrestlecast with Ken Kennedy weeks before Mania hurt my trip from a work perspective.

Mr Kennedy - or Mr Anderson as he is now - joined the boys in the Wrestlecast studio and said one or two controversial things, as he is prone to doing. I like Ken; he's an interesting guy to chat to, and I've enjoyed meeting and interviewing him on several occasions, but he did say one or two things in that interview which were questionable, including some things about the Wellness Policy. Now if WWE don't like him saying that, then that's their issue to take up with Ken. As it was, they requested that The Sun edit out some of the more controversial statements. Simon - quite rightly, in my view - refused, and WWE prompted decided that we were to have our rights to interviews such as this taken away.

Of course, I stood by Simon's editorial decision. Not out of loyalty, but because I felt it was correct. However, this did me no favours. I was now travelling to Houston and staying in a very nice hotel on WWE's buck, but they were not allowing me any interviews while I was there. I don't really understand to this day why they did not pull the plug on my visit entirely. It would have saved them a few quid. Anyway, I'm not complaining.

I met Joel and Kat at Heathrow on the Thursday and we headed to Texas. I was delighted that my seat with my requested extra legroom was nice and roomy - but my TV didn't work. Thanks British Airways. They told me I could claim compensation. I never did get any money for that.

We arrived in Houston to blistering sunshine (I've spent just under three weeks in America, and I've yet to see it rain) and found Houston to be...........well, rubbish frankly. It's a bit of an urban, nondescript functional entity, really. However, I found my hotel to be very nice (The Hilton, if you must ask.) and noted it was directly opposite the arena for Raw and adjacent to the convention center where Ring of Honor and a Booker T wrestling convention were situated. After a pleasant evening where I was taken to dinner by our PR, along with a couple of guys from Sky Sports, Thursday was over. Mania weekend started in earnest on the Friday.

I met up with my good friends Richard and Matt Parr, who had traveled over as fans for the show. (Matt is a brilliant magician - http://www.mattparro.com/ - and would occasionally, during the weekend, entertain us all with close up tricks) Together we went into the Booker T convention, taking in some of the stands inside and watching as some great names from wrestling's past signed autographs and interacted with fans and each other. The atmosphere was great, and it was clear that Mania fever was in the air.

It was here that I met James Caldwell for the first time. James is the assistant editor of the Pro Wrestling Torch site (http://www.pwtorch.com/), a good writer, a great wrestling mind and most importantly a really nice guy. Now this meeting happened to be two media guys, but it does encapsulate the great thing about Wrestlemania in that you know that literally thousands of people are in close proximity being wrestling fans. There is a actually a liberating feeling about being able to express yourself as a true fan, sometimes. I'm sure many of you find in life that you aren't able to truly talk passionately about wrestling lest someone looks down on you or, perhaps worse, laughs at you. Here, it was total freedom. James and I spent a great while talking about all facets of wrestling, and have kept in regular touch since. I've been fortunate enough to participate in the PWTorch Livecast, an excellent radio call-in show, twice as a guest host. It's a great site.

Convention over with, Rich, Matt and I wandered upstairs to where Ring Of Honor was being held that night. Sadly I never got to see either of the ROH shows held that weekend due to scheduling conflicts, but the guys that did go gave the shows rave reviews. Perhaps my only regret of that weekend is that I didn't go to ROH instead of Axxess (we'll come to that).

We met Bryan Danielson as he was arriving at the building, and had a brief chat. He was very friendly, although didn't remember meeting me a few months previous. I mean, we were drinking together in a cricket club in Wolverhampton for goodness sakes. Who forgets nights in glamourous surroundings like that?? I also had a chat with D-Lo Brown, who I'd met previously when he was working with British fed VPW and was booked with ROH that week. D-Lo is a class act, and I've encountered him many times since in his capacity with TNA. A real gent.

Friday night saw a media dinner at the very swanky House of Blues establishment. As we were leaving our hotel in a convoy, a familiar face appeared at the front of our group. Think "Here comes the money" and you may have an idea of who I mean. It was of course Shane O Mac, and he showed, depending on your perspective, a sense of making young fans happy or a sense of seeing an opportunity in front of media folks as he dashed ahead of our group and chatted to a family or two emblazoned in WWE merchandise. I never got the chance to chat with Shane personally, but he seemed another class act throughout the evening.

On arrival in our exclusive bar, Joel and I asked advice on what WWE International head honcho Andrew Whittaker (nice guy, ridiculous slicked back haircut) was drinking. He called the beer "Dos Equis" (which I think means two horses) as the best beer, so Joel and I set about drinking the bar dry of it. (This was before I was Gluten Free, of course)

Now I can't remember what the topic of conversation was, but I know at some point I was talking to Joel and I mimed a headbutt. At exactly that moment, the beautiful Natalya (and she really is beautiful - TV doesn't do her justice) and Tyson Kidd approached us. They introduced themselves as Nattie and TJ, and we spoke with them informally for ten minutes or so. Nattie said she could tell I was British because of the headbutt. Flamin' cheek!

TJ was a little quiet, even shy, but Nattie was very sweet indeed. Could be a great interview someday. Carlito was also in attendance, but we never got to chat to him. Shane and other did short speeches thanking the international media, and then we ate. Well, we drank and there was some food around. I recall trying to eat prawns and forgetting to shell them. It was a good night.

On Saturday I did some of the less glamourous stuff which occurs on Mania weekend. In the morning I was at the finals of the Wrestlemania reading challenge, at which Layla, MVP, Mark Henry and Matt Hardy did their bit, and Linda McMahon was in attendance. I won't lie to you - the morning spent in the Houston Library for this event wasn't the most exciting I've ever had, but it was still cool to see kids (and parents actually) starstruck by some of their heroes, and learning at the same time. WWE get a lot of flak for certain things (sometimes by me, and sometimes quite rightly) but they do a lot of things which are for the betterment of their fans and society which they do no need to do.

In the afternoon, as a unit (which by then included then XFM DJ and now TV star in his own right Alex Zane) we went to Axxess. It was fine for what it was, but I'm not sure it was worth paying a great deal for. I've obviously got a nerve, because I didn't pay a penny, and maybe it's because I've always been a different type of fan, but I didn't find the selection of stalls (and the staggering hike in price of the food and beverages) all that interesting. There was quite a cool interview someone (Lillian I think) did with Randy Orton in a set up ring (they had some Velocity level matches in it) where he broke character a little, but on reflection I may have bunked off this and gone to ROH.

On Saturday evening we took our seats in the Toyota Center for the Hall of Fame. One of the first things that struck me was that the dress standards in the building was a little less than I would have liked. That might sound a bit stuffy, but TV's Joel Ross (I like calling him that), Kat and I had all popped on a whistle and flute or an appropriate dress (you can decide who wore what) for the occasion (Joel did buy the Stone Cold HOF shirt, though) and I liked the idea that it could feel like a formal occasion.

That aside, it was a nice night, seeing some major legends of wrestling (and Koko B Ware) inducted into the Hall, although the huge countdown clock did take some of the sheen off things, where you could see that certain talent were being forced to keep it briefer than they would have liked. That said, Michael Hayes, who was inducting The Von Erichs, did not seem all that concerned about time constraints!

The nicest thing about The Hall of Fame was that it made the whole Wrestlemania experience feel like a festival, or at least a multi-day event. It actually feels like part of Mania, and I love the tone of it, which is to acknowledge those that have (cliche time) paved the way for what Mania has become..........and Koko B Ware.

We left, on a snazzy luxurious coach (well, when I say "luxurious coach", I mean "luxurious mini-bus". And when I say "luxurious mini-bus", I of course mean "Mini-bus") for the Reliant Stadium at about 3pm on Sunday afternoon. While I don't wish to sound like a whiner - I have to keep reminding myself this was a freebie to Wrestlemania - we did spend about an hour just standing outside the stadium, and then a further hour or so sitting around inside a suite at the top of the building. It did lend itself to a funny story, though.

A room that we were hoarded into to begin with was rather nondescript, but soon someone discovered a door which led to a small box, which in turn looked onto the arena. In turns, many of us wandered into this box to look into the arena. A great many of the talents involved in Wrestlemania were preparing for their big night. It was an interesting insight.

However, fairly soon a WWE official caught some people (not me, I was well out of it) inside the room and demanded not only that they get out, but they show any pictures taken and delete them. Needless to say this was a tedious and unnecessary process. Talk about control freaks.

The media throng gradually increased as time wore on, and I'd say there were maybe a hundred journos assembled when we were introduced to first Nicole Scherzinger (she was singing America The Beautiful - and while she may be from the former, she isn't as close to the latter as you may think. She was 50% cardboard and 50% bitch. Ok, that's a bit harsh, but she was very dull and not at all attractive) and then the combo of Mickey Rourke, Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat. Ok, that was pretty cool. I never got to ask any questions, though.

My seat for the event was a perfectly decent one, in the first balcony as I recall. Now I've been to many football matches with huge crowds, but this was an impressive sight. 72,000 people in a roofed stadium was phenomenal.

I don't need to recall the event for you. Needless to say it was a pleasure to be present to see Shawn Michaels v Undertaker. From the elaborate entrances to the match itself, it was compelling from bell to bell. When Taker flew over the top rope and landed on his head, I thought the match was over. More than once I bought a false finish. It was truly the best spectacle I've ever seen at a wrestling event.

I mentioned this in yesterday's entry, but there is just something about Wrestlemania that brings out the best in wresting crowds, and I found myself watching the crowd almost as often as the ring. A very special occasion.

On Monday, after breakfast/lunch at House of Blues, Joel and I decided that it was only right to explore the cultural history and architectural delights that Houston had to offer. About four minutes later we were in a pub which, I'm not kidding, must have had 400 taps on the wall. The beer menu was four pages of A4, in small writing. It was amazing - check it out. http://www.beerknurd.com/stores/houston/

After sampling plenty of the beers on offer - it would have been rude not to, wouldn't it? - explaining Joel several times that the pink beer in the slim glass I bought him was a mistake (he drank it though) and beating him hollow on a golf arcade game, we stumbled in the direction of the hotel, which was the meeting point for Raw. A couple of swift bottles of Corona with some WWE suits later and we headed for the arena. After some dark matches, Lillian launched into a splendid rendition of the US National Anthem - so splendid that Joel and I joined in. Loudly. I thought we were bloody marvelous, offering harmony and dignity to the anthem. Apparently, others thought differently, as a WWE suit (Australian) told us to be quiet and show some respect. Even Kat told us to shut up.

Looking back now, I wonder if perhaps we were a little drunk. :-)

Raw was fun though. Batista's shock return was the headline of the night, but my enduring memory will be not only seeing Rick Steamboat and chanting for him (see yesterday for grammatical accuracy) but watching CM Punk and Jeff Hardy on the apron openly grinning and basically marking out for Ricky. A fantastic moment.

On Tuesday, we flew home, but not until late in the day. It gave us time to check out the massive mall on the edge of the city, and I gave an interview to The Fight Network's John Pollock from the windy car park, while Ross tried to put me off. Prick.

It was a tremendous experience, and I would very much hope to get the opportunity to be invited again someday soon. I will certainly envy those in Atlanta this weekend.

Wrestlemania Week: Be a Good Sport......

2011-03-28T19:55:00.001+01:00

There are five events in the sporting calendar that bring out excitement in me above all else. Four of them are The World Cup (football/soccer), The Ryder Cup (Golf), The Ashes (Cricket) and the Cheltenham Festival (Horse Racing).

Can you guess the other?

That's right. The Oxford/Cambridge Boat Race.

No, just kidding. It's Wrestlemania. You can dispute the use of the word 'sport' all you like, but to me wrestling brings together my favourite elements of sport than no soap opera or film drama ever could. It's about establishing a contest, a reason for a competition between people or teams. You watch those concerned for an amount of time, knowing that the build-up is all for a peak at a certain time.

Wrestling happens to be scripted - but the journey is the same.

Take Horse Racing. In National Hunt racing (for the uninitiated, that's British and Irish racing where horses jump obstacle) a horse only has to win a low-grade race at an obscure racecourse in October and already people start asking 'Will it go to Cheltenham?'

The Festival is a collection of the very best horses in training coming together in the biggest races in the Jumps calendar. It produces some fascinating clashes and asks sports most important question. When those considered the best in their field meet, who or what is best?

There is a race at the Festival called the World Hurdle. It is run over three miles, and was won for two years in a row by a horse called Big Buck's. A brilliant, enigmatic horse that dominated it's field for a couple of years.

In October, a contender emerged. An animal by the name of Grands Crus won a race over similar course and distance to the World Hurdle in terrific style. Before the Festival in March it won two more races in style, and the horse racing world buzzed about the first meeting of Grands Crus and Big Buck's. Would the newcomer beating all before it be the real thing? Would the long term champion be able to retain the crown against his most dangerous challenger yet?

Does all that sound familiar? You don't have to be a racing fan to see aspects of a good wrestling angle in there. I think it most closely resembles Hulk Hogan defending against The Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 6. You could also draw comparisons with Taker v Triple H, right now. But whichever you think fits best, it is undeniably a classic angle. The lovable champ challenged by the talented newcomer.

As it happens, Big Buck's won by a couple of lengths from Grands Crus. But it was a great race. It was fascinating to think about, interesting to watch and it had a great pay off. Even better, I want to see a rematch. Can Grands Crus learn from the defeat? Can it mature and beat the champ next time?

The Gold Cup saw the young horse Long Run beat veterans Denman and Kauto Star. It was a passing of the torch. Maybe it was Benoit beating HBK and Triple H at Mania 20. The horse that many thought could never do it, did it. The two that were vanquished still came off like legends.

In contrast, take Hurricane Fly, which won the Champion Hurdle. Hurricane Fly only raced in Ireland before coming to Cheltenham. He kept beating a horse called Solwhit. I didn't believe Hurricane Fly would win, because I had no proof that it could cut it over here. You could equate that to building up to Mania by only winning squash matches against the same opponent. That's a little tenuous, but it is along the same lines.

Any of the sports mentioned feature various stories that get you excited for the main event. The Ryder Cup has golfers battling to qualify over a two year stretch. It's what it all builds to. You look at each golfer's record in the competition like their Mania record. (Colin Montgomerie's singles streak was never broken) You want to see which players will meet, who the wildcards will be. The crowd is special. It is a contest like no other in golf. It is almost never a let down.

The World Cup and The Ashes both also have such history. Some of the biggest moments in football history have happened in World Cups. The greatest players have played there, memories are made. The Ashes is a symbolic rivalry etched in the ages. A series of epic contests which are looked forward to for some time.

I could go on but you get the point. There is perhaps nothing inherently different about Wrestlemania. It is just a wrestling card with matches and a crowd. It's the same guys who compete at any other PPV. The same basic set-up. Wrestling matches happen all the time, don't they? So why is it different.

Cricket matches, golf tournaments, football matches and horse races take place all the time, too. But the contests highlighted have that little bit extra to them. It's either an epic rivalry or a meeting of the very best at the respective sports. The history of excellence and excitement adds to the theatre of the occasion.

And so does the crowd. It's what you might term a virtuous circle. The crowd's excitement and involvement adds to the viewing pleasure, which makes the spectacle better. A better spectacle means the crowd get more excited, which means they make more noise and so forth. Think of the amazing crowd response at the Ryder Cup in Wales last year. Or the Barmy Army's involvement at the Cricket. The roar of the crowd as the first race of the Festival sets off. You get good crowds at other events in those sports, but nothing like those. It is the feeling of knowing you are somewhere special and experiencing something special.

The Rock v Hulk Hogan, had it taken place in an empty arena, would have been a very average match indeed. It was the crowd playing off the importance and history of both men that made it feel like such a big deal. But part of the reaction was that it was at Mania. Had the first meeting between Hogan and Rock been at No Mercy or Armageddon in front of 13,000 people it would have been good, but wouldn't have been Mania-good.

As this Sunday gets nearer I have found myself watch old Mania DVDs, watching matches on Youtube, even reading the ten-year-old WWE book on Wrestlemania which is filled with inaccuracies. It's because, certainly in recent years, Wrestlemania has been the show that has delivered above others. Not every year, but most of the time you can expect to see a huge crowd, a couple of great matches, people you don't see at other times.

WWE has done a terrific job of enhancing this feeling. The Hall of Fame ceremony has helped terrifically. You can rightly have reservations about the Hall itself, but surely you can't deny that hearing speeches from Bret Hart, The Rock and Steve Austin at the ceremonies, as well as the Ric Flair hoopla, made the thing special.

I was fortunate enough to be at the Hall of Fame ceremony and Wrestlemania 25 in Houston. As good as Michaels v Taker was, my abiding memory of that weekend was watching one of my all-time favourites, Ricky Steamboat, wrestle at Mania and at Raw. He was phenomenal, but what made his performances so much better was knowing the stage on which he was doing it. I was one of the thousands that chanted "You Still Got It" (Actually no I was wasn't. I was one of the few people that used the grammatically correct form of "YOU'VE still got it". But then that is me.)

If it had happened at another PPV it would have felt like WWE running out of ideas and delving into the past. But it was Mania. It helped that Jericho was awesome too, but the combination of Mania and Steamboat gave me an enduring memory.

Here's hoping the people in Atlanta get some of that this week, too.

Raw Number 14

2011-03-27T22:10:00.001+01:00

Straight into the Raw theme this week, and we're right back to Manhattan Center for Raw with Vince, Savage and.........BOBBY HEENAN!! Yes! The Weasel is here, and no sign of Rob Bartlett. Let's hope he has gone forever.

Vince says we can look forward to Lex Luger v "The original Hawaiian", Crush. Vince says Shawn Michaels will be on hand as well, and Heenan says Michaels is the greatest IC champ of all time.

Once the annoying siren (the one slightly less annoying than Bartlett) shuts up, Howard Finkel announces Damien Demento, the man from "The Outer reaches of your mind". That, I think, is the most stupid hometown in wrestling history. It's far from Perfect, isn't it?

Speaking of Perfect (Holy segues Batman!) his opponent is none other than..........MAX MOON! No, I'm only kidding - it's Mr Perfect. They address Bartlett's absence (sort of) and Bobby says he is going to be there every Monday from now on (Thank God!)

Perfect has the early advantage, while Damian wanders (and wonders) around the ring, hearing voices. When he gets back in the ring he ridiculously oversells a kick from Perfect, before catapulting Hennig into the cameraman at ringside. Vince plays up that Perfect and Shawn Michaels have been at odds.

Heenan demonstrates a perfect (sorry, I did it again) piece of heel commentary, talking up how Hennig is :one of the gifted athletes in the world....he can do it all.......but he's not that bright a guy." Terrific commentary - he builds him up, then says something stupid about why he hates him. Superb.

Demento seizes the opportunity, and takes control for a while, before the momentum swings back Hennig's way. As of course it should. Perfect hits a series of his favorite moves, including a kneelift and snap neckbreaker, but Demento turns the tide - briefly. A splash hits Perfect's raised knees, and after a Perfect Plex, this one's over.

Vince says Savage has adopted a school - don't let him teach them English. A small girl in a darkened room under a spotlight reads an essay, and it's something to do with the school thing. She talks about not taking drugs. Fair enough message, can't knock it. She's actually dressed a little like Ted DiBiase, which is distracting. The message is "there's no hope with dope" and she reads the essay from the perspective of herself lying dead in a casket because she took drugs. Then, in what is a most surreal turn if you break down exactly what is happening, The Undertaker appears and repeats "there's no hope with dope" and his gong and music plays. Odd.

Back to the ring, childish fat jokes, and to Heenan, who makes a horrible job (name wrong, place name wrong) of saying someone wrote to him and says he will propose to his girlfriend at Raw that night. Hang on, has this turned into a local radio show? Kids reading essays? Shout outs to couples? The cameraman goes the wrong way at first, then focuses on a guy with a bad beard, glasses, mullet combo. He makes Barry Horowitz look like Steven Seagal. Heenan says he will make sure the girl says no.

Back in the ring, Luger appears. Vince says the investigation has taken place into Luger's arm, but Jack Tunney can do nothing about it. They show x-rays of Luger's metal plate, which is a nice touch. Heenan namechecks Dr James Andrews, who gets a good push in WWE from time to time.

So it's Luger v Crush. And this is definitely pre-wellness policy, if you catch my drift. Crush pushes Luger backwards after the first lock up, and Vince sells it like he press slammed Luger into the second row. The two in the ring circle each other while Bobby is in classic Brain-mode on the headset, spouting opinions about the guy due to make the proposal.

There's a test of strength in the ring, and Vince calls Crush "The original Hawaiian punch". Ah, that will be what he meant earlier. Crush actually does military press Luger, who powders. Vince says you can see the screws protruding on Luger's arm. I'd say he probably has one loose.

Crush on top into and out of the break here, taking control with an armbar. Luger gets control back on the outside, and rams Crush into the apron and the ring post. Luger works mainly on Crush's back, meanwhile Heenan continues to be awesome. Luger puts Crush in a bearhug, which the big guys escapes by doing that clapping move round Luger's head. Hang on, isn't Crush's finisher the, errm, Crush to the head (You know, like Khali's vice grip). Why didn't he do that?

Crush makes a pretty decent comeback (I'm actually reasonably impressed with him, here) and eventually locks in said vice grip. He idiotically lets the move go, though, because he spots Doink in the crowd....on the balcony. Yes, because he is going to surprise you from there, isn't he? Crush gestures for Doink to come down for a few minutes - long enough for Luger to recover. Meanwhile, another Doink appears on the opposite balcony. I'd always remembered like 'Evil Doink', but this is pretty lame. Luger knocks Crush over the rope and gets the Hawaiians hand caught. Vince says Luger used the elbow (is it a forearm or an elbow?) but the camera missed it.

