Retro Rumble Review - 1994

The 1994 Royal Rumble opens, and essentially builds it as a showdown between Yokozuna and Undertaker in a casket match. Now I remember 1994.

Todd Pettengill is now in front of me, trying to convince me to stay with him for half hour, and although I’d rather volunteer for a hernia operation, a review is a review, so here we go.

Todd starts of by running down the card. By which I mean he tells us what matches there are, not saying its rubbish.

We take a look at the title match first, and Todd shows us a highlight from WWF Superstars with Taker and Yoko, then an interview with Jim Cornette complaining about the Casket match stipulation. By the end of the, we’ll all be complaining about it Jimmy.

Then we flick between Cornette hyping the casket and how Yoko is given the creeps by the very word Casket. See my above comment, really. We also see Paul Bearer and the Undertaker making the casket. So he has to make his own gimmicks? Really, should we expect to see vignettes of the Hardys making Ladders, and Dusty Rhodes making Bull ropes?

More Paul Bearer warbling and Taker saying Rest in Peace about 12 times. Good hype job, though, overall.

We move onto Bret and Owen v The Quebecers, which Todd tells us is a casket match??!! Anyway, he means tag titles, and we see a clip from the Survivor Series where Owen knocks Bret off the apron costing Owen a pinfall in the match, and then post-match Owen confronts Bret.

Onto interviews with Owen challenging Bret, and the Hitman saying that he would positively never ever fight his brother. Except he did, at Wrestlemania, and in a cage match at Summerslam. I don’t know if they built their own cage.

Todd then talks to some competition winners who are in a hot-tub overlooking the arena. Todd asks one if he thinks he will shrivel up, and the guys says “Not necessarily”. Pettengill doesn’t know where to take it, so shows us a history of IRS v Razor Ramon. Except most of the clips are about Shawn Michaels.

When we come back to Todd, he is in front of the ring which has a special warm-up match going on, and we see Brooklyn Brawler beat Jim Powers.

Hilarity ensues (well, not really) when Todd is interrupted by Vince and Ray Rougeau doing a mike check, and then backstage Michaels, Diesel, Bam Bam, Jeff Jarrett, Crush, Adam Bomb and Rick Martel argue about who is going to win it.

Show ends there, then, and so long then, until next year’s review.


Oh wait, that was only the preshow. My goodness, I got carried away by its greatness. Anyway, we are now at the real show, with Vince McMahon, and not Gorilla Monsoon like last year, who between time they noticed was lovable but useless, so they plonked him on Wrestling Challenge.

Anyway, the show is from Providence, Rhode Island, which is kinda weird since I watch There’s Something About Mary last night. You didn’t need to know, but I did watch it, so there.

Vince is soon joined by Ted DiBiase for commentary, and the first two wrestlers out, by the following year, would be members of Millionaire (with an ‘m’) Ted’s corporation, Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow. This was supposed to be Ludvig Borga, apparently, but he is injured. Bigelow and Tatanka did have a rivalry the year before, though.

Tatanka starts off the match at a pace, until missing a flying bodypress, and then Bigelow takes over. Bam Bam really was agile for his size. Tatanka gets brief respite and tries a sunset from the top, but Bigelow simple sits on him.

I never thought Rob Schneider did Bam Bam justice in that film. He was hardly a gigolo anyway.........
Bammer with a Bearhug for a while, and it looks like it is taking more out of Bam Bam than Tatanka. I know ‘ a rest hold, Bigelow, but you are not supposed to show it. Back and forth action as Tatanka mounts a comeback, and then a cool spot where they have a mid air collision after both doing a cross body.

Tatanka starts his version of hulking up, and Bam Bam hits a him a few times to no effect. Brilliantly, though, Bigelow hits a standing inziguri, and mocks Tatanka’s dance. This gets a few laughs and cheers, and I wonder at this point whether this was when they decided that Tatanka’s star was waning and they turned him heel soon after. Summerslam I think.

Bam Bam misses a moonsault, and then Tatanka wins after finally hitting the flying bodypress.

You really do forget, if you haven’t seen Bam Bam for a while, just how good the guy was. He was 400 pounds, but he was agile, he sold like a trooper when necessary, and was just a downright scary dude.

Next up is the Tag Title match, with Jacques Rougeau, formerly known as The Mountie and Pierre Oulette, now the Quebecers, and tag team champions.

Bret and Owen are out to face them, and talk is all of how Bret and Owen have had some friction dating back to the Survivor Series.

So funny to see “Johnny Polo” at ringside with the Quebecers. Johnny Polo was, of course, Scott Levy, who we know more prominently as Raven. Raven, the twisted genius, king of hardcore matches, mind games a grunge T-shirts. Right now on my screen he is ringside in a Hawaiian shirt and a straw hat holding a putter. I don’t mean the hat is holding the putter, I mean.....never mind.

Thus far, this has basically been an Owen Hart showcase, and I suspect that was probably a main aim of this. Of course, long term they were building to a huge Bret v Owen feud, and everyone was familiar with the Hitman and not the Rocket, so they had to build Owen as a credible threat.

Lots of typical tag action ensues, including Bret bringing Jacques in by pulling the ropes and sling-shotting him in. You never see that any more, and it used to happen all the time.

Eventually, the story has it that Bret is beaten down, and when he has a chance to tag out, Owen comes and cleans house. Once again, it’s an Owen showcase. He tags Bret in, and when attempting a double team move, Johnny Polo forces Bret to fall through the ropes and hurt his knee.

It turns into a wild brawl, with Owen unintentionally distracting the ref and allowing The Quebecers to nail Bret with Polo’s putter. After loads more punishment, Bret avoids a Quebecer move, but rather than tag, he applies the Sharpshooter, but collapses. In a bit of a bullshit finish, the ref stops the match due to Bret’s injury.

The announcers play up whether Bret should have tagged. Owen looks pissed off, and keeps on pointing to the corner and asking why he wasn’t tagged. Bret eventually gets to his feet, and Owen kicks his bad leg out from under him. Instant heat. Superbly done. Officials tend to Bret, and Owen walks off ranting to the camera.

Fantastic irony as Ray Rougeau, a Quebecer, tries to talk to Bret, but is stopped by Pat Patterson, a Quebecer, and the two speak in horrible English for a few seconds.

Backstage to Owen, who cuts an emotional but garbled promo. I’m not sure if that was good because the emotion came across, or whether it was poor because it made little sense.

Anyway, after DiBiase expresses his delight for Owen’s action, confirming him as a full fledged heel, and it’s the IC title match.

It seems we will have JR and Gorilla doing commentary for this, from Radio WWF.

Razor starts off the quicker, with Irwin playing the heel, staying on the outside and stirring up the crowd. IRS eventually changes the momentum by using his leverage to sent Razor to the outside, and IRS then just about stays on top. Mike Rotundo played this character very well, because not only did he draw heat, but was sneaky in the ring, hitting elbows and knees to keep his opponent down, and using submission hold whereby he’d use the ropes for leverage. I like it when a guy plays up the character effectively like this.

Razor makes a comeback, as Gorilla calls him Razorman and The Bad Man. Ref bump allows IRS to bring the briefcase in, but Razor uses it on IRS, but the cover is pointless because of the referee being out. Ramon drops IRS from the top with a back superplex, and sets up for the Razors Edge, but Michaels comes flying out and hits Razor with his ‘bogus’ IC title belt. The story behind that is Michaels has been, according to the storyline, stripped of the IC title having not defended it often enough. IN reality, Michaels had been allegedly suspended for testing positive for steroids.

IRS gets the pin, but another referee comes down to explain what had happened. In the meantime, Razor hoisted IRS up, and hit him with the Razor’s Edge. The ref counts 3 and Razor is still the champ.

So, more logic going out the window, because if the ref saw Michaels nail Razor with the other belt, its either a) a DQ because of that, or b) a DQ against Razor because the ref would have seen the briefcase shot. Anyway, we shouldn’t complain, because it led to HBK v Razor in the genuinely historic Ladder match at Wrestlemania 10.

Yoko and Taker is up next, and Vince suggests that Yoko being scared of Caskets may mean that he turns into 600 pounds of Jellyfish. Does that mean that his Bonsai Splash will be renamed the Stinger Splash? Or maybe a team with Portuguese Man o’War Aldo Montoya should have ensued.

Anyhoo, we are underway with Taker getting the early advantage, and when both men roll to the outside, Yoko gets a chair. Taker takes it from him and hits a couple of pretty stiff shots to the back and head. Fuji dust to the face put the Samoan Jap in control, and he hits a couple of chair shots of his own. Fuji shouts some instructions to Yoko. How did they communicate then? The idea of Cornette was that Yoko and Fuji spoke bad English, so could Yoko speak Japanese or Fuji speak Samoan?

Yoko puts Taker in the casket, but Taker grabs and ankle, and fights back. He hits a chokeslam and a huge running DDT, and signals for the casket to open. The lid is just about to be shut when Crush appears, and attacks the Deadman.

In comes Kabuki and Tenryu, who in the storyline were mercenaries brought in by Fuji to take out Luger. Bam Bam is now in as well and its four on one. Yoko is still flat out in the casket, but it appears Bearer has lost the urn.

However a swift kick old man Fuji sees Bearer with the urn back, which gives Undertaker ‘the power’ to fight off the four guys attacking him. Bigelow swings with Fuji’s little salt pot, but misses and hits Crush. Guys are now coming in quicker than I can type. Adam Bomb, Jeff Jarrett and the Headshrinkers come out, and Yoko is back up, so its nine-on-one, but still Taker fights on. Diesel is in so that makes it ten-on-one.

They stuff Taker in the casket and yet still he fights out. Get it yet? You can’t kill him, because of the power of the urn. However, Yoko levels Taker with the urn after stealing it from Bearer, and the urn starts spewing green goo.

McMahon actually says the line “It appears the power of the urn is escaping” and now Taker is flat out. Jarrett, Bigelow and Fatu hit top rope moves, and they roll Taker into the casket. Match over.

The heels push the casket towards the back, and it starts to emit the same green smoke that was coming out of the urn. Then, in the singularly worst idea that the WWF/E have ever had, The Undertaker appears on the big screen, spouts some complete nonsense, then ‘dies’ with his ‘spirit’ ascending to the skies. I’m not kidding, if you have never seen it, you absolutely have to. It is so bad it defies belief.

Rumble time then, and number one this year is Scott Steiner. Two is Headshrinker Samu, who looks a lot Rhyno. It isn’t, but it does look like him.

