Wrestlemania IX Retro Review

Yeah, it's Wrestlemania time, baby! The pomp, the pagentry......the togas, the bad matches - it's all here. Wrestlemania IX, Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas Nevada. April 4, 1993. Let's go......

(I'd like to point out that I'm watching my DVD version of the show which came with Wrestlemania anthology box set I bought about five years ago. It may feature some differences to the actual broadcast and to DVDs released more recently.)

We start with some cheesy 80s graphics (it was the nineties) and a screeching Vince, who off screen welcomes us, and hands to our host, Gorilla Monsoon. Gorilla, it epic Roman gear, welcomes us. And hands us on to - making his debut - Jim Ross. It's like the pass the parcel-style announcing. Ross mentions that he is from Oklahoma within seconds, notes that it is his first time in a toga too, mocks a centurion, and hands over to "Finkus Maximus".

Remember that Impact where Bischoff opened the show with mood lighting playing a guitar. Feels like Y2J/Rock compared to this. The Fink announces Caesar and Cleopatra, and out come the same pair - same guy anyone - that we saw at the Rumble. Their entourage includes and elephant, which draws a cheer when is (deliberately) stands on two feet. JR says 'isn't that great' or something to that effect. Well, not really Jim, it's more like animal cruelty, really, but we'll let you off since it's 17 years ago.

Fink announces Macho Man Randy Savage, who last year was in the WWF title match, and this year is announcing. Quite the fall from grace. His part is led by a couple of guys with feathers on poles, a llama, some women (who JR calls Vestal Virgins - sounds like a Russo name for a female tag team. There s still time) spreading rose petals, and then Savage on a Sedan chair. He enters the ring to an ovation. (The time on my DVD player says 5 minutes now. In your own time, guys.)

JR says he thought Heenan was going to be on the chair. He welcomes Savage to the broadcast position, and Savage's first pearl of wisdom is that "we have a lock and load type situation." Thanks Randy, ever to the point.

Back to the entrance aisle, and we get an Ostrich (which may or may not have been led by Bill Alfonso - looked a little like him) some belly dancers, a guy with a falcon, then some fellas leading a camel. Heenan enters on the camel, seated backwards. Amidst all this stupidity, I can't help but laugh at Heenan shouting "stop this camel" then basically falling off it. Heenan could read the telephone directory and still be funny.

Savage shouts "Wrestlemania 9! Do the thing! Lock and load if you've got the guts. Less the Macho Man, more the Non Sequitur man today. Mind you if Heenan was pissed off at this, he'd soon be working with Steve McMichael, so he'd look on this as halcyon days. Heenan ha a go at Oklahoma (get used it).

Common sense and awesomeness finally prevails, nearly nine minutes into the show (no national anthem or America the Beautiful by the way) as Shawn Michaels' music hits. JR asks 'what' is behind Shawn, and Heenan very eloquently explains that it is Luna Vachon, and puts over her family credentials. Tatanka is Shawn's opponent, and Sensational Sherri follows close behind. This is the third year in succession that Shawn was in the opener. He's end that run at WM10 with a man that legitimately may have changed wrestling history.

The match starts, and Michaels soon works into an extended headlock. Tatanka counters with a back suplex (That's HBK's finisher at this point, remember.) and then botches an irish whip and follow up. Eventually Shawn does his piñata on acid routine and flops to the outside, where Sherri and Luna have a little face-off. Michaels tries to re-enter the ring several times to no avail. Eventually he comes off the top rope with a sunset flip, but this goes pretty wrong too. Two botches already. Tatanka, when you watch him back, had a really lack of natural athleticism. Or maybe compared the Michaels that's unfair.

Tatanka takes charge with an armbar. For a long time. Eventually Shawn turns the tide, and the match settles in to the expected pattern of the heel building up the heat. Michaels hits what was either a lousy victory roll or a partially disguised rolling armbreaker, then Tatanka hits an Electric Chair drop leading to both men being down. A series of double axe handles by Shawn leads to the Native American "Tanking up", and he comes back with poor looking offence. Sorry, but that's how it is. An admittedly solid flying bodypress gets two.

A brief Shawn flurry leads to a top rope dive into a powerslam, which looked great. The match spills outside, and the crowd start to chat for Sherri. Michaels misses a dive from the apron, and kayfabe hits the steel steps. He then pulls the ref (Joey Marella) to the outside, ostensibly drawing a DQ. Shawn rolls back in, Tatanka hits End of the Trail, but the ref doesn't count. He signals for the bell. Finkel actually calls the finish as a count out. There has been suggestions over the years that Shawn was supposed to be counted out, probably fuelled by by Finkel's call, but unless they improvised really well, I thought it looked like all parties knew what they were doing.

Luna attacks Sherri post match. JR says that Sherri needs help. Heenan says she always did. Nice one. Tatanka carries Sherri out as Luna runs away.

Gene Mean backstage with the Steiners, who do a generic promo on the Headshrinkers. Rock says they are going to make Julius Caesar proud. Yes, the guy with the headgear and the big moustache is a Ancient Roman sympathiser. Who knew?

A sign says that New York City loves The Steiners. Interesting, given they are from Detroit and the show is in Nevada. JR says that in Oklahoma they call this a slobberknocker. WWE debut for that term.

The match begins, and it's very general stuff to begin with. Scott Steiner hits a clothesline on Fatu, who does a very impressive twisting bump. Well, impressive if you only ever see it once, but he did it every match, which rendered it pretty stupid. Scott hits a modified butterfly suplex, but then gets hit with a terrifying looking bump.With the ref distracted the headshrinker that isn't legal pulls down the top rope, while the other basically throws him over head first. I don't think it went exactly as planned. Afa then smacks Scott with a cane he brought with, completing a pretty unpleasant twenty seconds or so for the man who would become Big Poppa Pump someday.

Headshrinkers dominate for several minutes after this. It's ok but nothing more. Eventually, Samu misses a flying headbutt, and Scott makes the hot tag to Rick. Rick nails a couple of moves, but idiotically tries to bang the Samoan heads together, and the Shrinkers take over. Things build to the Samoans going for a version of the Doomsday device, which Rick sort of reverses into a belly to belly suplex. Wow. I don't recall seeing that before or since. It wasn't clean, but it was sure innovative.

Scott eventually gets a tag in, and wins with a Frankensteiner. He didn't get all of it, but it was a 3-count nonetheless. That wasn't a bad match, especially given some of the limitations involved with some participants, but it never gripped you. Both matches so far fall right in the average range.

Backstage to Doink, who has defaced the Julius Caesar statue. He talks with Gene Mean, they show a clip of the fake arm attack from a couple of weeks previous, and leave us with a promise that by the end of Wrestlemania 9, Crush will be seeing double. Hmm.

Crush hits the ring to face Doink, and right away the big guy takes charge. I'm not sure how long Bryan Adams had been wrestling at this point, but he looks green as grass here. Doink has a brief flurry, but coming off the top rope he meets a foot in the face. The clown is soon clotheslined to the outside, and tries to climb under the ring. Crush stops him. That's important, remember that. Crush press slams Doink in the ring, and goes for his head vice finisher. Doink gets to the ropes, swings an elbow, and down goes the referee.

The clown once again tries to go under the ring, and is stopped again. I like that attention to detail, even if the payoff to follow was lousy. Crush locks in the vice grip, but with the ref still down, another guy in a Doink outfit (I think it was Steve Keirn (Skinner) on this occasion) rolls in the ring and smacks Crush with the fake arm. The two Doinks do a little pantomime mirror routine, as Heenan says this is an illusion. The original Doink covers, and the ref recovers enough to count three.

Fonzie emerges to tell ref in charge Joey Marella what happened, but a look under the ring elicits nothing. Good lord. Can you imagine them doing that these days? Actually, yes, I probably can. Maybe there will be two Abyss's at Lockdown.

To the stands, where Todd Pettengill has attempted to mix a toga with shades and a baseball cap, and predictably he looks a complete berk. He wonders aloud about the two Doinks, then decides (and what a decision this turns out to be) to talk to a Japanese photographer. He speaks Japanese, and the words we anglophones can recognise are 'Doink' and 'Yokozuna'. He then asks another photographer, who laughs like an idiot. Going well this. He goes back to Snapper A, asking him if he is enjoying his stay. "Caesar's Palace number one" he says. That's more like it. Todd, learning nothing, goes back to the laughing photo guy, who says "Yokozuna number one". Uh oh, I sense a rumble between the camera guys about what exactly is 'number one'. Yoko, or the Palace. (Cue Harry Hill - only one way to find out......) Todd says 'unbelievable. Two Doinks, or an illusion. We'll leave it up to you.' Get Savage up there, see if we can make this any more random.

Not content, Todd explains that seats go way back. Uh, thanks. He says "I've been drenched with beer, I've been drenched with soda. But I've never had a better time in my life." (He actually says "why life" but you know what he means.) All this begs the question of what Todd is usually drenched with which makes Beer and Soda preferably. Actually, you know what, I don't want to know.

Back to the ring, and it's Razor Ramon time. He enters while the announcers still talk about Doink. Bob Backlund is his opponent - still no music -and it's his first Wrestlemania. It's Razor's too, but they don't mention that for some reason. Ramon is still a heel at this point, but there is a big Razor chant.

This doesn't last long. Think an average match on Raw. Or a feature match between two upper midcarders on Impact. i.e. about three minutes. Razor wins with an inside cradle.