Crush is (fast) counted out, and Luger is the winner. That was pretty stupid. I've never understood why bookers will make their babyfaces look like utter morons. That just made Crush look like a sap for being taken in by Luger when he was on top.

After a plug for King of the Ring in June on PPV, and Vince says qualifying matches will be on Superstars. (the graphic says Wrestling Challenge)

Hey, it's Mr Hughes. Have we seen him on Raw yet? He emerges to no music, and will face Jason Knight (yes, the one from ECW). The commentators make very little mention of Mr Hughes to begin with, save for a Savage meekly saying 'debut'. Big Curtis is wrestling in sunglasses, by the way.

Vince eventually says that he think s we will be seeing a lot of Mr Hughes in the coming weeks. He says a number of managers are interested in Hughes. For some reason Heenan has another TV above his monitor, and starts flipping channels. I assume this is to prove they are live, or maybe to show that everything on TV sucks.

Hughes slowly (and I mean slowly) dominates, and wins with a sloppy looking version of a Boss Man Slam.

We go to a pre-tape in the desert, complete with cacti, piebald horses and circling vultures, for the Smoking Gunns. It's a pre-debut vignette. They refer to each other as 'partners' not 'brothers'.

Back in the arena, there are more shots of the 'possibly-soon-to-be-engaged couple', as this is starting to become overkill. Vinny Mac is in the ring, though, and he brings out Shawn Michaels. Vince asks Shawn about a match defending the IC title the week after against......Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Hey, the first two guys in this year's Hall of Fame.

Shawn says NYC is a dump, and he is sick of going there. Vince calls the NYC crowd 'wonderful crowd' and Shawn creases up laughing. Shawn calls McMahon "Vin man", and I'm fairly sure the crowd are chanting "Shawn is Gay". Bobby says they are saying "Shawn is Great".

Vince asks about Mr Perfect. They show footage of Shawn attacking Luger at Mania with a bin, and Shawn calls Perfect "Mr Grover", after "The guy who lives in a trash can on Sesame Street." Oooh, that's Oscar, Shawn. You know, the grouch, and the guy who rapped for Men on a Mission. Oh hell, we've got them to come soon. Something to look forward to.

Perfect emerges from the back to confront Shawn, with refs and agents (I spy Sarge and Patterson) holding him back. They don't do a great job, as Hennig gets in the ring, but Shawn runs away, despite the acrobatic pursuit by Perfect.

After a break, Vince throws to footage from Superstars of Bam Bam threatening Sherri and Tatanka making the save. I miss that little podium near the entrance where they used to do interviews. More footage shows Tatanka missing an entrance because Bam Bam laid him out backstage. Bigelow cuts his hair.

Back to the arena, and I was expecting either Tatanka or Bigelow then, but instead it's Typhoon to face Von Krus, who we met a few episodes ago. It's Vito, pre-dress, and being announced as from Germany.

Vince plugs Shawn v Hacksaw for next week, and says they will try to get Duggan on the phone. Oh, that'll be gripping. It doesn't take them long to get Jim, and brilliantly he says "Hi Vince, Hacksaw Jim Duggan here." I don't know why I found that so funny.

No-one cares about the match, clearly, but Vito gets the best of it early. Duggan talks in riddles on the phone, and I think he is saying that he wants to get to Shawn next week. Although he could be trying to explain string theory or tell you about how the Suez canal was built. It's basically unintelligible babble.

I can just about make out him saying that it is his first match for a title, and the phrase "tough guy". Four times. Typhoon, meanwhile, is on the receiving end throughout. After the call, though he hits an avalanche, a clothesline and a splash for the win.

The main event appears to be the proposal. Bobby interviews them as they sit there grinning like morons. Eventually he stands up and asks her to marry him. You're supposed to be on one knee, idiot. (Hang on, I'm turning into Heenan. Ah, that's not such a bad thing) Bobby asks how many partners they have each had before the other. They both say none. That would have been so much funnier if she'd said "twenty eight".

Heenan asks how they know they are sexually compatible. Ok, this is getting odd now. The guy says they have been going out exactly five years. She has her hand over mouth in shock. Has she given an answer yet? Heenan makes the guy get on one knee and ask properly, which he does. She says yes. Wrestling has warped me so much. I was expecting a heel turn and for her to slap him. Heenan asks if they'll get married on Raw. The guy says no, and I proclaim him the SMARTEST MAN EVER TO APPEAR ON A WRESTLING SHOW. Well done, mate. You know how they all end.

Back to Vince and Savage, who wrap up. We get Kamala next week, plus the Headshrinkers. Wow, it's stereotype on Raw next time. Also, it's Shawn v Duggan.

Not wanting to overkill something, Vince hands back to Bobby with 'the lovely couple' but there is only time for Bobby to ask to see the ring, make a fat joke (I think) and ask again if they'll marry on Raw. And we're out.

See you next time.

Raw Number 13

2011-02-28T17:16:00.001Z

We start with an odd couple of shots of first Money Inc, then the Beverley Brothers, cutting promos on a black background. Nothing wrong with the shot, per se, it just looks like the final round in the Krypton Factor (remember that?). Largely generic stuff. If you've forgotten, the Bevs had a babyface turn of sorts the year before. I had basically no recollection of anything shown in the previous week's episode, so I'm actually intrigued as to where things may lead.

Vince's piercing voice welcomes us to the show, and the screech of Razor Ramon's theme echoes around the arena. It doesn't look like the Manhattan Center this week. It's probably the same place as last week, a double taping.

Razor is out to a generally positive sounding reaction (he's still a heel at this point) and Vince says it's Ramon v Virgil. Bartlett & Savage again on comms with Vince. Decent reaction for Virgil, actually.

Some hammerlock/armbar etc action early doors, with Razor casually grabbing the ropes to break a few times. Virgil gets a marginal advantage, and the crowd start an audible "Razor" chant. It morphs a little into "Virgil", but when DiBiase's former butler misses a dropkick a short time later, the place go nuts. This is a pro-Ramon crowd.

Ramon locks in a really nice looking abdominal stretches a few minutes in, but Virgil manages a hip toss. He can't follow up however, and we settle into a pattern of Ramon methodically hitting moves, and Virgil making occasional, short, comebacks. Meanwhile, consider it obvious that Bartlett says something redundant ever thirty seconds, and Savage offers pearls of wisdom like "You know how to beat a bully? Beat him" Yeah, thanks Randy, swell advice.

Ramon locks in a modified chinlock, and eventually Virgil gets the ropes. Vince and Savage, though, talk about getting to the ropes like it is a shameful act. Vince wonders how you get out of the move, and Bartlett says "pull a knife". Maybe he was booking in WCW when Tank Abbott was around.

Virgil has a flurry of offence, but Razor avoids a springboard cross body, and levels Virgil with a Razor's Edge for the win.

Vince plugs Bevs v Money Inc as well as an appearance by Giant Gonzales. Vince says Bartlett should interview Bret later on, but Bartlett doesn't want to, because he is traumatised from the previous week, you see.

Gonzales is out next, along with Harvey Wippleman, after a break. He does a stupid run to the ring for some reason. He now has hair over his, erm, personal area. A new suit, I think. Only marginally less stupid.

The Giant's opponent is L.A. Gore, which sounds like Rhyno on the rampage in Hollywood. He looks like a seedy Magnum PA/DDP figure. Bad perm & 'stache. Gonzales chokes his victim a couple of times, hits a bad looking clothesline (though Rob Terry was quite impressed), an even worse thrust kick, more choking, and then a goozle to slam for the win. The commentators chatted a little about the match with Taker at Mania, but didn't give it a big sell, or build the feud at all. Funny how we took this as the norm at this stage in wrestling.

Off to a pre-taped promo with Luna, who screeches into the camera in that ridiculous 80s/early 90s way people did. Actually she makes Hawk from LOD sound like Alec Guinness. At one point she says that she "will haunt your very breath". Err, ok. Do you what you like, sweetheart, you terrify me.

Back to the arena, and it's Tatanka. His opponent is Art Thomas. Meanwhile, Savage says that "Native Americans all over the world" will cheer Tatanka on. If you don't see anything wrong with that last statement tweet me (@robmcnichol) and I'll tell you.

Tatanka starts in control, then misses an elbow. He has to miss a move, because one of his signature spots is the big "I can't feel anything comeback" which I like to call "Tanking up". He does this, hits the End of the Trail, or whatever it is called at this point, and it's over.

After a break, it's Money Inc. Ah, I thought the Bevs might get a main event. Vince calls the two teams "both highly undesirable" and IRS talks tax. The Bevs emerge to stunning MIDI music, and the crowd goes mild. The Beverleys look like Chris Masters with a moustache and a lad who I went to school with fifteen years ago's Dad. Not that the comparison is worth much to you. I mean, it's so long since you probably saw Chris Masters you can't remember what he looks like.

I should point out that Vince and Savage are ripping Bartlett on commentary. They appear to know he is worthless. It's very odd. It's actually a little reminiscent of when Cole made fun of the Hart Dynasty. The Bevs work Ted's arm, and Vince says "this is what tag teams are all about" - so he does know what a tag team is. Mind you this is eighteen years ago. He has forgotten a lot since then.

Oddly, Money Inc do the "tag that the ref can't see spot", and the Bevs double team. Are Money Inc going to work face? They seem to be putting the heat that way so far. IRS then tags in but has his foot on the ropes. Savage calls this, and the ref disallows it. The Beverleys do a switch without tagging in the background. Two classic heel spots. This is getting odder.

IRS eventually tags in, but the Beverleys immediate get the better of him, too. It's all armwork. They choke IRS with the tag rope while the ref isn't looking too.

After a break, we return with IRS in control, and Money Inc then also do the switch technique. It's odd to see two heel teams in one match. Tag matches tend to build to the hot tag spot. How will they do that with the heat evenly dispersed?

The answer is that they do it with the Beverleys getting a hot (lukewarm) tag, and Vince sells it exciting......a bit. The comeback mainly consists of back body drops, until one Beverley misses a clothesline on DiBiase and clocks his partner. One schoolboy later, and Money Inc have won. The commentators don't dwell on the match for a single second, or it's consequences, they simply got to commercial and say Bret is up next.

We're about two thirds of the way through the show at this point. Vince interviews Bret (he calls him the people's champion in the intro, which Savage echoes) who is in his full ring gear. Bret does a reasonable interview, and one that I'd like to see more of these days. It touches on his history and is reasonably low key. Mainly, he focuses on wanting the title belt.

He does say that he has a 'hit list' and that the first name on it is 'The Narcissist' Lex Luger. The reason, as is shown in a clip which I don't think I've ever seen before, is that Luger took him out at the Wrestlemania Brunch. I remember them talking about that at Mania 9, I just don't recall seeing the footage before. That's logical, but I don't recall the two ever wrestling in WWF, apart from in the Rumble.

Vince says there is an investigation into Luger's forearm. Bret sells that it is lethal very well. He says to Luger that "this isn't bodybuilding, it's wrestling" and says he'll go after Yokozuna and even Hogan too.

After another break, it's Bam Bam Bigelow, or the walking photofit of what Wayne Rooney will look like two months after finishing football. He wrestlers jobber Phil Apollo - I say 'wrestles'.....it's mainly shoulderblocks, at least early on.

Savage says that the competition keep getting better and better, and cites none other than Friar Ferguson as his example. He's on the ball, that Savage, isn't he? Bammer continues to dominate, and Vince says Doink is in the crowd. Seconds later he arrives in the aisle with an umbrella.

Doink disappears, and Bigelow continues to have control. He hits a brutal looking senton, then lands his diving headbutt for the W. Just for the hell of it, Bigelow does it again after the match. Oh, now here's the Friar. Maybe that was why Savage mentioned him. Fergie seems to be protecting the jobber, to Bam Bam's annoyance. Friar hits an odd looking drop kick to send Bigelow through the ropes. Is that a set up for a match next week?

Ah, well here comes some hype for the next show. Crush v Luger is announced. Oh, and that's it. Quite abrupt. No Rock twenty minute overrun here.

Raw Number Twelve

2011-02-24T22:40:00.001Z

This week's (well, when I say 'this week' I mean April 12 1993) Raw starts with Money Inc handing over some cash to the Beverly Brothers. One of the Bevs says the Steiner Brothers think they are unbeatable, but they are not. Well, they beat you mate. IRS asks about the double arm suplex, and the other Bev says their suplexes are devastating, so you have to take their legs out. Ted asks if they are fast as they look, and gets the answer that Scotty is as quick as a cat. (The cat in question being Ernest Miller) They say to make sure the Frankesteiner doesn't happen, and the Raw intro plays.

I won't lie to you - the acting standards in this were in negative star range. But it's a great little 30 second piece to put over challengers to a title as being really, really good. That's basics, and it is done very nicely here. A creative little thing really, showing you don't have to work too hard sometimes - just have people talk about how great someone else is.

The shows starts, and sadly Bartlett is back. Savage, back in his gay rodeo style of outfit, says IRS v Rick Steiner tonight. Didn't the graphic say Money Inc v Bushwhackers last time? Anyway, Vince says we have Tatanka, Papa Shango and a newcomer. Savage waffles on about being blessed then gets to the point......Friar Ferguson. Oh wow, what a treat. More on that later.

IRS is out first, through a different entrance. Hang on, is this a different arena. It certainly looks like it is shot differently. It might even be MSG. Actually, it's not MSG, but the camera angles certainly look different to the usual Raw set. It's much bigger. IRS is actually wrestling Scott Steiner here. Vince then tells us we are in Poughkeepsie, New York.

Cagey start which comes to laugh when IRS tries a sneaky kick at a clean break, but Scott catches the boot. Irwin, though, lands a cracking inzugiri. Steiner soon hits a big powerslam, before IRS powders.

Back in, and this is starting to take shape as a really nice little wrestling matches. IRS lands a beautiful drop toe hold which Scott transitions into a hammerlock. Nice. It's pretty much hold for hold for a bit, until IRS hits a thumb to the eye and throws Scott to the outside. A waiting DiBiase clotheslines Scott, and Rick arrives to even the score. DiBiase sheds clothes to get down to wrestling trunks as Vince screams "The tag match continues" and throws to a break. Uh, you reckon they'll make this a tag, then, after that piece of foreshadowing?

Back after the break, and it does still appear to be one on one, with IRS on top. IRS hits a piledriver. I thought last week when we saw Lawler hit it that it's a move that is pretty much banned across the board these days, but you largely don't even realise. I also like that you could see that they didn't quite land the move right, or at least Mike Rotunda was overly cautious, but Vince actually called that he 'didn't quite get all of it'. I like that kind of honesty in an announcer.

While IRS has a chinlock on, Vince talks about Bartlett interviewing Luna later on. IRS heads to the top, which can't end well. Indeed - Scott gets a foot up, and takes control. It's a full on babyface comeback, and to be fair the crowd are hot for it. Scott hits the aforementioned double underhook, and they only narrowly avoid injury. It looked dicey for a second there.

DiBiase breaks up a count, Rick soon matches him, and the ref throws the match out. The Steiners set up DiBiase for what looks to be a top rope bulldog, but the Beverlys run out for the save. Scott, though, avoids a double clothesline and the Bevs nail DiBiase instead. Scott is declared winner by DQ, and the good guys leave. DiBiase sells annoyance at the Bevs for messing up, and the two teams end up squaring up. IRS says 'forget it', but the Bevs knock him to the outside from behind. That was odd. They corner Ted, who seems to be offering them money. IRS shapes to go for the briefcase, perhaps to smack them with it, but instead Money Inc just slink away.

Vince trails WM9 again, and says watch the encore (it's the same ad as last week). Tatanka comes steaming out of after this for his match, and is opponent is........hey, it's Vito! Not cross-dressing Italian Vito though. Instead, he is announced as "Von Krus" and hails from Germany. Presumably this is quite near the time he was Skull von Crush in ECW.

Tatanka starts with a sloppy looking combo of springboard, hip toss, arm drag, but before we get very into the match, Doink the Clown. Doink has a umbrella that squirts water (can't see that catching on in Dragon's Den) but just squirts it a little and leaves. Tatanka gets raked in the eyes, and Vito/Von Krus hits a couple of the worst chops you'll ever see. Tatanka regains control, and hits some signature moves. After a 'slugfest' as Vince calls it, Tatanka gets Tanked up, and soon ends the match.

On Commentary during that match, I should note, Vince said the Beverlys have asked for a match with Money Inc. Fink announces Tatanka as still unbeaten. Sean Mooney then hosts a Wrestlemania report, presumably because it was so shit even Gene Mean would have nothing to do with it. Mooney says that it was the greatest Wrestlemania of all time (it wasn't) and says it will go down "in the annals" of history. (One 'n' too many, there)

Bartlett is here after the break with a staggeringly bad shirt and waistcoat combo, and then here comes Luna. She warbles about being the woman of the nineties, a balance of beauty and beast. At least I think she did. I don't doubt Luna was a good wrestler, and she is sadly missed, but I couldn't bear her voice. She does call Bartlett a punk at one point, which is a bonus. Luna basically slagged off Sherri, which draws the Sensational one out from the back.

Sherri doesn't attack Luna though - instead she has a go at Bartlett. This is great. can we all join in? I think every promo from now on should just be anti Bartlett. Luna grabs the mic and says she is "A bandit from the wild untamed future. A voice that was before and will be again." Erm, what? Sherri retorts that she has stood up against "bigger men than you will ever be woman". They are basically just saying words and hoping they vaguely come out in order now. Sherri attacks, and it looks like two women halfway through changing for Halloween started on the wine (or Sherry!) a little early that night. Sherri knocks Luna flying, then rips Bartlett's shirt off for the hell of it.

Sherri actually then hits a nice suplex on the floor, then Luna attacks with a belt. Bartlett tries (fails) to break it up, and Sherri attacks Luna with a cord. (I have to note that at this point Sherri is basically overflowing. Her cups runneth over, if you get what I'm saying.) Luna reverses and Vince reacts with horror at Luna pulling Sherri's clothes off. Sherri reacts in kind, but I have to say it isn't really a pretty sight on either side. They fight out into the audience, and Vince says "oh no" at seven second intervals. Sarge wonders in for a little grope (Trying to "break things up" says Vince. Yeah right!) and scoops Luna out of there. I wonder why Pat Patterson didn't come out...........to help, I mean.

Back from a break and it's the odd sight of Randy Savage interviewing Sherri. If you don't know their past, I suggest you google it, but I'll quickly say that she basically dumped him after he lost to Warrior at Mania7, in favour of Ted DiBiase. At this point Sherri has Macho Man's hat covering her chest, since she is now down to a bra on the the top half. Savage starts to praise Sherri, but Luna re-emerges to attack. Meanwhile, there is a jobber and a referee in the ring.

Sherri fights back and at one point has hold of Luna's bra strap. Are we going to see (let's channel King, shall we....) PUPPIES? Wait, no, here comes Pat. We wouldn't want to see breasts now, would we Patricia? No, not at all. Patterson and Sarge remove Luna (again). Sherri shouts something incomprehensible, and then does Savage's catchphrase. The talking (shouting) parts of that were brutal, but the brawl was a lot of fun. It looked pretty realistic at times, and you bought the antagonism between the two. I have no memory of them having a match, so I'm genuinely intrigued as to where this goes.

You know what is needed to follow this up? Voodoo. Here comes Papa Shango, before Sherri has even left, carrying.......is that Ashley Massaro? Oh wait, no, it's a skull. Shangos opponent is..........Scotty Too Hotty - more early 2000s Smackdown talent on this show. Actually he is just Scott Taylor here. And I think Fink called him Skip Taylor.

Vince says that we are getting closer to the tag match between the Beverlys and Money Inc for next week, and that they are negotiating as we speak. Wow, you mean an evil GM isn't forcing them into matches. Whatever next?

Savage says we could have twenty two main events next week, which makes no sense, while Shango is totally dominant in the ring. Bartlett has disappeared, by the way. Wait, no he hasn't, here he comes, with clothes bedraggled and a dopey look on his face. Wait, he has that look all the time, doesn't he? Bartlett collapses, Vince guffaws and Shango wins. The big guy grabs all his props and heads towards Taylor, looking like he might do some of his voodoo gimmick, but instead we see Bartlett looking dazed again, and Vince says Friar Ferguson is up next.

And indeed he is. Gregorian chanting fills the arena, and a rotund figure (The late Mike Shaw) waddles out in full monk get-up, complete with a notepad round his neck. He lifts a page and it has a smiley face with the word "Monk" written underneath. I'm assuming that is for a vow of silence. He also carries a brown piece of wood for some reason. His opponent is Chris Duffy, who appears not to be an early incarnate of Kenzo Suzuki, but instead just an ugly jobber.

Bartlett does a 'frequent friar' joke (well, I say joke.......) in an even more annoying way than usual. He must (MUST) leave soon, mustn't he........? Duffy pushes Ferguson (Fergie?) a couple of times, and gets put on his arse for his troubles. I can't really work out if Fergie is meant to be babyface or heel at this point. He is wrestling barefoot - he doesn't look Samoan.

Fergie slingshots Duffy to the outside as Money Inc v Bevs is announced as a non-title match for the next week. Fergie pulls up his.......what do call that? A smock? A robe? Anyway, he pulls up what he is wearing and waggles his knees. Thanks for that. He is actually starting to look a bit SuBo at this point.