Vince tells us that wrestler will enter every 90 seconds this year, rather than two minutes. Number 3 is Scott’s brother Rick. The Steiners didn’t last much longer in WWF after this, and rumours were that they were supposed to fight each other during this Rumble, but refused, so got canned.

Samu gets slung and gets caught in what looks a genuinely scary looking hangman, but the Steiners stand by look apathetic, and when Samu escapes it, Scott simply pushes him out. Kwang is number 4, and its always worth remembering that this martial arts guy in a hood is actually Savio Vega. Kwang uses the old Green mist, that standby of Orientals and leprechauns, so Rick is out of action. Scott keeps checking on him and that keeps getting him beat up.

Owen Hart enters at 5, and goes to work on a helpless Rick Steiner, and eventually tosses him out. Owen got a lot of heat when he came back. Heel turn completely, and very successfully too. Owen helps Kwang double team Scott, but then Bart Gunn enters at 6, to make a save of sorts.

Vince wants cameras sent backstage, because ‘something’ has happened. Thanks for that. Major crowd response for Scott nearly eliminating Owen, and now here comes Diesel.

This is the moment where Kevin Nash began his career for real. Yes, the guy has always been torture to watch in the ring, and was one of the worst WWF champions ever, but he had a great look and they built him as a monster here. He got rid of Bart, Scott, Owen and Kwang in that order.

A yet to snap Bob Backlund, who lasted 63 minutes the year before, comes in. Diesel gets rid of him in about one minute, and if you think that was quick, the two would have a WWF title match later in the year that was not on TV and would last about 9 seconds.

Billy Gunn is the next to be fed, and gets in three punches and an Irish whip before getting a boot to the face and thrown out. We cut to backstage footage of Kabuki and Tenryu hitting some extremely weak offense on a prone Lex Luger.

Virgil is in, to the consternation of DiBiase on commentary, and of course we all believe that he’ll do the business. Oh wait, no, he is gone. Diesel has now eliminated seven guys by himself.

Randy Savage is number 11, and perhaps it will now be a real battle. Savage looks close to eliminating Diesel, but Jarrett is number 12. Vince plugs how Jeff is trying to use the WWF as a stepping stone to Nashville. I’ve never quite understood that. Anyway, Jarrett nearly gets rid of Savage, steals Flair’s strut, and Savage hurls (and I really do mean hurls) Jarrett out.

Crush is 13, and he and Savage have a big history at this point. Crush had turned heel by attacking Savage, apparently angry that Savage didn’t contact him when he was injured. Crush actually dumps Savage quite easily, and then it is nearly missed because Doink is on his way.

Doink plays his usual dumb-ass tricks, but number 15 is Bigelow.

Bam Bam presses Doink above his head and throws him out (are you watching Davey Boy?) Bam Bam, Crush and Diesel, all big guys who aided Yoko now go at it between them, but soon Mabel is in the ring.

We get a horrific preview of Mabel v Diesel which would headline King of the Ring the following year. Mabel, by the way, is Viscera AKA Big Daddy V.

Sparky Plugg is out next, for what might be his debut, and gets no reaction. Compare this to modern day, when he is one of the veterans of the company, nearly 14 years later, having held numerous midcard titles and fought nearly everyone on the roster. And he still gets no reaction.

Michaels is 17, and he runs straight into Diesel. By this point, Diesel is swaying the audience, and is effectively in a similar position to Batista when he was technically heel but the fans were begging for him to turn of Triple H.

Distracted by Michaels, Diesel is ganged up on by everyone in the ring, and then Michaels gives him the final push. The fans chant Diesel, and Nash would actually not turn face until after Survivor Series.

Mo is in at 18, and then Greg Valentine at 19. Crush press slams Michaels but does not throw him out, despite the fact that was stood next to Bam Bam when Bigelow slung Doink. Idiot.

Number 20 is Tatanka, still to a good reaction. Michaels does a little of his Houdini routine that we would see in 1995, and then it’s the mercenary Kabuki.

Shock and horror as Luger comes out at 22 (thought he was injured, dincha?). Lex wastes no time eliminating Kabuki, and Tenryu is out next. Vince says that Tenryu will team up with Crush and Tenryu, “there’s no doubt about that”. Well, there’s a bit of doubt, Vince, because Kabuki is already out.

24 is nobody. No-one comes through the curtain, and the suggestion is that it must have been Bret Hart’s number. Poor Bret. So Luger has in fact made it, but Bret is out. Definitely, definitely out.

Rick Martel is 25, then, and man did that guy hang around for a long time without doing anything much of note.

26 takes an eternity to come out, and its Bret. SWERVE! Had you going again, didn’t I? What do you mean you knew he’d still come out? Liar. Anyway, Hart takes about an hour to reach the ring, and essentially will barely get an attacking move in at all, selling the leg.

Fatu is next, and Vince says he is 28,so that means I’ve missed one, and frankly I’m not going back to see what I’ve got wrong because I can’t be bothered. Anyway, there’s about a million guys left in, and they are joined by Marty Jannetty who obviously goes straight to HBK. Crush is thrown out, and shortly afterwards Rougeau goes a horrific job of trying to interview Crush, who gets attacked by Savage, and then Rougeau does an even worse job of trying to act, calling people to break up the situation.

Next up is Adam Bomb, but then we know that because we saw him backstage when Rougeau pretending to be an interviewer. Vince and Ted was obviously not paying attention.

Bret eliminated Sparky Plugg, and Vince missed that as well. He does, however, tell us that Bastion Booger was the person who missed their draw, because he got ‘a little sick’. That’s nice to know.

Martel eliminates Valentine, as Bret and Shawn go at it. I like seeing that, it amuses me. Adam Bomb lunges at Luger, who drops a shoulder and Bomb is bombed out. Mo is also gone, and then Tatanka follows. Bam Bam does a ridiculous flip in the corner and Luger pushes him out, before Michaels bests Jannetty, leaving us down to 5. Tenryu, Fatu, Michaels, Bret and Luger are left.

Bret and Luger do a double team Irish whip with Fatu and Michaels, then both lift and eliminate Tenryu. Luger is nearly thrown out by both Michaels and Fatu, but fights them both off. Bret and Luger go for the Irish whip again, and although the heels avoid it, they run into the opposite corner where Bret and Luger thrown them out. That sounded really confusing, and my description does no justice to a cool spot.

Bret and Lex duke it for a sec, then fall out of the ring at the same time. No-one knows who has won, and then Howard Finkel announces that the winner is.........and Luger’s music plays. So does the sound man know? Does he make the call?

Luger’s music gets cut off, and amusingly Earl Hebner is arguing the call, saying that Bret has won. You know who you can trust Bret. Bret’s music now plays, and the fans clearly want the call to go to the Hitman.

So Jack Tunney, kayfabe President comes out, and tries to mediate between Luger, who has Joey Marella backing him, and Bret supported by Hebner.

Replays are shown, but the camera obviously has been placed deliberately so that no conclusive proof is available, just in case they got it wrong. Fink begins to announce the winner, but stalls and goes back to get an explanation from Tunney. The crowd start to chant for Bret, but the announcement, after yet another replay, is that Luger and Bret have both won. They play the generic PPV ending music, and no-one is happy. As Bret and Luger both argue their cause, DiBiase comes up with the most logical explanation, which is of course what did not happen. His suggestion is for a match between Luger and Bret, which makes perfect sense.

In reality, what happened was that at Wrestlemania Yoko took on Luger and won, then faced Bret and lost. This was a daft way to do it, but if they hadn’t, we wouldn’t have seen Bret v Owen to kick off Mania, which was one of the best matches ever.

Retro Rumble - 1993

Hi strangers.

I've not been at my best in terms of providing you with frequent updates as of late, so with my favourite PPV, The Royal Rumble, less than a forntight away, I thought I'd give you a little treat.

So here, starting with 1993, are some reviews of Rumbles through the ages. I probably won't have time to get through them all, but sporadically over the next two weeks I'll post my thoughts looking back through the history of this great event.

Enjoy,
Rob

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Its 1993, it’s Gorilla and the Brain, and its the Arco Arena.

It’s the Royal Rumble, and we’re kicking off with The Steiner Brother against the Mullet twins, dah, I mean The Beverly Brothers, who seem to be sans Genius this year.

Scott Steiner, at this point, was an ordinary looking, talented individual and not the genetic (yeah, right) freak that he is now. The Steiners were a great team back then, with two individual looks, so quite a step up for the Beverlys considering they had the Bushwhackers for opponents the year before.

Hey, I’ve just noticed the referee is Fonzie. I have nothing to followed that up with, but that’s who the ref is. Wow, what a start to this recap. Hooked, ain’t ya?

The Steiners, at this point, had only been in the WWF for about 6 weeks, so this was basically a showcase outing for them. With this in mind, it wasn’t a great match, although the obvious result occurred, with both men hitting some stiff looking clotheslines and suplexes, Rick collecting the hot tag and cleaning house, before Scott hit the Frankensteiner and boy did the Beverly brother (I don’t know which is which) land square on his head.

Steiners win, and the obligatory face win to open the show is over.

Up next is Marty Janetty v Shawn Michaels for the IC title, a feud over a year in the making. It was a year in the making, though, because Janetty was supposed to work the injury inflicted on him in a episode of Brutus Beefcake’s barber shop, but managed to get himself fired before the payoff at Wrestlemania VIII.

Janetty returned in late 1992, and reignited the feud, and here at the Rumble we see a recap of Janetty’s return, which was fantastically well done. A great camera shows Michaels see Marty in a mirror Sensational Sherri was holding up for him. Marty knocks Shawn down, swings the mirror and Shawn pulls Sherri in front of him to take the blow.

It was a great build up to this match, and we kick off with Sherri wandering to ringside, in no-one’s corner in particular. Jannetty is out first, and appeared to put his ring gear through an industrial shredder before he went through the curtain.

The match is underway, and it’s all Janetty in the early going. He looked so different when Kennedy brought him out on Raw. Oh it wasn’t him? Really? Had me fooled.

Anyway, Michaels takes over, puts Janetty on his shoulder and runs him into the ring post on the outside. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that move actually hit apart from on this occasion.

They work the arm convincingly for quite some time. Another thing you don’t see that often, and Jannety does a good job of selling it. He gets the inevitable comeback, including a pretty cool suplex to the outside, and Sherri blasts Michaels to show her allegiance. Marty pounds away, and we have a couple of really close near falls, until referee Joey Marella takes a bump. Hmm, a Morella who gets easily beaten down. Something else that you don’t see.......oh wait, we do have that now.

Sherri comes in, high heel in hand like a drunk ladette on a Friday night, and swings at Shawn. She misses and levels Marty, so Shawn tells her off. He lifts Marty into position, nails the superkick, and Marty takes a ridiculous twisting bump. Shawn gets 3 and Sherri runs off in tears.