To Gene Mean, with Money Inc. Clips are shown of Brutus getting battered by the briefcase, and Irwin says that if we thought Brutus' face is bad, wait until we see Hogan's. He insinuated that they paid for Hogan to get beat up outside of the gym. What really happened was.......actually, it's disputed. The official reason was a jet-ski accident. Some will have you believe that Savage did it, believing that Hogan was having an affair with Elizabeth.

Anyway, Hogan and Beefcake largely dominate the match for much of the opening exchanges, and Money Inc decide to walk out (they did this the year previously, though that isn't mentioned). Somehow, Earl Hebner has authority to make the call that if they walk out, they'll forfeit the titles, so DiBiase and IRS run back. They soon get the advantage, and beat Hogan down. With the ref distracted, Beefcake enters to put sleeper on Ted, and the count is on. Hogan plays the moron card, and goes to two wrong corners to make the tag. Beefcake makes a hot tag, and hit a high knee on IRS (that was his finisher in WCW at one point). DiBiase stops this short-lived resurgence with a briefcase to the back.

DiBiase pulls off Beefcake's mask, and Money start punching him. Beefcake hits a double clothesline, and puts the sleeper on Irwin. DiBiase interrupting knocks the ref down, and Hogan takes a hot tag. He smacks both Money Inc members with Brutus's mask, but Hebner is still down. Jimmy Hart turns his jacket inside out, and it's striped. He makes a count, and gives Beefcake and Hogan the belts. Another ref runs in, and raises the hands of Money Inc. Finkel (without being told anything) announces Money Inc as winners by DQ. So re we to assume the ref who ran down influenced the decision? In that case why didn't that happen with Doink and Crush? Is it wrong for me to get so annoyed about something over a decade and a half after it happened?

Post match, Hogan and Beefcake chase Money Inc off, and Jimmy Hart throws the ref (Danny Davis) over the top rope. You know what I never got? I never understood why Hogan did so many heelish things in his career. Obviously they worked, as he's the biggest babyface of all time, but he was always at it. Hogan and Beefcake cheated way more than Money Inc in that match. There is no injustice at the result - they deserved to be DQed.

Hogan poses for an age, then the trio find Money Inc's briefcase. They find a brick inside, as well as a bunch of money. How symbolic. Hogan finds money. He gives a bunch away to fans at ringside. Don't do that - if they can afford ringside seats at Mania they don't need a handout.

Todd Pettingill has Natalie Cole at ringside, and briefly chat to her "Good luck with your net project" before the CEO of Caesars puts over their venue and WWF. Todd asks for a deal on his room, which the CEO no-sells, and puts everyone over one more time. Todd hugs him. CEO looks appalled - and we're off to Gene Mean.

Okerlund is with Mr Perfect. Nothing much to the interview, except to note that Okerlund botches the word 'athleticism' straight away, and Hennig eventually botches Lex Luger's name - "The Lexercist".

Out comes Lex, with some staggeringly skimpily dresses ladies. I'm not complaining, but we're talking full on thongs here, years before the attitude era kicked in. The girls lift some mirrors up for Lex to pose in, and they produce the worst firework effect ever (It's outdoor and windy.) The girls leave, and pass Curt Henning in the aisleway. He has a has a cheeky peek, while the audience gives Perfect their biggest reaction of the show so far, with the exception of Hogan. And I know I say it often, but Mr Perfect's theme music was awesome.

I forgot to mention earlier, but the announcers are playing up that Luger took out Bret Hart at an earlier Wrestlemania function.

Perfect gets most of the early exchanges of the match, before Luger switches the momentum and works on Hennig's lower back.

Perfect fights back, and I'm reminded of how ridiculous Luger's selling is. Bizarre facial expressions and over-the-top shouting. Hennig performs the big babyface comeback, but this match has never got going - and it's not Curt's fault.

Hennig goes for a cover off a missile dropkick, but Luger gets a foot on the ropes. Lex reverses a backslide attempt, Perfect's feet roll onto the ropes, but the ref counts anyway. If you are keeping count, that's two clean finishes in six matches, and one of them was in a match which went three minutes.

Luger hits his loaded forearm post match, knocking Perfect silly, and leaves. Perfect eventually comes round, as announcers speculate about why Luger is able to knock people out like this. I suspect the big reveal will happen on Raw very soon. Perfect chases Luger to the back, where the Narcissist is chatting to Shawn Michaels. Perfect jumps Lex, but Luger escapes and Michaels attacks Perfect.

All twenty-six feet of Jorge Gonzalez lumbers to the ring, with the useless Harvey Wippleman, and an even more ridiculous bodysuit. Out comes Taker next, with a vulture for company. The vulture is a better manager than Wippleman. (Bearer is there too, but I wanted to get the chep shot in at Harvey!)

I won't walk you through the match, but suffice to say, with an eight foot man and a bloke portraying a zombie, it isn't quick. Just assume combinations of punch, kick, choke, Irish whip, resthold and Old School (although it was new school then).

Gonzales dominates for a while, before Taker starts to come back with.....well, punches. Wippleman throws the Giant a cloth,and Gonzales presses it into Taker's face. JR, Heenan and Savage sell that they smell something, and identify it as chloroform. Well, JR and Heenan do. Savage can't say it.

The match is thrown out, and officials come to tend to Taker, wheeling him out on a stretcher. It's funny to watch many dressed in ref's gear and suits, and then Rene Goulet and Jack Doan in togas. Gonzales chokeslams Fonzie, and the announcers sell shock and claim he'll get fined/suspended. Remember when that used to matter, and commentators used to do that properly?

Gonzales parades in the ring, and the fans actually start chanting for Hogan. Heenan acknowledges this, too. The gong sounds, and Taker returns to clean house. The announcement is finally given that Taker has won by DQ. Another non-clean finish.

Back to Gene Mean, who talks us through the rise of Yokozuna, and plays clips of the big guy attacking Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Bret Hart. He brings in Hogan, who says all his Hulkamaniacs are behind Bret. He's very supportive of Bret. Hmm, not an accurate portrayal of true feelings there, since Hogan was supposed to put Bret over and never did.

Hogan displays the rampant Xenophobia many Americans display, mistakingly thinking it is patriotism, by referring to Yokozuna as "The Jap" and then saying the title is staying "right here in the US of A". Uh, Bret's Canadian, Terry. Have you not met him before?

Off to ringside, where Todd Pettengill makes fun of a small child's ears. He asks the kid where he is from - and the kid totally no sells him. Not a single word in response. He pushes another small child out the way, then talks to two morons who have (admittedly quite creatively) made togas from curtains or bedding. They talk nonsense and pretend to fight. Mind you that's what wrestling was in 1993.

Cue up the pipes of the Orient, and the almost spherical Yokozuna. Bret follows, and the match starts at a reasonable pace. Bret hits and runs, and Yoko is a much underrated seller. He sells what he needs to do look imposing but also give his opponent something.

Yoko dominates, with Bret coming through with the odd flurry to get the crowd going and keep them interested. It's not a classic, but it's probably as good you could expect given the obvious limitations of a man with the girth of Yokozuna.

Bret rallies late on, and hit the big man into an exposed turnbuckle. Yoko falls, and Bret engineers a Sharpshooter. Fuji throws dust into Hart's eyes, and Bret relinquishes the hold. And then starts the run of ridiculous occurrences. Firstly, Yoko just hooks the leg and gets the three-count - so apparently it is dust renders your whole body immobile. He could at least have hit a move.

Then out comes Hogan, ranting about an injustice. Fuji grabs the mic, and here are his words, verbatim.

"Hogan. Hogan, you big man. My Yokozuma.......no....no....no. Hogan, my Yokozuma issue a challenge. If you have intestinal fortitude you'll accept my Yokozuma's challenge. Come on! Come on you yellow belly."

He then says something about putting up the Heavyweight belt, and something else I don't quite catch. The upshot is that Fuji instantly becomes the dumbest heel manager of all time by challenging the biggest star in wrestling to a match seconds after winning the title. Moron.

Hogan sells concern for Bret for while, and eventually Bret waves him to the ring. Yoko holds Hogan for the dust, The Hulkster moves, and the dust hits Yoko. A punch to Fuji, a clothesline to Yoko, a legdrop, and we have a new champion. Posing, fireworks, and a celebration close what in my opinion is definitely the worst Wrestlemania of all time.

Heenan has the last word, as the shows end with him selling misunderstanding about who is the champion. Thank goodness Bobby never got confused at the end of a PPV involving Hulk Hogan. That would have been embarrassing.........

Raw Number Ten

So it's getting near that time. Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you thinking about purchasing Wrestlemania IX? If the answers to any of the previous three questions is 'yes', then you are a Gonzalez-size berk, but I applaud your honesty.

We are back in Manhattan Center for the tenth edition Monday Night Raw, taking place approximately two weeks before Wrestlemania. It will be the last proper Raw before Mania, since the next week's edition was essentially a countdown show.

We are welcome by Vince McMahon (the real one this time), who along with Savage and Bartlett (as himself) greet us with the usual "Uncut, uncensored and uncooked" greeting that I've actually been sparing you from. Anyway, the butcher it, and off we go to a World Title match. No we don't, it's a special tag team match. No, sorry, it's a Wrestlemania showcase. No, wrong again.

It's the Michael Landon awards. Yup, the Michael Landon awards, which narrator Sean Mooney (hey they got off the street and into an edit suite) tells us took place last Monday in New York (this'll be why Vince wasn't there last week, then). We see Debbie Gibson, Cindy Crawford and others from the event and WOW, it's the Hulkster, with his wife, who is smiling. Collectors item.

