Raw #8

It's the eighth ever episode of Monday Night Raw, and its with......hmm, a little message to inform us all that the show has been pre-recorded. Ok. Straight after that, it's Hogan time. In a studio along with Brutus and Jimmy, on full hype mode for a match against Money Inc. Hogan calls his partner "Brutus the Barber Bionic" at one point.

Brutus says something irrelevant about putting title belts on their Harleys, then Hogan sings a song from The King and I. No, I'm not kidding, he sang a song from The King and I. Admittedly his singing was a two on the Jillian Hall scale, but he sang nonetheless. "Getting to know you". He tells Money Inc they have a surprise for them (I genuinely can't think what that is) before all three do the "From New York, it's Monday Night Raw" bit, although they can't say 'Live'. Because it isn't. They do, however, add "Whatcha Gonna do?"

The annoying Raw titles play. The even more annoying siren sounds afterwards. Then Vince introduces us to the ludicrously annoying Rob Bartlett. Good start, then.

Vince references the abysmal Elvis stuff from last week for some reason, before Macho Man launches into a run-on sentence which I think ended with him saying that Money INc are wrestling Virgil and Tito Santana, but don't quote me on it. Bartlett shouts, albeit with no emotion at all, that he's looking forward to Rick Martel v Mr Perfect.

After a very obvious cut (not live, you see) Virgil and Tito emerge. Tito is, of course, El Matador at this point, in full bullfighting gear. I wonder how well that would go down these days? They may well have PETA onto them. Perhaps Tito is coming to mop up the bull coming out of Bartlett's mouth.

Good heat for Ted DiBiase and IRS, the tag champs, who of course have a history with Virgil. IRS says to the audience that tax cheats with have to pay thanks to Bill Clinton. Err, ok, thanks for that. Tito gets the better of Ted and tags in Virgil, so DiBiase quickly tags out to IRS. Crowd are really hot for chanting "Irwin" at Shyster.

The faces are well on top early on here, and for some reason they are cheating behind the ref's back with fake tags. Makes no sense. Vince says that the Nasty Boys stepped aside to let the Mega Maniacs have their title shots. And Hogan is still finding them work seventeen years later.

We come back after a break and Money Inc are on top. Eventually Tito tags out, and Virgil fires off some.......very unconvincing offense. He is soon tripped by Ted, allowing IRS to hit a back suplex. And, wow, that's it. Do you know what, when I think about it, I don't remember IRS having a finisher. Anyone?

Clips are aired of Tatanka getting the better of Shawn Michaels a lot recently, before The Model wanders down to ringside. He isn't here to wrestle yet, apparently, but to criticise the dress sense of one of the Raw girls. Obviously he does this whilst wearing a sailor's hat, red white and blue smoking jacket and pink boots. Yikes. The lady takes the criticism in good part, and Martel does her job briefly, to a chorus of boos. Cute little segment.

Tatanka is in action next. I never really understood the popularity of Tatanka, and lets be certain, he was pretty hot at this stage. He'd been booked well - he is undefeated at this stage, and had been for over a year. His opponent here is Bill Apollo, I believe. No, I don't know either.

Tatanka, after a very slow opening exchange, hip-tosses his opponent to the outside, before indulging in about 40 minutes worth of Irish Whips and chops. Vince gets Michaels on the phone, who says Tatanka rolled the dice and got lucky twice, but it'll come up Snake Eyes in Las Vegas. Nice analogy. I see a future in this boy.

Tatanka misses an elbow, allowing Apollo to land a couple of right hands and kicks. When he slams Tatanka's head into the buckle, he does his Hulking Up thing. (What do we call this, Tanking up?) He then hits a bunch of chops before The End of the Trail. No name-check for the move yet. He must have named it later down the line.

Gene Mean does another Mania report. He leads with Mega Maniacs v Money Inc. He says it's a double main event, and goes to comments from Bret, and then some from Mr Fuji on behalf of Yokozuma. (He still says it with an 'M') Next is Paul Bearer and Undertaker threatening Giant Gonzalez. Gene Mean says it's going to be best Wrestlemania ever, then gives a wooden statement towards McMahon, saying that the Model isn't 'perfect' at being a Raw ring girl, or something. That was the thing I hated about the Mr Perfect gimmick. Every promo was just a pun on Perfect all the time. That wasn't so bad when he was a heel, because it was supposed to be annoying. I don't think it worked when he was a babyface.

Martel gives another lesson to a ring girl, while Vince sends us to a break promising Papa Shango coming next. I was terrified of Shango as a kid. Seriously. I was petrified. I'm probably over the worst now.

When Shango does appear, I can't help but notice the difference between then and now in terms of presentation. There is no tron at this stage. The music Shango has is bland. He gets to the ring quickly. There is no dimming of lights. If he as a character came along now, they'd play this up, bbig style. I suppose the nearest example is probably The Boogeyman, and look what they did with him.

