Live Great American Bash notes

12.54am
The best result of the night so far – I thought it was on Box Office – just went to order it, and it’s free! I don’t have to pay for the Pay Per View I am least looking forward to for my whole life.

01.02am
Hype video time, and the intro says that the Bash is an ‘American tradition’. Now Cole says it’s a ‘Sports Entertainment Tradition’. It’s traditionally shit, is what it is.

01.08am
The bell rings on what could very well be the highlight of the night. Risky step to throw what could be your strongest card in first.

01.21am
Terrific early spot where Matt Hardy attempted to roll through to counter an armbar and MVP rolled through to counter the counter. Followed up by a perfect plancha by Matt. The match was a little disjointed at time during the middle, but was well served in making each man look good, keeping them even.

The rolling pinning combination MVP did on 12 minutes was superb, and I bought the schoolboy ending shortly after when Porter missed the boot JBL kept on about.

Disappointing ending in the sense that the boot and playmaker looked sloppy, but solid opening contest generally, and pleasing to see it go nearly 14 minutes.

01.22am
JBL, for the second time, compares MVP to FedEx, because he always delivers. In my experience, that means MVP delivers, not always in the right time limit, and if you want a match you struggle to get hold of his agent, can’t get the paperwork right and then you may turn up at the wrong address.

01.24am
Dustay (sic) delivers on the stick. Quelle surprise. I wonder if the only reason why Dusty often appears on screen with his offspring is to prove he isn’t gay. He is as camp as a row tents, isn’t he?

Actually, no he isn’t, as he’ll prove in the bull rope match, when he dresses as a cowboy, and pulls off the chaps.

01.28am
Cruiserweight open next, and it occurs to me that Funaki hasn’t been an announcer in years, but still has SmackDown on his tights.

01.35am
Right, I’m declaring the prediction void. Err……..Hornswoggle is the Cruiserweight champion? In a bizarre twist, Finlay little bas……I mean sidekick, takes Chavo’s strap. When he did a cameo at the start of the match, I thought it was maybe setting up Rey Mysterio coming from under the ring to cost Chavo the belt. Instead, a leprechaun now holds the (pot of) gold.

Leprechauns can win titles – what a load of cobblers.

01.40am
Have you noticed how Sandman is in the midst of a push with no victories? Here he comes, through the crowd, sans beer, ready to face Carlito. No beer? Maybe Carlito had taken the beer out of the fridge. That’s not cool.

Just wondering, is Sandman/Carlito/Regal the first ever three-way feud featuring solely Southpaws?

01.49am
Are you keeping track folks? So far, that’s a Cruiserweight title match won by someone not in the match, and a Singapore Cane match where precisely no can shots were landed.

01.52am
Sometimes JR staggers me in the levels of excessive hype he uses. Candice Michelle, en route to the ring to face Melina, is said to be receiving a ‘tremendous ovation’ a nice ripple of enthuasism, maybe. A frisson of excitement, perhaps. Not a tremendous ovation. Then, she is the best women’s champ in recent years This is correct.

Except Trish, Mickie, Melina, Victoria, Molly, Lita, Jazz, Gail Kim, Ivory, Jacqueline and Chyna.

She’s better than Harvey Wippleman though. Just.

2.00am
Candice has won, and now she is ‘arguably the most beautiful women’s champion ever’. Ok, better, but still inaccurate.

I’ll take Trish, Mickie, Melina and Molly before Candice. Dusty took Wippleman.

2.03am
Candice, water, dancing, Simmons, Damn, etc.

2.18am
A surprisingly good IC title match. Another genuine false finish when Jeff hit the Swanton, but Umaga ultimately taking it. Jeff Hardy is a maverick. Sometimes he looks sluggish and unfocussed, and sometimes he appears on top of his game. This match was the latter, and he make Umaga look devastating while at the same time looking good himself. Kudos to whoever booked the details of the match.

2.25am
ECW @ the GAB for the first time. If Morrison just bails on the match, is he taking the Safeway out?

2.32am
If anyone needed any evidence as to why it is important that characters are built up on TV shows to get people over, watch the ECW title match back again. Given seven minutes, the match had no heat, no crowd reaction as near as the Matt/MVP match, and not even nearly the same league as Umaga/Jeff. CM Punk could and should be a big star, but he cannot do it on ECW.

2.43am
The two or three minutes of build up to this match, with Orton building heel heat and Dusty playing to the crowd generates more noise than any part of the ECW Title bout.

2.48am
Almost to disprove my above two points, Orton applies a chinlock for about 3 minutes.

2.49am
Orton wins a match which made Melina/Candice look like Flair/Steamboat, but as expected, Cody makes an appearance to further his development, and Orton looks like a ruthless bastard.

2.57am
And here is Kane. Its some situation where he is the high flying mobile one, isn’t it?

3.01am
JBL says he doesn’t think one man can beat Khali. What is Cena then, an automaton?
Oh, and while I’m giving JBL announcing tips, maybe you should try saying “Ball Game” a bit more.

3.17am
I’ve got it. Putting that abysmal match on will make the two golden boys, Cena and Lashley, look that bit better. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for the WWE that people keep getting injured all over the place, but that was as bad as it comes. Khali wins? They really, REALLY, hate Batista.

3.30am
Something I never budgeted for was the fact that the crowd would be split down the middle for these men. Definite mixed reactions for both guys.

3.44am
To be fair, that was not bad at all. Not a classic, and certainly not the most fluent, but I’ll give them a lot of credit for putting together a well told story, with plenty of near falls and close finishes. Fair play for booking a clean win for Cena too.

3.46am
Handshake? Yes. That suggests to me that these two are done. The future? Send Lashley to Smackdown to conquer the Great Khali, and lets see Kennedy get in Cena’s face.

The Bash? Better than Vengence, better than expected, but still a ‘must do better’ verdict for the slack build up, preparation and booking for yet another WWE PPV.