Then we see Randy Savage shaking hands with Ric Flair. That's odd, didn't Flair leave and those two are mortal enemies? Wait, no, it's Leslie Neilson from Naked Gun, I got confused. Sure looks like Flair.

Right, I'm having a laugh, but it is a serious thing. It's a do for the National Children's Leukemia Foundation, and they are honouring WWF for charitable efforts. Fair enough. Good on them.

However, we get a speech/promo from the Hulkster, complete with tux and red badanna, where he actually says "my biggest body has got to be my heart." Oh my.....

a) that's not something you should about yourself, it's for other to judge and b) that's obviously why Linda left him. Searching for a bigger "body part"

In fairness, I think he was trying to say Vince taught him to be kind. Not that this is much less nauseating. I'm not knocking WWF for working hard for charity, I'm not knocking the cause at all, but WWF's "aren't we awesome" presentation is a little too much.

Hilariously (when you consider the context today) Hogan calls McMahon his hero. He also calls him the "True Champion of Children" which make me wonder who scripted this. Finally, he botches the name of the award McMahon is getting. The band Rocky's theme (not particularly well) as Vince walks to the stage. WWF didn't often acknowledge Vince as the boss at this time, so that's pretty interesting.

Vince starts to give a speech (by the way, we are eight minutes into Raw at this point) and puts over the superstars as worthy of the award. Fair enough, too. It's quite a nice speech, and pretty heartfelt too, I think.

The Raw theme hits and ten and a half minutes into the programme. I don't they would have run this head-to-head with Nitro back in the day. Finally, it's the dreaded three shot of Bartlett, McMahon and Savage. The Macho Man looks like a zebra on acid.

Bushwhackers v Damien Demento and Repo Man, says Randy, is to come tonight. Kamala v Doink, too, plus Money Inc and Tatanka.

Bushwhackers music hits, and here come the wacky Kiwi duo, to face the rather odd duo of Repo and Demento. Let's give them a name. Erm, let me think.........oh, I know, we'll mix up their names, and somehow get Redemption. Sort of works. Think about it.

Hang on, where are the Bushwhackers? The music plays for ages, with even Howard Finkel doing the 'where are they?' look. Turns out Luke and Butch are in the balcony. They come down during the break. Now, I'd like make a lot of fun of this nonsense, but I loved it when I was a kid.

I haven't seen a Bushwhackers match in years. I can't believe what I'm watching. Some of the least convincing offense of all time, including the old Greco-roman bite to the arse. But somehow, it's funny.

Demento and Repo turn the tide, and get on top, and now it's some of the ludicrous bumping of all time from Bushwhacker Luke. It's like he is on a time delay. Bushwhacker win in, workrate-wise, may honestly be a contender for worst Raw match ever. And I mean that.

Reno Riggins, who is mulleted up good, in next in the ring, asking as proverbial lamb to a proverbial slaughter, facing the undefeated Tatanka. The Native American wasn't the most agile of guys, and this is a bit of a bumpy affair. Not too much clicking between the pair. That's probably why they didn't have a lengthy, nine-month feud, right?

Riggins actually gets a lot of offense in, but that's most probably so that Tatanka can do his warpath thing (Tanking up). He hits what I have in my head is called the End of the Trail, but Vince calls it the Papoose To Go. Damn, that's what my mate Paul called it. I've always told him he was full of it. No-one tell him, ok?

Nice little package in memory of Andre, and then it's Money Inc time. Scott Rich and Jeff Armstrong, are their jobbers in question. Nice rattail on of them, not sure which is which. Shock horror, Irwin says something dry about taxes.

The match starts, and Ted immediately takes control. For some reason, the camera goes behind Bartlett, to show he has a TV. He is flicking through the channels. Vince asks what he is doing - he says checking the competition. Vince says "There is no competition." Hmm, give it just a couple of years, Vinny, then we'll see. Interestingly, just to the left, you can see Bruce Pritchard with a headset. If you're interested. Randy then curiously says that he reckons he can "put that TV inside Bartlett with him knowing what it is." That's a scary visual. Please don't elaborate, uh, 'Randy'.

Money Inc dominate, and win with an IRS clothesline. Nothing to see here.

Gene Mean is here for another Mania rundown. He only mentioned three matches. Hogan/Beefcake v Money Inc, Bret v Yoko, Taker v Giant. He spends more time talking about the toga party. He does, though, mention that Bret v Yoko contract signing is going to be on Superstars and Challenge. Remember when important stuff DIDN'T happen on Raw, but elsewhere?

Kamala v eeeeeevil Doink, next, according to Vinny. Should be fun. If anyone ever tries to deny to you that WWF in the early/mid 90s was cartoony, show them a video of this show. Man alive.

Doink offer Kamala a present, but pulls it away when the big guy goes to grab it, and takes him down. Good stuff. Doink works the arm for a week or so, before Kamala makes a small comeback. As soon as he does we go to a break, and when we come back, Doink is back on top. Kamala gets the momentum back, throwing Doink to the outside. Kamala gives chase, and Doink runs to get the present. He gives it to Kamala, who stares at it, and promptly gets counted out.

Kamala chases Doink again, who runs under the ring. Vince says Kamala will be running after Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania. I don't remember that match - did that get pulled from the line up? Kamala chases under the ring, but Doink emerges the other side and grabs a (non-folding) chair. He slams in against the side of the ring a couple of times, as Kamala appears to coming out, but the big guy emerges on another side of the ring, and sneaks up on Doink. (as much as a 400-lbs guy with a painted face and stomach can sneak) He chops him, then chase Doink with the chair. Kamala is virtually Eugene at this point.

As Doink runs up the aisle, full of fans swinging arms, someone knocks his wig off, but the camera cuts away quickly. As this is pre-war, we don't get to follow backstage to see what is happening. Instead, it's a plug for WWF Mania, and then Vince informs us that the Bret Hart respect video will have a World Premiere on that show. If I recall that was just an Aretha Franklin song with Bret Hart clips played over it. Or the other way around if you like.

Final break, and Vince promises us "The Rob Bartlett fan club" after the break. And when we have it.....oh joy, it's more fat jokes, as the oversized ladies who are cruelly made to carry the Raw signs are grinning behind our beloved third commentator. McMahon congrats Bartlett on being the "1993 Spam Eating Contest winner". (Is that a euphemism?) I'll spare you too many details, but basically Bartlett makes out with one of them. You happy?

Vince plugs The March to Wrestlemania with Bam Bam v Taker and Macho v Yoko. Savage guarantees victory. (Spoiler: he loses) and Vince promises midgets. Seriously. Unfortunately, I don't have this show, so we'll sadly to have to miss Savage not making good on his promise and midget wrestling. Oh well.

Next time: Wrestlemania IX. Maybe the worst Mania of all time. I can't wait........

Raw Number Seven

We kick off the seventh ever installment of Monday Night Raw with the music of the World Wrestling Federation champion, Bret "The Hitman" Hart who is out for his title defence against.......one of the Headshrinkers. Hmm, big time. This is only the second time, I think, that we have seen Bret in the flesh on Raw. They talk about him a bit, but it's interesting that the focus on the champion, or at least the top babyface, is much less in this era than now. If Cena missed a week, Sheamus only got seen once a month, there'd be uproar.

Bret is out to a strong reaction, despite wearing a highly suspect Sgt Pepper style black and pink coat. Great wrestler, bad wrestler, was ole Bretty. The opponent is actually Headshrinker Fatu, who in years to come would morph steadily into Rikishi - the size of his success corresponding with that of his arse.

The camera switches quickly to the announcers. Vince in the centre with a little red bow tie, Macho Man to his right, bedecked in red and white ..........and a man I assume to be Rob Bartlett, dressed as Elvis. Or a future vision of Scott Hall. I don't know why. Maybe he'll explain. Anyway, there is nothing like a bad comedian doing an Elvis impression to lend itself to the serious, big fight feel of a World Title match, right?

Fatu is taking an age to take off all his ring adornments. Meanwhile flicks back to Bret, who appears to have a massive scar on his nose. Vince asks "Elvis" if he still lives in Las Vegas, and then segues (not very) neatly into talking about Wrestlemania, which of course was in Vegas that year. Was that why they made him dress as Elvis? Meanwhile, two guys run along the second tier of seats at the back of shot, and hold up a poster, very quickly and very childishly. The director cuts away, and the two pre-pubescent's boasts to their buddies that they were on TV will be largely unwarranted. Poor souls.

The irony of this match, if you can call it that, is that Bret is wrestling the cousin of Yokozuna, whom he was scheduled to face at Wrestlemania. Bret takes earlier control working on the arm. There is strange moment where Bret seems to trip over Fatu, who has sunk to the floor with Bret running the ropes. Vince says Afa (Fatu's manager/trainer/keeper/feeder) tripped him, but Afa is on the other side of the ring. Hmm. Bret starts to sell a leg injury, but quickly hops up and rolls Fatu up for a two count. I guess the story was that Bret was playing possum.

Fatu starts to take charge with a nice thrust kick and series of clotheslines. Vince and Savage sell the importance of the match, how Bret can counter, whether a Headshrinker could win the title. Bartlett, meanwhile, still chunters on about Elvis. Seriously, someone tell me he is removed after Mania. He is a pox on this show.

Samu, Fatu's partner, wanders to the ringside area, and while Afa distracts, he attacks Bret on the outside. You know what, when I was kid, I always thought the big guy who is the Headshrinkers manager here was called Arthur. I just thought the diction of the commentators was poor.