Mike Edwards is the sorcerers apprentice for this one. I'm not I can recall seeing a Shango match where he doesn't use his magical voodoo powers. Let's see what we get here.

Well, it's an easy squash. About a minute, and four moves, in Shango goes for a pin and then does the heel thing of raising the opponent up to prevent the three count. Don't see that much any more.

The commentators talking about the Model v Perfect. Savage says he wants the Model to lose because of what he is doing to the Raw girls. Bartlett - and I am not making this up - says to Vince "I thought you told me Mr Perfect was going to win". Seriously. I think he was trying to a bit post-modern with the irony, but his delivery sucks, and he ended up sounding like he got a bit lost in kayfabe.

Shango wins with an inverted shoulderbreaker which Vince calls thus: "Shoulderbreaker........that might have broken the back." Sometimes I feel bad for my (endless) criticism of Michael Cole. It probably isn't his fault he sounds like such a tool.

Hey, it's Bobby Backlund, out to wrestle a fella name Tony Demoro. Backlund lasted over an hour in the Rumble, so it's a bit of a surprise not to have seen him sooner on Raw, really. This is his first showing, I do believe. Lots of Raw debuts tonight.

The crowd are very vocal in their support for Backlund. He really got himself over in that Rumble. When he came out he had no reaction, but by the end the people were really behind him. In this case, Demoro heels up well to the crowd, including a guy, front and centre, wearing a "Bob Backlund WWF World Champion" yellow t-shirt. Well done that man.

Backlund makes it a sort of amateur-style grapple early on, while Vince says that if Backlund goes to Mania it'll be his first one, because when he was champ there were no Wrestlemanias. Backlund with a couple of hip tosses, and Demoro slides to the outside, leaving Bob to soak up the crowd chanting his name. Meanwhile, Vince sends Bartlett on an errand to go interview The Model.

Backlund allows himself to be elbowed in the corner, but soon reverses an Irish whip, and hits a double underhook suplex. A three-quarter nelson pin, and it's over.

Bartlett with The Model, and he makes me laugh for the first time. The Model says "no class" about seven times in thirty seconds, to which Bartlett responds "So you're saying he has no class?" I'll give him that, that was pretty funny.

Break time, and The Model is out for real this time, music and all. Sadly Bartlett made it back too. Mr Perfect's awesome music hits, and it's s genuinely big pop. I can only guess that Curt Hennig's head wasn't necessarily on straight, or his accumulation of injuries held him back, because Perfect really ought to have been a main eventer at this point onwards, but he never really got there.

Martel gets some mini-victories early on here, before Perfect makes him look a fool when avoiding a monkey flip variant. Pantomime stuff here in the early going. Model gets the upper hand again as Savage and Vince discuss Lex Luger hitting people with a dodgy forearm. So can the WWF physicians not check him out? How long is the waiting list for ensuring the wellness of....oh wait, I forgot. Best leave that.

Perfect does a sort of low bridge on Martel, who goes to the outside. And we go to an advert. Now there is something that is exactly like today. Back from a break and Martel is back on top. Pretty slow this one, though, it has to be said. After one of the weakest backbreakers you'll ever see (no word from Vince about whether it might have hurt the shoulder) Hennig blocks a splash attempt, and starts to turn the tide. The Model's bumping is a touch on the ludicrous side, though. He was another character that I couldn't stand. I used to think (still do, really) that he had go-away heat. Switch-the-TV-off-heat. I'd-watch-anything-but-him heat.

Anyway, Perfect gets on top, but it's another advert. Low rating in the last quarter hour, I suspect. We come back to the match and......it's finished! Perfect's music is playing. That's idiotic. They missed the end. I know they are perhaps trying to make it feel live and spontaneous and frenetic. The old "anything can happen" feel. But this is post produced, isn't it? They told us at the start it wasn't live. So why edit out the finish? Don't get that one.

They do show us a replay, with Hennig hitting the Perfectplex, but that misses the point, really. McMahon says Perfect has "all kinds of momentum" heading into Wrestlemania. How many different types are there, Vince?

Shockingly, more ads ensue, leaving just enough time for Perfect to re-emerge in the arena, complete with Raw girls on each arm. I'll give them points for a little mini-story during the show, I guess.

Next week - Kamala! Wow, what a hook (note sarcasm). Razor Ramon is also in action. That's a little better. The feature match? Typhoon v Bam Bam Bigelow. There's some catch-as-catch-can action for you, right there. I wonder if we'll be able to keep up with that..........

Raw Number Three

This is so much fun, I thought I'd carry on for a bit.

So if you are catching up, I'd suggest you pop down a couple of entries, and read "retro reviews" of Episodes one and two of Monday Night Raw, and the look back at the '93 Rumble, too.

That brings us to Monday 25th January 1993, the third episode of Raw, shown, I would imagine, live from The Manhattan Center. Or maybe not, actually. The PPV the day previous was from Sacramento California, so I'd be interested in the logistics of sorting out that switch from wets coast to east.