Gene tries to get a word with Sherri, and even starts to tell her off. The bloke who you tried to smack with a shoe, fine. But Mean Gene? How embarrassing is that? Anyway, Shawn confronts her, but gets jumped by Janetty. This feud lasted ages......one more day, in fact, when Janetty turned up for Raw drunk.

He came back during the year, and although he had a short IC title run and held the tag belts with the 123 Kid (X-Pac), he never lived up to his potential. This is a great shame, because watching the match we have just seen, he was a decent worker who was over.

Inventive theme music time as Bam Bam Bigelow comes out to the strains of........a fella saying Bam Bam over and again.

Boss Man is the opponent, and Bigelow jumps him early. Standard big man fare, but to be fair both of these men could go, and were pretty athletic. Certainly a damn sight more interesting than seeing Mark Henry or Big Daddy V.

Gorilla calls Bam Bam “not that bright”, because apparently saying ‘lateral collateral’ rather than just ‘knee’ makes you a bloody Mensa member.

Bam Bam nails a flying headbutt from the top, and this one is over .Gorilla calls it an impressive win, but that’s only if you consider 4 minutes of rest holds impressive.

Footage of Razor Ramon attacking Owen Hart is shown, before Gorilla says that Owen Hart literally got creamed. I don’t even want to think about what being ‘creamed’ really means.

Razor cuts a neat little promo with Ray Rougeau, apparently from basketball game, and then comes to the ring. The lack of depth in the company at this point shows in the fact that Razor, who was always a decent enough performer, is number one contender, as wasn’t really considered likely to take the strap from the Hitman.

The place goes wild when Bret comes out, and maybe I’m biased because I’ve always been a huge mark for the Hitman, but I don’t recall too many guys being as over as he was at that time. Even the Rock. Maybe Hogan and Austin, but that’s it.

The match gets underway, with Razor taking the early advantage, but Bret avoids a rush to the turnbuckle, and Razor hurts his knee. Big mistake. See, this is why I loved Bret, because everything he did made sense. He systematically begins to pound on Ramon’s knee, using a figure four, the ring post, the ropes, kicks, leg whips, a whole manner of offense. All for a reason.

Razor changes momentum, and the psychology of the match increases further as Bret takes a stiff looking bump to the ribs on the ring post having gone underneath the turnbuckles. Razor then begins to pound on the lower back.

Interesting to see Razor to get a 2-count and complain to the official. As champion, it must be nice for Bret to know he can trust the referee, who in this case is.........Earl Hebner. Er, ok then. Ten years, and I’m still bitter. That’s right.

Bret fights back, throwing Razor to the outside then diving on top of him. He plays the plucky babyface for a bit, throwing a series of rights, and then starts his little series of moves leading to his finisher. Atomic drop, clothesline, Backbreaker, Russian Leg Sweep, Bulldog. The beauty of it all is that he sells his own injury while doing all this.

Sharpshooter attempt countered by virtue of the ref getting ‘inadvertently’ pulled on top of Bret, breaking the hold. Ooh, those dastardly Hebners. Razor gains the upper hand, but Bret with a fantastic counter series of moves into a back suplex. Razor back on top, and signals for the Razor’s Edge, but Bret counters into a backslide.

Ramon back on top as the pendulum swings again, and while this isn’t a classic, the ride you are taken on by virtue of the psychology is superb. Bret counters another Razor Ramon power move into a very innovative pinning combination, and while both men are lying on the deck, applies the Sharpshooter, reminiscent of his famous match with Mr Perfect at Summerslam 1991.

Cracking title match, although you never really felt that this was to be Scott Hall’s first title.

Next up, Bobby Heenan unveils the Narcissist. He’d been talking about this guy for about a month, without naming names. When the unveiling took place, and Heenan revealed it was Lex Luger, the reaction was........almost non-existent.

Now I love Heenan’s commentary, he is undoubtedly the best colour guy ever, but his fawning over Luger was a bit embarrassing. Anyway, Luger cuts a passionless promo about Mr Perfect, who Bobby Heenan was in a tussle with at the time. I’ve never understood why Luger stayed near the top of companies for so long. Good lord that was dull.

From the Narcissist of Greek Mythology to Ancient Rome, and here are Caesar and Cleopatra. OK then. You see, Wrestlemania was at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas that year, so some dude in a Toga had to waffle on about stuff for 3 minutes. Very boring and pointless. Still more interesting than Luger though.
Rumble time, and number one is.............Ric Flair.

Bobby Heenan asserts confidence in the fact Flair can still win, which is obviously a death knell. The fact that he’d already signed with WCW at this point stood against him too.

Bob Backlund was number two, and got nothing. No music, not reaction, nothing. He was 43 at the time, and he’d be champion again within two years.

Papa Shango, early incaranate of The Godfather Charles Wright, and source of many childhood nightmares is in at 3, but lasts seconds before Flair dumps him.

Gorilla then does another classic piece of telegraphing, reminding us that when Backlund was WWF champion previously, he did some major feats of endurance. So basically you are saying he’d be able to stay in the Rumble for a long time, right? Thanks Gorillia, much appreciated.

I love the fact that they are playing up the fact that Backlund is 43 – wow, that’s so old, they seem to say. Ric Flair, by contrast was........just short of his 44th birthday. A spring chicken if ever there was one.

In at 4 is Ted DiBiase, and 5 is Brian Knobbs of the Nasty Boys. Now the Nastys got booed last year, and cheered this, so I suppose they must have had a face turn in between times. Gorilla informs us that the Nastys are feuding with Money Inc, which is DiBiase and IRS. Thanks. Knobbs nearly eliminates Flair, and gives Ted a Pit Stop (if you don’t know, you don’t want to).

Virgil is out next, and of course gets straight into it with The Million Dollar Man, who evicts Knobbs. So to speak.

Jerry Lawler is number 7, and Heenan tells us that he is the host of WWF Superstars. Lawler has done pretty well to still be quite a good broadcaster consider he’s been around for the best part of 15 years.

Max Moon is next, and I guess that might need an explanation. Max Moon was supposed to be a futuristic spaceman kind of character, and it was originally played by the man known as Konnan now. However, he had a dispute and left, so Paul Diamond (who I referenced as Cato in the 1992 review) took over. I don’t know which one played Max on this occasion. Anyway, the character sucked, and so badly that I haven’t even finished this paragraph and he’s gone.

As Moon got eliminated, Japanese superstar Tenryu entered, cueing up a Heenan classic. A reverse knife edge exchange with Flair led to Monsoon saying that Tenryu’s were better. Heenan: “How do you think they get the term Chop Suey?” Slightly racist, perhaps, but very funny.

Mr Perfect Curt Hennig is number 10, and of course heads straight for Flair. The focus is purely on these two for the whole two minutes that precede Skinner’s entry.

Soon after, Perfect eliminates Flair, and would go on to beat him in a Career match the following night on Raw.

Koko B Ware is out here now, and another borderline racist moment from Heenan, as he greets Koko’s arrival with “Someone call a cab?” Sorry if that offends you, but that Heenan cracks me up.

Perfect watches an impressive feat of athleticism by Skinner and rewards the Alligator man by dropkicking him out of the contest.

13 is a not at all racist gimmick of a bloodthirsty Samoan savage (thank God they don’t do that any more) and it’s Samu, one half of the Headshrinkers.

The Berserker is out next. You know that guy had such a great look, and I honesty think it he came along now he’d do really well. I didn’t say it would interesting, but he’d get a push.

Perfect eliminates Lawler, and then is thrown over the top himself, although it takes Lawler to help rid the ring of him.

Looking at the ring, it is now seriously devoid of star power, so it must be time for........The Undertaker. Tenryu and Samu are gone in quick succession, while Berseker slams Backlund on the concrete. You’ll see why in a minute.

Terry “Don’t call me Red Rooster” Taylor is next in, and is thrown by DiBiase at the same time as Koko. Taker throws the Million Dollar man, and gets to work on the Berserker, when you see the crowd look to the aisle.

The camera (from a great low angle shot) shows a gigantic man (who we would find out later was called Giant Gonzales) accompanied by Harvey Wippleman. Not an official entry in the Rumble, he enters the ring after Taker drops Berserker, and clubs Taker. The Giant eliminates Taker, then systematically destroys the Deadman, including using Taker’s own Goozle.

I want to note, for the record, as I have never really had the chance, that although Gonzales was one of the worst wrestlers of all time, I think his debut was one of the best. He looked enormous, got instant heat and shocked the audience because of his domination of the Undertaker. Mainly, though, the commentators did an awesome job of selling him. Absolutely brilliant. They explained about Wippleman’s past involvement with Kamala and how the Undertaker destroyed him.Eventually Paul Bearer came down to use the urn to revive Taker, and he went to the back. The feud was abysmal after that, but the opening was a belter.

After Taker is gone, we are left with Backlund being beaten down by IRS and Damian Demento (I’d forgotten him too) before Tatanka makes the save. Watching this may remind you that Tatanka was big-time over at the time. By the way, now you know why Berserker slammed Backlund outside, because they didn’t want him eliminated but if he had stayed in the ring, he’d have been slung by Taker or destroyed by Gonzales.

The other Nasty Boy (Janet Jackson’s favourite tag team) is in now, and of course goes for IRS. Some good continuity happening here. Big Typhoon is out now, also getting cheered, so another face turn in the last 12 months has taken place, and I notice that his singlet has a picture of a tidal wave on it. Which isn’t a Typhoon. That’s a Tsunami, surely. Maybe there was confusion about Tsunamis spreading Typhoid. I don’t know.

While I’m talking crap, Fatu is out here, and yes that is Junior Fatu AKA Rikishi, famed for his role as the Sultan. Or maybe not.

At this point you can look at the ring and realise that star power is truly lacking. Any form of logic tells you that with the winner facing the champ at Mania, realistically of the guys that have entered so far, it could only be Taker, Flair or Perfect, and they are all gone. So the tension was lost because it could only really be Yoko or Savage to win.

Earthquake and went straight to Typhoon, which made zero sense, because those two could have dominated all before them, then duked it out, but no, that would logical, so they fought each other instead .

I’ve lost count now, so number blank comes out now, and it’s Carlos Colon, father of current/former WWE wrestler Carlito. Monsoon calls him a youngster. Colon was 47 at the time. Makes Backlund and Flair look like young pups.

Tito Santana is next, and as he pounds on Earthquake, Backlund eliminates Fatu. I’m not sure if I hear it properly, and I’ve never noticed it before, but it sounds very much like a ‘we want Hulk’ chant. Sadists.