Fatu hits a piledriver and gets two. Seems weird seeing piledrivers now. A bit like watching football (soccer) and seeing them pass the ball back to the goalkeeper and him picking it up. Something of another era. Headbutt from the second rope. Also two. Goes to the top and Bret hits a superplex. Bret hits a bulldog - how did that hurt him, I thought their heads were impervious to pain? Backbreaker, Forearm, Sharpshooter. Afa with another distraction, Samu into the ring to club Bret, and the headshrinkers do the old switcheroo. Twice. Bret somehow bumps the two together, gets Samu caught in the ropes. He dropkicks Afa off the apron and then Sharpshooters Fatu. Game over.

Not the greatest match in the world - it was very slow when Fatu was on top, but a well-booked conclusion to get Bret over as a clever, fighting champion. A bloody looking Bret celebrates. He got a bump on the nose, says Vince. McMahon rebukes Elvis for eating on camera, and we go to Gene Mean for a Mania report.

We learn that "The Mega Maniacs" of Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake have been challenged by Money Inc. Gene Mean runs down Taker v Gonzales, Tatanka v Shawn, Luger v Mr Perfect, Bret v Yoko.

Next, it's Coco the Clown. No wait, it's Koko VERSUS the Clown. Well it will be in a minute, because first we head to a slightly portly looking Crush, on a beach in Hawaii. Yeah, that's all very well, but shouldn't you be at work? Crush says "Brudda" about fifteen times, then crushes (get it?) a coconut to show what he'll do to Doink at Wrestlemania.

Speaking of said clown, he's out next, to one of my favourite reactions. When a crowd cheers because they are seeing someone, then boos because they recognise he is a good heel. That used to happen to Santino before his (in my opinion ill-advised) babyface turn. As the weeks go by on these old Raws, I remember more and more what a splendid character Heel Doink was.

Doink has a small present with him, which he teases giving to fans, then changes his mind. He squirts some with his flower. Brilliant.

Koko B Ware......correction, "Hall of Famer" Koko B Ware is out next, with his old "Bird Bird Bird" music I think, rather Owen's, which he entered the ring to previously. Vince says "here is a young man who will thrill youngsters." Yeah, moving on.....

Doink makes fun of "The Birdman's" signature flapping movement, and then attacks him from behind, as any evil clown should. Vince talks about a guy in a clown suit being an accomplished wrestler, and he's right. Doink goes straight for Koko's leg, slapping in a single leg Boston Crab in the first minute of the contest, transitioning it into an STF. He attempts a Figure four, Koko blocks it, and Doink goes for his finisher, the Stump-puller, successfully. It's all over, Koko submits.

Really good outing for Doink. Nice booking again, making him look menacing and legit.

Of course, the serious tone is soon shattered because Bartlett, sorry, I mean "Elvis" decides he wants to meet Doink. As you would expect, 'Elvis' asking for food results in a custard pie to the face, and therefore a big cheer from the crowd. What was the point of that? You just started to get a guy over as a heel, then he pie-faces this idiot, drawing cheers. Nonsense.

After a break, Savage again appeals for Donations towards the "Headlock on Hunger" appeal. I wonder if Money Inc have donated. And whether IRS ticked the Gift Aid box. Speaking of the Tag Team champs, it's interview time for them, in the ring with Vinny Mac.

They talk about some guy who was Chief Exec of American Express. I guess he got a massive, scandalous payoff, and DiBiase makes it sound like a million plus in severance pay and $700,000 a year is a pittance. I get it, Ted has loads of money, feels sorry for someone who is earning a fortune, ergo is a dickhead. Fair enough.

(Vince's haircut is out of control, by the way. A massive quiff. And he has the temerity to be taking the piss out of Elvis on this show.)

Ted has a go at Hogan, belittling him, and says they were happy to get rid of Jimmy Hart. IRS says they gave Beefcake a wake-up call. Irwin has a very sweaty brow. Mike Rotunda was a good wrestler, but a relatively poor promo. DiBiase asked the fans if they should put their titles on the line. IRS says the odds are against Hogan and Beefcake. OK promo, nothing special.

Luger is next, and poses in a mirror outside the ring. The damn Elvis thing is still going, incidentally. Luger's opponent is a fresh faced youngster called PJ Walker, who went on to be The Portuguese Man O War Aldo Montoya, and more famously Justin Credible.

Bobby Heenan is on the line, while Luger is in the ring. Heenan says he is going to Philadelphia soon, but fears he will get killed. Things get ever more bizarre as Heenan denies to Vince that it's really Elvis. He says it's George Steinbrenner (Wiki-ed for your ease of reference if you don't know who he is - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Steinbrenner). To prove it, he says, here's Priscilla. What sounds like an old lady mumbles something about this not being Elvis.

What the hell is going on here? This is a wrestling show, with a (supposedly) hot talent in the ring, and they are talking about Baseball owners and Elvis, with potentially cameo from Bobby Heenan's mother. Insane.

Finally Bobby gets round to talking about Luger, and starts putting him over, but is interrupted by 'Elvis' asking Bobby to make Lex 'do that booby dance'. (Before Chris Masters, Lex used to flick his muscles too.) Bobby, in all this insanity, hits the line of the night, saying "You're a strange man, George." Trust me, in context - this strange, strange context - it was funny.

Luger basically just hits an odd shoulderblock on Walker, who drops like a ton of bricks. Luger pins him with one finger. Vince says speculation is building about the use of the forearm, but goes no further. Luger throws his victim outside, and put his face to the mirror. He shouts that the guy is an "atypical American Male". Either he meant to say Typical, or he is second confused about who Scotty Riggs is again.

He basically runs down 'Aldo' for being skinny, and says he is the envy of all man. Vince says coming up next are the Steiner Brothers, "Rob and Scott". Don't have a go at me, that's what he said. He called Rick Steiner "Rob". I know it is a highly desirable name, but in this case it isn't correct.

When eventually The Steiners emerge, they are wrestling premier jobbers Duane Gill and Barry Hardy. Savage calls Vince on getting the name wrong, and Vince says he hopes they take it out on the opponents and not him. He then says that the Steiners will wrestle The Headshrinkers at Mania.

This is another rather effective squash for the Steiners, because they looked like everything they did hurts. That probably is because it did. Especially the Frankensteiner that ends this match.

Plug for WWF Mania, and we are pretty much done here. Vince advertises Perfect v Martel for next week - first Raw appearance for Martel I think. And we're out!

Raw number 2

I had some fun with the retro review of Raw #1 last week - more than I did this week's 900th effort, anyway - so I thought I may step on a week and see how WWE followed up their first ever Monday Night flagship show.

If you didn't see the review of the first show, then either scroll down a little bit, or if you are particularly lazy, just click here. http://robmcnichol.blogspot.com/2010/08/900-to-1.html

S0 lets fire up the time machine, and head back to January 18 1993, six days before the Royal Rumble of that year.

The show starts with Vince McMahon, Randy Savage and Rob Bartlett - a man who I had forgotten the existence of until review last week's show, and I realise exactly why my brain had chosen to blot him out. I prefer Michael Cole.......just.

Bartlett rips up a piece of paper with a picture on it, and says "fight the real enemy." I couldn't see who the picture was of (Heenan maybe?).

In a fun start, Savage is attacked from behind by Barry Darsow, in his guise as The Repo Man. Vince and Rob talk to Savage, as the very annoying opening siren drones on. Macho Man appears to have lost his hat. Oh dear. Sorry, I mean, OHhhhhhhh De-yuh!

After the opening theme music, it's......well, what do you know, TNA head of Talent Relations, 'Terrific' Terry Taylor. (Don't say rooster, don't say rooster, don't say rooster.......) His opponent is Mr Perfect, who was really over as a babyface at this point, having turn in the build up to Survivor Series, 1992, accepting the position as Randy Savage's tag team partner, replacing The Ultimate Warrior who had disappeared following one of his 465 sackings from WWF.

Savage meanwhile, on this show, hasn't spoken so far, so I'm assuming he's gone backstage and will re-emerge to wrestle Repo later on.

The match begins, and Vince acknowledges that Randy is 'on the prowl' looking for Repo Man. He soon returns, and says Repo Man clocked him, but he'll get him at some point. Perfect meanwhile, dominates the early stages, and the crowd chant "We Want Flair".

They've got Heenan on the phone now, and it apparently was Heenan's photo who Bartlett ripped up. Heenan plugs All American Wrestling. Savage asks about Repo and his hat. Uh, there's a match on. They go to a break, and they are all over the place.

Back from ad, and Heenan is still on the phone, Taylor on top in the ring. Heenan tells Vince he is calling collect - Vince says to hang up. Funny.

Perfect gets back on top, while the commentators plug the Rumble. Oh, here's Flair. He's looking old and telling the President of the company they are drop dead gorgeous. Oh no, that was Impact last week. Here, Ric looks like he did for most of career - like the challenged brother of Naked Gun actor Leslie Neilson.

Taylor knocks Hennig to the outside, and Flair attacks with the ref's back turned. Perfect is rolled back in the ring. Triple T attempts a suplex, but Hennig responds with.......well, it's known as a Fisherman's suplex, and Perfect called it the Perfect Plex. Vince calls it a Superplex. I guess I shouldn't get so annoyed with Cole when calls Randy Orton's powerslam a scoop slam, should I? Perfect gets the win and runs to the back, obviously to attack Flair.