Fergie hits a splash, and it's look like match over, but there is some (unacknowledged) confusion between wrestler and ref, and we carry on. Fergie hits an avalanche, and then weirdly rubs the jobber's face with the underside of his robe. Eugh. This match plods on, Vince tells us Money Inc will have a chat after this match, and the fans start to chant (I think) "We want Bret".

Oh crap, it's a nerve hold by Friar now. Just end it, please. Fergie chokes Duffy on the ropes, so I'll assume at this point he is a heel. An evil monk, perhaps. Duffy, as the crowd start a boring chant, floats over for a sunset flip, but the Monk, erm............sits on the poor guys face. Shall I do a Catholic joke about...........nah, best leave it. That was just weird, by the way.

Another "Please watch our shitty encore" ad, before Money Inc are with us. We have about a minute of the show left. Vince says Bret will be interviewed next week, and it's Virgil v Razor Ramon. Thirty seconds.........

Money Inc start to say that accept a challenge and they've beaten everybody, when they get jumped by the Bevs. This is probably the biggest push of their lives, isn't it? Cheeky brawl for seven seconds, and it's over.

Friar Ferguson debuts and the Beverlys in a main event position. You lucky people.

Fire Up the Brand

2011-02-03T22:47:00.000Z

Brands are important in wrestling. I'm not talking about the Hardy's and their pals putting the word at the end of their Twitter name. I'm not talking about John Cena wearing Nike sneakers, either.

Many wrestling fans are amazingly loyal to the wrestling organisation they prefer. ECW is a classic example of this. ECW had it's own style, it's own ethos. You can say what you want about your preferences and whether you liked ECW or not, but the fact is there was an aura which surrounded it. And continues to.

Four years after the company closed it doors and promoted it's last official card, a DVD of it's Rise and Fall broke merchandise records. It was successful to the extent that a Pay Per View event was commissioned, which was a critical success. The ECW brand was revived to a lesser degree, and fairly obviously was not such a success. Just last year, TNA produced a PPV, Hardcore Justice, dedicated to the memory of ECW.

Although not all of the above was financial, critically or morally successful, the fact that almost a decade removed from the death of ECW it's ghost still haunts wrestling is a remarkable example of brand loyalty and awareness.

You can see a similar thing with many small wrestling organisations. From ROH to Dragon Gate to CZW, small wrestling companies have core, loyal audiences that have a devotion to one organisation as opposed to the wrestling business or an individual wrestler.

And then there is TNA.

I would liken TNA's brand identity to that of the opposition party in politics, or a local rival team in football. If I was being particularly brave I might even compare to people from Scotland or Wales. Let me explain why.

I am an Englishman, and a proud one. I have many, many Scottish relatives, and I have friends who are from Wales. There is, though, an undeniable dislike, or perhaps disdain, for the English from these nations. Whatever those reasons are, I think getting caught up in how much they dislike us stops people appreciating their beauty and positives traits. Both Wales and Scotland are fine countries, which great traditions and values, but too often their national characteristic is hating the English. I can't make them like us, but I wish they'd promote themselves rather than bash us.

Politics is the same.You seldom hear a Labour politician talk at length about how great his or her party is, extolling the virtues of their manifesto and explaining why their collective outlook is best. Instead, their rhetoric is far more likely to be comprised of cheap shots and attacks on their Conservative counterparts and where they believe their faults to be. And before anyone brings it up, the opposite is true. The Liberal Democrats haven't typically been embroiled in this to the same extent, but they are exempt from blame either. In short, it isn't "look at us, we are awesome", it's "don't look at them, they're awful".

And it goes on with football. Pick your team and listen to the fans songs during one game. There will probably be just as many "We hate Arsenal" songs at White Hart Lane as there are pro-Tottenham songs, and the pattern is repeated whether the teams are Wolves and West Brom, Southampton and Portsmouth, Burnley and Blackburn or any combination of heated rivals.

I don't think it is necessarily TNA as a company that provoke the reaction, but I see a lot of TNA fans as not particular pro-TNA but anti-WWE. They dislike Vince McMahon's juggernaut of a corporation and see something they hate, whether it's the cheesy comedy, PG tone or flat out bad wrestling. They might not have the access or the inclination to seek out more niche products like ROH or similar, and TNA have international reach, so it's a bandwagon to hop on.

If you are a major WWE cynic then it's not the worst bandwagon in the world, I guess. TNA have things WWE don't have.. Individuals like Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy, who fans are familiar with and respect, wrestle in TNA. There are big-name stars like Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan, WWE midcarders that didn't get a run like Elijah Burke/D'Angelo Dinero and Matt Morgan. There is blood and bad language and raunchier girls. In short, it's everything WWE was eight years ago.

It's one of the reasons I worry about TNA. If they had any identity, ever, it was with the X-Division and the Knockouts. I'm not saying the way to overtake WWE is with that, but the niche they used to at least try to occupy still exists.

I went to all three of their UK tour shows last week. They were great fun. I had loads of people say to me that they had been to WWE house shows, and the TNA ones were way better. And I endorse the view. However, there was nothing on these shows that had me thinking "TNA are different". Back in the day, if you'd seen an ECW live event, you'd have left knowing it was different. I am absolutely not endorsing gratuitous violence and danger, but it was different. If you get to an ROH show, you'll leave thinking you've seen some of the best wrestlers in North America, or the world. Similar could be said of a Dragon Gate style organisation, with the inclusion of Japan in the unique selling point.

Taking out any frustrations we (mostly) all have about TNA's booking, what are the differences between them and WWE? Take an episode of Impact and an episode of Raw. Are they really that different? They share lots of the same conventions. The shape of the ring; a pair of announcers; hype videos for matches; backstage segments; music to greet a wrestler; a pose on the ramp; numerous belts; match length; monthly PPVs; a ring announcer; similar rules of matches and outcomes of matches; in-ring promo confrontations; and more. Now I am not saying that they should scrap all of those things. Quite the opposite - wrestling has survived for decades on many of these staples - but they need, I think, to differentiate themselves in some many other ways, to make them feel special.

They have tried with the use of more violent matches and stronger language. I don't so much have a problem with them doing this, but to me the execution of them is so poor it makes them look second rate. Washed up has-beens like Ric flair or never-beens like Tommy Dreamer bleeding everywhere all the time cheapens the moment when ten minutes before the end of a crucial title match on a major PPV RVD bleeds to sell jeopardy.

As for the language and edgier content, I think they may have a slightly better job than with the blood, but it feels like it is there for the sake of it. Steve Austin, if you talk to him in real-life, drinks beer and cusses when he talk to you. That's the way he was built. He's a brash Texan who likes a good time and says what he feels. Stone Cold worked because of it. It felt organic and it felt natural when Austin told you he "couldn't give damn about the some bitch. I'll kick his ass, the rat bastard.

But Eric Bischoff is an executive. He's a smooth talker and a clever businessman. He may be a foul-mouthed guy in real-life - I haven't met him - but his on air character has been a smarmy heel for his whole career, virtually. I don't feel it when he swears. It just seems like it is being forced.

And enough already with Velvet Sky saying "bittch". That's not a typo, she stresses two 't's in the word. "Where's Winter? I'm going to make that 'bittch' pay". And then there is a Abyss who is such a cartoon you can't take him seriously anyway, so his use of 'bitch' (one T for him) also feels like it is being placed in the show to attract people who like swearing. The stress on the words is so ultra deliberately it makes the show feel low rent.

Anderson I can deal with. Ken has developed a way of talking in and out of the ring that means I can live with him calling his fans 'assholes'. I think it's kind of funny. It works for him. And I know it is his idea because he used the "nice guys finish last, thank God I'm an asshole" line on Wrestlecast in about 2006. But because needless cursing all over the show simply waters down what he says.

Perhaps TNA finding a brand identity might have to do with what their ambitions are. I can't speak for anyone at ECW or Ring of Honor, but I imagine that, certainly to begin with, their intentions were not to attempt to be the number one wrestling organisation in the world. They had different visions. Ring of Honor was to be a product which catered to "wrestling" fans. They brought in the 'pure' title and showcased technical wrestling that wasn't on show anywhere else. Not on national television in the US, anyway. ECW wasn't just about hardcore wrestling. Their underground success was just as much about the featuring of great wrestling, such as that demonstrated by Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, and the import of wrestlers from Japan and Mexico.

Even somewhere like Shimmer was founded on the basis of giving female workers somewhere to ply their trade, since they were not being appreciated on the biggest stage. The founders of Shimmer were, I'm sure, not doing it to become millionaires or to take over the wrestling world. I'm sure if they make a few bucks from it they'll be happy. But the point was to offer something new. Something different. A brand that has it's place in the world.

It wouldn't hurt TNA to take a look at a bunch of the smaller, niche, but interesting indy promotions that exist. Study how they draw fans in a different way, what makes the viewer tick and the ticket-buyer view. Don't copy one, but use some of those methods to help your own product.

An example? Look at how ROH makes wrestling matter. ROH is not an major international wrestling company for many reasons, including but not limited to lack of funding, substandard (compared to the big guns) production facilities and an in built lack of appreciation in the general populous for the art of pro wrestling. They are not big enough to re-educate, but they can provide a service to those and want it. And what a service.

ROH take care to make their guys look as though they care about what they do, that they have a reason for being in the ring. TNA have Shannon Moore spreading the word of DILLIGAF and Robbie E pretending to be Jersey Shore. That's fine in their own world, but tell us WHY they are in a wrestling company and not on a reality show. Shouldn't they want to be the best, to win titles, or at the very least earn money? ROH is somewhere that tries desperately hard to make it's matches count, and often delivers. If TNA took a quarter of the energy ROH does and put it into making wrestling matches count, they'd start getting something back from their audience. It would take time, but they can do it.

This doesn't mean having way more wrestling matches on the show. The opposite, in fact. Rather than having 5 x four minute matches and one ten-minute main event to total half an hour of wrestling, have just three matches and have two go eight minutes and one of them go twelve. Twenty-minutes of action, but so much more meaningful. Talk about the importance of those matches the week before and talk about the consequences of those matches the week after. It wouldn't be hard. It fact it would cause them less stress because there would be less to book.

And make the matches simple. No need to for throwaway gimmicks to pop 0.02 of an extra rating point. Using a ladder match stipulation randomly on Impact without hyping and with no real need, storyline-wise, for it to occur, means that people will simply not pay for this down the line. Why should they? You've told them it doesn't matter. You're always telling them it doesn't matter.

(TNA aren't the only ones guilty of this, by the way, as WWE can fall foul occasionally, but WWE are not the ones kicking unbelievably hard just to stay afloat. They are still making millions of dollars each month, just not as many millions as they were a few years ago.)

They could put more emphasis on X-Division action by occasionally theming a show to feature more X-Division wrestlers, including matches and profiles. Maybe even flashbacks to classic matches. They could do the same another week with the Knockouts. They could sign X-Div style wrestlers and female indy workers to one week contracts and simply bring them in to work a match here and there. It would indicate that it was the most prestigious belt of it's nature that people flocked to try and win. It would be different, it would make TNA stand out.

Perhaps you could got the same route with Tag Teams? You could even diversify into different weight classes (Though that's a blog for another day.) The point is to develop a television product which people put on their TV and say "I've never seen that before." It's what happened when Scott Hall walked into Nitro for the first time. No-one had seen a wrestler from a rival stroll in and take over. It was compelling. It happened when Austin starting flipping off Vince McMahon and raising hell. Wrestling had been homogenised for decades, and when this uncouth redneck told his boss where he could stick and did what he wanted to do it struck a chord.

TNA can't switch to a new style and double ratings overnight. Hell, they may even lose a few viewers to begin with, and this is I think is they main reason they wouldn't do it, because Spike would freak out if they experimented and dropped to below 1.0 again, like they did by going to Mondays. But that is the entire point in a nutshell. TNA went to Mondays and failed to offer anything different. The novelty of seeing Ric Flair and Ken Anderson and Jeff Hardy and Hulk Hogan in a different environment soon wears off, and while some will stick around for some blood and cursing, many more will flip back to WWE and watching something that is often very ordinary but occasionally displays class and logic, something TNA almost always misses the boat on.

I find myself getting into blogs like this with such passion because I actually care about TNA. I spent loads of time with them last week. They are nice people almost to a man and woman. They make you feel so welcome, and make you want to see them succeed. Which I do. And which is why I find myself making pleas to them to change because Impact simply doesn't work. Not as a viable, long-term alternative to WWE which is what they claim to want to be.

The audience for them is there. They have seen spikes in ratings on January 4th, the night after Bound for Glory and other times when they have announced a surprise or booked something intriguing. But they always lose that audience, because that audience wants to see something remarkable. Either the same as WWE but better or something different and equally as interesting. They won't still about for something which can't touch WWE in some ways, and is infuriatingly illogical in others.

TNA's brand identity could be so much. You could go two ways with it. It could be that TNA is the place to go to find the most diversity in wrestling. We got high-fliers, we got technical wrestling, we got funnymen, we got legends, we got girls, we got it all. In some ways they probably think they already have it. But they don't they. They have watery versions of each of them, which collectively add up to very little. If you don't think you can have X-Division style action and more, then ditch it. Forget it. Consign it to history. I think it would be a mistake but you may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. Don't go half-heartedly, give it your all. If you don't think it draws, bin it.

But I don't think they need to. As long they treat something - anything - with respect, they can get it over. Don't pretend the other brand doesn't exist, then in the same breath say it sucks. Do the opposite. Acknowledge WWE's existence. Even go so far as to publicly say the WWE is great. But then make you can say "WWE is great, but in our opinion we something a little different, and a little better" and then PROVE it. Because at the moment it is all words.

I wonder if TNA have a mission statement, or a constitution which defines who they are and why they are in the wrestling business. And I wonder how accurate it is. Because right now there is no way in the world a loyal TNA viewer could explain to you why they watch the show without referring to WWE. "I watch TNA because it is better/different than WWE" as an opinion statement is fine, but when you try to put meat on the sandwich there is nowhere to go. I'll be willing to bet that the follow would include either "I'm a huge AJ Styles/Jeff Hardy/Samoa Joe fan" or "I hate the fact that WWE is PG". Neither would be able, I'm sure, to say what they like about TNA. Both statements suggest that if something minor changed they'd be off like a shot. If WWE signed AJ or scrapped the PG thing, those fans would have their head turned.

But if you create an environment where the whole show has an exciting, fresh, different feel, and use this to create some top individual stars which can draw money (real money, not Impact Zone pops) then people might start saying "I love TNA because you know you'll get a great match every week" or "TNA is the best because they never phone it in" or "I never miss Impact because there are so many guys I care about" or "My whole family watches Impact because there is something for everyone".

As it is, TNA might as well be called NWWE, as in Not World Wrestling Entertainment. And the sad thing is that with a Brand vision there is unlimited potential for a company that makes fans care again, and has the finances, exposure and production set up to capitalise.

There is only one wrestling organisation that can do this.

We're still waiting.

Booking a new megastar.

2011-01-16T22:02:00.000Z

I look this time of year. The build up to Wrestlemania is probably my favourite time of year, and it tends to get not only Vince McMahon's creative juices flowing, but mine as well.

If you are anything like me, you will occasionally think of an idea which you genuinely think is the greatest idea of all time. Generally speaking, this happens to me about once a month, and about two days later the feeling wears off. Today, I feel like I have thought of a booking process to see WWE through the next SIX months and to create a massive superstar and an amazing feelgood moment. You might read the upcoming outline and think it's utter nonsense. I'm not saying it is perfect, but I do think it would make for great TV, and would make a certain man who is probably best described right now as an upper midcarder into a genuine top babyface.

Are you ready? Here we go.......

---

We start at the Royal Rumble, and the most important thing is that John Morrison is drawn number one. The announcers talk about the time this happened to Shawn Michaels, and Morrison lasts until the final four.

Triple H returns at the Rumble, and comes very close to winning, also getting to the final four. He eliminates Morrison, but is straightaway eliminated by Sheamus. Sheamus is beaten by Alberto Del Rio, who wins the Rumble (actually, it doesn't really matter to this storyline who wins the Rumble, but it ought to be someone on Smackdown.)

Morrison is lauded on Raw for his performance. He says he is inspired by Shawn Michaels constantly. Have the announcers compare him to Shawn Michaels for weeks on end, whilst Morrison wins a few matches on Raw. He is placed in the Elimination Chamber match.

Triple H's time is consumed by Sheamus, and they cost each other matches which would get them into the Chamber. The Raw Chamber match is Cena/Miz/Orton/Punk/Morrison and one other, perhaps Daniel Bryan or maybe Batista or Jericho should they return. Morrison is in the match first, and is the last one beaten. For argument's sake, lets say Orton wins the title, but like Del Rio at the Rumble, this individual doesn't matter. Meanwhile, Triple H wrestles and beats Sheamus, getting his revenge.

Triple H declares that he is going after Undertaker, and wants to be the man to end the streak. He is inspired by how close his best friend Shawn Michaels got. Taker accepts the challenge. Michaels makes a special appearance on Raw to give his friend a pep talk. While he is there he chats to Morrison, and puts over how great he is. There is friction at the show between Michaels and Taker, and Shawn is booked as Special Guest Referee.

Morrison is placed in Money in the Bank, and wins it. Triple H faces Taker, and Shawn calls it down the middle. Triple H pedigrees Taker, but can't beat him. He shapes to cheat, using a sledgehammer, but Shawn stops him. Taker grabs him, hits a tombstone and wins.

Triple H sells huge shock as Taker leaves. Michaels consoles Hunter, but HHH turns viciously on Shawn, laying him out with a series of sledgehammer shots and a pedigree. Taker runs Hunter off, but Michaels is seriously hurt.

On Raw, Triple H cuts a hateful promo on Michaels, whining and blaming him for holding him back, hogging the limelight. "Even when it was my moment, it was me and Taker, you had to get involved and steal my spotlight". Morrison hits the ring and Triple H scarpers. Morrison is furious, and vows to avenge Michaels.

We do Morrison v Triple H at Extreme Rules (although in an ideal world this wouldn't be an Extreme Rules match) and Trips wins with a very liberal use of cheating, perhaps once again with a sledgehammer, or perhaps Morrison's own briefcase.

Morrison demands a rematch, but Triple H ducks it. Sheamus attacks Morrison, and aligns himself with Triple H. The Game says he admires Sheamus for being the only man as sadistic as Hunter himself is. Sheamus and Trips attack Morrison a couple of times, but Morrison gets saved the third time by Undertaker.

At Over the Limit we have Undertaker/Morrison v HHH/Sheamus. The heels win with Sheamus getting the pin on Taker. He uses this for ages to brag about beating The Undertaker.

Morrison has a match on Raw to qualify for the Fatal 4-Way main event, but loses due to interference by HHH/Sheamus. Triple H qualifies for the four way. Morrison wrestles Sheamus at the PPV and wins. Triple H just about wins the Four Way and wins the WWE title.

Morrison challenges Triple H the next night on Raw, and again Triple H refuses. Morrison teases using the briefcase on him, but Sheamus and Morrison viciously assault him. He is declared out of action indefinitely. Sheamus goes on a winning streak on Raw, annihilating people similar to when he debuted. Triple H defends his title against whomever was the previous champion (Orton?) at Money in the Bank PPV. The match closes the show, and after Hunter has won a gruelling contest, Morrison's music hits. It looks as though he will cash it in, but he takes the mic, says he is a man, and wants to do it fair and square. He wants Hunter at Summerslam.

Sheamus' bragging finally catches up with him, and he is beaten by Undertaker at Summerslam. Morrison and Triple H have an epic match, with Morrison coming agonisingly close to winning on several occasions. Sheamus capitalises on a distraction, and nails Morrison with a Brogue kick. Morrison kicks out. Gong sounds, Taker chases Sheamus away. Ref bump, suddenly HBK runs in. Sweet Chin music to Hunter, Morrison hits Starship Pain. The ref gets up, Morrison wins.

---

And there we have it. A programme keeping several of the top WWE stars occupied for the best part of seven months, culminating with a cracking match, a brilliant feelgood moment, surprise run-in and big title win for Morrison.

It ought to be remembered that Triple H has helped 'make' several superstars in the past, most recently and notably Jeff Hardy whilst on Smackdown. This would keep him relevant, give a rub to Sheamus and push Morrison to the very top. The fans would surely rally behind someone who is endorsed by both Shawn Michaels and Undertaker, and enjoy getting behind him in his quest for glory.

I think it would work........do you?

Raw #11

2011-01-09T12:20:00.001Z

And the Raw music plays once again. You know, the really bloody annoying one that we had to hear on the Old School show three times. Yeah, it's annoying isn't it? No? You prefer to the Nickelback one and the Thorn in your Eye one? You odd person.

Music over......where's Rob Bartlett? Just Vince and Randy to start us off - please say Bartlett has gone. I'll change my ringtone to the old Raw theme if he has.

Vince welcomes us to the show, and says Wrestlemania was last night, and says it was one of the greatest Wrestlemanias of all time. I'd say, at that point, it was in the top ten. Mind you, there had only been nine of them. Now, it's just slipped out of the top 25.

Hang on, is this a live Raw then? If it's the night after Mania? So they pitched everyone up from Nevada to do a Raw in New York? Either tough going on the schedule, or they cheekily filmed this before Mania. Let's see if we can work out together what really happened.

They hype Virgil v Bam Bam (neither of them were on the Mania show) and Beverly Bros v Steiners. Ah, the Steiners were at Mania, so there goes the theory that perhaps Raw might just feature who didn't wrestle at the big one. Jerry Lawler making his Raw debut on this show too, apparently.