Rick Martel follows his former Strike Force partner, and these two get straight into it, and as they do, Quake throws out IRS.

Tito nearly eliminates Backlund, and the crowd scream for him to hang on. Not bad considering he got no reaction at all when he entered.

A Japanese flag poking through the curtain foreshadows the next entrant, and it a sumo wrestler who looks a lot like a Samoan. He slings Tatanka, and then Colon, before Earthquakes faces him up. As Quake clotheslines away, Owen Hart is the next man in.

Quake misses an Avalanche (I’m not getting my disasters confused, that’s the name of the move) and gets heaved over by Yokozuna.

Repo man comes out and runs straight into Yoko, who is clearly the story of the Rumble now. Everyone gangs up on Yoko, in much the same way was they used to do to Andre, but Yoko fights them all off.

Next out is the only other man who could win this, Randy Savage. He goes to work on Repo while Santana is next eliminated. A big drop kick by Owen Hart ousts Sags, and the Rocket escapes being slung by the Model, but is soon removed by Yokozuna.

Repo Man leaves the scene thanks to Savage, and its down to Martel, Savage, Yokozuna and Backlund. That must be all, because I’m sure it’s been more than two minutes since Savage came in.

Backlund is announced at 61 minutes in the match, and Heenan again expresses surprise at Bob’s age. Hell, Michaels and Undertaker now are 42. Backlund rids the ring of Martel, then gets the attention of Yokozuna. Brilliantly, as the time ticks past the moment where he breaks the record Backlund throws dropkicks to unsettle the big man, but then gets unceremoniously thrown out.

Down to just Savage and Yoko, and as Mr Fuji waves the Japanese flag at ringside, Yoko shouts Samoa into a camera. Nothing like a bit of nationalism.

Savage plays a great role of babyface in peril, and becomes the first person to knock Yokozuna off his feet. Thinking clearly, Savage drops his patented elbow from the top, and covers Yoko. Seriously, he covered him. In an over the top battle royal, he covered a 560-pound man. Hmm, logical.

Heenan says he is not leaving until the Royal Rumble is over. Good, considering that’s his job, but presumably, somewhere, Bill Watts is smiling.

Anyway, from a lying down position, Yoko manages to throw the Macho Man all the way over the top rope. Yokozuna is then led to the back by the Romans as we go to highlights of the show.

This is one of my favourite early Rumbles, because I think the wrestling pre Rumble is strong; with great stories told in both IC and WWF title matches, and a reasonably busy Rumble match itself. Perhaps it’s a little predictable as to how would win it, but as something you can go back and watch, its fun to watch a Rumble as it used to be. They are very overbooked these days.

Armageddon Live Notes

1am - So another WWE PPV is about to start which I am feeling rather apathetic towards. I always look forward to PPVs, because I’d rather be watching wrestling than not watching wrestling, frankly, but I don’t really know what to expect.

Last month I didn’t expect much and was pleasantly surprised. Last Monday I didn’t expect much and was very pleasantly surprised. I’m not expecting much tonight. I hope the system continues to work.

1.03am
The opening video seems to put Orton and Jericho in the main spotlight, so that may well be the main event. I’d be very impressed if this was a great match, because Jericho has been out for so long.

1.04am
Its US title action first, as MVP faces Rey Mysterio. MVP appears sans bubble dome, and Rey appears with a mask on, covering his erm......mask. The extra mask also seems to be some sort of Halloween costume. This is Christmas, Rey. Not Halloween. I wonder if he went trick or treating in a Santa outfit.

1.18am
Match ends with a bit of a bullshit finish, but slightly understandable. Basically, Mysterio nails MVP on the outside, and just as Porter is about to re-enter the ring, he opts not to, takes the 10 count, and loses via count-out.

This match was ok, but it was one of those Rey Mysterio matches that I struggled to enjoy. You know, I’ve kept quiet really, but I’m not much of Mysterio fan. Some of his spots are fantastic, and his energy and athleticism cannot be questioned. But, he is not a great wrestler, he is a small guy who is very athletic and needs his opponent to help him by selling majorly. I think it looked very obvious that MVP was assisting Rey with almost every move.

That said, the match was watchable, and the finish was presumably written like that in order to either have an MVP v Mysterio in the future which is in a cage or something, or its because they had nothing for these two guys, and just threw them together, although they didn’t want MVP to drop the belt, and couldn’t have Rey lose cleanly, apparently

01.21am
Interview with Jeff Hardy, and he says that he has been in all kinds of matches. He lists some, and they are quite a range. “Everything from ladder matches, to TLC matches, to Money in the Bank matches.”

Aren’t they the exact same match but with different names?


01.24am
Its the moment that no-one has looked forward to, as Big Daddy V and Mark Henry will attempt to make a sloth look like the Roadrunner. But unless ACME sell a product which makes excruciating matches watchable, then this is going to be tough.


01.36am
I won’t lie to you – that was not pretty. However, CM Punk continues to look impressive, and surely it is only a matter of time before he gets called up to Raw or Smackdown, and gets programmes with some top guys.

The other positive, I suppose, was the ending, which saw Big Daddy V catch Punk, who was on a roll at the time, in mid air, and hit a Samoan drop. It was extremely creative, and will be used, I suspect, to put over Big V and suggest he is the number one contender. No other reason to have the champion pinned.

The rest of the match was excrement.

01.42am

After an Edge and Vickie backstage segment which achieved nothing unless Edge ultimately turns on her after she helps him win a title, we have Kennedy and Michaels in the ring. This should be a good’un, but the build up has seemed a little forced to me.

01.58am

I am a happy bunny again. HBK v Kennedy was absolutely superb. That is one of the best PPV matches I have seen all year. It may not get the credit it deserves because it was not chock full of big spots, but the psychology used throughout, with Kennedy doing an awesome job of selling his hand injury, and Michaels favouring his back.

Whoever booked the intricacies of the match deserves hearty congratulations. The story of the match was told brilliantly, and it achieved that holy grail of matches. False finishes where you bought the ending, entertaining action, and a clean finish which did not hurt the loser.

2.06am

Triple H v Jeff Hardy. The third chance tonight for upward mobility, and so far it is 0-2. Although, I will let the HBK/KK match off because it was so good. Jeff Hardy to win this match would absolutely make his career. It really would. Would a defeat really hurt The Game that much?

2.23am

Good Lord, he actually did it. Hardy got the win, albeit in a match which I never thought flowed. JR wrongly called a lateral press as a cross body, so even he wasn’t up to speed! Jeff missed an early rail spot, and I think things like this are why he won’t be more than just a one off contender at Royal Rumble.

However, fair play to the WWE for giving us an upset, for giving Hardy a chance, and for Triple H to defy his all conquering image in order to put something over.

2.35am

PPV filler next, as Finlay beats The Great Khali in a slow one. Basically the referee was confiscating a shillelagh when Hornswaggle interfered, low blowed Khali, handed Finlay a second shillelagh. He bashes Khali with it, wins and no-one cares.

I hope they are going to go somewhere with the Hornswaggle thing, because he is all over TV and it is not really that entertaining. I can only think by giving him TV time and Finlay a PPV win, that they are building to something. We’ll see.

2.44am

Lillian has just finished the intros, and we are ready for the first of the two World title matches. Seems I was wrong about the main event. Jericho is definitely not getting a huge reaction.

3.00am

Hmm. Well, to contradict my last statement, during the match the atmosphere certainly improved. By 10 minutes in the crowd were very pro Jericho, and there were some significant near-falls and big moves. However, that really was a bullshit finish. It IS possible to put people, and indeed keep people, over without having to resort to interference DQs.

I also have a problem with consistencies with the realities of the system, which is supposed to be based on realism. Firstly, Jericho would not warrant a title shot having been out for two years, he would need to earn it. But since he had one, as he actually won the match, surely he should get another shot. Actually, come to think about it, by that logic, didn’t Ric Flair pin the WWE champion? That would make him number one contender wouldn’t it?

Oh, I give up trying to find logic. Putting that aside, I assume that what we’ll now see is JBL and Jericho in a war of words, leading to JBL costing Jericho the Royal Rumble, and then a build up to a match at Mania, since we are told JBL wants to return to the ring.

3.16am

Beth v Mickie has just ended, and it was standard fare really. Beth wins, it was never really in doubt. Video for the triple threat now airing. Not sure about this one. I don’t really dig triple threats, they always seem to drag a bit, and they lose some realism, because one guy seems to take a powder after a clothesline they would normally bounce up from, but instead lie on the floor for two minutes.
However, there have been some crackers (HBK v HHH v Benoit springs to mind) so I’ll give it a chance.

3.42am

You know what, I liked it. It was far from a classic, but Edge takes the title AND manages to further his character. I like the ‘ultimate opportunist” idea and gives him a gimmick of being smart enough to outdo bigger rivals like Batista and Taker.
Folks, I am exhausted, it’s been a long day for me. Not a bad PPV, but without being a classic. Lookin forward to Rumble, and I’ll be building to that very soon. Keep checking back, I’ve got a few surprises in store before the first PPV of

Raw 15th Anniversary: was I supposed to bring a gift?

We open Raw with an amalgamation of all the previous theme music and opening graphics.

Vince over-eggs the power walk pudding followed by Shane and Steph. No Linda though. Matching colours and everything.

“welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw” in patented Vince style. He says that Linda has a gastro intestinal infection. Vince calls in the photographer but is interrupted by Hornswaggle to a surprisingly big pop. “Hornswaggle” chant as he hugs his Dad’s leg.

Vince tells Shane and Steph he loves them. He dismissively says it to Honry as well. But then he loves all of us too.

Vince wants the family to say “Monday” on three. 1..........2...........

Time to play the Game.

Triple H interrupts to a major pop and “Triple H” chant. He tells us that the fans are smart, they know what’s going on, he feels part of the family. “Sup Steph” he adds.

Trips wants to bring out the people that Vince has “loved” – starting he says, with someone representing the current crop of divas. Melina. “I did not have sex with that Women” “whatever, Clinton”

Representing the past, the original Diva Sunny. And she looks hot! Horny hugs and gets himself some.

Next up is Mae Young. I struggle to pay attention to this, I’m still thinking about Sunny.

Mae avoids Horny, but dry humps Vince, before Melina, Sunny and Trips pull her off. Vince says it was at Moolah’s funeral and had had a lot to drink. At this point, Shane can’t take any more. He’s outta here. Vince tells Steph that he was thinking of her Mom. Trips tell Vince that “anyone can do the pretty ones”
Trips asks any employee that may have been mistaken as a women to come out.