A sign of the times - the camera gets to the curtain and stops. No going backstage in 1993.

After a break, a slightly skanky ring girl hold up a sign, before we get the same ICOPRO and Slim Jim ads as last week, as well as Lord Alfred plugging X-Men and Spiderman on SNES. I feel old.

Bret is next, appearing on Raw #2, where he was slightly more relevant than at #900. Decent interview, with the most notable thing being that Vince asks Bret about his strategy. They talk about being a technical wrestler, and about how he plans to win. Good lord, how we don't hear that any more. That should be the primary focus of World Title matches. Sure, have a reason for them to feud, of course, but they'll get that 'big fight feel' that they love to talk about if they actually treat wrestling as a serious sport.

After Bret, it's Paul Bearer and Taker in the blue screen interview room, where they talk about the Headlock on Hunger event to raise money for Somalia. No, I'm serious. Couldn't they have found someone other than THE TWO PEOPLE IN THE COMPANY ASSOCIATED WITH DEATH to try and get people to pledge money to, uh, stop people dying. The big guy says "No-one should starve to death". Uh, thanks Take, for those words of exquisite wisdom. That was just odd.

Marty Janetty v Glenn Ruth (DJ - Designated Jobber) is next. Marty on top, and Shawn is on the phone. He calls Janetty a simpleton, amongst other things, and says Sherri will be in his corner at the Rumble. Janetty eventually wins with the Rocker Dropper (Vince doesn't recognise it)

Crush isn't going to the Rumble apparently. We flip to WWE Superstars from the previous weekend, where Doink took out the big Hawaiian with a fake arm. Lawler and Savage on commentary do a really nice job, but Vince freaks out that Doink took his own arm off. I can't believe how bad Vince is, listening back. I thought he was good when I was a kid.

Poor Sean Mooney is still stood outside the building, just like last week, only this time he finds Repo Man, not Bobby Heenan. Repo has the hat, and Savage goes beserk, even though he changes his hat every week. They talk via the earpiece, and Savage takes off again. Repo Man is one of those gimmicks/acts that shouldn't work, but somehow did via the ridiculously over the top performance by Darsow.

Gene Mean is back with another Rumble plug. Razor with a brief threat to Bret. I loved that Razor character. I thought Scott Hall was fantastic for about three years as Razor. Gene Mean runs down some of the Rumble competitors. The gimmick of the graphic is that the still photos are 'bursting' through the wall. Which sounds lame until you see a picture of Fred Ottman (Typhoon) grinning ludicrous, and if you're like me you have a Shockmaster flashback. Poor Uncle Fred.

Back to Mooney outside, and Savage runs past him. Savage looks like such a bizarre, campy clown with all his purple tassles. I don't care how good a wrestler he was (and he was awesome) I always felt his attire hurt him around this time. Savage can't find Repo, so it's back to the ring.

Vince McMahon calls Tito Santana one of the greatest ever. So why did you dress him up like a bloody bullfighter? He is wrestling Ric Flair, with his appallingly bad midi file 2001 (A Space Odyssey) entrance music. Savage is back, and it'll be interesting to see how much he comments on Flair, since the pair of them had a rivalry that lasted most of the previous year.

It's no fun listening to anyone except Heenan call a Santana match. I miss Bobby. Does he get back onto Raw? I can't remember. Two minutes into the match and you start to recall why Flair was so great. He hasn't even got close to an offensive move yet, he has just fed for Tito the whole time, making him look good. I mean, Tito was pretty good, but Flair's way was to build the opponent convincingly, only to knock him down. Classic.

On commentary, Vince confirms Savage v Repo Man for the week after. Savage says he has to think of what to do for 7 days. Vince suggests, uh, the Rumble? Savage says "you're right". Nice to know the runner up cared so much.

Tito hits his big forearm, but for some reason doesn't cover Flair. He waits for him to get up, then charges again, misses, and falls to the outside. As he does, Perfect emerges to pull Flair out, drawing a DQ. Refs and agents come to break it, and they do the whole wild brawl spot. Savage calls it a Pier 9 brawl. I thought it Pier 6 was the rough one? Trouble must be spreading.

They brawl backstage, and Vince asks we can get a camera back there. Apparently not, since we now get a ten second close up of the curtain. They promise a word with Flair or Perfect after the ads......

Or not. Flair and Perfect fight through the curtain again. They split apart, and Flair heads to McMahon. Mic time......Flair says the WWE isn't big enough for him and Mr Perfect, so he is challenging Perfect next week on Raw in a Loser Leaves Town match.

Perfect soon wanders over, after Flair leaves. Perfect says he'll take it in a heartbeat. He calls he and Flair the two best athletes in the WWF. His music hits and the crowd cheer. I loved Perfect's music. One of the best ever.

The show ends with Repo Man having possession of that hat and a car. Oh yeah, I should have told you. Bartlett kept droning on about checking his car throughout the show, I just thought he was telling a bad joke.

Well, ok, he WAS telling a bad joke, but it was actually leading somewhere. I apologise for the omission. Please try to sleep tonight, won't you?

Raw Thoughts - May 10

It's been a while since I did this..........

- How long has Kofi been on the opening video (you know the "yes sir we promised you a great main event" one)

- Of all the people I didn't expect to interrupt Randy Orton, Meat Loaf may have been the furthest from my mind.

- Was Meat auditioning for the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

- I'm getting flashbacks to Honky Tonk Man and Kane at Royal Rumble 2001?

- A new permanent GM? Wow. That's hotshotting. They could have built that up a little.

- Mind you, Vickie might have been a bit of a let down. She does admittedly have a lot of heat, but I think her act is played out now, and so is the heel GM

- Would a board of directors in a multi-million dollar organisation really pick someone like Vickie Guerrero to run their main show? No they wouldn't. It made sense when it was Slaughter or HBK or Foley or even William Regal.

- Two one one? Ugh. I hate handicap matches, but especially when Orton and Edge are due to meet one on one. If Edge can't beat Orton easily with help, why would he have a chance when on his own?

- So if Jericho beats DH Smith he and Miz get a title shot? Why? Why would a) a singles match contribute towards tag rankings and b) why would Mizicho be anywhere near the top of those rankings when they have never teamed before?

- This is something I've continually blasted TNA for, and praised WWE for their good logic. If they start being slapdash with their thinking we're in trouble.

- Normally I might complain that Jericho v Smith was short, but I really do think Smith is limited in there. Miz v Kidd might be fun, though.

- My understanding is that next week's Raw is commercial free. Why the hell are they not all over this and promoting it before and after every ad break? Didn't it do like a 4.5 rating last time?

- Flavor Flav is talking and I have literally no idea what he is talking about. Utter nonsense.

- Carlito and Primo with Ted DiBiase jnr? I can live with that. If they are going down the Fortunate Sons route with a stable that includes a tag team I quite like that idea.

- I really liked the little Eve video, it was a good way of helping her get over, but I didn't like the Maryse segment in the ring with a martial arts instructor at all. Why? Because she threw him three or four times, and he just got back up and didn't sell! She'll do that in the ring her opponent will sell it like it hurts. If he is ok, then whats the point?

- I'm cool with the Cena/Batista/Sheamus/Henry slot. I'm guessing we get a tag match between the teams, and then Sheamus to beat Henry to put him over even more.

- Edge talking to Vickie was the best acting I've seen from Vickie, she was very good, and I do like Edge's logic. He is doing something most heels don't do and that is explain his actions as a babyface. Last week he talked about why he turned on the fans, and this week explained to Vickie that he said bad things about her to draw her some sympathy. Flimsy, but its an explanation, and for that I applaud them.

- Oh no, I've just realised something. They are not saying that if MIz loses to Kidd he has to wrestle a member of the Hart DYNASTY. They are saying a member of the Hart FAMILY. Miz v Bret?

- I swear I wrote that before Miz said it.

- Didn't care for the short match, but I understand why they did it.

- As a nice little aside, remember when Miz was "The Calgary Kid" for one night? I wonder if they'll bring that up?

- There will be plenty of people who were down on the 'comedy' segment, but Regal could sit and read the telephone directory and he'd crease me up. His rapping was hilarious I thought.

- I'm genuinely sad that Batista may be departing soon. I think his heel persona is terrific right now. I loved the sullen look on his face sitting on a chair before attacking Henry with it.

- Slightly all over the place closing segment. Just felt disjointed, and I'm not keen on Orton getting the best of Edge again. Makes Edge look weak that with a partner and a GM on his side, Orton still stands tall.

- I'm happy that Vickie isn't going to be permanent GM. She was entertaining for one night, but I feel her act would grate if on Raw every week.

Captain's Blog - Stardate January 16, 1995

Let’s wind the clock back, folks. Let’s transport ourselves from this era and remind ourselves of what things were like fourteen years ago.

Ah, it was so very different. For it was the run-up to the Royal Rumble. Shawn Michaels was the favourite to win, and Bret Hart and William Shatner were about to appear on Raw.

Wait, hang on..........

Anyway, I thought it might be a little bit of fun for us to have a retro review of the last time William Shatner popped up for a guest appearance on Monday Night Raw, direct from The Summit in Houston, Texas.

A little backstory. Captain Kirk had appeared on a talk show segment known as the King’s Court, hosted by none other than Jerry Lawler. This, we should point out, was Lawler as a slimy heel, which is of course when he was at his best, and not being a sycophant who laughs along with Michael Cole every week.