Virgil and Bammer make their way to the ring, as Savage and Vince make blatantly v/o-ed comments about Hogan winning the World Title (pending an investigation, says Savage). I'm guessing we ain't live, folks.

I might have said this before, but Bam Bam Bigelow looks like Wayne Rooney. Vince tells us that Yoko and Fuji have complained to President Jack Tunney because Hogan's match wasn't sanctioned. Thing is, they are right.

The New York crowd chant Virgil sucks as Bam Bam largely dominates in the ring. The commentators basically don't call the match at all. They are recapping Bret/Hogan/Yoko events, and build up what happened (off screen) with Bret and Luger, too. The in-ring stuff is largely slow, though notably Bam Bam dominating draws a "Virgil" chant. Make your mind up, NYC! I wonder if that makes him as 'controversial' as John Cena.

Bam Bam with a submission hold (a long one) as Vince says Bartlett lost it all on the slots in Vegas, but mind be back next week. Oh well......

Chinlock, Bearhug etc from Bammer, who is wearing down the opponent and the crowd here. Vince starts talking about Doink and Crush, as Virgil makes a recovery (i.e. boot to face and weak missile dropkick.) Savage says Virgil is "very very" but does not get to finish the point as Vince goes into his commentary zone. Virgil nails a couple of jabs and a flip in the corner, but Bigelow soon clotheslines him out of his boots, followed by a top rope headbutt for the win.

Back from a break, one of the big ladies from last week has troubles holding a sign up, and then here comes the King. Vince talks over The Fink's announcements, which would be a no-no these days, and here comes Lawler. Of course this is 1993, so Jerry was 43 then. Only twice as old as his girlfriends, not like now, where the difference is three times.

Lawler wants a mic......I hope he calls the fans peons. He is the only man I have ever heard use that word. Even Jericho never said peon. He does call them 'imbecilic idiots', though. The fans chant 'Burger King' at him, so Lawler threatens to leave. They don't stop, so he leaves. No, really, he did.

To Gene Mean, who is with Fuji and Yoko. Has Fuji learned his man's name yet, I wonder? Oh, well we won't find out, because Gene just talks at Fuji for a bit, and that's all. Back to the ring, and Kimchee is there. You know, Kamala's handler? Yeah you do, the guy with the mask and funny hat? Well Google him then.

His opponent is Bob Backlund, and I assume it's Steve Lombardi (Brooklyn Brawler) in the Kim Chee guise. Maybe we'll find out if they do a three-disc Kim Chee DVD set with documentary.

It's all Kim Chee early in this match. The comms talk about maybe King returning later, as Kim Chee has a chinlock on. Yes, a chinlock. Backlund reverses, has a small comeback, and then Kim Chee puts him back in a chinlock. Yes, a chinlock.

Vince says Luna Vachon and Sherri will be on the show next week, whilst in the ring Backlund makes a small comeback and pins Kim Chee with an innovative leg hook and bridge. Savage calls it "The joy of wrestling". Vince no-sells (I think Randy lost him with the word 'wrestling') and says Bartlett will be on the phone after this break. Wow, what a hook that is. They do a plug for the Wrestlemania hotline. See this is why they hate the Internet, because they used to get you to spent two dollars a minute listening to a slow phone update about what was going on.

After a break, Damien Demento is in the ring as a designated jobber, and his opponent is.......Jumping Jim Brunzell? Really? A killer bee. I didn't realise he was still in WWE at this time. Sadly, I can't enjoy seeing Brunzell, because Bartlett stinks up the segment on the phone talking about losing his money in Vegas, like anyone gives a damn. Savage tells Bartlett to "get a life", explaining where Swift Cover got the idea of the ad with Iggy Pop some sixteen years later.

In the ring, it's all armringers with the odd Brunzell roll up, until Damien knocks him down, and then it's all elbows and kicks. Vince says we might get Tunney on the phone later on. Small 'boring' chant in the crowd. Jumping Jim does a comeback (not too much Jumping, mind you) and hits a dropkick, but Demento gets his foot on the ropes.

Demento reverses an Irish whip, and kicks Brunzell in the the gut. He hits a neckbreaker then a standing knee to the chest, and that's it. As easy as that. Vince - and this is not an exaggeration - doesn't even call it. He simply talks over it, mentioning Mr Perfect fighting Shawn Michaels at Mania, then advertises Lawler after the break again.

Oh, man, bloody Bartlett is on the phone again.....wait, no he isn't, Vince says Rob called in collect, but it appears they ignored him. Then it's time for some ads. Bret puts over Icopro in a mannish, growling fashion. Yeah! Then Savage says we should eat Slim Jims, and he does it in a rugged, manly style. Grrr! Then.........err, Lord Alfred advertise Odour Eaters. Ohhhhhh.....Kay.........

Back to the arena, and it's Jerry again. The cameras show the fans chanting Burger King again, including a bloke who looks like Ant (as in 'and Dec') doing Movember. King hears the chants and leaves again. Fair enough.

A Wrestlemania package of stills plays. Vince voices it, and calls it Riveting Nonstop Action. Yeah! RNA! RNA! RNA! Basically, Vince tells you to watch WM9 again. No, Vince. I did it last week, years later, and it was torture.

The Beverly Brothers are in the ring. Remember them? The one that looked like Chris Masters with a tache and mullet, and the other fella. The Steiners follow, and the match starts pretty slow, with Scott using some nice chain wrestling, and the Bevs complaining about hair pulling. Vince says the Steiners are the pride of the University of Michigan Wolverines. Sssh, don't say Wolverine, it'll make you think of, you know..............

Some general back and forth before Bevs take over with some standard heel tag team stuff. You know, everyone bemoans the demise of tag team wrestling in WWE, but I think the tag team wrestling in WWE has sucked for a long time. I'm not worried about it dying. The Hardys/E&C stuff around 2000, where they innovated with all sorts of stuff, was cool, and actually two matches this year - KoW v WGTT and MCMG v Beer Money - were among the best I've seen in2010, but generally I can't bear the typical heel dominate, refs miss tags, hot tag comeback standard tag match.

That tangent over, we return to see a ref miss a tag, and the Steiners make a comeback. They, of course, pick up the win, too. Vince, after a plug for WWF Mania with the much missed (But only by snipers) Todd Pettingzoo, says after the break - It's the King. Wow, didn't see that coming.

Regal music, and here comes Lawler again. Lots of fans do the thumbs down gesture, which is much underutilised these days. Lawler gets to the ring and shapes to disappear again, but the man, the myth, the legend JIMMY POWERS attacks Lawler. No, I vaguely remember him. Just. Vince says "Oh my goodness" like the little girl in Annie (Yes, I've seen Annie. What of it?)

Powers dominates with traditional babyface 'fire' early on, and Lawler takes a powder, only to hear the Burger King chant again. King back in, hip toss scoop slam, and back out he goes. This is great heel work, you know. Lawler hasn't hit an offensive move yet, but the entire show has been about him. Powers avoids a punch in the corner and hits one of his own, then lands a back drop. Still no attacking move, just good selling from Lawler.

Powers misses a dropkick, and Lawler starts to take over with general Lawler tactics i.e. punch, cheat, punch, fistdrop. Vince calls Lawler 'allegedly one of the greatest wrestlers of our era'. Savage does an appalling Taxi Driver impression after Lawler shouts at him, and Powers gets back on top. He hits another back drop, and then goes for yet another. Lawler blocks and hits a piledriver for the three. Lawler celebrates, and directs more gloating towards Savage.

After a break Lawler still in the arena. He heads towards the announce desk. Vince gets a mic, and interviews Jerry. Lawler basically says that Savage doesn't have the guts to face him, but before Randy can respond, the music starts to play. Vince says we have MONEY INC v The Bushwhackers next week. (That's how it was typed, with the tag champs in capital letters.)

Wrestlemania IX Retro Review

2010-12-21T20:53:00.002Z

Yeah, it's Wrestlemania time, baby! The pomp, the pagentry......the togas, the bad matches - it's all here. Wrestlemania IX, Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas Nevada. April 4, 1993. Let's go......

(I'd like to point out that I'm watching my DVD version of the show which came with Wrestlemania anthology box set I bought about five years ago. It may feature some differences to the actual broadcast and to DVDs released more recently.)

We start with some cheesy 80s graphics (it was the nineties) and a screeching Vince, who off screen welcomes us, and hands to our host, Gorilla Monsoon. Gorilla, it epic Roman gear, welcomes us. And hands us on to - making his debut - Jim Ross. It's like the pass the parcel-style announcing. Ross mentions that he is from Oklahoma within seconds, notes that it is his first time in a toga too, mocks a centurion, and hands over to "Finkus Maximus".

Remember that Impact where Bischoff opened the show with mood lighting playing a guitar. Feels like Y2J/Rock compared to this. The Fink announces Caesar and Cleopatra, and out come the same pair - same guy anyone - that we saw at the Rumble. Their entourage includes and elephant, which draws a cheer when is (deliberately) stands on two feet. JR says 'isn't that great' or something to that effect. Well, not really Jim, it's more like animal cruelty, really, but we'll let you off since it's 17 years ago.

Fink announces Macho Man Randy Savage, who last year was in the WWF title match, and this year is announcing. Quite the fall from grace. His part is led by a couple of guys with feathers on poles, a llama, some women (who JR calls Vestal Virgins - sounds like a Russo name for a female tag team. There s still time) spreading rose petals, and then Savage on a Sedan chair. He enters the ring to an ovation. (The time on my DVD player says 5 minutes now. In your own time, guys.)

JR says he thought Heenan was going to be on the chair. He welcomes Savage to the broadcast position, and Savage's first pearl of wisdom is that "we have a lock and load type situation." Thanks Randy, ever to the point.

Back to the entrance aisle, and we get an Ostrich (which may or may not have been led by Bill Alfonso - looked a little like him) some belly dancers, a guy with a falcon, then some fellas leading a camel. Heenan enters on the camel, seated backwards. Amidst all this stupidity, I can't help but laugh at Heenan shouting "stop this camel" then basically falling off it. Heenan could read the telephone directory and still be funny.

Savage shouts "Wrestlemania 9! Do the thing! Lock and load if you've got the guts. Less the Macho Man, more the Non Sequitur man today. Mind you if Heenan was pissed off at this, he'd soon be working with Steve McMichael, so he'd look on this as halcyon days. Heenan ha a go at Oklahoma (get used it).

Common sense and awesomeness finally prevails, nearly nine minutes into the show (no national anthem or America the Beautiful by the way) as Shawn Michaels' music hits. JR asks 'what' is behind Shawn, and Heenan very eloquently explains that it is Luna Vachon, and puts over her family credentials. Tatanka is Shawn's opponent, and Sensational Sherri follows close behind. This is the third year in succession that Shawn was in the opener. He's end that run at WM10 with a man that legitimately may have changed wrestling history.

The match starts, and Michaels soon works into an extended headlock. Tatanka counters with a back suplex (That's HBK's finisher at this point, remember.) and then botches an irish whip and follow up. Eventually Shawn does his piñata on acid routine and flops to the outside, where Sherri and Luna have a little face-off. Michaels tries to re-enter the ring several times to no avail. Eventually he comes off the top rope with a sunset flip, but this goes pretty wrong too. Two botches already. Tatanka, when you watch him back, had a really lack of natural athleticism. Or maybe compared the Michaels that's unfair.

Tatanka takes charge with an armbar. For a long time. Eventually Shawn turns the tide, and the match settles in to the expected pattern of the heel building up the heat. Michaels hits what was either a lousy victory roll or a partially disguised rolling armbreaker, then Tatanka hits an Electric Chair drop leading to both men being down. A series of double axe handles by Shawn leads to the Native American "Tanking up", and he comes back with poor looking offence. Sorry, but that's how it is. An admittedly solid flying bodypress gets two.

A brief Shawn flurry leads to a top rope dive into a powerslam, which looked great. The match spills outside, and the crowd start to chat for Sherri. Michaels misses a dive from the apron, and kayfabe hits the steel steps. He then pulls the ref (Joey Marella) to the outside, ostensibly drawing a DQ. Shawn rolls back in, Tatanka hits End of the Trail, but the ref doesn't count. He signals for the bell. Finkel actually calls the finish as a count out. There has been suggestions over the years that Shawn was supposed to be counted out, probably fuelled by by Finkel's call, but unless they improvised really well, I thought it looked like all parties knew what they were doing.

Luna attacks Sherri post match. JR says that Sherri needs help. Heenan says she always did. Nice one. Tatanka carries Sherri out as Luna runs away.

Gene Mean backstage with the Steiners, who do a generic promo on the Headshrinkers. Rock says they are going to make Julius Caesar proud. Yes, the guy with the headgear and the big moustache is a Ancient Roman sympathiser. Who knew?

A sign says that New York City loves The Steiners. Interesting, given they are from Detroit and the show is in Nevada. JR says that in Oklahoma they call this a slobberknocker. WWE debut for that term.

The match begins, and it's very general stuff to begin with. Scott Steiner hits a clothesline on Fatu, who does a very impressive twisting bump. Well, impressive if you only ever see it once, but he did it every match, which rendered it pretty stupid. Scott hits a modified butterfly suplex, but then gets hit with a terrifying looking bump.With the ref distracted the headshrinker that isn't legal pulls down the top rope, while the other basically throws him over head first. I don't think it went exactly as planned. Afa then smacks Scott with a cane he brought with, completing a pretty unpleasant twenty seconds or so for the man who would become Big Poppa Pump someday.

Headshrinkers dominate for several minutes after this. It's ok but nothing more. Eventually, Samu misses a flying headbutt, and Scott makes the hot tag to Rick. Rick nails a couple of moves, but idiotically tries to bang the Samoan heads together, and the Shrinkers take over. Things build to the Samoans going for a version of the Doomsday device, which Rick sort of reverses into a belly to belly suplex. Wow. I don't recall seeing that before or since. It wasn't clean, but it was sure innovative.

Scott eventually gets a tag in, and wins with a Frankensteiner. He didn't get all of it, but it was a 3-count nonetheless. That wasn't a bad match, especially given some of the limitations involved with some participants, but it never gripped you. Both matches so far fall right in the average range.

Backstage to Doink, who has defaced the Julius Caesar statue. He talks with Gene Mean, they show a clip of the fake arm attack from a couple of weeks previous, and leave us with a promise that by the end of Wrestlemania 9, Crush will be seeing double. Hmm.

Crush hits the ring to face Doink, and right away the big guy takes charge. I'm not sure how long Bryan Adams had been wrestling at this point, but he looks green as grass here. Doink has a brief flurry, but coming off the top rope he meets a foot in the face. The clown is soon clotheslined to the outside, and tries to climb under the ring. Crush stops him. That's important, remember that. Crush press slams Doink in the ring, and goes for his head vice finisher. Doink gets to the ropes, swings an elbow, and down goes the referee.

The clown once again tries to go under the ring, and is stopped again. I like that attention to detail, even if the payoff to follow was lousy. Crush locks in the vice grip, but with the ref still down, another guy in a Doink outfit (I think it was Steve Keirn (Skinner) on this occasion) rolls in the ring and smacks Crush with the fake arm. The two Doinks do a little pantomime mirror routine, as Heenan says this is an illusion. The original Doink covers, and the ref recovers enough to count three.

Fonzie emerges to tell ref in charge Joey Marella what happened, but a look under the ring elicits nothing. Good lord. Can you imagine them doing that these days? Actually, yes, I probably can. Maybe there will be two Abyss's at Lockdown.

To the stands, where Todd Pettengill has attempted to mix a toga with shades and a baseball cap, and predictably he looks a complete berk. He wonders aloud about the two Doinks, then decides (and what a decision this turns out to be) to talk to a Japanese photographer. He speaks Japanese, and the words we anglophones can recognise are 'Doink' and 'Yokozuna'. He then asks another photographer, who laughs like an idiot. Going well this. He goes back to Snapper A, asking him if he is enjoying his stay. "Caesar's Palace number one" he says. That's more like it. Todd, learning nothing, goes back to the laughing photo guy, who says "Yokozuna number one". Uh oh, I sense a rumble between the camera guys about what exactly is 'number one'. Yoko, or the Palace. (Cue Harry Hill - only one way to find out......) Todd says 'unbelievable. Two Doinks, or an illusion. We'll leave it up to you.' Get Savage up there, see if we can make this any more random.

Not content, Todd explains that seats go way back. Uh, thanks. He says "I've been drenched with beer, I've been drenched with soda. But I've never had a better time in my life." (He actually says "why life" but you know what he means.) All this begs the question of what Todd is usually drenched with which makes Beer and Soda preferably. Actually, you know what, I don't want to know.

Back to the ring, and it's Razor Ramon time. He enters while the announcers still talk about Doink. Bob Backlund is his opponent - still no music -and it's his first Wrestlemania. It's Razor's too, but they don't mention that for some reason. Ramon is still a heel at this point, but there is a big Razor chant.

This doesn't last long. Think an average match on Raw. Or a feature match between two upper midcarders on Impact. i.e. about three minutes. Razor wins with an inside cradle.

To Gene Mean, with Money Inc. Clips are shown of Brutus getting battered by the briefcase, and Irwin says that if we thought Brutus' face is bad, wait until we see Hogan's. He insinuated that they paid for Hogan to get beat up outside of the gym. What really happened was.......actually, it's disputed. The official reason was a jet-ski accident. Some will have you believe that Savage did it, believing that Hogan was having an affair with Elizabeth.

Anyway, Hogan and Beefcake largely dominate the match for much of the opening exchanges, and Money Inc decide to walk out (they did this the year previously, though that isn't mentioned). Somehow, Earl Hebner has authority to make the call that if they walk out, they'll forfeit the titles, so DiBiase and IRS run back. They soon get the advantage, and beat Hogan down. With the ref distracted, Beefcake enters to put sleeper on Ted, and the count is on. Hogan plays the moron card, and goes to two wrong corners to make the tag. Beefcake makes a hot tag, and hit a high knee on IRS (that was his finisher in WCW at one point). DiBiase stops this short-lived resurgence with a briefcase to the back.

DiBiase pulls off Beefcake's mask, and Money start punching him. Beefcake hits a double clothesline, and puts the sleeper on Irwin. DiBiase interrupting knocks the ref down, and Hogan takes a hot tag. He smacks both Money Inc members with Brutus's mask, but Hebner is still down. Jimmy Hart turns his jacket inside out, and it's striped. He makes a count, and gives Beefcake and Hogan the belts. Another ref runs in, and raises the hands of Money Inc. Finkel (without being told anything) announces Money Inc as winners by DQ. So re we to assume the ref who ran down influenced the decision? In that case why didn't that happen with Doink and Crush? Is it wrong for me to get so annoyed about something over a decade and a half after it happened?

Post match, Hogan and Beefcake chase Money Inc off, and Jimmy Hart throws the ref (Danny Davis) over the top rope. You know what I never got? I never understood why Hogan did so many heelish things in his career. Obviously they worked, as he's the biggest babyface of all time, but he was always at it. Hogan and Beefcake cheated way more than Money Inc in that match. There is no injustice at the result - they deserved to be DQed.

Hogan poses for an age, then the trio find Money Inc's briefcase. They find a brick inside, as well as a bunch of money. How symbolic. Hogan finds money. He gives a bunch away to fans at ringside. Don't do that - if they can afford ringside seats at Mania they don't need a handout.

Todd Pettingill has Natalie Cole at ringside, and briefly chat to her "Good luck with your net project" before the CEO of Caesars puts over their venue and WWF. Todd asks for a deal on his room, which the CEO no-sells, and puts everyone over one more time. Todd hugs him. CEO looks appalled - and we're off to Gene Mean.

Okerlund is with Mr Perfect. Nothing much to the interview, except to note that Okerlund botches the word 'athleticism' straight away, and Hennig eventually botches Lex Luger's name - "The Lexercist".

Out comes Lex, with some staggeringly skimpily dresses ladies. I'm not complaining, but we're talking full on thongs here, years before the attitude era kicked in. The girls lift some mirrors up for Lex to pose in, and they produce the worst firework effect ever (It's outdoor and windy.) The girls leave, and pass Curt Henning in the aisleway. He has a has a cheeky peek, while the audience gives Perfect their biggest reaction of the show so far, with the exception of Hogan. And I know I say it often, but Mr Perfect's theme music was awesome.

I forgot to mention earlier, but the announcers are playing up that Luger took out Bret Hart at an earlier Wrestlemania function.

Perfect gets most of the early exchanges of the match, before Luger switches the momentum and works on Hennig's lower back.

Perfect fights back, and I'm reminded of how ridiculous Luger's selling is. Bizarre facial expressions and over-the-top shouting. Hennig performs the big babyface comeback, but this match has never got going - and it's not Curt's fault.

Hennig goes for a cover off a missile dropkick, but Luger gets a foot on the ropes. Lex reverses a backslide attempt, Perfect's feet roll onto the ropes, but the ref counts anyway. If you are keeping count, that's two clean finishes in six matches, and one of them was in a match which went three minutes.

Luger hits his loaded forearm post match, knocking Perfect silly, and leaves. Perfect eventually comes round, as announcers speculate about why Luger is able to knock people out like this. I suspect the big reveal will happen on Raw very soon. Perfect chases Luger to the back, where the Narcissist is chatting to Shawn Michaels. Perfect jumps Lex, but Luger escapes and Michaels attacks Perfect.

All twenty-six feet of Jorge Gonzalez lumbers to the ring, with the useless Harvey Wippleman, and an even more ridiculous bodysuit. Out comes Taker next, with a vulture for company. The vulture is a better manager than Wippleman. (Bearer is there too, but I wanted to get the chep shot in at Harvey!)