Cue Finkel, Big Dick Johnson, Brisco, Patterson, Bastion Booger and Knuckleball Swartz (thats Lombardi) – they enter to Vince singing at the Slammys.

Trips introduces all of them, but stops at Knuckleball. He asks who he is, and Scwartz tells him. Trips says that Brooklyn Brawler must be busy.

Steph tells Vince that he has embarrassed them enough, and she will embarrass him. She kisses Triple H passionately. He says “see you at home”

Vince say “I hate you” and storms off. Triple H apologises to Hornswaggle, and says if only there was someone who could make him happy just by the sound of his music. Cue the Godfather, with about a dozen hos. Great line from JR “King, I think I see your new ex-wife”

Err, interesting opening segment.

After a break is the Ladder match for the IC title.

Quick, back and forth opening, and Jeff eventually dropkicks Carlito from the apron onto a (hopefully gimmicked) ladder. Jeff Begins to climb, then Carlito Springboards from the ropes to the ladder, hits Hardy with a couple of punches, then sunset flips, over the ladder, over Jeff and hits a modified powerbomb. “Holy Shit” chants take us to commercial..........

We come back to find Carlito down, ladder in the corner. Jeff climbs to the top, vaults the ladder, but misses the attempted legdrop.

Carlito traps a Hardy leg in the ladder and stomps it. He fetches another ladder and drops it on the first, still containing Jeff’s leg. He then stacks both ladders, and slams Jeff onto the ladders, leg first.

Carly begins to climb a ladder, but Jeff is up. He beats Carly off it, but Carlito is back on top, setting up the ladder in the corner. Jeff is really selling the leg and Carlito lays him on the ladder. As Carly runs in, Jeff counters and back drops Carlito into the ladder. Very stiff.

Jeff hits a swanton. Well, I think he was supposed to hit it. He didn’t get much. JR calls the hit but Lawler tries to cover. Jeff climbs, Carlito pulls him off. Jeff goes for a Twist of Fate, but Carly counters into a Backstabber on the ladder. Both men climb, Carlito gets one hand on the gold, but Jeff pushes him off, onto the ropes. Jeff takes the belt and wins one of the best Raw matches of 2007

Things to take from the match – Jeff sold a leg injury big time, so don’t be surprised to see this play a part in him losing to Triple H, but having an excuse. Also, Carlito sold like a madman and took some crazy bumps. That looked like a display to prove his worth to the company to me.

Grisham talks to Heartbreak Mountain, Shawn Michaels, w/ extra white teeth. Michaels says that he can’t remember what he was doing 15 years ago because it’s a little sketchy. He says that Mr Kennedy-Kennedy (that’s what he called him)did something last week which was not a Raw highlight, but if he couldn’t interact with the fake Marty Jannetty, what will he do with the real one?

Jannetty then jumps into shot, thanks Shawn for inviting him (I think), challenges Kennedy (I think) and then says he has to go get ready (I think). To be honest, I couldn’t understand much, but its Ken Kenndy v Marty Jannetty later tonight...............I think.

Next follows a pretty cool compilation of some great Raw moments. Too many for me to recap, but it was pretty slick, with some moments I had forgotten.

Santino now in the ring with Maria. He says that he is the future and has issued an open challenge to anyone. The man who answers is.............

RVD. No seriously. To begin with, I couldn’t remember the theme music, and when I recalled it, it took an eternity for the man himself to show up. But he did, and he wiped out Marella in about 30 seconds after a frog splash. I have no idea if this means RVD is back for good, but man was it god to see him. Wish it had have been for longer.

More commercials, but before that an Evolution teaser airs. They will be reuniting after the break.

Evolution are on their way out, led by Ric Flair, but he is in his gear. Ric would wear an expensive suit for a reunion, wouldn’t he? Trips follows, and both so far are wearing Evolution shirts. Flair and Trips shake hands, followed by Trips water spit. Thats still gross, I don’t care what anyone says.

Next out is Batista, also in an Evolution jersey to a lukewarm pop. Not so many Smackdown viewers in, then. Hug for Flair, and hug for Trips. Screw continuity.

And now here is Orton. No Evolution shirt for him, as King says. Orton disassociates himself from the others, cutting a promo from the top of the ramp. Orton cues VT after he won the title but got dropped by the other three.

Verbal jousting follows, and Orton says that he doesn’t want to be remembered for Evolution, but for Rated RKO with this man. Edge comes out. Batista tells him to bring it to the ring, and Flair challenges them to find another partner. Orton says he thought Ric would say that, and introduces their partner, Umaga. Guess we now know why they were on the gear – dah, I mean in their gear.

After break the match is underway. Flair and Edge tangle, as King tells us that if Flair’s team loses that doesn’t mean he has to retire. That stip is only for singles matches. Umaga tags in and applies a nerve hold, and Ric...........yawns? I don’t think that was meant to look like a yawn, more a cry in pain, but it was funny. It is late for a man of Ric’s age to still be up though.

Trips and Batista eventually hit the ring to hit stereo spinebusters on Orton and Edge. Umaga enters, knocks down the ref and we have a DQ. Orton and Edge bail, and Umaga gets a ball shot from Naitch, Spear from Big Dave, and a Pedigree from the Game. Evolution stand tall as we see Jeff Hardy applying ice backstage.

More flashbacks. This time all the memories are entitled “road rage”. Damn, the WWE have spent a fortune hiring and wrecking vehicles over the years.

Backstage, we see Hornswaggle bothering Mickie James and a slimmed down (so slimmed down I wasn’t sure it was her until Regal mentioned her name) Molly Holly, until RAW GM pulls him away and books him in a rematch with Khali. And Finlay got his ticket from Ireland cancelled by sheer misfortune. So Hornswaggle will be saved, but by whom.................?

Now let me tell you who, brother. No time at all into the match, and the Hulkster (in nWo black and white, not red and yellow) is out to face the man who he should have faced at Mania. Khali nails a few blows, but Hogan Hulks up. Hogan hits Khali to the outside, and then hits an Asai Moonsault on Khali.

Just kidding, but he does shake Hornswaggle’s hand, and basically the leprechaun is the new Eugene. Hogan pimps WWE as the greatest company in the world, and says there is nothing better than being in the ring. He also plugs the new superstars, and says never say never......but does a Savage impression. Odd.

He pimps American Gladiators, and does a few poses with Hornswaggle. Always cool to have Hogan back – I think we’ll see him at Mania.

A package of old and newer DX moments airs and reminds me how very one dimensional their humour is. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are funny, but you need to be in the right mood.

Yay, Fink is in the ring. He is introducing a 15 man battle royal. Is that what everybody wants? Well here is Al Snow. Followed by Bart Gunn, and did you expect to get through the evening without seeing Doink.

And Barry Darsow is here, with mask and without hair, as the Repo Man. Next is Steve Blackman, who looks exactly the same. Pete Gas is next, from the Posse. Hey, and Mr Backlund! TNA rejects now?

After just seven entrants, it’s an advert break again. Dammit, that means I’ll have to do some fast recapping after the break. Who the hell is going to be so uninteresting that Bart Gunn got higher billing?
Well, we are back, and we now have (wait for it) Gangrel on his way, with Skinner, The Goon, IRS and Flash Funk. I make that 12.

Scotty 2 Hotty is next, followed by the Anvil! Yes, the WWE does have a Hart. Well, a Neidhart. Anorexic Sarge is next. You didn’t think we’d get through the without Slaughter did you?

Next, we are backstage, and its a familiar knock on the door. Followed by the menacing walk to the ring complete with pyro (of a sort) Yes, its Gillberg.

Well, he didn’t last long, and is eliminated, closely followed by Backlund. Doink is slung by Al Snow, who then ousts Gangrel. The Snowman is then sent flying by Flash Funk, before Pete Gas goes. Bart Gunn is gone too, before Funk and Blackman eliminate each other. Repo throws Goon and we down to six.

Neidhart gets rid of Goon, but is done in by Skinner. Four left and three still work for WWE.

Scotty counters an IRS briefcase, and Worms Irwin. Skinner slings Scotty, but walks into a Cobra Clutch. Keirn charges Sarge and is thrown out, but IRS ousts Slaugher. IRS celebrates and is joined by......Ted DiBiase! The Million Dollar Man joins his old partner mid ring for a Money Inc reunion.

No wait, it’s a ruse. Ted gives Irwin a couple of bucks. IRS puts it in his briefcase and hops over the top rope. Seems Ted bought the win. He gives the old “Everyone’s got a price” line, and his trademark laugh. I’m not sure how many in the audience got the reference, mind you.

After a montage of people slapping others (mostly McMahons, it has to be said) we see Eric Bischoff strolling backstage. Seems we are going to see who kicked the show we are watching’s ass 86 straight weeks.

Eric, now very Grey, talks to us about how much it means to him to be back on Raw. He gets very emotional, but soon turns on the people. He wants them to stand and give him a round of applause, but is interrupted. Seems someone will Save Us.

Jericho seems happy to confront his old boss. Who, by the way, fired Jericho a couple of years ago. Fairly uninspired promo leads to Jericho eventually smacking Bischoff in the face, and before he can apply the Walls, Orton is out. Jericho cuts him of, and applies the Liontamer to the champ, getting a visual tap-out. You know what, that was the champion and the number one contender, a segment basically aimed at hyping Sunday’s main event – and it’s the weakest on the show so far.

Hang on a minute. Another advert break, and that’s like the 6th advert for SatNav during the show. Why do they think wrestling fans have a poor sense of direction?

JR asks us how we can have 15th anniversary celebration without the American Dream? Err, how about because he has been on about 6 episodes out of the 750-odd? I think Tekno Team 2000 and Well Dunn were on more than that.

Cody Rhodes (ah, that’s why Dusty is here) and Hardcore Holly are here for a Tag Title match with Cade and Murdoch. Dream says that he is proud to “stand in this very ring” – when he is sat down outside.

And, bah gawd, Cody and Bob take the straps. I’d say they’ll lose them back on Sunday, and that this match was basically a squash, doing very little for C&M. Bit weak, frankly.

Anyway, The Merkin Dream celebrates with Cody and Bob..........well, with Cody, and we have a package about celebrities that have featured on Raw.

After the break, we get a Divas package, and afterwards it’s Jillian, in the ring to sing “Twelve days of Christmas.” She gets to day two, before Trish Stratus interrupts. JR calls her Canada’s finest export to Raw. Definitely no Bret, then.

Trish says hi to a view people, then runs down Jillian’s singing. Trish is now pencil thin, and as Jillian verbally retaliates, Lita interjects. Jillian urges Lita to hit Trish, but Lita rounds on Jillian too, slating her voice. Jillian sings again, but gets a beatdown, which is made all the better by the microphone she is wearing. You know, Jillian is a fantastic heel.