Shatner was talking to the King to promote his new show “Tek Wars” which had a wrestling tie-in because.......well it had no relevance at all, except Tek Wars was to be shown on USA Network straight after Raw. That’s pretty much why that guy from Psych was on this week.

King was a little embarrassing in the sense that he had to say Tek Wars was great, but told Shatner that he must be really impressed to be in the ring with the King. Shatner told King off, and Vince on commentary laughed uproariously.

Shatner pulled an elementary wrist lock on King to shut him up, then as Lawler charged he monkey flipped him. I mean, it wasn’t like we were going to mix Shatner up with Rick Steamboat, but it was impressive, I guess. Bret Hart rushed the ring to raise Shatner’s arm, while Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie (Road Dogg/BG James) emerged to console Lawler. This set up the following week’s Raw match of Bret v Jarrett, which was taped that same evening.

So let’s jump to that week, but rather than delve straight into that feature match, I thought it’d be fun to see the other amazing offerings that the one hour, taped, unopposed Raw was doing in the pre-Nitro era.

We kick off with theme music I don’t remember at all. Just a generic beat and saxophone solo before we hear the music of the Heavenly Bodies in the background. Vince greets us and says it’s two weeks until the Superbowl, but the Royal Rumble is before that. He is joined by broadcast colleague......SHAWN MICHAELS?! Wow, I don’t remember Shawn doing much commentary, but then I guess at this point we in the UK only used to see highlights of Raw on WWF Mania hosted by Todd Pettengill every Saturday Morning. (We’d have Superstars that evening and Wrestling Challenge on the Sunday. Them’s were the days)

Shawn says that William Shatner better watch himself, because Double J might send him to a Galaxy Far Far Away. Who wants to tell him that was Star Wars, not Star Trek?

The Heavenly Bodies are facing 123 Kid and Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly, who had got to the finals of a tag team tournament to find new Tag Team Champions. The Bodies have Jim Cornette with them, and jump the “Cinderella team” as Vince calls them.

Vince is very high-pitched early on, and he and Shawn reflect on the fact that Kid and Holly beat Heavenly Bodies to advance in the tournament. Bodies dominate early on, but my thoughts are on the commentary duo, who not only play the old “heel v face” battle in order for each man to promote each team, but they actually talk solely about these two teams, the match, and the match at the Rumble for Kid and Holly against Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow. No mention of WWE.com (it probably didn’t exist, but you get my point) no plugs for other things on the show. Just proper focus by the commentators. It’s very effective.

After Holly gets killed for about six minutes, 123 comes in and starts fast. The Bodies double team him, go for a double suplex, but while he is in the air Bob Holly takes out Tom Pritchard, and the Kid nails a Northern Lights Suplex to beat Del Ray. Bammer, Tatanka and their manager Ted DiBiase, who have wandered to ringside, look on.

A really, really strong opening segment for its purpose. The match was no better than average, but it was the week before the Rumble and effectively sold the reasons to watch one of the matches on the show in under seven minutes.

Next we go backstage with Bret Hart and William Shatner. Vince asks Bret if he has “ring rust” to which Bret vigourously denies this, saying he is 100%. While he does so, Shatner continually butts in while Bret keeps talking, with statements like “I’ve seen him work”. Thanks, Bill.

Shawn then asks Shatner if he is watching Bret’s back, who is watching Shatner’s. Shatner replies that no-one needs to. That actually makes Bret look less tough than Shatner in a way. He then does a bad does a bad job of threatening The Roadie, calling him Roadkill, before the interview ends and Vine promises us the Monday Night Raw debut of Mantaur. I think he had had several matches on Superstars, though.

After a break, we get mooing, and Mantaur appearing along with Jim Cornette, who apparently was making his first appearance with the Cowman, because Vince sells shock at seeing Jimmy. Mantaur is facing a gentleman with too many consonants in his name.

Vince and Shawn now do stray away from the match, but it’s a little more understandable because they are trying to sell the Rumble match, in which Mantaur is entered. Shawn says it doesn’t matter if he draws number one, which is fortunate, because he did, and he won. Vince basically tells him he won’t win, and plugs The Action Zone. I’d forgotten that show.

Shawn says “a couple of nice wrestling moves......I guess.” As Mantaur just runs into his opponent, knocks him over, falls on him, and pins him.

We then head off to the Royal Rumble report with Todd Pettengill in front of a sunshine graphic. The Rumble was in Tampa that year, I believe. He checks in with Jarrett and the Roadie backstage at the arena for some reason, then gets on with his report.

He says about the Pay Per View that it is from the WWF, “The originator, not the imitator”, whatever that means. He reminds everyone that Pamela Anderson will be the ‘host’ to the Rumble, then talks about the main 30-man match, including a brief rundown of how the match works. They made the Rumble 30-minuntes that year because the talent roster sucked, basically.

Plugging other matches, he mentions Undertaker v IRS, and we get warbling Paul Bearer and Taker threatening Irwin in the usual manner, except the graphic behind them is of a seashore with the tide rolling in. Slightly juxtaposed images there.

Todd bigs up the “Cinderella Story” of 123 and Holly (he got the memo, then) and then says that Diesel v Bret will be awesome. It wasn’t, but it was pretty good until the booked the hell out of it. He concludes by saying that Jeff Jarrett will challenge Razor Ramon for the gold, then starts to ‘interview’ Jeff but is clearly just saying a scripted line and they cut it together in post. Actually, although it’s clearly manufactured and Double J says the usual thing, it is quite cool little exchange.

Onto the match, and we come back after a break with Jarrett in the ring and strutting to his music. Vince thanks the owner of the building for his hospitality, then weakly segues into talking about the match. HBK talks the match up, and indeed Bret’s popularity. The reaction is genuinely massive for him, which is interesting because they will have already seen him in the taping that evening. Bret was unbelievably over back then.

Jarrett stalls early in the match, as Vince speculates as to whether we’ll see Lawler during the match. The story of the match is basically whether Bret has “changed”. He’d been away since the previous Survivor Series when he lost to Bob Backlund and lost his title, and upon his return they had Bret occasionally flouting the rules and being more aggressive. Bret dominates the early stages while working on Jarrett’s arm.

Shawn on commentary, meanwhile, puts Bret over in spades, and alludes to being happy with the Hitman being Diesel. Jarrett gets on top and we got to a break.

On return Double J is on top, while Shatner cheerleads. Bret turns the tables, and Vince says that Shatner is offering “words of encouragement”. The only audible words we hear from Bill are “Take him down” while Jeff is flat on his back. Yeah, doesn’t Bones need you in Sick Bay or something, Kirky?

Bret’s fightback ends when Jarrett blocks the Sharpshooter, and after a little Roadie help, Jarrett has the advantage and locks in the figure 4, but Bret has the ropes. Shortly afterwards, Jarrett rolls Bret up, but is reversed, and Bret gets the three. Roadie comes in and meets a Shatner forearm, gets his head rammed into the turnbuckle and gets thrown over the top. Roadie must be a Romulan or something, Shatner hates him.

That it for that segment, but Raw is nowhere near finished. That’d be a sure-fire main event and closing segment now, but not in ‘95 it seems.

We get an ad break, then a recap of the tag tournament, including clips of Bam Bam and Tatanka beating the Headshrinkers, and Kid and Holly beating the Heavenly Bodies. Another break, and it’s the Kings Court will all of the Million Dollar Man’s Corporation. Hey, King never appeared at all in the Shatner/Bret/Jarrett deal.

DiBiase is announced as the CEO of the Corporation, and he says that for the “mongoloids” who don’t understand, that means Chief Executive Officer. Mongoloids? Really? Really? (/Miz)

By the way, the Corporation at this point appears to be Bam Bam, Tatanka, IRS and Bundy. This is when the Faction idea was very effective with the right leader.It still could be to be honest. DiBiase runs down the Undertaker, and explains why IRS will beat him. Then he praises Bam Bam and Tatanka, saying they’ll easily win the Tag Titles. “It’s a shoo-in” he says. (They lost). DiBiase also explains that his new champions will defend against the Smoking Gunns, who had vacated the title in the first place. Then he explains why Bundy will win the Rumble and go to Wrestlemania.

In five minutes, we got build up for three matches, including the Rumble, a manager putting his stable over, and a plug for a title match on the following week’s Raw. What more can you ask?

Big Mabel is out next, along with his rapping manager Oscar, in full purple babyface mode. For the uninitiated, Mabel is Viscera/Big Daddy V. Mabel squashes Lee Tobin, with the commentary drifting by now to Shawn talking about how awesome he is. Vince and Shawn interview Mabel post-match, with the big guy just generically saying he’ll win. Shawn asks why he’ll win, and Mabel starts talking about being the biggest and the baddest before being interrupted by Bundy. Mabel challenges him, and it’s into the ring they go.

Quick ad featuring Pam Anderson and hype for the Rumble, and we come to Shawn and Vince talking up the Rumble and next week’s Raw. Then a hype video for Diesel? Huh? What happened to Bundy and Mabel?

And that appears to be it. Interesting stuff. I’m not necessarily saying it was better or worse than the modern product. Some differences, some for the better and some for the worse, and fascinating to look at some of the guys who find themselves in prominent positions now (Nash, HBK, Jarrett, Hart, Shatner) and how they’ve developed. Also ought to be noted that this one hour show featured very few of the roster, especially the stars. Bret was wrestling, but IC champ Razor Ramon, top of the card act Lex Luger, The British Bulldog and WWF champ Diesel were all absent apart from mentions and clips. Shawn on commentary actually was a masterstroke for getting character over the week before the biggest night of his career at that point.