I won't walk you through the match, but suffice to say, with an eight foot man and a bloke portraying a zombie, it isn't quick. Just assume combinations of punch, kick, choke, Irish whip, resthold and Old School (although it was new school then).

Gonzales dominates for a while, before Taker starts to come back with.....well, punches. Wippleman throws the Giant a cloth,and Gonzales presses it into Taker's face. JR, Heenan and Savage sell that they smell something, and identify it as chloroform. Well, JR and Heenan do. Savage can't say it.

The match is thrown out, and officials come to tend to Taker, wheeling him out on a stretcher. It's funny to watch many dressed in ref's gear and suits, and then Rene Goulet and Jack Doan in togas. Gonzales chokeslams Fonzie, and the announcers sell shock and claim he'll get fined/suspended. Remember when that used to matter, and commentators used to do that properly?

Gonzales parades in the ring, and the fans actually start chanting for Hogan. Heenan acknowledges this, too. The gong sounds, and Taker returns to clean house. The announcement is finally given that Taker has won by DQ. Another non-clean finish.

Back to Gene Mean, who talks us through the rise of Yokozuna, and plays clips of the big guy attacking Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Bret Hart. He brings in Hogan, who says all his Hulkamaniacs are behind Bret. He's very supportive of Bret. Hmm, not an accurate portrayal of true feelings there, since Hogan was supposed to put Bret over and never did.

Hogan displays the rampant Xenophobia many Americans display, mistakingly thinking it is patriotism, by referring to Yokozuna as "The Jap" and then saying the title is staying "right here in the US of A". Uh, Bret's Canadian, Terry. Have you not met him before?

Off to ringside, where Todd Pettengill makes fun of a small child's ears. He asks the kid where he is from - and the kid totally no sells him. Not a single word in response. He pushes another small child out the way, then talks to two morons who have (admittedly quite creatively) made togas from curtains or bedding. They talk nonsense and pretend to fight. Mind you that's what wrestling was in 1993.

Cue up the pipes of the Orient, and the almost spherical Yokozuna. Bret follows, and the match starts at a reasonable pace. Bret hits and runs, and Yoko is a much underrated seller. He sells what he needs to do look imposing but also give his opponent something.

Yoko dominates, with Bret coming through with the odd flurry to get the crowd going and keep them interested. It's not a classic, but it's probably as good you could expect given the obvious limitations of a man with the girth of Yokozuna.

Bret rallies late on, and hit the big man into an exposed turnbuckle. Yoko falls, and Bret engineers a Sharpshooter. Fuji throws dust into Hart's eyes, and Bret relinquishes the hold. And then starts the run of ridiculous occurrences. Firstly, Yoko just hooks the leg and gets the three-count - so apparently it is dust renders your whole body immobile. He could at least have hit a move.

Then out comes Hogan, ranting about an injustice. Fuji grabs the mic, and here are his words, verbatim.

"Hogan. Hogan, you big man. My Yokozuma.......no....no....no. Hogan, my Yokozuma issue a challenge. If you have intestinal fortitude you'll accept my Yokozuma's challenge. Come on! Come on you yellow belly."

He then says something about putting up the Heavyweight belt, and something else I don't quite catch. The upshot is that Fuji instantly becomes the dumbest heel manager of all time by challenging the biggest star in wrestling to a match seconds after winning the title. Moron.

Hogan sells concern for Bret for while, and eventually Bret waves him to the ring. Yoko holds Hogan for the dust, The Hulkster moves, and the dust hits Yoko. A punch to Fuji, a clothesline to Yoko, a legdrop, and we have a new champion. Posing, fireworks, and a celebration close what in my opinion is definitely the worst Wrestlemania of all time.

Heenan has the last word, as the shows end with him selling misunderstanding about who is the champion. Thank goodness Bobby never got confused at the end of a PPV involving Hulk Hogan. That would have been embarrassing.........

TNA - Teens Need Alcohol

2010-12-09T16:08:00.000Z

Have you ever sat in a bar, and watched a group of 16 year olds come in and try to score a round? It’s hilarious.

In they come, eyes as wide as the gulf between Raw and Impact, into a realm that they aspire to be part of, but know they don’t really have it. They scuttle to a free table – they never come straight to the bar – and discuss who the unlucky one who will try their hand at getting a round in this time will be.

To the bar comes the unlucky one, grasping a ten pound note tightly, as if otherwise it would snatched from him by ravenous wolves, mistakenly thinking he can get four pints for under a tenner these days. He waits impatiently, shuffling from foot to foot whilst waiting for the barman to get to him.

Then the moment comes – the barman, without initially thinking, enquires as to what the patron would like. Our 16-year-old hero panics and attempts to drop his voice several octaves. “Four p-pints please mate.” He is desperately trying to fit in, trying to appear as if he has been doing this all his life. “Pints of what, son?” asks the increasingly suspicious barman. “Err, whatever.” says the young pretender. “Narrow it down,” says the barman, “Bitter, lager, cider?”

“Whatever is the cheapest.” And now he’s done for. The barman asks for ID, none can be provided, and the four slink out the door.

As is always the case, they eventually find somewhere that will overlook their age-related shortcomings, and score their four pints of cheap, hostile cider. However, at this point they try too hard, necking the cider at an alarming rate, ordering a couple of shots and downing them. Half an hour into their visit, they are drunk, making fools of themselves. Throwing up, falling over and slurring are the resulting effects, and the onlookers and fellow customers in that bar start to look at them as young morons. The staff there won’t serve them again.

But it’s back to school on Monday, and recount their tale to their astounded mates. They tell everyone else in the first year common room of the Sixth Form just how “wasted” they got, and what big men they are for gulping cheap, strong, nasty cider and puking on the parquet floor of the “Ferret and Mongoose” or whatever stupid name this particular establishment has. They become school heroes, at least to a select group of upstarts who have no idea of the real world.

I’m not having a go at them. This is pretty typical behaviour, and something that many young men (not being sexist, but this is prototypical male behaviour) go through. I’ve had moments like it, albeit not as extreme as the example. The point is you are a young adolescent who is desperate to be seen as one of the big boys, a proper adult, but the only people you impress as those with the same mindset, that think that getting blasted is the only way to entertain yourself of a Friday, a display of manliness.

In actuality, most ‘real’ men do a job of work, earn their money, and occasionally spend some of it drinking with their mates or their spouse. They might shift a lot of alcohol, but they do it slowly, sensibly and with an air of dignity. If they have a couple too many and get out of hand their friendship network will either frown on their behaviour and tell them to cut it out, or if they are simply a little tipsy and saying silly things, their pals will gently roll them into a taxi and text them in the morning to see if they are ok.

You know who that little group of adolescents who don’t know how to behave are? That’s TNA. They have the frame of adults. They have grown to over six foot, they can grow a beard in three days, they’ve even got hairs sprouting in places it wasn’t a year earlier. Physically, they are a man. But mentally, they have some way to go.

I cannot stand the way that TNA makes sure that the word “bitch” is on every show. Typical culprits are Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne and Abyss, though Matt Morgan let one slip through this week on Impact. It’s not the use of the word, it’s the intonation. They say “bitch” like they are pushing the word forcibly out of their mouth. It’s almost two syllables: “Bi-itch”.

If it was just one individual, I’d criticise them, but it comes from more that one source. That suggests to me that it’s being fed to them, that someone somewhere thinks they can attract a certain demographic by being more adult.

On one level, that’s really smart. WWE make no secret of the fact that they are PG. Many wrestling fans don’t like the antics of cheesy John Cena and little Hornswoggle. It’s so over-the-top and kid-friendly. There is an audience out there fed up of this, and seek an alternative. They want a grown up’s alternative.

But saying “Bitch” won’t cut it. And neither, forthat matter, will bleeding and wacky violence. These crutches are things that TNA think the grown up fans want. I’m not denying there is an audience for them, and I’m not saying they should never be used. But TNA use them all the time, ad nauseam. They have no impact anymore.

There is a passage in one of Mick Foley’s book where he says something along the lines of “Undertaker gets a bigger reaction jumping over the ropes once a year than Taka Michinoku does doing a Twisting springboard plancha every night” and he is right.

Like I said, there is an audience for constant violence, bad language and so forth. But they are the fawning mates in the above analogy, to TNA’s four kids who got drunk and made a fool of themselves. You keep on doing that, keep on abusing the alcohol and acting the fool, those obsequious mates will eventually tire of your antics, and you’ll be quite the state. I don’t want to sound dark – but there is a chance you will cease to exist.

To prove this is not too extreme a comparison, one of the inspirations for this blog is that I saw recently that TNA did a bigger number in the 12-17 demographic than is typical, and than they get in any other demo. TNA and Spike TV want the 18-34 group to be watching their show. That is their intention. But it strikes me that there are 13-, 14-, 15-year-olds all over America (maybe the world) getting all excited because Ken Anderson says ‘Asshole’ quite a lot, or they can try to look big by chanting ‘make him bleed’, or get their first erection watching Angelina Love straddle the middle rope.

Look, I won’t lie to you. I was in my mid-teens when Miss Kitty’s top came off at Armageddon. I watched my Royal Rumble 2000 video loads because it had a bikini contest with Terri Runnells wearing a barely there swimsuit. If I saw those things now I’m not saying it wouldn’t amuse me for ten seconds, but I don’t find Velvet Sky’s stately backside a reason to watch TNA, comely as it is. There is a real world out there. I was a virgin when I saw Stacy Carter reveal herself, and it was the most exciting thing in my life. Now, while I appreciate the aesthetic qualities of maybe Divas or Knockouts, I’m more likely to watch their show because they are a good wrestler or an entertaining personality.

I’m not saying there is no-one over the age of 16 watching TNA, but what I am saying is that there is an audience out there that has abandoned wrestling altogether for the grown-up world of MMA, or simply other pursuits which gratify them personally. And I find they tend to be (not exclusively, but plenty often) the more rounded individuals with a settled life and a higher IQ. And it isn’t that wrestling is beneath them, but the presentation of wrestling at the moment is.

The pair of companies are actually quite mixed up. WWE might be the company that targets kids – won’t swear, no blood etc – but they, by far, present the more intelligent, nuances, well thought out booking. Nexus/Cena has it’s flaws here and there, but it mostly makes sense. Taker/HBK was a masterpiece for two Mania build ups. The Miz is an engaging character who everyone can unite in booing.

TNA aspires to be an alternative to WWE, but all they are is simply a mixed up collection of ideals, none of which work in the real world. They are the prototypical teenager – they think they no better than their elders, try too hard to prove they should be treated as an equal, but in doing so make a fool of themselves.

The madcap X-division matches are like the one-off night out with some old mates that you have maybe once a year. Fun, a little wild, and perhaps a little drunken. Great fun, no doubt. But do it every week and you risk your health.

The language used is like when a teacher is off sick, and they get replaced by a supply teacher who lets you get away with murder. Anything goes with them. You get a big laugh out of your mates, but your captive audience will laugh at anything like that. “Huh-huh, Chris said ‘Bitch’. He’s really cool.”

TNA is one long underage party. Have you ever watched American Pie 1 and 2 (I haven’t seen 3)? By the end of it, the guys have tired of the manic partying, and are ready to settle down. They realise that trying to relive the wild party doesn’t satisfy them, whereas Mena Suvari does (you know what I mean). TNA is Stifler. He might be still be having a good time, and looks pretty cool to a bunch of people, but you sort of wouldn’t want to be him, would you? That lifestyle can only last so long.

Settling down isn’t saying ‘bitch’ or carving yourself open every week. It’s having a sensible relationship between the viewer and the product. Intelligent, well thought out storylines with exciting, longer matches with sensible conclusions.

It’s time for TNA to stop deluding itself about trying to be cool, about trying to look real, raising the bar or any other banal platitudes Hulk Hogan is so prone to spewing.

It’s time for TNA to grow up.

Raw Number Ten

2010-11-25T16:10:00.000Z

So it's getting near that time. Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you thinking about purchasing Wrestlemania IX? If the answers to any of the previous three questions is 'yes', then you are a Gonzalez-size berk, but I applaud your honesty.

We are back in Manhattan Center for the tenth edition Monday Night Raw, taking place approximately two weeks before Wrestlemania. It will be the last proper Raw before Mania, since the next week's edition was essentially a countdown show.

We are welcome by Vince McMahon (the real one this time), who along with Savage and Bartlett (as himself) greet us with the usual "Uncut, uncensored and uncooked" greeting that I've actually been sparing you from. Anyway, the butcher it, and off we go to a World Title match. No we don't, it's a special tag team match. No, sorry, it's a Wrestlemania showcase. No, wrong again.

It's the Michael Landon awards. Yup, the Michael Landon awards, which narrator Sean Mooney (hey they got off the street and into an edit suite) tells us took place last Monday in New York (this'll be why Vince wasn't there last week, then). We see Debbie Gibson, Cindy Crawford and others from the event and WOW, it's the Hulkster, with his wife, who is smiling. Collectors item.

Then we see Randy Savage shaking hands with Ric Flair. That's odd, didn't Flair leave and those two are mortal enemies? Wait, no, it's Leslie Neilson from Naked Gun, I got confused. Sure looks like Flair.

Right, I'm having a laugh, but it is a serious thing. It's a do for the National Children's Leukemia Foundation, and they are honouring WWF for charitable efforts. Fair enough. Good on them.

However, we get a speech/promo from the Hulkster, complete with tux and red badanna, where he actually says "my biggest body has got to be my heart." Oh my.....

a) that's not something you should about yourself, it's for other to judge and b) that's obviously why Linda left him. Searching for a bigger "body part"

In fairness, I think he was trying to say Vince taught him to be kind. Not that this is much less nauseating. I'm not knocking WWF for working hard for charity, I'm not knocking the cause at all, but WWF's "aren't we awesome" presentation is a little too much.

Hilariously (when you consider the context today) Hogan calls McMahon his hero. He also calls him the "True Champion of Children" which make me wonder who scripted this. Finally, he botches the name of the award McMahon is getting. The band Rocky's theme (not particularly well) as Vince walks to the stage. WWF didn't often acknowledge Vince as the boss at this time, so that's pretty interesting.

Vince starts to give a speech (by the way, we are eight minutes into Raw at this point) and puts over the superstars as worthy of the award. Fair enough, too. It's quite a nice speech, and pretty heartfelt too, I think.

The Raw theme hits and ten and a half minutes into the programme. I don't they would have run this head-to-head with Nitro back in the day. Finally, it's the dreaded three shot of Bartlett, McMahon and Savage. The Macho Man looks like a zebra on acid.

Bushwhackers v Damien Demento and Repo Man, says Randy, is to come tonight. Kamala v Doink, too, plus Money Inc and Tatanka.

Bushwhackers music hits, and here come the wacky Kiwi duo, to face the rather odd duo of Repo and Demento. Let's give them a name. Erm, let me think.........oh, I know, we'll mix up their names, and somehow get Redemption. Sort of works. Think about it.

Hang on, where are the Bushwhackers? The music plays for ages, with even Howard Finkel doing the 'where are they?' look. Turns out Luke and Butch are in the balcony. They come down during the break. Now, I'd like make a lot of fun of this nonsense, but I loved it when I was a kid.

I haven't seen a Bushwhackers match in years. I can't believe what I'm watching. Some of the least convincing offense of all time, including the old Greco-roman bite to the arse. But somehow, it's funny.

Demento and Repo turn the tide, and get on top, and now it's some of the ludicrous bumping of all time from Bushwhacker Luke. It's like he is on a time delay. Bushwhacker win in, workrate-wise, may honestly be a contender for worst Raw match ever. And I mean that.

Reno Riggins, who is mulleted up good, in next in the ring, asking as proverbial lamb to a proverbial slaughter, facing the undefeated Tatanka. The Native American wasn't the most agile of guys, and this is a bit of a bumpy affair. Not too much clicking between the pair. That's probably why they didn't have a lengthy, nine-month feud, right?

Riggins actually gets a lot of offense in, but that's most probably so that Tatanka can do his warpath thing (Tanking up). He hits what I have in my head is called the End of the Trail, but Vince calls it the Papoose To Go. Damn, that's what my mate Paul called it. I've always told him he was full of it. No-one tell him, ok?

Nice little package in memory of Andre, and then it's Money Inc time. Scott Rich and Jeff Armstrong, are their jobbers in question. Nice rattail on of them, not sure which is which. Shock horror, Irwin says something dry about taxes.

The match starts, and Ted immediately takes control. For some reason, the camera goes behind Bartlett, to show he has a TV. He is flicking through the channels. Vince asks what he is doing - he says checking the competition. Vince says "There is no competition." Hmm, give it just a couple of years, Vinny, then we'll see. Interestingly, just to the left, you can see Bruce Pritchard with a headset. If you're interested. Randy then curiously says that he reckons he can "put that TV inside Bartlett with him knowing what it is." That's a scary visual. Please don't elaborate, uh, 'Randy'.

Money Inc dominate, and win with an IRS clothesline. Nothing to see here.

Gene Mean is here for another Mania rundown. He only mentioned three matches. Hogan/Beefcake v Money Inc, Bret v Yoko, Taker v Giant. He spends more time talking about the toga party. He does, though, mention that Bret v Yoko contract signing is going to be on Superstars and Challenge. Remember when important stuff DIDN'T happen on Raw, but elsewhere?

Kamala v eeeeeevil Doink, next, according to Vinny. Should be fun. If anyone ever tries to deny to you that WWF in the early/mid 90s was cartoony, show them a video of this show. Man alive.

Doink offer Kamala a present, but pulls it away when the big guy goes to grab it, and takes him down. Good stuff. Doink works the arm for a week or so, before Kamala makes a small comeback. As soon as he does we go to a break, and when we come back, Doink is back on top. Kamala gets the momentum back, throwing Doink to the outside. Kamala gives chase, and Doink runs to get the present. He gives it to Kamala, who stares at it, and promptly gets counted out.

Kamala chases Doink again, who runs under the ring. Vince says Kamala will be running after Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania. I don't remember that match - did that get pulled from the line up? Kamala chases under the ring, but Doink emerges the other side and grabs a (non-folding) chair. He slams in against the side of the ring a couple of times, as Kamala appears to coming out, but the big guy emerges on another side of the ring, and sneaks up on Doink. (as much as a 400-lbs guy with a painted face and stomach can sneak) He chops him, then chase Doink with the chair. Kamala is virtually Eugene at this point.

As Doink runs up the aisle, full of fans swinging arms, someone knocks his wig off, but the camera cuts away quickly. As this is pre-war, we don't get to follow backstage to see what is happening. Instead, it's a plug for WWF Mania, and then Vince informs us that the Bret Hart respect video will have a World Premiere on that show. If I recall that was just an Aretha Franklin song with Bret Hart clips played over it. Or the other way around if you like.

Final break, and Vince promises us "The Rob Bartlett fan club" after the break. And when we have it.....oh joy, it's more fat jokes, as the oversized ladies who are cruelly made to carry the Raw signs are grinning behind our beloved third commentator. McMahon congrats Bartlett on being the "1993 Spam Eating Contest winner". (Is that a euphemism?) I'll spare you too many details, but basically Bartlett makes out with one of them. You happy?

Vince plugs The March to Wrestlemania with Bam Bam v Taker and Macho v Yoko. Savage guarantees victory. (Spoiler: he loses) and Vince promises midgets. Seriously. Unfortunately, I don't have this show, so we'll sadly to have to miss Savage not making good on his promise and midget wrestling. Oh well.

Next time: Wrestlemania IX. Maybe the worst Mania of all time. I can't wait........

Raw Thoughts - November 22

2010-11-23T12:06:00.002Z

Wow. That's a hot crowd. Great heat for Barrett. Serious, old school, genuine heat.
Proper heel reasoning too. He has a point - Cena cost him the match.
More genuine heat......this time for Cole. The trouble is there is no money in Cole.
General point..........but good lord Barrett is good. His mannerisms, his timing, his character. Just spot on. He is actually way more British than any of the British stereotypes wrestling has had over the years - and it works.
Great decision to have Punk on comms. He is great.
Is KotR a three hour show?
Get Crunk got binned. Good. Cole says he likes "What's Up?". He said he hated it before, didn't he?
Cole and Punk actually have similar voices.
Pleased Sheamus got a good win to get back on track.
I'm happy with the Santino and Laycool skits. That exactly the way to light-hearted, fun stuff to break up the two hours. Background stuff that puts a smile on your face, but doesn't take away from the serious business of matches and championships.
By the way, the Orlando crowd is really hot, but it's important to note that not only did Barrett get huge heat at the start, but there was a frisson of noise to recognise Sheamus' high cross, Natalya got a pop for appearing on screen, and so did Santino. There are gradually more and more people who are over.
Is Ezekiel Jackson the new Rob Terry?
Topofthesecondhour Cena time
Erm.........why is Cena smiling?
Good list by Cena...........no Rock, though.
"Lets go Cena" "Cena Sucks". I really, really liked that. You know what, there were guys in the audience saying "Cena sucks" with a huge smile on their face. That's the whole of point of wrestling. Smile.
I understand that they'll be worried about ratings, but they could do with Cena being gone for a while to let it sink in, not bring him back in two weeks
Great, great promo from Cena. Perfectly pitched, in my eyes. There will be some that didn't like it, because it was worked, and they'll think it waters down real retirement speeches like HBKs, but I thought it was spot on.
Barrett's "You can't see me" was priceless as Cena left.
Cena didn't pound Barrett's face to mush, though, did he?
Did Punk call Maryse "Maurice", like Steve Miller in the The Joker?
Punk is actually getting annoying already, because he is another heel presence.
I'm disappointed that two of the three KotR matches I've seen so far have been ultra-short. Perhaps Cena really did go long on his promo.
Decent outing for Nattie. It made sense to give her a bit of a showpiece win. If they have enough Divas, they ought to do that for another couple of weeks.
Did Tyson Kidd just do the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza?
Add Morrison to the list of really nice pops.
I'm assuming there will be four Smackdown guys in KotR but they haven't done a great job of explaining that.
This show is full of little nuances that I love this week. I love Barrett talking to the ref about the match. He is obviously saying if Orton can't wrestle it's a forfeit, and Chioda was saying no to that.
This is proper, old school, clever, subtle sensible booking. THIS is how you book a wrestling show, people.
Cena run-in. Brilliant.
MIZ! Awesome! Sorry, I've just realised this has ceased to become a thoughtful set of points about the show, and simply me reacting to stuff, but that's a good thing. I like it when shows make become a fan again. I absolutely loved that show. Best Raw in ages. Possibly the best of the year. Do you think they decided that they thought they'd get a big rating coming off Survivor Series and tried to hook them? Great strategy. It remains to be seen if it holds people, but it's great thinking.