Next up we have a montage of some of the alleged funniest moments ever, without actually including any more than 2 funny ones. I’ll give them Foley catching Rocky with the “it doesn’t matter” line, and anything Edge and Christian was reeking of awesomeness, but where was Jericho’s original debut? Where was Kane’s impression of Hogan and Rock? Where was the Dating Game? Where was anything involving Regal with Tajiri?

Next we have a package of Raw weddings, which is being viewed backstage by Lita. She is joined by Kane, and they exchange a few difficult seconds before Simmons delivers his obligatory gimmick line. Man, that would have been cooler if Matt and Edge would have joined the picture.

Kennedy is out here next, ready to face Marty Jannetty. Marty emerges and some of the kids in the audience think that Billy Kidman has had a breakdown, before their older brothers and uncles explain that Marty have more talent in his little finger than many folk have in their entire career.

Anyway, a reasonably dull match ensues, with Marty telegraphing everything so much that Kennedy has time to hit the ropes, call down his mic, do a 20 minute promo, run down Scott Hall, shill some HBK merchandise, verbally joust with the King, run down Scott Hall again, and replace the microphone before countering.

Anyway, Marty manfully battles on, but Ken ultimately wins, and beats down Marty post match, before HBK makes the save. Kennedy, though, regains the upper hand, before being interrupted by The Game.

Seems like we get a DX reunion for the first time in, what? 4 weeks?

Vince needs to come through to save this show, because it’s flagging after a great start. He is in the ring, and is about to reveal the greatest Raw superstar of all time.

And, shock of shocks, he reads out “Vincent Kennedy McMahon”. Ooh, didn’t see that coming. Screeching tyres signal Mick Foley arrived......wait, no, it s Mankind. Mick has the dirty suit, mask and sock combo going on, and as Vince tries to get rid of him, he receives a Socko Claw.

BONG! Foley hightails it as he hears the music of The Undertaker, who does the full entrance towards the Chairman. And then...........chokeslam. Pretty sloppy one too.

Austin arrives next, with Vince still flat out Steve gets on the stick to praise Raw. He gets a couple of beers, and waits for Vince to get up to share one, before applying the Stunner. Austin then says that the greatest stars on Raw are the fans.

H e then invites everyone else down, and the back empties to join Austin. Seriously, a weak ending to what started off as a fantastic show and petered out to very little.

I don’t know whether I enjoyed this show or not. I'll tell you soon.

Does The Nature Boy still have the Flair for the gold?

After several months in the wilderness, amid rumours of a falling out with Vince McMahon and his impending retirement, Ric Flair this week returned to WWE TV.

It was on Monday Night Raw in his home town of Charlotte, North Carolina , and the anticipation level was very high. Some believed that The Nature Boy may quit the wrestling industry for good in the ring in Charlotte, others thought that the 16-time World Champion was beginning a major storyline building to Wrestlemania.

They may both be correct.

His in-ring promo really was classic Flair. Ric has always been one of the best promo guys in the business, and he was on top form when he began to give a solemn heartfelt speech abut how the fans had been good to him, and he was having increasing thoughts about hanging up his boots, trunks and robe for good.

And just as it seemed this was the last we would see of the limousine ridin’, jet flyin’, kiss-stealing, wheelin’-dealin’ son of a gun, he suddenly burst into life, stating he would never retire.

In an exclusive interview with my colleague Simon earlier this month (click here), Ric stated that he felt he should get more time on the microphone. Why anyone would doubt this is beyond us, but if they needed convincing, then Monday night would have done the job.

Vince McMahon, though, interrupted Naitch, and basically set up what appears to be the long term plan for Flair. When he loses a match, he retires. This instantly through him into a Raw main event with Randy Orton, which gave Flair a win in front of his own fans, kept his career going, and nicely progressed the Orton/Jericho programme.

So where will this whole storyline take Ric Flair? Is he on for a 17th World Title? Signs indicate that his final match will be at Wrestlemania, accompanied by rumours that he’d be inducted in the Hall of Fame’s class of 2008.

Wouldn’t it be incredible for the two to combine? Imagine a scenario where Ric recreates 1992 by producing an amazing performance to win the Royal Rumble, setting up a title shot. He picks as his opponent Triple H, who by then has turned heel, having turned on Shawn Michaels. The clues are already there; Triple H told Jeff Hardy on Raw that he (Trips) has turned on every partner he’s ever had, and Kennedy referred to Michaels being unable to co-exist with another for long.

So DX will have disbanded for good, The Game will have gained the WWE title, and Flair wins the Rumble to earn his shot against his former Evolution cohort. If Flair wins, he’s the champ, if he loses, he must retire.

This then gives a plethora of options. The expectation might be that Flair is to retire, so a swerve seeing him winning the belt will be hugely received, and he can do similar to Trish Stratus, and end on a title winning note. On the other hand, after a hard fought, rollercoaster, thrilling match, Triple H wins (cleanly). Offers the stage up to Flair, who celebrates his career in the ring on the biggest stage of all.

Then gets Pedigreed.

Triple H then becomes a bigger heel than ever, boasting that he has now retired Mick Foley and Ric Flair. This leads to the return of John Cena for the build up to a huge feud between him and Triple H which was originally planned for Mania.

Coming away from fantasy booking the WWE (if only it was that easy), we have to look at whether Flair is up to one last ride on Space Mountain.

Don’t forget, the man is 58 years old. Although his matches are still watchable, they are not the classics of days gone by.

On the other hand, the reaction he gets from audiences is still up there with anyone. His aforementioned promo skills are second to none. More importantly, the idea which has brought him back, which was reportedly pitched to WWE by Stone Cold Steve Austin, if manufactured correctly, from here to Wrestlemania, could turn Raw into a must-see show once again.

Flair v Triple H, or indeed anyone, for the WWE Title with the prospect of his career being on the line is a mouth-watering prospect. Not just for the event itself, but for the build up to this huge occasion, should it happen.

As a Flair mark, I really hope it does.

Will the WWE crack the code for attracting ratings?

So did you watch Raw? Did you break the code? I didn’t. I thought it was going to be the return of either Nathan Jones, Steve Blackman or Taka Michinoku. As it was, it was some bloke called Chris Jericho. Never heard of him. What a disappointment.

Seriously though, Y2J is back, and he did so in typically flamboyant style last night on Raw. But was it an anti climax? The campaign, however you look at it, was a first; a very unique method of hinting at someone’s appearance. However, the proof of it’s success will now come in the form of the ratings.

If the rating is significantly up this week, then the viral campaign has done its first job. If not (and for the record, I think it will go up, but not by much and not for more than a week or so) then they should be looking to put into effect a plan which at Survivor Series seemed to be played out a bit. Namely, interesting TV.

Wow, now there is a radical concept, huh? What I mean, really, is that the best way of getting people back is continually produce interesting, gripping and surprising TV. I’m not asking for Vince Russo-style “Crash TV” where all kinds of nonsensical swerves take place merely in the hope of shocking people, but I mean interesting storylines, matches and booked angles where you don’t know the destination.

I thought Survivor Series was a cracking PPV, for what its worth. The opening ECW title match was a belter, the Tri-branded Survivor Series elimination tag was full of star power and although Triple H’s team going over was predictable, the match was good, and they look like they are using The Game’s star status to give Jeff Hardy a rub. Orton v HBK was good without being outstanding, but I had no idea who would win, and I loved the ending, which made sense within the storyline. It gave Orton a clean victory (and HBK on Raw said that the better man won) but didn’t bury Shawn because of the Superkick stipulation. Taker v Batista didn’t grip me, but for two big men they’ve had a good run of great matches, but I don’t mind not having a clean finish if you have a great impactful shock appearance like we saw form Edge.

Speaking of which, do you remember I said that Batista being put over by the Deadman surprised me a bit? I think Edge and Undertaker should have a long feud in which Edge is allowed at least one victory. Undertaker is in a position now where he should be helping groom the future. To Michaels’ credit, I think he elevated John Cena and is doing so with Orton.

Back to idea of improving ratings with good TV. Think about it this way. Who knew that Chris Jericho was coming back? Well, the people who read the news sites, the people who watch Raw and deciphered the code. The people who watch anyway, basically. Sure, you’ll probably get an extra couple make sure they watch rather than being the floating viewer that they are. But if Raw next week is no good they’ll stop watching .

Keep swerves like Edge returning to hit Taker. Keep unexpected twists like Finlay interfering with Hornswaggle. Keep associations like Triple H and Hardy. Keep entertaining promos. Mix it all up and what will happen is that the show will become very good, and the core audience will enjoy it more. Do it over a consistent period of time and the PPVs will get better on a regular basis. Advertising one big match for a show then not really delivering big style might attract a few short term, but will turn people off long term. A consistently good show will keep people watching, and the floating viewers might stay, and some of those who used to tune in may get hooked again.

If the TV improves and the ratings improve, that will be the true second coming.

Just some random thoughts......

We’re at the halfway point (ish) between Cyber Sunday and Survivor Series, and since I promised you my thoughts on the last PPV, I thought I’d combine that with some thoughts about the current product leading up to Survivor Series.

The concept of Cyber Sunday, and formerly Taboo Tuesday, is a good one, but the execution is less stellar, as only the most foolhardy and ‘green’ of WWE fans will believe that they have very much influence. There was really only one surprise in the voting, and that was a largely unwelcome one. The Miz was never a very credible number one contender to CM Punk’s ECW title, so any mystique as to whether Punk would drop the strap was gone. If Morrison had won the vote, it may have been a different story.

There were two BS finishes to championship matches. Randy Orton was intentionally disqualified in his defence against the fans’ choice of Shawn Michaels, and we were robbed (through no fault of WWE’s) of what would have likely been a great contest, when Kane replaced Matt Hardy in the US title match.

I can’t say whether Hardy would have taken the belt from the Ballin’ Smackdown superstar, but whichever match was chosen – be it wrestling, boxing or MMA – would have likely been a good’un. These two have been the strongest pairing on any brand in the last few months.

The highlight for many will have been Batista going over the Undertaker in the main event. The fans choice of Stone Cold Steve Austin as ref was again very much a lame duck selection, as although he had some physical interaction with Mick Foley and JBL before the bell rung, he had no bearing on the match itself.

Although I have been impressed with the whole Batista v Undertaker storyline, particularly the Pay Per View matches, stretching back to Wrestlemania and beyond, I thought the decision to put Batista over so strongly was strange.