Hope you had some fun with this – looking forward to seeing Bret and Shatner again this week, and indeed the Rumble on Sunday.

Monday Night War reactions: 1 - the Impact positives

Wow. Quite a day.

It’s taken me until now to get a look at both Raw and Impact, and its fair to say the combination of both shows being on at the same time has led to probably the biggest day in wrestling since Vince bought WCW back in 2001. Make no mistake, this is momentous. Not necessarily notice given that TNA will take over, but enough to suggest to me that they can be, and indeed perhaps already are, a player.

My thoughts, initially, soon after digesting both the shows and the fallout are that there is no clear winner here. I would think both sies are happy with their output. TNA debuted a raft of new stars – maybe too many – and got a great deal of people talking about their product. From what I hear of their rating – a rumoured 1.5 – they must be ecstatic about that too. They were never going to beat WWE on Monday, but they have drawn bigger than any point in their history. They now know that they CAN go on a Monday night.

WWE produced one of their best shows in a while as competition. Not just the Bret Hart stuff, mind. Bret’s exchanges with Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon were captivating, but you can’t base a whole show on that. DX had a great match with JeriShow (anyone else see Hunter give something to a front row fan? Possibly a cheeky dig at Bret?) and Orton continued his character development, first with a great exchange with Vince, before his Legacy brethren put him in his place. The wheels are really in motion for DiBiase v Randy again.

I’ve talked about WWE aplenty in my review at The Sun – CLICK HERE - so I’ll get down to a much more detailed appraisal of Impact in this blog. Stay tuned – there a lot of things to get through.

I’ll start with the positives, because there were many, and although numerically the negatives are going to probably win the day, I’d say a great many of these positives re more important.

I’ll start with what I felt was the most important thing of all, and suggest to me that Eric Bischoff had a HUGE amount to do with the TV show, and that is that the show felt chaotic. That is absolutely not a criticism, and is a huge piece of praise. I loved that old-school Nitro (and I mean early, successful Nitro) feel for the show. It felt live (well it was live, but Raw doesn’t even feel live any more, it is so sterile) and it felt as though anything could happen. That is why Nitro took over Raw because the WWE’s offering was taped at the time and the hook of Nitro was shocking happenings.

I particularly liked the cut during a match to the backstage area to show that the Motor City Machine Guns had been laid out. It showed that things could happen at any point. That a potential assailant was not pausing for the end of a match before attacking was great.

The show had Bischoff fingerprints all over the thing, and that’s great. Here’s the thing that is never said about WCW – what if Bischoff had more power? What if he hadn’t been shackled so much by the corporate environment? Admittedly he wouldn’t have been able to spend so freely, but that now doesn’t become a factor, since they have the talent they need available. I think Bischoff is a very intelligent man who will have learned about everything that ahs happened to him over the years. I’d reign back his on air performance as much as I can, but encourage him to get involved backstage as much as humanly possible.

Let’s note a couple of other things I really loved. Obviously the main event has to be respected. A fantastic match between two brilliant wrestlers with top notch quality. It was a good decision to have a seriously good match to close the show. No-one really knows how many typical Raw fans saw it, but that was probably better than any match which took place on Raw in 2009. It would help cement TNA as wrestling, not sports entertainment.

I liked the Sting cameos. I know it is old, but as long as he doesn’t stalk Hogan for a year and attack him like he did in WCW, then its fine by me. Sting can’t be expected to be one of the guys or to wrestle every week. Everyone knows his rafters gimmick, so can buy into it quickly. Do this for a month or so and then have him rappel at some point for a big angle, whatever it may be. Sting is talented enough on the mic to be babyface or heel – I’d make him a heel. Has Sting ever really been a heel? Not often, if ever. If there is going to be a Foley/Jarrett stable of sorts to fight Hogan and co. then I’d side Sting with them. Have him call the people idiots for cheering Hogan and saying people like him come to TNA, give them blood sweat and tears and then get kicked to the curb.

I loved Flair getting out of the limo. That felt major. In fact I liked the intrigue surrounding Flair full stop. Ric Flair is a promo guy par excellence who should be allowed sufficient time and focus to make his first verbal gambit. Not lost amongst a sprawl of tons of stuff. I have no idea how Ric Flair will be used, but I hope they find something useful for him, because he will be earning plenty of dollars.

I also liked Flair taking a look at the main event and nothing more being made. I like that kind of segment which isn’t explained. It suggests that things are in the pipeline.

I liked the initial comment by Nash that Hulk Hogan was coming “but not alone”. There was then someone switching limos to join Hogan. I assume that was meant to be Bischoff. It wasn’t clearly explained, but I really liked the build that Hogan’s arrival was a big deal. He made it look stupid by saying “I’ve been in the back all day” when he was supposed to be arriving by limo, but I guess you could explain that away by saying that he was, then disappeared to pick Bischoff up.

I am keen on the fact that there were plenty of questions to be answered throughout the show and indeed plenty still remain. I might have liked my announcers to play them up a little more, but think of: Who is the guy in black that attacked AJ? Is Hogan siding with the (former) nWo? What will happen with Foley and Jarrett? What are Sting’s intentions? Will Jeff Hardy stick about? Lots to think about, and more besides these points mentioned.

I liked Foley trying to get in and being thwarted. In fact more than anything else I liked that they had a spot with Christy Hemme as an interviewer talking to a generic fan but interrupted it so she could, run and talk to Mick. I’m sorry that Christy’s body is in a bad way, but I think she’ll be a very, VERY good backstage interviewer. Back on track, I felt that Mick’s spots throughout the show build nicely from a polite wish to get in the building to a furious drive to see Hogan. I especially liked parts of the last segment where Mick talked to Sean Morley (more on that later) and (gasp) logic came to the fore. Morley mentioned an office “down the hall on the left” and Mick commented that there was only one office “down the hall on the left”. The underlying meaning here was that Morley didn’t know whose office that was, and Foley knew that he meant the office that he (Foley) once occupied.

I liked Hogan being on the show at the top of the hour. It made great sense, and showed me that TNA understand the scheduling of a head-to-head show. That may sound obvious, but it was a boneheaded mistake WCW used to make.

As long as they don’t hang about for three years and take up loads of TV time, I liked the Nasty Boys’s involvement. Ignore the fact that they are Hogan’s buddies, they are interesting, they have character, and a tease for a brutal match with Team 3D is exciting.

I really enjoyed the Girls tag match. The initial Tara v ODB match where a title changed watered down the tag title switch, but the match itself was very good.

I know it was a bit derivative, but I liked the Beautiful People segment. Look, WWE is going PG, so it behoves TNA to go down the opposite path. Therefore, if you have three hot women whose gimmick is being beautiful, and at least one of them (Lacey) can’t really wrestle, it makes sense to me to have them strip down a bit. The show will lose credibility quickly if there is nothing but scantily clad girls dancing about, but if this supposed to be an adult show it doesn’t hurt to have to sexual content. And actually this isn’t even sexual content, it was just slightly titillating.

The former Val Venis, Sean Morley, is a solid hand, and it really would not surprise me that his return is as much as an agent as a wrestler. Either way, it’s a solid acquisition.

Krystal did a great job on Bobby Lashley’s behalf. I have met Bobby Lashley and Krystal, and they are genuinely nice people. Bobby is a hell of a guy and I hope he does fantastically well in MMA. That said, I always thought he was overpushed in WWE and that his TNA run has been poorly received, at least compared to the hype. I was in California for Bound for Glory, and Lashley got booed out of the building trying to play babyface against Samoa Joe.

I’ve now seen the ratings – I’m not going back and editing, because I can’t be bothered. I like the fact that this is stream of consciousness, and it gives you a flavour of how long this blog post has taken me so far.

In fact, I’ve gone on for plenty enough time. That’s pretty much it for the positives aspects of TNA. I have plenty of negative points which I’ll come back to in a post very, very soon.

Stay tuned.

January 4th - MNW2?

January 4^th has the potential to be one of the bigger days in modern wrestling history.

At some point in the future, near or distant, we’ll be able to assess just how important TNA’s Monday Night Experiment has been.

I think it is important for fans – and for TNA – to not expect too much. This is a one off, at an odd time of the year, with neither company coming off any particularly interesting, earthmoving angles. TNA possibly have a little more in the way of momentum, thanks to a sterling set of PPV efforts at the back end of 2009, but they were more about talented wrestlers coming to the fore for individual matches than great payoffs to amazing angles.

From a WWE perspective it is a major coup to have Bret Hart on their side. If rumours of his contract are true, then he ought to be around until Wrestlemania. I am very interested to see what plans WWE have for him, although I doubt any plans are set in stone right now.

An interesting aspect to the Hitman’s return is the little group of people WWE are setting up around him, at least for now. Obviously Vince has been heavily involved on TV when Hart’s name has come up. Then SSM (Serious Shawn Michaels – as opposed to WSM, or Wacky Shawn Michaels) had one of the most interesting talking segments in ages alongside Mr McMahon on Raw this week. Factor in the association with The Undertaker and what you have are possibly WWE’s most reliable hands surrounding the Bret hart story. Whichever way they go with it, they have options, and good ones.