Raw #9

2010-10-28T14:09:00.002+01:00

It's been ages since I did one of these - Time to get back to it. In my series of reviews (potentially never ending series) of old Raws, this is number 9. You can find all the other reviews in the archive. This Raw took place on March 8th, 1993.

----

Wahey, what do you know, it's Gorilla Monsoon, along with the Brain, as Raw has a very different look to it. In fact, it's taking place in the Mid Hudson Civic Center, in Poughkeepsie, in New York State. Gorilla and Heenan have someone with them, though. The graphic states "Not Vince McMahon" which is rather humourous. Heenan says it is Vince. Gorilla says he smells like him. That's a little creepy. I've a horrible feeling it's Bartlett, but he hasn't spoken yet.

Gorilla tells us that a blizzard has caused chaos to Monday Night Raw, but all the superstars that can be there, will be there. Please don't tell me that the advertised Typhoon v Bam Bam match is off? Whatever shall we do if that happens.

Brain says he'll be doing an interview with Giant Gonzalez. That ought to be interesting. We've got Shango v Backlund and Headshrinkers v Nasty Boys, too. "Vince" does a vaguely ok Vince impression (mind you, I shouldn't high and mighty about impressions. Anyone who has heard my podcast recently knows I am firmly in a glass house as far as that goes) to introduce the show.

Razor Ramon is here to open proceedings, against a jobber with a spectacular rat-tail (ah, 1993!) called Russ Greenberg. Big reaction for Razor from the crowd, despite him being a heel. Razor tells a ring attendant taking his gold that if something happens to the gold, something will happen to the attendant. Nice.

"Vince" is already annoying me. This is another one-note joke which is going to last an hour, isn't it?

Razor runs through his repertoire, in classic squash match formula. Razor will face Backlund at Mania. Monsoon says "this youngster, Russ Greenberg, is no Bob Backlund." Heenan: "No, he's much younger." Gorilla: "That's not what I meant." Heenan: "It's what I meant." Classic. I could listen to those two all day. So sad what happened to both. Hang on in there, Brain.

Ramon wins with his Razor's Edge. Brilliant, consistent mannerisms throughout. You can see why people are cheering him. There is a certain coolness to him. His babyface character wasn't much different to his heel one, really. He's still a heel at this point, but I know this changes at some point during 1993. I'm just looking forward to seeing exactly when. We go to a break with Gorilla promising us Typhoon next. I was hoping one natural disaster (Blizzard) might have stopped another one. Oh well.....

An insert for Headlock on Hunger with Randy Savage with Rev. Jesse Jackson, who would be a Guest host some 16 years later.

Typhoon emerges through the mid-90s psychedelic entrance, just after we see the ref tell the ring girl to get out of the way. Big Typh's opponent is L.A. Gore, whose name appears to be something to do with La Parka and Rhyno, and his look is a little bit Magnum PA. If Mag had slept rough for a couple of weeks, then fell in a puddle of baby oil.

The first 30 seconds of the match consists of Typhoon bumping into Gore, and knocking him over. Gore, after a lock up, scores some punches and shoulders, but Typhoon sound reverses it and squashes him. He continues some standard big man offence while Gorilla says that the blizzard has "literally crippled the east coast." No, it figuratively crippled it. I know I am a grammar pedant, but I hate misuse of "literally".

Typh hits a nice looking powerslam, as "Vince" talks about yellow snow. I'm trying to tune him out, but it isn't working. Avalanche, splash, game over. "Vince" hasn't one said "1....2....HE GOT HIM, no he didn't!" yet. Mind you, there hasn't be a pin attempt that hasn't ended a match, so that's a bit harsh of me.

It's hard to believe that a quarter of the way into this show - which is less than a month from Wrestlemania - that there has been precious little hype for the biggest show of the year. How times change.

We cut in to the ring, from a break, to see Bobby Heenan complaining about not being given a cue. I genuinely have no idea if he was working there, or whether there really was a timing issue with the floor manager. It soon cuts into the usual cavalcade of IcoPro, action figures etc. (Interestingly, the British Bulldog is included in that advert. I'm pretty sure he had been released by then. He certainly isn't on the wrestling show itself)

Bobby finally gets the call that he is on the air, and with his shiny, red, AAW (All American Wrestling) jacket, he introduces to us "the biggest athlete today" Giant Gonzalez. I think athlete is a stretch.

Wrestling managers were a strange breed. Although people often talk about there being nowhere near enough managers (they are right) in today's wrestling, there were way too many years ago. Guys like Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan were great, but Gonzalez's manager Harvey Wippleman was a nightmare. He drones on about Gonzalez being terrifying, and Heenan attempts to save him here and there. The big fella ends with telling Taker he has a giant surprise for him. Heenan goes back to asking if he is on the air after the interview. We'll go with the whole thing being a work, I think.

Video package for Hogan next, and a voiceover says he "filled more arenas that Ali, Foreman and Sugar Ray Leonard combined." Wow, that's quite a statement. I wonder if they'd concur right now? The gist is that Hogan returns at Wrestlemania.

Voodoo time next, as Papa Shango arrives. Bartlett does Vince saying "Monday Night Rawwwwww" and it's actually pretty good. Then he does another sentence and it sounds like Elvis again. Shango's opponent, Bob Backlund, is out next. No music. Did Backlund ever have music?

Backlund gets the best of it early on, basically avoiding Shango and tripping him up. Shango initiates, and wins, a test of strength, until Backlund wrestles out of it. Shango manages to hit a backbreaker, and from there this match slows to a crawl, mostly filled with Shango choking Backlund. Eventually, out of nowhere, Backlund hits a small package and gets a surprise three count. Shango storms around looking upset afterwards.

Now I think about it, Backlund had music when he had the presidential gimmick, and had Hail to the Chief.

There is a brilliant TV show here in England called "Outnumbered". One episode sees a small child talking to a vicar about Jesus, and he asks the clergyman, referring to Jesus dying on the cross, "Why didn't Jesus just zap him?" I think similar every time I watch Papa Shango. If he can do all that voodoo shit, why didn't he do it more often?

Gene Mean offers us another Wrestlemania report. Gene says that the announcing team of Gorilla, Brain and Savage will wear togas. They didn't know about JR at this point, or they are keeping it quiet? Gene says that people are talking about Undertaker v Gonzalez "everywhere I go, coast to coast". Yep, they are all saying "Taker v the Giant. That's going to be shit, isn't it?"

Gene hands back to Gorilla, saying he still can't shake off The Brain. Then I'm sure he says "what about that other clown, Bob Barker" (Obviously he means Bartlett) It's Raw guest hosts galore tonight, after earlier seeing Rev Jackson.

We see a three shot of our announcers, as Heenan says he won't wear a toga. Bartlett as Vince actually looks like the guy playing Nixon in Frost/Nixon. Nastys v Shrinkers next. Shrinkers w/o Afa.

It's a fairly standard brawl, as you would expect with these two teams. Notable is that the Nastys have a really nice reaction from the crowd throughout the match. Gorilla draws attention to Afa being missing, and Heenan says he saw him. They come back to this again shortly after. I'd suggest Afa could appear to influence the result at the end.

Knobbs get a hot tag after a period of Shrinker dominance, but does the old "double noggin knocker" to no avail. You see these Samoans have hard heads, or so the age old (racist) gimmick suggests. Strangely, the very next double move is Knobbs DDTing both of them. And yet this works. Hmmm.

Knobbs drags Fatu down the aisle, to a bizarrely positioned table covered in food. Gorilla calls it a concession area, but it is on the wrong side of the guardrail, surely. Carnage ensues, with the old Greco-Roman hot dog to the much and the catch-as-catch-can stylings of squirting a mustard bottle at someone. Sags and Samu join them, and basically, it's a foodfight.

The last few seconds are hilarious. Gorilla has to throw to the setup package on WWF's charity work, but it sounds so funny with the backdrop of an over-the-top hokey foodfight. Meanwhile, Pat Patterson emerges. I don't know if that is to break things up, because he is hungry, or he likes watching four men roll around on the floor.

There is then a video highlighting WWF's work for charity. Fair enough, no jokes here. Move on.

There is a plug for next week - matches announced include Kamala v Doink, a Money Inc appearance, Tatanka v Repo Man, and what i think will be the first raw appearance of The Bushwhackers. They actually end on a slow motion clip of a chairshot to the head, from the foodfight, which is a shame, but this was another era, I guess.

Just time for me to tell you the little known story that after this match one of the Nasty boys was going to form a tag team with one of the team they faced on this show.

The team name? Knobbshrinkers. G'night!

Raw Thoughts - October 4.

2010-10-05T13:22:00.003+01:00

Good decision to begin the show with Nexus
Interesting that Wade addressed Husky & Hennig - will that just be forgotten about, like the Legacy issue with the other DiBiase son? Or will they appear again, and be worked in somehow.
I'm really into this opening. I like that Barrett addressed the 'plan' of his cohorts. I like Cena coming out to no music. This is nicely done.
Take notes, everyone. Cena got a crowd to react when he took an armband off. Think about that. Think about that when you are suggesting he turn heel, or when you think everything has to be over-the-top and 100 miles an hour.
I'm typing this as things go on, so they might twist it by the end, but I might have left this tag match for the main event. Give the audience a couple of hours to ponder what Cena might do.
I didn't care for the conclusion to the opening segment/match. If Cena can lose matches and beat Tarver up, then what difference does it make if he is in Nexus or not? And why didn't Nexus come and help Tarver?
Ooh, the GM has chimed in. Will he help sort this out.....?
Hmmm. How in the hell can a GM tell Cena what to do? It's very flimsy, and the over-explanation exposes the holes in the angle rather than cover them up. I'm happy that they have addressed it, I guess, but it still looks weak.
The Nattie v Alicia segment was an embarrassment. Not having a go at the two girls. Not their fault. But no entrance music, three moves and then no focus post-match? What was the point?
Oh good, they made Bryan look like a complete idiot again. Because they couldn't have had some other babyface do that, could they?
I'm guessing Sheamus gets angry and takes people out for a few weeks, then Triple H comes back to stop him.
Hey, another JR line. That's a couple in the last few weeks.
20 man Battle Royal? Cool. Fans love Battle Royals. We don't see them that often. So build to it. Announce it this week and then have it happen the week after.
I like the sense in Edge to SD, then the face off with Miz. I take it these two will lead their teams. Clever booking in that.
Actually there is a lot of clever booking on Raw. It's just the presentation and afterthoughts that are hugely dragging down the whole enterprise.
I like the seeds being planted of Otunga (and perhaps the other Nexus members) one day rising up and creating Mutiny.
Oh. My. God. I get what they are trying to do with LayCool, but that's "I'm-going-turn-my-television-off-and-watch-American-Football" sort of heat. So, so annoying.
You know what, I'm happy with Goldust and the Million Dollar belt. It's a little undercard thing and fills some time with a feud. Plus, I think Dustin Runnells deserves it.
Hey, Flair and Hogan in the Make-a-Wish video. More TNA references, however indirect. Hmm. Rock, Austin and Batista also on the video.
Suddenly David Otunga seems like a interesting character.
Why would you bury Bourne from the Battle Royal so quickly?
Why is Miz in a number one contenders match? He has the briefcase?
Hang on, I've been thinking. If Edge has been traded to Smackdown, does that mean someone is going to Raw? Who do you reckon? Maybe Punk?
I guess I'm ok with the result of the Battle Royal. I don't care for the idea that if Barrett hadn't won Cena would get fired. If he had helped in an ultimately losing affair, surely that would have been ok?
By the way, Sheamus, who wrestled in allegedly the most punishing match in WWE, wrestled twice tonight and sold not injuries.
An ok Raw. I had some small issues with it, as I talked about, but it wasn't terrible. I am broadly fine with the Cena/Nexus programme. Not my kind of thing, but as I've said before I'm not their target demo for this kind of thing.

Falling in Love again

2010-09-29T13:10:00.005+01:00

There are two great loves of my life. Football (the UK version) and wrestling. I don't ever see that changing. However, the levels of the love do fluctuate somewhat. And I don't think they have ever ebbed and flowed as much as they have in 2010.

If you are here solely for the wrestling please stick with me here, all will become clear.......

For those not "soccer" savvy, my team, Plymouth Argyle, after 6-8 really good years, got relegated to football's third tier in May after a dismal season. And we didn't start the current one very well either. When you get relegated it is in your mind that you might bounce straight back up, but one win in our first six games (and that was the first one) didn't point to this being likely.

You can all this to my other footballing love, The England national team, bombing in spectacular circumstances at the World Cup. A World Cup in which great football was at a premium.

It wasn't just Argyle struggling - I felt football was struggling.

Eleven days ago, things started to change. An absolutely scintillating game with Sheffield Wednesday which we won 3-2 was one of the best games I've seen in years. Perhaps not for quality as compared to Championship or Premier League football, obviously, but in terms of action it was phenomenal. Admittedly we lost against Brighton four days later, but we then got a creditable draw at Rochdale.

I think football in general is in a great place again. The first six weeks or so of the season have seen, in all four leagues, incredible scorelines, great games, great goals, major shocks, loads of talking points. You feel anyone could beat anyone. Seriously.

Last night, as I type this, I traveled 140 miles or so to Swindon. I saw my team score in the fifth minute of injury time to record another thrilling 3-2 victory. We scored twice in the first eight minutes. We slipped back to 2-2. There were two red cards, one for either team. I shouted myself hoarse. Went from elation to panic to despair and right back up again. I celebrated like a mad thing when we got the winner. I can't stop thinking about the game. I'm finding myself smiling like an idiot periodically. Could this be the start of something? Could we win on Saturday? Could we go up?

Of course, it's highly likely we'll get stuffed on Saturday against Hartlepool, and it'll all be for nought. But for now, I'll enjoy the high.

I don't get that from wrestling anymore. I've had these lows before and bounced back, so I'm sure I will again, but there is nothing that excites me right now.

I was so high at the start of the year. Hogan and Bischoff joining TNA, the live Monday head-to-head on Jan 4, Bret Hart returning.........what a start. I loved the unpredictability of the new Monday War (The Monday Night Skirmish?), I thought the build to Mania was terrific - Taker and Shawn.....just wow.

That match was the one which made me feel like I did during that game at Swindon. Now I don't expect every wrestling match to do that, nor every football game. But it is nice to be taken on a story, to have some hope, to feel some emotion. Wrestling now is so stale. So predictable. So bland.

Of course I am talking about the "big two" companies. (ROH is doing a reasonable job, but has it;s limitations) I've been down on TNA for some time, as you know. Their booking in 2010 has been largely abysmal. A staggering run of illogical decisions and pushes has turned me off of their product entirely. I watch it now because it's my job. No more.

For a long while I felt WWE was massive superior. Right now they are still in front in my mind - but only marginally. At least TNA take chances. It seems WWE would rather have a paint by numbers show with minimal athleticism and a couple of zany jokes which keeps Vince McMahon occupied. They rallied for a few weeks with the introduction of the Nexus angle, but that had it's flaws.

When the Nexus debuted it was a brilliant moment - but don't forget it was a three hour show which sucked until that point. There was a terrific show where Cena introduced his team to face Nexus, culminating in the Bret Hart announcement. But after they were booked to lose in the big showdown, Raw fizzled out again.

Now Plymouth Argyle are MY team. I don't expect to feel like a wrestler like that. I don't expect to follow MY guy to the title. I'm beyond that now. I'm a reporter. An analyst. It's my job. But this means that I always know when a match or a show hits the heights, because it makes me FEEL something. This happens so rarely now it's sad.

To be fair, Hardy and Angle did it, despite the criticism it received. So did Daniel Bryan beating Miz in a way. Some parts of Nexus made me react. But mostly I feel nothing. It washes over me. Doesn't mean anything. This might just be me, but the dwindling ratings for both TNA and WWE suggests it isn't just me. There are a lot of people fed up right now.

There isn't a major star in either company people want to get behind and see their rise to the top. There is a Jeff Hardy circa 2008 when he was the hottest thing in wrestling by a long way. The fans were dying to cheer for Jericho but didn't get their wish. No-one cares about the babyfaces in TNA because there are no major heels. Not one. At least in WWE they have had, in the last two years, Edge, Orton, Jericho, Sheamus, Miz and CM Punk feel convincing as heels you want to see beaten. TNA have a cartoon monster who is a derivation of Kane and a heel stable full of talented young fellas and led by a legend. People won't boo AJ. They won't boo Flair. They won't boo Fortune.

So no-one gets over. They have murdered the Kurt Angle retirement issue. That's a joke. RVD's injury is bizarre. Hardy looks half the man (or twice the man, I guess) that he was. Anderson's act is a lot of fun, but he's the fun second or third babyface figure, not a franchise guy you can build around. They've made Joe (who I think might be most talented wrestler in the world - at least the most fun to watch) look like a moron.

The most worrying thing is that apart from The Miz I can't think of a single wrestler who hasn't won a world title that I think either company could get behind and make something of. At risk of going all Joe McElderberry, it isn't just the winning of the belt, it's The Climb. That was why Hardy's push worked. It's why it was emotional when Benoit and Guerrero won gold. It's why they made a big thing out of HBK beating Bret and "the boyhood dream" coming true. It's people loved Mick Foley in the late 90s. Crikey, even Austin was the most popular wrestler in the world for about a year before he won the World Title at Wrestlemania.

I can't foresee a brand new concept executed well. I can't envisage a change in vision on either side. I can't pick out a wrestler to break out.

Mind you, three weeks ago I thought Argyle would be struggling to even stay in the league. Now I believe again. I think we can go up. Not only that, but I think I'll be entertained along the road.

I'm sure wrestling will recapture my heart at some point. But for some it will be too late.

I'm holding out hope for something major to be just around the corner. You'll know when it happens, because the pop will be heard for miles.

Raw #8

2010-09-25T15:14:00.001+01:00

It's the eighth ever episode of Monday Night Raw, and its with......hmm, a little message to inform us all that the show has been pre-recorded. Ok. Straight after that, it's Hogan time. In a studio along with Brutus and Jimmy, on full hype mode for a match against Money Inc. Hogan calls his partner "Brutus the Barber Bionic" at one point.

Brutus says something irrelevant about putting title belts on their Harleys, then Hogan sings a song from The King and I. No, I'm not kidding, he sang a song from The King and I. Admittedly his singing was a two on the Jillian Hall scale, but he sang nonetheless. "Getting to know you". He tells Money Inc they have a surprise for them (I genuinely can't think what that is) before all three do the "From New York, it's Monday Night Raw" bit, although they can't say 'Live'. Because it isn't. They do, however, add "Whatcha Gonna do?"

The annoying Raw titles play. The even more annoying siren sounds afterwards. Then Vince introduces us to the ludicrously annoying Rob Bartlett. Good start, then.

Vince references the abysmal Elvis stuff from last week for some reason, before Macho Man launches into a run-on sentence which I think ended with him saying that Money INc are wrestling Virgil and Tito Santana, but don't quote me on it. Bartlett shouts, albeit with no emotion at all, that he's looking forward to Rick Martel v Mr Perfect.

After a very obvious cut (not live, you see) Virgil and Tito emerge. Tito is, of course, El Matador at this point, in full bullfighting gear. I wonder how well that would go down these days? They may well have PETA onto them. Perhaps Tito is coming to mop up the bull coming out of Bartlett's mouth.

Good heat for Ted DiBiase and IRS, the tag champs, who of course have a history with Virgil. IRS says to the audience that tax cheats with have to pay thanks to Bill Clinton. Err, ok, thanks for that. Tito gets the better of Ted and tags in Virgil, so DiBiase quickly tags out to IRS. Crowd are really hot for chanting "Irwin" at Shyster.

The faces are well on top early on here, and for some reason they are cheating behind the ref's back with fake tags. Makes no sense. Vince says that the Nasty Boys stepped aside to let the Mega Maniacs have their title shots. And Hogan is still finding them work seventeen years later.

We come back after a break and Money Inc are on top. Eventually Tito tags out, and Virgil fires off some.......very unconvincing offense. He is soon tripped by Ted, allowing IRS to hit a back suplex. And, wow, that's it. Do you know what, when I think about it, I don't remember IRS having a finisher. Anyone?

Clips are aired of Tatanka getting the better of Shawn Michaels a lot recently, before The Model wanders down to ringside. He isn't here to wrestle yet, apparently, but to criticise the dress sense of one of the Raw girls. Obviously he does this whilst wearing a sailor's hat, red white and blue smoking jacket and pink boots. Yikes. The lady takes the criticism in good part, and Martel does her job briefly, to a chorus of boos. Cute little segment.