I’ll concede that the way the match was put together worked extremely well, making Batista look amazingly strong rather than Taker looking weak. However, I can’t help but feel that Undertaker losing cleanly could have been saved for someone else. I’d be delighted if someone could prove me wrong, but I don’t think Taker lost cleanly (I mean pin or submission, no interference) since No Mercy 2006, when he lost to Kurt Angle. Prior to that, I can only think of Brock Lesnar that’s been allowed to cleanly defeat the Deadman in the last few years.

To me, Batista is as big, popularity-wise, as he will get. In fact, I think in his initial run with belt after he beat Triple H he was the most over wrestler in the company, but that was his first run as a babyface. Now that he is a more established name, his star has faded a little. Plus, let us not forget that he is no spring chicken. Big Dave is 38, the same age as Triple H.

I would have thought that Undertaker would have been better served putting over Edge, Kennedy or Orton, or someone like that. Look at the face to heel comparison on the roster: (Ignore injuries)

For the face side of things, you’re talking Cena, Lashley, HBK, Triple H, Mysterio, Undertaker, Batista, and Punk. Heels of note are Orton, Edge, Kennedy, Umaga, Khali, Henry, Finlay, Big Daddy V.

I might have missed a couple out, but essentially I think you’ll agree that the balance is out of proportion. Of the heels named, several really are not up to it in terms of putting on a great match. There of course is a big name to come back in Mr Jericho.

So you’d be looking at nine high level faces looking for opponents, and finding the numbers coming up well short. I think The Game may well be overdue a heel turn, possibly for one last run with HBK (I’d say after Wrestlemania) but unless they push Kennedy or Edge to the moon, they are struggling to balance the books in terms of the good v the bad guys.

Speaking of Jericho, one can’t help but feel he’ll be back any time now, with the night after Survivor Series being touted as the most likely date. But with whom does he feud? Will they take a gamble and thrust him straight back into the title picture? Or will they offer up a midcarder for him to squash first. Maybe a Royal Rumble win is on the cards? Armageddon follows Survivor Series by 4 weeks, and then it’s a six week gap until The Rumble. That could very well be the destination for a major Jericho triumph.

As someone said (it may have been Chad Kroeger) - they say that a hero will save us..........

Rob on Tour: Birmingham, October 2007

Apologies for the lack of updates as of late. I was indeed at the Raw and Smackdown tapings in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago, and I’ll give you some observations in just a second.

I’ve been on the road around the country for the past couple of weeks, so I haven’t had much opportunity to clock in with you, especially for Cyber Sunday. However, it was a hell of day when I got back home with two weeks of Raw and a Pay Per View to watch (I don’t always bother with Smackdown). I strapped myself in for a 7 hours WWE marathon, and waited to see the return of Y2J...........

Well, that went well.

Thoughts to follow, but let me give you the brief highlights of my time in Brum.

I got up there on the Monday, with the exciting prospect of having some interview time with some WWE superstars. I was attending the shows, as in April at Earl’s Court, as a guest of Sun Wrestling head honcho Simon ‘lilsboy’ Rothstein, but he was otherwise engaged on that Monday morning, despatching me instead to get some words of wisdom with the guys, rumoured to be Jeff Hardy, William Regal and Layla from Extreme Exposé.

It was not to be. Instead of the Intercontinental champion and the UK’s own GM of Raw, I joined Sky Sports’ Richard Parr and a group of Swedish journos in a kind of mini-press conference with Raw Diva Maria Kanellis and newby Cody Rhodes.

Cody seemed a little pensive and would have been happier to have been elsewhere, but I am pleased to report that Maria is a beautiful in person as she appears on screen, and a lovely person to boot.

After getting a few little gems from the superstars (including an exclusive on Maria’s relationship with CM Punk) we reconvened in a sort of lobby area, just in time to see tag team champions Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch meeting a greeting some lucky youngsters, who believe were form the Make a Wish charity. The champs posed for many pictures and came across as two cracking guys. Murdoch in person, by the way, looked much leaner than on TV.

Simon arrived in due course, and after a catch up beer or two with Rich, his brother Matt who is a very talented magician (check out http://www.mattparro.com/) and the Daily Star’s Patrick Lennon, who took great joy in explaining how well his 45-minute interview with William Regal had gone!

We headed to the show, and found ourselves sat directly behind 100 metre runner Jason Gardner. I don’t know whether Jason is a big WWE fan, but this Raw taping would not have converted him if he wasn’t.

Nowhere near the quality of the Earl’s Court show which came shortly after a strong Wrestlemania and featured a 50-minute John Cena v Shawn Michaels, the highlights of the night were seeing the late, great Davey Boy Smith’s son Harry in action (albeit a dark march), and a surprisingly strong Brian Kendrick v Highlander Rory contest.

We retired to the plush Hotel in which the office staff of WWE UK were staying, as I made it my mission to inform new employee, the lovely Claire, exactly what was right and what was wrong with the WWE. I’ll let you know when my new ideas get implemented!

We managed to gain the knowledge of the hotel at which the superstars were staying, and as it happened it was basically next door to our own lodgings. We had a wander by, and saw Ken Kennedy, Jeff Hardy, Gene Snitsky, Umaga (sans face paint) and Santino Marella hanging outside the hotel’s front door.

Simon interviewed Mr. Kennedy recently and Jeff Hardy not so long ago, so got chatting and they invited us to join them for a drink. Unfortunately, the bouncer (who was only doing his job, please don’t hurt me) wouldn’t grant us access as we were not staying at the hotel.

The following morning, however, we were having breakfast at a Cafe when last night’s debutant Harry Smith walked in. Mr Rothstein once again declared a past interview, and we were able to wish Harry all the best for being called up to the roster. It’s good to see him on TV now, as DH Smith, and I predict a big future for him. Another nice, seemingly down to earth guy.

We headed to the arena with the prospect of Rey Mysterio and CM Punk being our interview guests on Smackdown/ECW day, but again hopes were dashed when the, still creditable but slightly lacking star power, duo of John Morrison and Matt Striker were introduced to us.
We got 15 minutes or so with each man. Morrison seemed keen to conduct the interview in character, but we managed to talk him out of it quickly. He was a very low-key individual after the transition, somewhat at odds with his on-screen persona.

The most controversial moment of the two days came during this interview, when Simon enquired about the former Tough Enough winner’s alleged breach of the wellness policy, but was quickly interrupted by the presiding WWE official, who simply told us “No Comment”. Interesting.

Matt Striker was a great interview, except for the fact that we had nothing to ask him. The WWE policy on who we were granted interview time was very strange. You’d think that being on tour in their third biggest market outside of the US and Canada, something they only do twice a year maximum, would be an opportunity to allow us time to speak with some of the top names, such as Batista, Orton, Mysterio or Punk.

I can understand the likes of Triple H, HBK or Undertaker being held back from scrutiny, I suppose, but surely a guy with bigger profile than Matt Striker could have been found for us.
That said, he was a heck of a guy, and fun to talk to. I’d love to see him translate the charisma he showed to us to a larger scale. He would make a great Colour Commentator some day.

The show that night was marginally more exciting than the previous evening’s offerings, but by very little. The Smackdown/ECW ‘talent trade’ is just a way of trying to cover the cracks of a paper thin roster, and seeing Kane and Big Daddy V repeatedly is not quite like seeing Austin or Rock in their heyday, is it?

Possibly the coolest moment of the trip was waiting for Morrison and Striker to show up. We were position basically in a hospitality unit at the top of the stand, awaiting the ECW stars’ arrival. Through the blinds in windows, we were able to look upon the ring and view developmental talent working out under the watchful eye of various agents like Michael Hayes and Arn Anderson. Wrestlers like Elijah Burke and MVP were working with the likes of the Major Brothers and Drew Galloway, and you could see a host of wrestlers chatting away with each other.

I had only been talking to Claire from WWE about how the backstage experience, getting to see what goes on behind the scenes must be very enlightening, and she said yes, but I’d likely never see it. It was nice, even through glass from 100 feet away, to get a little glimpse of what goes on.
I’ll give you my thoughts on Cyber Sunday in due course, and will make a concerted attempt to update this page a little more often.

Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to keep checking The Sun’s Wrestling section at the link on the left of the page. I’ve done a piece about Santino Marella which should be posted in due course.

Have a great weekend,
Rob

I've had a revelation

So it turns out that the new "Jericho" promo featured the lines

REV_22:12

and

2ND_COMING

The natural reaction is to think this refers to the book of Revelation in the new testament of the Bible.

Basically, the story of this book is that the antichrist takes of the earth, before Jesus Christ returns. That is known as the 2nd coming, and there is your reference.

But wait, there is more.

The Book of Revelation is basically a long build up to two things happening. At the end of Revelation an event occurs. Call it the end of the world, call it the apocalypse, call it...........Armageddon?

Armageddon this years takes place on December 16, the last PPV of the year. Could we have a long to this?

Or how about the signifiant symbolism in Revelation? Well, you have the Antichrist, symboised by the number 666. The antichrist is accompanied by a false prophet. One who seems positive but in reality is not.

Triple H anyone? Due for a heel turn, maybe the returning Jericho will return to slay the false prophet Triple H joining up the Antichrist..........Vince McMahon?

Also in this particular book of the bible are the representations of the forces leading t the destruction of man.

Namely, the Four Horsemen. Could there be one more big run for the Horsemen, and therefore Flair, maybe including Jericho?

Its all fun and games, isn't in, but maybe we are looking into this too seriously.

Revelation 22:12 says the following:

"Behold, I come quickly. My reward is with me, to repay to each man according to his work."

Maybe "I come quickly" refers to Jericho's imminent return.
Maybe "I come quickly" refers to Flair and the Horsemen

Or maybe "Behold, I come quickly" is just Stephanie's subtle hint to us all that she and the Game have some marital problems.

Hmm.

No Mercy live notes and reaction

01.02am

No Mercy is underway, and after a opening video sequence featuring Cena, Orton and a dove (religious symbolism, maybe another allusion to Jericho?) here comes Mr McMahon and William Regal.

Straight to business with the ‘Cena is out’ announcement. Usual mixed reaction.
Vince says he is going to give us what we want.......

A huge moment follows. A huge “Y2J” chant erupts in the arena. Vince says, in direct response “I’m not going to give you that.” Hmm, interesting.

A double blow in the opening minutes, as Vince now awards the belt to Orton. See that makes so little sense it’s unbelievable. But he did say there will be a title match. Meanwhile, as I ponder, Randy parades the belt to the fans, and gets a mixed reaction, probably more positive that Cena has been getting.