(Incidentally, I personally think it’s a mistake to do Shawn v Taker II, because they will struggle to top their original effort. If they were to go at it again, I’d have them do it at a Summerslam. Also, I think it ought to be an up and comer who breaks Taker’s streak. Mr Wrestlemania does not need the rub. Finally, on this topic, I think that Cena v Taker is begging to be done, while Shawn has potential marquee, quality matches with Hunter, Rey Mysterio, John Morrison, even a returning Jeff Hardy. Neither Shawn or Taker will be around for four more years, why waste time in making these new matches by rehashing an old, albeit great match)

Back on topic, and I thought we’d take a look a few key areas we need to keep an eye on this Monday.

1 Bret Hart

Perhaps the most encouraging thing about the whole January 4^th scenario is that WWE felt sufficiently nervous about the face-off as to sort out Bret Hart as guest host. They would likely claim that they were planning it anyway, but I think it’s fair to assume that it’s a direct piece of opposition.

But how much of an effect will Bret have? That is a big question to be answered, and we’ll find out to an extent very soon. If I were TNA, a big worry I would have is that TNA’s is a knowledgeable wrestling audience, who will have seen Hogan come and go in WWE but haven’t seen Bret in twelve years. Hogan has no loose ends to tie up, Bret does. I can see Bret being a bigger draw to the TNA audience than Hogan would be to WWE fans.

There are very few things in wrestling that gets one excited, but I am very excited to see what happens with Bret on Raw. Admittedly I am a huge Bret fan, but I still think it’s a pretty much unmissable event. The bigger worry is that WWE will somehow miss the boat, jump the shark or any other synonym for buggering it up.

2 Hulk Hogan

It has often been said that TNA need just one big name to tip them over the edge to the big time. That may true, but it was said before they took Christian. And Kurt Angle. And Mick Foley.

The big news with Hogan, I think, is not that he will be a TV draw necessarily, or that he will have matches with anybody. It’s the fact that he is supposedly in charge. It’s like Liverpool deciding they need a new manager and hiring Pele. No-one really knows whether he’ll be a good manager, but people will be interested to find out.

There are a lot of good things about TNA, many more than most give credit, but there a lot of shoddy aspects too. There needs to be a careful straining of the dross and retention of the qualities that could make them a hot commodity.

The big problem is the writing. The Impact shows are often very hard to watch. They need to be a WWE-alternative, and to me that means doing different things to the competition. But it means I’d have a different format to the show, more focus on wrestling and things like that. Not more outlandish matches, equally daft comedy and a reliance on older stars.

Hogan has mentioned that he wants look at everything from the logo to the shape of the ring. I wholly endorse that. Something WWE has right, and wrestling has done forever, is a square ring. Have Hogan stand in a ring and say “we are going back to wrestling, and that means a wrestling ring.” Heck, they could even debut a new name, because TNA doesn’t really trip off the tongue. Total Nonstop Action certainly doesn’t.

For this Monday, will Hogan affect TNA that much? Not on his own, I don’t think so. I think it’s more the switch to Monday that will be the big thing, but it has undoubtedly got more publicity because of Hogan being on board, so I think it’s a symbiotic thing.

3 Returns and Surprises

This is more of a TNA point than a WWE one. TNA have an unopposed hour before Raw goes on air. I fully expect that to be their highest rated hour, since surely most wrestling fans that are aware of the battle would flick it on to at least what is going on.

TNA, therefore, have to load that hour and try to retain that audience. Matches, promos, returns, surprises, announcements – whatever they have to do. Don’t forget that the first ever episode of Nitro was unopposed, and they created a fresh look, marquee matches like Sting v Flair, great matches like Pillman v Liger, and the shocking defection Lex Luger.

TNA can lock in a marquee match or two thanks to their line up. They can certainly liberally sprinkle the show with quality, entertaining matches. A fresh look is possible too. They cannot have a big name defection, however, unless someone has duped WWE’s lawyers into giving them an awesome contract!

What they can do, though, is debut a big name or two.....or three. Or more. How about this for a potential first hour........

Show opens with Hogan cutting a short promo about changing the face of TNA. Interruption by Nash, who tells Hogan he was the driving force behind the nWo, and Hogan is nobody. Nash vows to not let Hogan get his way. Interruption by Foley, who tells Hogan that while Hulk and Goldberg were doing their thing, he was winning the WWE title and people cared. Foley was brought into TNA and told he would have creative input. He vows not to let Hogan’s circus come in and ruin TNA. Setting up a nice power struggle, potentially, with logical reasons for guys not liking Hogan because of past issues.

Next, we have an X-Division number one contender’s match between four guys who go nuts for ten minutes. Maybe Shelley, Lethal, Creed and Suicide. Suicide wins.

Backstage to JB with Hogan who announces Samoa Joe v Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle v Daniels for later in the show.

Knockouts match with Tara defending and winning against Sarita. Let them have a cool match and shake hands afterwards. Perhaps ODB appears and threatens Tara.

Go then to an Amazing Red v Chris Cabin X Division title match. Let them pull out everything they can before lights go out. People assume a Suicide run-in, the lights come back on RVD is in the ring. He lays out both Sabin and Red with a chair and says that’s how you make an extreme Impact. Hogan emerges and says “you want to make an Impact? Styles v RVD, tonight.” Make Hogan the guest referee and we’re in business.

I don’t know about you, but Bret Hart or no Bret Hart, I wouldn’t switch that off.

Keep the other couple of hours flowing, put some decent focus on some names you want to push – Morgan, Beer Money – and let Joe/Wolfe/Angle/Daniels express themselves.

Then close the show with Hogan screwing AJ and aligning himself with Van Dam. Might as switch the title too. I’d then roll Dixie out for a live Impact zone appearance and declare that Hogan doesn’t have it all his own way. She books RVD v Styles for the next PPV, and she’ll pick the ref. End show.

Of course, that’s fantasy booking, and I’m assuming that RVD has signed, which is guesswork. It strikes me he would sooner or later, but I really don’t know that. I don’t think it’s a stretch, though, that Van Dam, Flair and Kennedy/Anderson would be likely to be seen in TNA sooner or later. I also know that TNA are very good at keeping big signings under their hat (See Angle, McGuiness) so may well have something up their sleeve.

I would implore them, though, to produce those things in the first hour. Don’t hold things back and say “Coming up, a big announcement.” Wrestling fans are programmed to not believe that anymore, because it’s usually a bogus bait-and-switch which lets us down.

Making a three-hour show captivating is now easy, but TNA have done it with their last few PPVs. Make this into a PPV, basically, and load it with moments to make the fans – even those familiar with the product – go “wow”.

My proposed first hour has star power; exposition about Hogan’s position; the promise of great matches to come; innovative X-Div action; the showing off of two of their USPs - the girls and the X-ers; and a shocking comeback which also offers promise of a massive main event. Then the rest of the show delivers big time.

Of course it would be a gamble to throw away a lot of stuff for free like that, but the agenda has to be show that Raw is stale and TNA is fresh. Or at least the new TNA is fresh.

4 Ongoing Storylines

An area WWE perhaps have a small advantage on, because it looks like the culmination of JeriShow v DX as well as the Bret Hart return, and I really wouldn’t be surprised to see a cross over there. TNA only really have the Hogan buzz without any massive set of storylines to surround. However, it’s a good time to start building stuff, and again they ought to load that first hour with a couple of blinding opening chapters.

5 John Cena

I think it’s a big thing that WWE don’t have their main guy on the show this week. I know he isn’t loved by all, but he deserves his spot and if some know he is not involved, it might be more cause to flip over the channel. Perhaps not the major reason, but many minors make a major.

6 TNA’s size and reputation

I keep trying to ask myself whether TNA now is as big a name in wrestling as WCW was when it moved to Mondays. There are a lot of similarities, but surely the ultimate answer is “No.” WCW had true NWA heritage, unlike TNA’s which is barely concocted. Yes TNA probably have bigger name wrestlers, but WCW circa 1995/6 was on a bigger network and doing vastly better PPV numbers. Hogan v Flair on their first PPV in 1994 did a massive PPV rating, and this was way before Nitro. WCW had a core audience, and it was bigger than TNA’s.

Look at Bound for Glory. It is billed as the biggest show in their calendar, but even papering barely filled a small arena in California. I know you can say this is not one of their bigger markets, but on Monday night they go on TV coast-to-coast. Market or no market in the south west of the US, this show is on all over the country. TNA might have a big following here in the UK, but we don’t get the show live.

I fear that people may be aware of Hogan, but not enough of TNA that it will get them to watch the show. And when I say people, I don’t mean current wrestling fans, I mean former fans that might be attracted back. After all, those are the people that made the initial difference in the first Monday night War.

7 The Future

As much hype as this is getting, it is only one day. One show. Whatever both companies produce after this is the real key. Not just the next month, but beyond.

WWE have no real pressure. Raw has been largely awful for six months but ratings don’t drop below 3.0. I know that is small fry considering what they drew ten years ago, but it’s still out of the realms of anything TNA has come close to by a million miles. TNA have to be consistently good for many months, to the extent where people reading spoilers think “I should start watching this show” and their buddies who do tell them “watch TNA, it is great”. That is how they are going to grow, not thanks to a show this Monday, whatever rating it does.

A small rating for TNA on Monday is not a failure, in the same way that a huge one is not necessarily a success. Change will take time, as will increase in viewership, should it ever happen. A large rating will show interest is there, but if in a months, two months, six months time it is 1.0 again, then it was worthless.

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Good luck to all parties Monday night. If you are a wrestling fan in the US, I implore you to watch TNA’s first hour, then vote with your remote. If you liked it, give them a chance and record Raw. If not, then they had a shot, blew it, and you can see what Bret is up to.

Either way, have fun. After all, that is what wrestling ought to be about.