Tatanka is in action next. I never really understood the popularity of Tatanka, and lets be certain, he was pretty hot at this stage. He'd been booked well - he is undefeated at this stage, and had been for over a year. His opponent here is Bill Apollo, I believe. No, I don't know either.

Tatanka, after a very slow opening exchange, hip-tosses his opponent to the outside, before indulging in about 40 minutes worth of Irish Whips and chops. Vince gets Michaels on the phone, who says Tatanka rolled the dice and got lucky twice, but it'll come up Snake Eyes in Las Vegas. Nice analogy. I see a future in this boy.

Tatanka misses an elbow, allowing Apollo to land a couple of right hands and kicks. When he slams Tatanka's head into the buckle, he does his Hulking Up thing. (What do we call this, Tanking up?) He then hits a bunch of chops before The End of the Trail. No name-check for the move yet. He must have named it later down the line.

Gene Mean does another Mania report. He leads with Mega Maniacs v Money Inc. He says it's a double main event, and goes to comments from Bret, and then some from Mr Fuji on behalf of Yokozuma. (He still says it with an 'M') Next is Paul Bearer and Undertaker threatening Giant Gonzalez. Gene Mean says it's going to be best Wrestlemania ever, then gives a wooden statement towards McMahon, saying that the Model isn't 'perfect' at being a Raw ring girl, or something. That was the thing I hated about the Mr Perfect gimmick. Every promo was just a pun on Perfect all the time. That wasn't so bad when he was a heel, because it was supposed to be annoying. I don't think it worked when he was a babyface.

Martel gives another lesson to a ring girl, while Vince sends us to a break promising Papa Shango coming next. I was terrified of Shango as a kid. Seriously. I was petrified. I'm probably over the worst now.

When Shango does appear, I can't help but notice the difference between then and now in terms of presentation. There is no tron at this stage. The music Shango has is bland. He gets to the ring quickly. There is no dimming of lights. If he as a character came along now, they'd play this up, bbig style. I suppose the nearest example is probably The Boogeyman, and look what they did with him.

Mike Edwards is the sorcerers apprentice for this one. I'm not I can recall seeing a Shango match where he doesn't use his magical voodoo powers. Let's see what we get here.

Well, it's an easy squash. About a minute, and four moves, in Shango goes for a pin and then does the heel thing of raising the opponent up to prevent the three count. Don't see that much any more.

The commentators talking about the Model v Perfect. Savage says he wants the Model to lose because of what he is doing to the Raw girls. Bartlett - and I am not making this up - says to Vince "I thought you told me Mr Perfect was going to win". Seriously. I think he was trying to a bit post-modern with the irony, but his delivery sucks, and he ended up sounding like he got a bit lost in kayfabe.

Shango wins with an inverted shoulderbreaker which Vince calls thus: "Shoulderbreaker........that might have broken the back." Sometimes I feel bad for my (endless) criticism of Michael Cole. It probably isn't his fault he sounds like such a tool.

Hey, it's Bobby Backlund, out to wrestle a fella name Tony Demoro. Backlund lasted over an hour in the Rumble, so it's a bit of a surprise not to have seen him sooner on Raw, really. This is his first showing, I do believe. Lots of Raw debuts tonight.

The crowd are very vocal in their support for Backlund. He really got himself over in that Rumble. When he came out he had no reaction, but by the end the people were really behind him. In this case, Demoro heels up well to the crowd, including a guy, front and centre, wearing a "Bob Backlund WWF World Champion" yellow t-shirt. Well done that man.

Backlund makes it a sort of amateur-style grapple early on, while Vince says that if Backlund goes to Mania it'll be his first one, because when he was champ there were no Wrestlemanias. Backlund with a couple of hip tosses, and Demoro slides to the outside, leaving Bob to soak up the crowd chanting his name. Meanwhile, Vince sends Bartlett on an errand to go interview The Model.

Backlund allows himself to be elbowed in the corner, but soon reverses an Irish whip, and hits a double underhook suplex. A three-quarter nelson pin, and it's over.

Bartlett with The Model, and he makes me laugh for the first time. The Model says "no class" about seven times in thirty seconds, to which Bartlett responds "So you're saying he has no class?" I'll give him that, that was pretty funny.

Break time, and The Model is out for real this time, music and all. Sadly Bartlett made it back too. Mr Perfect's awesome music hits, and it's s genuinely big pop. I can only guess that Curt Hennig's head wasn't necessarily on straight, or his accumulation of injuries held him back, because Perfect really ought to have been a main eventer at this point onwards, but he never really got there.

Martel gets some mini-victories early on here, before Perfect makes him look a fool when avoiding a monkey flip variant. Pantomime stuff here in the early going. Model gets the upper hand again as Savage and Vince discuss Lex Luger hitting people with a dodgy forearm. So can the WWF physicians not check him out? How long is the waiting list for ensuring the wellness of....oh wait, I forgot. Best leave that.

Perfect does a sort of low bridge on Martel, who goes to the outside. And we go to an advert. Now there is something that is exactly like today. Back from a break and Martel is back on top. Pretty slow this one, though, it has to be said. After one of the weakest backbreakers you'll ever see (no word from Vince about whether it might have hurt the shoulder) Hennig blocks a splash attempt, and starts to turn the tide. The Model's bumping is a touch on the ludicrous side, though. He was another character that I couldn't stand. I used to think (still do, really) that he had go-away heat. Switch-the-TV-off-heat. I'd-watch-anything-but-him heat.

Anyway, Perfect gets on top, but it's another advert. Low rating in the last quarter hour, I suspect. We come back to the match and......it's finished! Perfect's music is playing. That's idiotic. They missed the end. I know they are perhaps trying to make it feel live and spontaneous and frenetic. The old "anything can happen" feel. But this is post produced, isn't it? They told us at the start it wasn't live. So why edit out the finish? Don't get that one.

They do show us a replay, with Hennig hitting the Perfectplex, but that misses the point, really. McMahon says Perfect has "all kinds of momentum" heading into Wrestlemania. How many different types are there, Vince?

Shockingly, more ads ensue, leaving just enough time for Perfect to re-emerge in the arena, complete with Raw girls on each arm. I'll give them points for a little mini-story during the show, I guess.

Next week - Kamala! Wow, what a hook (note sarcasm). Razor Ramon is also in action. That's a little better. The feature match? Typhoon v Bam Bam Bigelow. There's some catch-as-catch-can action for you, right there. I wonder if we'll be able to keep up with that..........

Raw Thoughts - September 20

2010-09-21T12:35:00.002+01:00

- Jericho still in the opening video, then.

- Orton just looks the part right now. Oozing with confidence and absolutely the right man for title right now.

- Orton saying "I am not an honourable man" was hilarious. His description of RKOing grandmother was pretty funny too.

- The start of this tag team section is brutal. DH Smith sat there like a lemon, and TJ looking caught in the headlights. Rhodes and Drew just have nothing going for them personality-wise.

- "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, as a moniker, is so mid-card it's untrue.

- Morrison v Jericho? Really? This could be fun...........

- Zack and Edge should team up and go after the tag titles. That would be great. Ryder's attempt at a high-five which was rejected was very funny.

- So Jericho is here. So much for him being out of the company. Not yet anyway. And this Raw was part of a double taping, so he is likely to be on next week too.

- No pre-match promo from Jericho to explain the situation.

- There was something a little off about Jericho v Morrison. They didn't really hit a stride. It was a shade slow. Still a decent match, but they can do (and have done) better.

- Cena gives you more effective emotion from a flick the eyebrows than he does from his rushed, garbled promos these days.

- Bryan Danielson's music is not Stormtrooper music, or Star Trek. For the record, it's Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner. I'm not saying it fits, but that's what it is.

- Does that put paid to the suggestion that Cole is the GM, given that he reversed a decision in Bryan's favour?

- The two on one on Bryan was a perfect opportunity for someone to come and help Daniel Bryan, and give him a bit of a rub. I think he needs an ally, because he isn't really over yet. I was expecting a bigger reaction for him on Raw, after the great match the evening previous. Suggests not many of the live crowd bought the PPV.

- Ring announcer says "self-proclaimed" unified divas champion. What is self-proclaimed about it? Michelle wrestled the match at the PPV.

- It appears to be new music night. R-Truth out to the music we first heard last week, Bryan earlier on, and now DiBiase with new music.

- Why do I sense a "DiBiase is broke" angle in the future?

- I hated the gauntlet booking of Cena, but I have to say the crowd went wild for it.

- I got the Cena v Barrett booking right. I said it was Cena to join Nexus or to disband it. One satisfying point, anyway.

- functional Raw without being very entertaining. They had to set up some matches, and they did. I've no problem with that. It's having two PPVs within two weeks that is so idiotic. I hope their buyrate for HiaC is terrible, to teach them a bit of a lesson.

Raw Number Seven

2010-09-17T14:13:00.000+01:00

We kick off the seventh ever installment of Monday Night Raw with the music of the World Wrestling Federation champion, Bret "The Hitman" Hart who is out for his title defence against.......one of the Headshrinkers. Hmm, big time. This is only the second time, I think, that we have seen Bret in the flesh on Raw. They talk about him a bit, but it's interesting that the focus on the champion, or at least the top babyface, is much less in this era than now. If Cena missed a week, Sheamus only got seen once a month, there'd be uproar.

Bret is out to a strong reaction, despite wearing a highly suspect Sgt Pepper style black and pink coat. Great wrestler, bad wrestler, was ole Bretty. The opponent is actually Headshrinker Fatu, who in years to come would morph steadily into Rikishi - the size of his success corresponding with that of his arse.

The camera switches quickly to the announcers. Vince in the centre with a little red bow tie, Macho Man to his right, bedecked in red and white ..........and a man I assume to be Rob Bartlett, dressed as Elvis. Or a future vision of Scott Hall. I don't know why. Maybe he'll explain. Anyway, there is nothing like a bad comedian doing an Elvis impression to lend itself to the serious, big fight feel of a World Title match, right?

Fatu is taking an age to take off all his ring adornments. Meanwhile flicks back to Bret, who appears to have a massive scar on his nose. Vince asks "Elvis" if he still lives in Las Vegas, and then segues (not very) neatly into talking about Wrestlemania, which of course was in Vegas that year. Was that why they made him dress as Elvis? Meanwhile, two guys run along the second tier of seats at the back of shot, and hold up a poster, very quickly and very childishly. The director cuts away, and the two pre-pubescent's boasts to their buddies that they were on TV will be largely unwarranted. Poor souls.

The irony of this match, if you can call it that, is that Bret is wrestling the cousin of Yokozuna, whom he was scheduled to face at Wrestlemania. Bret takes earlier control working on the arm. There is strange moment where Bret seems to trip over Fatu, who has sunk to the floor with Bret running the ropes. Vince says Afa (Fatu's manager/trainer/keeper/feeder) tripped him, but Afa is on the other side of the ring. Hmm. Bret starts to sell a leg injury, but quickly hops up and rolls Fatu up for a two count. I guess the story was that Bret was playing possum.

Fatu starts to take charge with a nice thrust kick and series of clotheslines. Vince and Savage sell the importance of the match, how Bret can counter, whether a Headshrinker could win the title. Bartlett, meanwhile, still chunters on about Elvis. Seriously, someone tell me he is removed after Mania. He is a pox on this show.

Samu, Fatu's partner, wanders to the ringside area, and while Afa distracts, he attacks Bret on the outside. You know what, when I was kid, I always thought the big guy who is the Headshrinkers manager here was called Arthur. I just thought the diction of the commentators was poor.

Fatu hits a piledriver and gets two. Seems weird seeing piledrivers now. A bit like watching football (soccer) and seeing them pass the ball back to the goalkeeper and him picking it up. Something of another era. Headbutt from the second rope. Also two. Goes to the top and Bret hits a superplex. Bret hits a bulldog - how did that hurt him, I thought their heads were impervious to pain? Backbreaker, Forearm, Sharpshooter. Afa with another distraction, Samu into the ring to club Bret, and the headshrinkers do the old switcheroo. Twice. Bret somehow bumps the two together, gets Samu caught in the ropes. He dropkicks Afa off the apron and then Sharpshooters Fatu. Game over.

Not the greatest match in the world - it was very slow when Fatu was on top, but a well-booked conclusion to get Bret over as a clever, fighting champion. A bloody looking Bret celebrates. He got a bump on the nose, says Vince. McMahon rebukes Elvis for eating on camera, and we go to Gene Mean for a Mania report.

We learn that "The Mega Maniacs" of Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake have been challenged by Money Inc. Gene Mean runs down Taker v Gonzales, Tatanka v Shawn, Luger v Mr Perfect, Bret v Yoko.

Next, it's Coco the Clown. No wait, it's Koko VERSUS the Clown. Well it will be in a minute, because first we head to a slightly portly looking Crush, on a beach in Hawaii. Yeah, that's all very well, but shouldn't you be at work? Crush says "Brudda" about fifteen times, then crushes (get it?) a coconut to show what he'll do to Doink at Wrestlemania.

Speaking of said clown, he's out next, to one of my favourite reactions. When a crowd cheers because they are seeing someone, then boos because they recognise he is a good heel. That used to happen to Santino before his (in my opinion ill-advised) babyface turn. As the weeks go by on these old Raws, I remember more and more what a splendid character Heel Doink was.

Doink has a small present with him, which he teases giving to fans, then changes his mind. He squirts some with his flower. Brilliant.

Koko B Ware......correction, "Hall of Famer" Koko B Ware is out next, with his old "Bird Bird Bird" music I think, rather Owen's, which he entered the ring to previously. Vince says "here is a young man who will thrill youngsters." Yeah, moving on.....

Doink makes fun of "The Birdman's" signature flapping movement, and then attacks him from behind, as any evil clown should. Vince talks about a guy in a clown suit being an accomplished wrestler, and he's right. Doink goes straight for Koko's leg, slapping in a single leg Boston Crab in the first minute of the contest, transitioning it into an STF. He attempts a Figure four, Koko blocks it, and Doink goes for his finisher, the Stump-puller, successfully. It's all over, Koko submits.

Really good outing for Doink. Nice booking again, making him look menacing and legit.

Of course, the serious tone is soon shattered because Bartlett, sorry, I mean "Elvis" decides he wants to meet Doink. As you would expect, 'Elvis' asking for food results in a custard pie to the face, and therefore a big cheer from the crowd. What was the point of that? You just started to get a guy over as a heel, then he pie-faces this idiot, drawing cheers. Nonsense.

After a break, Savage again appeals for Donations towards the "Headlock on Hunger" appeal. I wonder if Money Inc have donated. And whether IRS ticked the Gift Aid box. Speaking of the Tag Team champs, it's interview time for them, in the ring with Vinny Mac.

They talk about some guy who was Chief Exec of American Express. I guess he got a massive, scandalous payoff, and DiBiase makes it sound like a million plus in severance pay and $700,000 a year is a pittance. I get it, Ted has loads of money, feels sorry for someone who is earning a fortune, ergo is a dickhead. Fair enough.

(Vince's haircut is out of control, by the way. A massive quiff. And he has the temerity to be taking the piss out of Elvis on this show.)

Ted has a go at Hogan, belittling him, and says they were happy to get rid of Jimmy Hart. IRS says they gave Beefcake a wake-up call. Irwin has a very sweaty brow. Mike Rotunda was a good wrestler, but a relatively poor promo. DiBiase asked the fans if they should put their titles on the line. IRS says the odds are against Hogan and Beefcake. OK promo, nothing special.

Luger is next, and poses in a mirror outside the ring. The damn Elvis thing is still going, incidentally. Luger's opponent is a fresh faced youngster called PJ Walker, who went on to be The Portuguese Man O War Aldo Montoya, and more famously Justin Credible.

Bobby Heenan is on the line, while Luger is in the ring. Heenan says he is going to Philadelphia soon, but fears he will get killed. Things get ever more bizarre as Heenan denies to Vince that it's really Elvis. He says it's George Steinbrenner (Wiki-ed for your ease of reference if you don't know who he is - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Steinbrenner). To prove it, he says, here's Priscilla. What sounds like an old lady mumbles something about this not being Elvis.

What the hell is going on here? This is a wrestling show, with a (supposedly) hot talent in the ring, and they are talking about Baseball owners and Elvis, with potentially cameo from Bobby Heenan's mother. Insane.

Finally Bobby gets round to talking about Luger, and starts putting him over, but is interrupted by 'Elvis' asking Bobby to make Lex 'do that booby dance'. (Before Chris Masters, Lex used to flick his muscles too.) Bobby, in all this insanity, hits the line of the night, saying "You're a strange man, George." Trust me, in context - this strange, strange context - it was funny.

Luger basically just hits an odd shoulderblock on Walker, who drops like a ton of bricks. Luger pins him with one finger. Vince says speculation is building about the use of the forearm, but goes no further. Luger throws his victim outside, and put his face to the mirror. He shouts that the guy is an "atypical American Male". Either he meant to say Typical, or he is second confused about who Scotty Riggs is again.

He basically runs down 'Aldo' for being skinny, and says he is the envy of all man. Vince says coming up next are the Steiner Brothers, "Rob and Scott". Don't have a go at me, that's what he said. He called Rick Steiner "Rob". I know it is a highly desirable name, but in this case it isn't correct.

When eventually The Steiners emerge, they are wrestling premier jobbers Duane Gill and Barry Hardy. Savage calls Vince on getting the name wrong, and Vince says he hopes they take it out on the opponents and not him. He then says that the Steiners will wrestle The Headshrinkers at Mania.

This is another rather effective squash for the Steiners, because they looked like everything they did hurts. That probably is because it did. Especially the Frankensteiner that ends this match.

Plug for WWF Mania, and we are pretty much done here. Vince advertises Perfect v Martel for next week - first Raw appearance for Martel I think. And we're out!

Raw #6

2010-09-15T15:55:00.001+01:00

Hoo-flipping-rah, Rob Bartlett opens Raw Number six with a shot at wrestling fans (in)ability to spell. Way to alienate your target audience within the open ten seconds.

And so I must patronisingly congratulate you, gentle reader, for having the dumb luck to punch some keys on your computer in the right order so that you can see this 'ere review. What we'm be doin', innit, is running through all the Raws in order. That's right, from Raw number one, all the way up to........when I get bored of it. We'll see.

After Bartlett's insult (as if him turning up was not insulting enough) he does a SNL rip-off opening and it's time for the only lame theme music in Raw history. Seriously, I can't think of another bad Raw theme off the top of my head. Thorn in Your Eye, that one which told us to groove to the music, Wanna be Loved, the current one - all fine by me.

After this musical interlude, we go to Vince warbling over the top of that damned siren. I tell you what, I don't know how far into Raw history we'll get with this series of reviews, but I want to at least keep going until that bloody siren is gone. Man alive, who thought that was a good idea?

This week, says Vinny, we've got Shawn Michaels teaming with the Beverly Brothers against Tatanka and the Nasty Boys. Savage excitedly tells us that Hulk Hogan is in the house, too. Both Mega Powers being babyfaces means they have to be on the same page, here, I guess. "We love it, dig it, yeah" is his exact words.

Hey, is that Wayne Rooney? Oh wait, no, it's Bam Bam Bigelow, The Beast from the East, here to wrestle the jobber.........Scottie too Hotty? Well, it's Scott Taylor, pre makeover. He was a jobber for quite a while in WWE, before he got the spikes and the big lid. I always liked Bigelow. Genuinely terrifying to look at, his character was a mean bully, and he really could move for a guy his size.

You can actually sense the New York crowd, a few years before Attiude-era, wanting to cheer the bad guy here. Actually, there is no want about it - they are cheering him. Bartlett asks if Bam Bam is wrestling someone off the street. Helpful.

When you look closely, there is a touch of Bam Bam in Samoa Joe. Joe is more athletic and a better wrestler, don't get me wrong, but they both have/had a sort of swaggering, bad-ass nature to them.

As I type this the show is just under four minutes old, and the match about half that. Savage has mentioned Hogan four times. Now Vince mentions him too. They are obviously trying to ensure anyone tuning in late gets to know the yellow and red is in the house. Notice how they don't advertise Beefcake at all.

Bigelow hits a lovely tigerbomb into a backbreaker before his patented flying headbutt. Twice, for some reason. Honestly, these squahes should absolutely come back. Just do two a show. It will take up less than ten minutes of your show, and would get two guys over enormously. Especially new guys or those returning from injury.

Vince McMahon sends to a pre-recorded interview with......Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan (He actually namechecked himself in the third person) Hogan is in back and white t-shirt and bandanna (shirt advertsing IcoPro), jeans and cowboy boots. Not the yellow and red. I assume the live appearance is coming later.

Hogan calls Vince Mr McMahon. Haha, why does that sound so funny? He calls his fans his 'heroes'. The future for Hulkamania is really bright, he says. You know what is hilarious? Vince says to Hulk that they sat in that studio a year earlier discussing whether it was Hogan's last match. 1992, folks. 18 years ago, and we are still having that discussion.

The interview is largely nonsense, by the way, saying that you should be positive in your life and the children are the future and other platitudes. It does end with a good line, though because he says 'wait until the Hulkamaniacs hear what I have to say on Monday Night Raw.' Good booking, because it has you waiting for he has to say later on.