Regal tells Orton that he can choose his opponent. Oh right, that sounds realistic. Can you imagine that in Boxing? “Here you are Muhammed Ali, you’re the champ. Who do you want to face? Ken Norton, Lister, Foreman, Frazier?”

“Fuck, no. I’ll take on a shitty cruiserweight.”

Oh, shit, its going to be Hornswaggle isn’t it?

01.12am

After Orton rags on Cena for being injured, he states that no-one can come close to him and is interrupted by...............?

Brooklyn Brawler!

No, I’m sorry, it’s Triple H.

Triple H basically asks Orton for match, gets refused, then turns to Vince to cut a “Roget Promo”. Boy does Trips get some use out of that Thesaurus. Let’s see an excerpt from it.

Coward: yellow, spineless, gutless, no balls, weak.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley: Triple H, HHH, The Game, The King of Kings, The Cerebral Assassin.

Weapon: Sledgehammer..............I’m out.

01.18am

The shit is on! Remember the slow build to Wrestlemania with Triple H and Orton? They lasted 14 minutes. Vince caves to Triple H’s ‘mind games’. It’s Orton v Triple H for the belt. Common sense dictates this will be a count out or DQ finish. Why? Well, otherwise, why give the belt to Orton in the first place? If he is to lose clean, then they may as well have asked Orton to choose his opponent in the match for the vacant title, rather than give him it and then have him pick a contender. (which, of course, he didn’t anyway.)

01.22am

JR pimps Trips as a ten-time champion. Which makes me think of Ric Flair. Maybe part of Flair’s last big run, and the real history making moment, will be a Flair return, and indeed heel turn, costing The Game?

01.30am

So what do I know? On about 12 minutes, Triple H with a schoolboy rollup and The Game is the champ. This match was outstandingly booked. I know Chicago crowds are almost always hot, but they were so into this it was unbelievable. The psychology was terrific with Orton playing the battling champ shocked at the match being made, Triple H as the rampaging face on a mission.

Orton sold like a madman here, almost as if the guy he was facing was going to be his boss someday.

Oh, right.

Anyway, terrific opening half hour. But what about Umaga?

01.36am

After the unannounced title match, here comes a “bonus match”. Six man tag action coming our way, and its seems that Jeff Hardy and Londrick are together once again. Out come Cade & Murdoch, and they announce their new and improved partner. Mr Kennedy.

It seems that the Tag Team Champions realised that their former, short lived partner, Shelton Benjamin, has won like one match in two years.

This should be a good’un, and surely will be a lead in to a Hardy/Kennedy programme.

01.39am

After chanting for Y2J earlier, the Chicago crowd begin this match with a chant for their hometown boy CM Punk.

01.42am

Brian Kendrick just did the most original fall to the outside I’ve seen in ages. As Kendrick ran the ropes, Trevor Murdoch actually stood on the bottom rope and lifted the top. Brilliant stuff.

01.44am

Lawler mentions the ‘Stein. 44 minutes to beat next time, King.

01.48am

Another cracker ends with a fantastic series of moves to end it. Kennedy off the top with a Green Bay Plunge to London. Terrific 6-man match with some of the best talent in the company at the moment, in terms of character and quality.

01.50am

Backstage, the obligatory cross-over is here, with Triple H and Batista, now Smackdown and Raw champs respectively, with a history between them of course. Generic waffle ensues, before Triple H walks into Vinny Mac. Basically, Vince tells The Game that he’ll still face Umaga tonight, and its for the belt. Yes, score one for continuity.

01.52am

ECW title match is on. Pepsi v Peptic Ulcer.

01.55am

Well that was quick and pointless. Punk wins by DQ after a weak-ass interference from Matt Striker. Big Daddy Mabel destroys Punk after the match.

So after a great start, the Chicago crowd are simply not allowed to enjoy their hero in action. The aftermath of watching replays and seeing Punk stagger away form the ring actually goes longer than the match. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad this wasn’t a long match and all, but that was staggeringly pointless.

01.59am

For some reason, they are plugging the MVP/Matt hardy combo facing The Brothers of Destruction next week on Smackdown.

02.01am

Oh, that’s why. Another competition. Tazz is in the ring, for a pizza competition between MVP and Matt Hardy. I’d criticise the pointlessness, but here comes Melina and Maria, who make anything worth tuning in for. So, I’ll hold back my instincts to complain.

02.03am

MVP is very confident it seems? Wearing white to a pizza contest?

02.08am

MVP and Hardy jaw jack for a while, and Tazz shuts them up. He doesn’t want them talking tough, thats not extreme. He wants them to eat pizza. Tazz, you fought Sabu, you went through a ring with Bam Bam Bigelow. They better be paying you well for you to be commentating on a pizza eating comp.

02.12am

Yeah, MVP and Hardy are entertaining, and this segment could have been worse, but ECW got 6 minutes for a title bout (the match going 3) and Smackdown get more than 10, basically to work up to a vomit joke.

Oh, I was right about the white clothing by the way.

02.16am

A promo hyping Umaga v Triple H has just aired.

Lillian begins the announcements for this match in the 77th minute of the show. So far, the amount of pre-announced material used so far has totally a paltry (and uninteresting) 6 minutes.

02.23am

I feel deflated, and it seems so does the live crowd. The Game got nowhere near the same reception as earlier, and the tension just feels non existent for this one.

02.27am

And it’s over. So is any expectation of The Undertaker v Umaga, if that is to happen, being an exciting programme. This unstoppable Samoan monster can’t beat a man who only returned from injury a month or two ago, and who had a supposedly gruelling 12 minute match earlier on in the night.

Triple H wins with the Pedigree in about 10 minutes. Are you surprised?

02.31am

Punjabi Bischoff tells us that Khali is meditating. Oh, I thought he was asleep. Damn, I wish I could tell the difference between sleeping and meditating. I tell you what, to make it easier, I’ll assume that when the Prison make comes on, the crowd are all ‘meditating’.

02.33am

Oh my god. Security better protect the wrestlers, it seems a komodo dragon has got onto the stage. I thought you got them in the south Pacific, not Illinois.

Oh, no, wait its Rey Mysterio with a mask on, hiding his err, other mask.

Anyway, he’s here to meet Finlay, and I’ve been looking forward to this one.

02.46am

I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled.

Short reprise. Rey Mysterio dropped a leg on Finlay, when he was hanging over the bottom rope. Finlay fell backwards to the floor, in a legit stiff bump. The ref checked on him, it looked like a work. When the ref wasn’t looking, Finlay looked up as if playing possum.

Then referee Jim Korderas threw the dreaded ‘x’ sign. The ‘x’ sign should be sacred. That should be the symbol that all is not well. Not some kayfabe bullshit, but when something is seriously wrong.

It was effective. I would imagine the live crowd didn’t see Finlay glance up as if he was ok. They bought the injury and the sell job Rey did of looking concerned. They even chanted Finlay.
The Irishman then jumped from his stretcher, neck brace and all, and attacked Rey. The crowd chanted “Finlay sucks”.

You know you come out here and you talk about your Psalms and your Rey 619? Well Finlay 619 says I just fooled the marks.

02.49am

What do you know? Another ‘mysterious’ futuristic video aired. I definitely saw something saying 2nd Coming in there, and it also looked like rev.212 was in there to me. As was Save_US.222 again. Of course this will soon be doing the rounds and probably on the WWE too. I still think it isn’t cut and dried to be Jericho. Hart Foundation and HBK still possibilities.

Incidentally, did you read the “Savior Self” info that 8.2.11 was in there? If you take the numbers to be letters, where 1 = A, 2 = B and so forth that 26 = Z, 8.2.11 would be HBK.

However, as a note, Cyber Sunday is advertised as being on 10.28.07 (28th October). Times? Well it starts at 8pm Eastern US time. The show is in Washington DC, which is on Eastern Time.

What if 8.2.11 means 8pm until 11pm? i.e. the timings on Cyber Sunday.

And what if rev.212 and Save us.222 means that 2 hours and 12 minutes into the show something will happen, and ten minutes later, at 2 hours 22 minutes, so does something else.

Something to ponder

02.50am

Guess what? We’re having a rematch. Orton has invoked the rematch clause – tonight. I’ll give them credit. There are some nonsensical events occurring tonight, but considering Cena’s injury was 6 days ago, that’s some good storyline writing to keep the action rolling on.

02.57am

There goes another title change. Beth Phoenix destroys Candice and actually shows a flair for cutting a promo too. The match was instantly forgettable, of course, but I’m just thankful that the belt is finally off of Candice. I’m sure she is a lovely person, but she is not, repeat NOT, Trish Stratus.

03.00am

It appears to be Punjabi Prison time. Cue usual build up video and entrances.

03.10am
Yep, that took ten minutes. Ten minutes of generic clips, waffle from Michael Cole (breaking a world record for saying the word ’structure’) and horrible Batista promos.

And thirty seconds in, Khali goes his caught in the ropes spot. I know you learned it from Andre, Khali, but every time?

03.12am

The viewing of this match is greatly hindered by the masses of bamboo on the (say it with me, Cole) structure. I don’t mean hindered, do I? I mean improved. I can hardly see the shambles inside the ring.

If Batista is an unidentified ‘Animal’, why doesn’t he be a Giant Panda tonight? Then he can eat the bamboo and escape.

03.21am

JBL says this match like a scene from Jurassic Park. Funny, I don’t remember the bit where Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill show no athletic ability and get out of the raptor cage.

Or maybe he meant the bit where they find the dying Triceratops. “That is one big pile of shit.”

03.24am
Well, it’s finished, mercifully. I suppose considering the limitations set with this match, it wasn’t a letdown. But then how can you be let down if your expectations are rock bottom.

Oh, Batista won, by the way.

03.33am

Orton v Trips Last Man Standing match is underway. The back story is now that Triple H has bad ribs and that Orton can capitalise.

03.53am

Wow. We have a new champion. Well the old new champion. The one that was new, but not the newer new champ, I mean the new old new one. Err, Orton won anyway.

That was a fantastic match. Absolutely superb. It wasn’t Hart/Bulldog from Summerslam or Savage/Steamboat at WM3, but a brilliantly told, to-and-fro battle, with twists, false finishes and served to make both men look good.

03.55am

And we’re off the air. As near to the full 3 hour pay per view as we’ve seen in a while, and I’d probably venture the best PPV of the year except for Wrestlemania. Yes, the ECW match barely registered, and the Punjabi Prison match was torturous, but the storytelling of both Orton/HHH matches was top notch, and remember this is a last minute rewrite show. They’ve saved Jericho (or whomever) for the future. (I’d bet big money on Cyber Sunday)
No Mercy? Oui, Merci.