Next it's the Beverly Brothers in the ring, soon joined by Shawn Michaels. And then, on the subject of Hulkamaniacs, it's the Nasty Boys, out to a really nice reaction, actually. They are joined for Tatanka, who rushses the ring and gets straight into it for this six man tag. It's pretty hilarious watching Howard Finkel bail to the outside as the sextet start brawling.

(By the way, during this match, pencil Savage in for a Hogan reference every thirty seconds. Even he sounds bored of saying it at one point. And for every Hogan reference, assume Bartlett makes a sarcastic aside about something. At one point Shawn gets backdropped out of the ring. Bartlett says 'that's the coolest thing I've ever seen', but he is obviously being sarcastic. Why in the blue hell is he announcing a wrestling show?)

Vince asserts that Tatanka (his name is really hard to type for some reason) will be wrestling for Shawn's IC title at Mania. Michaels deliberately escapes wrestling Tatanka. The babyfaces control the match until an ad break. When we come back, the Beverlys low bridge Knobbs to take control. For while.

Finally Tatanka tags in, and gets one on one with Shawn. Now I recognise that Michaels turned into arguably the best in the business, and he's still pretty good here, but some of selling and bumping is ludicrous. It's all over the place. Especially since occasionally it looks like Tatanka's chops are nowhere near him. Tatanka hits "The End of the Trail" but one of the Beverlys ('Beverlys' or 'Beverlies'? I cant decide which) breaks it up. I say 'breaks it up'. He jumps in the air largely hit's Michaels, but it brings everyone else into the ring. The Nasty Boys throw Beau and Blake out of the ring and follow them, but Shawn is back on top.

Michaels set up for his finisher - which is a side suplex, by the way, at this point. Not a Superkick, but our favourite Native American slides out and pins Shawn with a modified sunset flip. The Nastys (Nasties? Oh I don't know.....) celebrate with him after the bell, and seeing them altogether shows that even the guy with the mullet and the died red hair doesn't even have the worst haircut on his team.

They go to a plug for Wrestlemania. They are trying to sell tickets here. About five weeks before the show. I don't think they had a big crowd for that Mania, either, so it shows how far we've come that 70,000 plus sells out quickly these days.

Over to Mooney (he is STILL outside!) who talks to some fans who have paid to say that they.......dah, I mean BIG Hogan fans, who say he will clean house. Hang on, why are they outside? Couldn't they get in? Talk to the people inside, Mooney.

Focus on a larger lady in a bikini being ring girl (still not funny, guys) when we hear Crush's music. And what generic rubbish it is too. His opponent is Triple T - Terrific Terry Taylor. You know, the guy who used to be Double R - Red Rooster.

Crush looks Mullet-tastic in there, and dominates, while the announcers tell us it's Crush v Doink at Mania. They then, for some reason, do an Arnold Schwarzenegger bit with Bartlett doing actually not a bad impression, but it isn't funny. Triple T gets a few shots in, but this a Crush showcase, and he wins easily. No sign of Doink.

Off we got to a retrospective of last week, and way past halfway in the show they finally mention Brutus Beefcake getting attacked, which, after all, is the reason why Hogan is back. The clip of the briefcase to the face is shown, and Vince says Hogan is here after the break.

After ads, Vince is in the ring, and he brings out a much leaner looking Hogan than the last time he was seen on TV. (I wonder why) Hogan bigs up Hulkamania, then says he was watching Brutus last week against "The Multi-Million Dollar Man" (That's what he said) and felt sick watching Brutus getting, well, brutalised.

He thanks "The Big Man Upstairs" (Kevin Dunn?) for helping Brutus. And he thanks Jimmy Hart. Then he says that he back in the WWF, which draws a pop (from the crowd), then he calls Vince "Little Dude" which draws a pop (from me). He brings out, in his words, Brutus "The bionic barber" Beefcake, who has a feathery red and yellow outfit on, and sunglasses, which he takes off to reveal a taped nose.

Brutus also thanks "The Big Man". Hang on, why can't they say God? Has someone trademarked "God". Whose intellectual property is that? He too thanks Jimmy Hart, but then starts rambling about Hogan and Money Inc. Hogan basically cuts him off, and says that they will start to "seize the assets" of Money Inc. He invites Jimmy Hart to the ring, and calls him their brand new manager. I'd love to have had Gorilla Monsoon on comms for this. He'd have still call him a little runt.

Jimmy says that he idolises Hogan, and so do many of the superstars in the WWF (fetch the bucket). Hart says Brutus and Hogan will be the greatest tag team of all time. He says he will take his vitamins, and Money Inc ought to say their prayers. He squeals a little bit, not being used to being a babyface. Hogan calls this trio "The Mega Maniacs". Every team involving Hogan, Savage or Warrior called themselves something like this. There was the Mega Powers, I'm sure the (shortlived) team of Savage and Warrior was "The Ultimate Maniacs", then there was this, and I think when Savage joined Hogan in WCW they were called "The Monster Maniacs." God knows why. I mean, The Big Man knows why.

Interview ends, then another quick plug for Mania, and when we come back Hogan and co are still posing. Not much time left in this show, but Vince says Taker is next. He's against Skinner. Ad break first, and when we come back Skinner clotheslines Taker outside, but the Deadman lands on his feet. Bizarrely, there are more ads straightaway, as Vince says they are running out of time.

Back to the match and it's all Skinner. Weird. We actually go off the air with Taker basically not having hit an offensive move, I think! Vince says we'll get the conclusion of the match next week, plus a WWF Title match. How could we not follow this up? Looks like we'll at least get to Ep7........

(Modern Day) Raw Thoughts - September 13 2010

2010-09-14T10:37:00.002+01:00

Man, I hated that opening segment. Cheesy, goofy Cena. Making a (recent) former Women's champion look like absolutely nothing. And mostly booking a tables match, negating most of my interest in the main event.
No new music then, despite "season premiere"? No new logo, either.
I don't know who the guest star is, (well, I understand, they've explained, but I've never heard of him) but there is plenty of interest and noise for the opening. Seems like a good booking.
I love that music for Ochocinco. I'm sure that means something in the US, but it reminds of a) a show called Superstars (not the WWE one) and b) Lawrence Taylor at Wrestlemania
Miz was.....well......awesome in that opening segment. That, my friends, is crowd heat.
Great shirt, too.
Hang on, isn't this the first week of Monday Night Football in the States? Does it really make sense to have an NFL star on? Won't people see him and go, "oh yeah, I should see what the score is" and flip over?
Why haven't they explained why Alex Riley is still around? Didn't he LOSE? What's the point of trying to win NXT if runners up are about the place?
King actually used the word "Cole" and not Michael. He never does that. I wonder if he was told to, to play up the differential between the two.
There will be some that didn't care for that first match (or matches) but I thought the booking was really good. I might have given Bryan two more minutes dissecting Riley, to show his dominance, but that match made me want to see Bryan v Miz, and that is the point. Well done.
Sometimes you can't explain why something is funny. Edge and Jillian made me laugh out loud then. (a true use of the phrase 'lol', I guess. I hate that little thing. And what's worse is that I use it. How often does one use 'lol' and actually mean it. If you were texting in on the train and actually laughed out loud everytime you put 'lol' people would think you were a nutter.)
Henry/Edge/Bourne - ludicrous. Break that down, and it helped nobody. That made Bourne look like nothing, then Henry squashed Edge, who wrestles for the world title this week. If that is meant to be ok for Edge because he'd already had one match, then a) tell us and b) if you aren't going to tell us, book it obviously, and give it more than three minutes.
I really don't like the divas spinning the wheel. I wouldn't mind if it were Divas who don't wrestle doing it, but it devalues them as athletes. Maybe the Bellas should do it.
The 'song and dance' thing was largely complete nonsense and a waste of TV time.......until DiBiase started singing. I won't lie to you, I thought that was hilarious. DiBiase has awesome comic timing, and Maryse's mannerisms were good too. I'd still wipe this segment given the opportunity, but that did get me. I liked King's Patterson quip too.
As much as I love William Regal, you know the show is going nowhere when he is on it these days. Miz v Bryan aside, has anything come even close to making me want to see the PPV so far? Not at all.
Wow, you know what I'm about to say is a rarity but..........I think WWE could learn something from TNA with that John Morrison segment. I think fans need a reason to relate to their WWE superstars, and want to know more about them. You could have presented a pre-produced, 60-second video package on John Morrison using Parkour to train. But doing with weird camera angles, zoom and a robotic Cole voiceover, it felt soulless and pointless; at odds with the seriousness of the match. TNA's reaction approach would have worked here.
We're at the top of the hour. Nexus haven't even been mentioned yet, by the way.
Sheamus v Morrison just saved Raw. That was a terrific brawl, showing you can book an arena wide No-DQ match without excessive use of weapons, and with a liberal sprinkling of athleticism. That match could not have been done by anyone else in WWE but Morrison.
There is a hint of the Jeff Hardy about Morrison right now. Seriously, if they get hold of him and push in the right manner, continue having him do things like jump off the tron and so forth, he can do what Jeff Hardy did. When Jeff wrestled Randy Orton (I think it was at Rumble 2008) he got over in about three weeks. He was amazing in the build to that match. Morrison needs a build to something at the next PPV, and a big win.
LOL (really) @ Jericho having a pop at Cole. (twice)
He's a quick typer, the GM, isn't he?
I'm not crazy about a handicap match (I'm writing this before it happens) because it can't help anyone, but I did enjoy that exchange between Cole and Jericho.
WOW - That was one hell of a finish with Jericho and Tyson Kidd. If you didn't see it, I almost can't describe it. Tyson Kidd went for a Super Huracanrana, but Jericho somehow dropped down, clutching Kidd. It looked like a piledriver, but Kidd stopped short, and it transitioned into a Walls of Jericho.
Of course, WWE ruined it by not even showing a replay!
Were Pete Rose's (grand)kids wearing Zack Ryder headbands? Cool!
Regal as Goldust was funny, but these two could actually have a really decent match if presented with the opportunity.
An overbooked main event that realistically suggested that only Cena or Orton would be able to defeat Sheamus, although we probably knew that anyway. Nexus were booked as idiots again, suggesting time may soon be up for them. Barrett hit his finisher on Cena, though - I still think there is money in them wrestling one on one. Perhaps if Cena wins Nexus disbands, or something.
I don't think Orton winning means anything really, but I did like the creativity of the finish, turning an Attitude Adjustment into an RKO.
This show was on the negative side of OK, just about. There were some bits I liked (I thought the FCA match was excellent) but a lot of it will hurt them long term, and I didn't really think they hyped the PPV well.

TNA No Surrender "As Live" notes

2010-09-08T11:34:00.004+01:00

Just settling down to watch No Surrender. I'll comment as I go along, so you get an as-live, stream of consciousness style commentary from me........

Long opening video. Set the tone for the evening well. Clearly Angle is positioned as the star. It does put into question the booking of Hardy, mind you.

Gen Me replacing London Brawling is a big disappointment for this writer. Nothing against the Bucks, but I wanted to see Nick and Nigel (Dah, I mean Desmond and Magnus) get a chance to shine. I don't know that the problem was. Hopefully nothing too serious.

The match was ok. Some fun high-flying stuff, but for the most part it was stuff we've seen before, and recently too. A couple of times the commentators said that the crowd were so into it, but I thought they seemed particularly quiet for an opener. There was absolutely no heat on the match, so it felt a little empty.

I question the heel turn on Gen Me. It was almost like they wanted to do something different in the opener because of the pullout of London Brawling, and they felt they had to make up for it. Generation Me had a long segment on Impact or Reaction (I forget which) where they talked passionately about their beliefs and style. It was a good segment which gave some them such much needed background. Now they are suddenly heels. It also doesn't help high flying wrestlers to be heels (see AJ Styles) Strange decision.

Doug v Sabu was ok. I'm not crazy about chairs being used like that (if you didn't see it, Sabu basically did a load of his usual springboards from them, but theoretically that wouldn't be allowed) I guess that is the only way of getting Sabu through a passable match, though.

Velvet v Madison - fine, I guess, but nothing special. Just felt like a TV match, in reality. That story is now dead, because Velvet has won cleanly. It has to be time to reintroduce the likes of Daffney and Hamada to offer some variety. I like the BP gimmick, but it isn't new anymore, and they are endangering it's longevity by confusing the issues.

Rhyno v Abyss wasn't my thing, but for what it was it was ok. 10-10-10 is the new May 19th. Abyss had to win, but I wish they hadn't have had Stevie beat him on Impact. Abyss needs to destroy Richards on a TV show soon. Did the announcers say anything about no-one interfering in Rhyno v Abyss? Wouldn't EV2 have had a big run in?

The tag match between Sting/Nash and Jarrett/Joe was terrible. Slow, boring, achieved nothing. I guess the only consolation is that Joe won looking strong, and wasn't booked like an idiot. But it was still very dull. Tenay being made to say that Sting and Nash are protecting their spot is ludicrous. Does the audience know what that even means? And if they do, wouldn't they realise that protecting their spot is a real-life, not a kayfabe, issue.

Once again, with Dreamer v Styles, this is a match not aimed at me. That's not my kind of wrestling, I don't see Dreamer being a semi-main event wrestling in 2010, and I want AJ showing his athleticism, not wrestling in hardcore matches masquerading as submission technique.

To be fair, though, this was probably as good a match as it had a right to be. They tried to tell a story, they didn't overbook, and they had the right finish, which was AJ going over.

I've been pleased that we haven't seen too much in the way of screwy finishes. I was expecting EV2 and Fortune everywhere, but there haven't been those kind of run-ins, and it's only really been Doug using a title belt that has been a finish with shenanigans. Oh, and Jarrett using a bat, I suppose, but I'm blocking that match from my mind.

Onto Jeff v Kurt. I type this some eight minutes in. Good so far, although Jeff maybe half a step off. Good work from the commentators making it seem big time and even Tazz acknowledging Jeff missing a move slightly.

I am getting annoyed with Tazz saying "Fustration", though. IT HAS TWO R's in IT!

Right, I'm at the end of Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle. The very end, after a couple of restarts. You know what - fantastic. Absolutely superb. I had in my head that Kurt Angle had to win because of the retirement stipulation, so didn't really buy any of the Jeff Hardy pin attempts, but I really didn't consider a no-contest in this manner.

There will be plenty that didn't care for that, because it might be considered a BS finish, but to me it felt like sport. I like the aspect of realism, and although there were plenty of points that I didn't care for (more in a sec) I thought overall I could put them to back of my mind and really enjoy the match.

In fact a lot of the problems with the match were not actually problems with the match, if you see my point. They were problems with TNA over the past few months. A twenty-minute time limit is pretty ridiculous in a match of this magnitude, and the short matches which have plagued TNA for so long distorts the viewer's attitude towards the match. There should have been matches on Impact which went to a 10- or 15-minute limit, to put over that this kind of thing happens.

The blood is an interesting issue, too. Kurt's bleeding was necessary to this match's conclusion. Yes it looked a bit extreme, yes I'm not usually a fan of wrestlers blading a great deal, but once in a great while it is effective - Stone Cold Steve Austin at Mania 13 springs to mind. The trouble is TNA have had Flair bleed all over the place every week; an EV2 v Fortune battle where everyone bled; and plenty more examples of loads of blood. So when Angle started bleeding, it meant so much less than it should have done.

My final gripe is Bischoff adding five more minutes twice. It's not too big a gripe, and it's even less because he went to the floor manager to 'talk to the truck' (that was a REALLY nice touch, by the way), but if Eric and Dixie were so keen there should be a winner, why not just say either no time limits or unlimited overtime? I get that the logic behind it was that they didn't want the PPV to run long (I'm talking in the story, here) and so if they said it was unlimited it could go forever, but it just seemed a bit contrived there.

I'm being picky. It was a very good WRESTLING match, backed up by some high, high quality storytelling by the wrestlers. Add in the little extra touches, and I think that's very possibly TNA's match of the year. In the top five, without a doubt. Congratulations.

Anderson v Pope concluded the show, and I thought it was a fine match, maybe a good match, but not a great one, and it certainly suffered from some outside factors. Frankly, Angle v Hardy being on before it killed it in some ways. I think I might have used the old technique of a buffer match between main events. If they had have put the Beautiful People match in between the semi-finals to let the crowd have a distraction before getting back up for the finale. I don't blame them for having Angle v Hardy on first, because of the time restraint issue, but it affected Anderson and Dinero.

There was another problem being that Angle and Hardy kicked out of finishers galore, and it meant that when Pope and Anderson starting hitting their big moves, there was no pop because the crowd didn't buy the finishes. I don't think being both babyfaces helped, because the crowd were not solidly behind one wrestler or the other.

Overall, though, I'm pleased Anderson won, because he has, for me, the more potential in terms of stepping up and being the World Champion. I look forward to either Kurt v Ken again, or Anderson v Hardy which would see out a storyline. I don't know how they get to that without beating Kurt though, so I can definitely see a three way dance.

Good PPV this, overall. One bad match (Jarrett/Joe v Nash/Sting), one largely insignificant (Knockouts), a couple that served a purpose but not up my street (all the EV2 v Fortune bouts), a decent tag opener (c'mon, work that out), a reasonable closer and a stonking MOTY candidate for good measure. Better PPV than average for TNA. No comes the interesting part - can they build for BFG............?

Raw Round Up

2010-09-07T15:48:00.004+01:00

I've written a Raw report which should at some point go live on The Sun Wrestling, but I wanted to address a couple of things here which I would like to go into more detail about.

To catch you up if you haven't seen the review yet, perhaps because it is not yet live, I thought Raw was good this week, after a couple of poor episodes. Not sensational, but good. I make judgement not simply on the quality of entertainment in a two hour period, but on assessment with how this can affect the issues both short and long term. In respect to further storylines and building stars, I thought this was an effective show.

I'd say Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel and John Morrison were all greatly helped by the booking on this show. And the beauty was that the booking did not hurt anyone. Gabriel gave his best promo at the start of the show, they put over his finisher and he gave Cena a decent run for his money. Cena ultimately won, but Gabriel was still assisted. Bryan showed plenty of poise and character with a verbal debate with Miz, who of course gave as good as he got, meaning both men, plus the feud were helped.

Morrison's win over Jericho doesn't hinder Jericho too much as a character, because a) he is wildly over anyway (as he said, he's a main eventer even if he is jerking the curtain) and b) it plays into his storyline of being disillusioned anyway. For Morrison, it might spark a revival in fortunes, as he has been in the cold a little of late. I thought he had a game face on, and showed a touch more charisma than usual. Maybe that was a spring in the step knowing he was booked to win.

I was more than a little surprised to see Darren Young return on Raw. I thought that of all the eight season one NXTers he was the one with the least going for him, in the sense that he didn't seem an outstanding wrestler, wasn't a great talker, nor did he a very marketable look. I certainly didn't gauge that the fans felt bad for him, or got behind him when he spoke towards Barrett. The pop for him getting RKOed was telling, because the fans simply love that move. Certainly they care about seeing that way more than seeing Young.

While it was a better show, I think even WWE must realise they have no major hook for the upcoming PPV. No-one is going to buy this on the strength of Miz v Bryan or a Divas unification bout, so realistically they need a strong title match. They haven't got one. Even Cena on commentary was basically saying it's a bit of a lottery. I think his words were "It's a crap shoot."

I highly question the logic of booking a title match (That's a WORLD Title match) where one of the participants says "eh, anyone could win this." Surely the whole point of paying to watch title matches is to see a fair contest. After Sheamus already won the belt in dubious circumstance, you are watering down the belt even more by having Cena say anyone can win. How can you get behind a champion if the only reason he is the champ is by a fluke? I suspect this was their way of having Cena be self-deprecating so that when he loses it was in a lottery, and not a fair fight. If and when Cena regains the gold, it'll be one on one, I suspect.

I think you can have this kind of multi-man match for a 'lesser' title, especially if you have workers involved. To do this for, say, the IC title, and involve Ziggler, Kofi, Christian, Drew, Swagger and MVP, for example, would be really interesting. Or you can do it when you have an extra hook, like the Money in the Bank matches. But to have a bunch of guys devaluing the WWE title I think is a shame.

The way they spoke about things on Raw, I wouldn't necessarily expect a replacement for Jericho. They didn't talk about "I wonder who his replacement will be", although I wouldn't rule out them changing their mind next week.

I enjoyed Edge's interaction with Zack Ryder. I'm not as high on Ryder as some, but I do think he has promise, and I wonder whether he will suddenly rebel and prove he isn't as useless as some are making out on TV. I love paranoid, plotting Edge. It's such a compelling character.

Credit to Cole for calling the issue in the Great Khali/Edge match. Khali stepping over the top in an over-the-top match was odd, but I wouldn't haven't been surprised for the commentators to just ignore it. I liked Cole making this point.

On the GM front, I've often said that I haven't really seen the piece of paper supposedly on Cole's laptop when he is 'reading' a GM email, but it was very clear this week when Edge was threatening to destroy the laptop that was a big piece of paper with writing on it. If Cole is the GM, they can say this is a clue.

On the Cole for GM front, did you notice that they worked out a way of having Miz accept a Daniel Bryan challenge, rather than the GM forcing the match to take place. If the GM had forced Miz into it, then it would have either ruled Cole out, or made his reveal nonsensical if it does happen.

Very interesting to see the "This week in wrestling history" refer back to the first ever Impact, and with, might I say, a very fair assessment, too. That night, debuting with a strong Nitro, the Luger defection and so much more, really changed this industry forever.

I thought Sheamus did really well on guest commentary. He could easily have been overshadowed by the personalities of Edge and Cena, but he wasn't.

I like the tease of Cena v Orton for next week. Is it possible they are giving away big Orton matches before he goes to Smackdown for the SyFy launch?