Anyway, we kick off this week outside the arena with Mike Adamle......oh, wait, no, it's Mooney again. He catches Repo Man jumping out of a tow truck (!) You could be forgiven for thinking it was Chavo, you know, under that mask. Repo squeaks about being ready for Macho Man, and enters the building. Titles, then that bloody annoying siren again.......

Wahey, Heenan's back! We've still got Bartlett, which is a shame, but Bobby is in the chair, which is great news. I'll include some classic Heenanisms if he spouts them forth, which I'm sure he will. Looking forward to his reaction at Flair v Perfect.

The announcing trio run down what we will see tonight, and Repo Man is first out. He looks hilarious in Savage's hat. Savage runs in, no music, jumping the bell. Not many sold uncontrollable anger like Randy did.

They've now mentioned that Savage came close to winning the Royal Rumble, but they haven't said that Yokozuna won yet, nor that Bret beat Razor. Four minutes in. After five, Yoko gets a mention.

Savage dominates the early portion of the match, before Repo catches him outside the ring on the ring steps. This slows the match down. You forget when you go back to 1993 that a lot of workers like Darsow wrestled a very, very basic style back then. It's a quite boring middle section to this match. So boring the announcers have started talking about an inauguration, presumably of Bill Clinton.

Savage turns the tables, and quickly gets a win, landing his big elbow from the top. Feud over, lasted about a week and six minutes. Savage throws him to the outside, but refs won't let him nail Repo on the floor. Too bad. Savage has hit hat back, but it doesn't match. Savage needs Rico.

Hey, it's Mr Backlund! Back when he was still Bob, he tells us no-one should go to bed hungry, in another plug for Headlock for Hunger. Vince says "speaking of Africa......" and says Kamala is on the show later. Ooh, awkward segue city..........

Back from a break, Heenan pervs at the ring girl, as a good heel should, and we go to a Wrestlemania plug. Vince calls Caesar's Palace "Opulent and splendiferous." Erm, ok. The build up seems to be more for the building than the show.

Back to the arena, it's Kamala. Babyface Kamala, remember, as we saw a couple of weeks ago. And he's facing wrestling premier jobber, The wonderful Brooklyn Brawler. I think Brawler used to portray Kimchee quite a lot, ironically.

Good character development and focus on Kamala here, explaining the babyface turn. The crowd are chanting "You Are a Man" to Kamala. The only wrestler they've chanted that to. Apart from Chyna.

Vince mentions Harvey Wippleman bringing out Giant Gonzales the night previous, and says he is eight foot tall. Heenan says he is actually 20'2". Brilliant. (Wikipedia says actual height of 7'6". Who to believe, WWE or Wikipedia. Both such reputable sources (Note sarcasm)) Is that the first time Gonzales name was mentioned?

Kamala hits a splash, then starts rolling Brawler all over the ring. Eventually he pins him, in a very odd manner. Kamala the character isn't really my kind of thing, but credit to Jim Harris, who played him so outlandishly that it has worked for years.

Slick says that he is not responsible for Kamala's success. The people are. He says Wippleman and Kimchee ought to stay away from Kamala; he doesn't know what the Ugandan will do to them if he sees them. I'm genuinely intrigued by this, because I can't remember what happened to Kamala. Although I do remember him bowling.

Gene Mean runs through what happened at Royal Rumble in fine style, and it's time for Flair and Perfect. Perfect gets the upper hand early on, and Ric bails to talk to Heenan, who has a hammer. Ah, if I had one of them. I would hammer in the morning. I would never do it in the evening, though. Have respect for the neighbours.

You'd suggest we are in for a longish one here, as aside from trying to break the indoor record for reverse knife edge chops, this is a cagey opening. Just before a break, Flair throws Perfect to the outside, but is prevented from hitting him with a chair (wooden, not steel folding) by Earl Hebner. That was pretty stupid, he could have been disqualified. Surprised about that.

Back from break and Flair is on top. Just. In fact I think we just about avoided Flair doing a spot where his trunks get pulled down. Thank God he doesn't do that any more. Erm........

Perfect has been sent into a ringpost, and BLEEDS on Raw. Don't get that anymore. Flair uses all manner of nefarious tactics befitting the dirtiest player in the game, including a hilarious spot where he leans on Perfect's throat, choking him, all the while pleading innocence with the ref.

Perfect gets on top, with Heenan getting increasingly animated on commentary, and McMahon getting more with the "1...2...he got him! No he didn't!" routine. Bartlett, mercifully, has shut up.

I'm making fun of the announcing, but to their credit, they are calling it like it's the biggest match of all time. Keep in min Kurt Angle has a 'career' match every sodding week on Impact, and the commentators talk about something else. It goes for every match, though. Commentators refer loosely to the match, then talk about an angle from earlier that night, or plug Dixie's Twitter, or call the show the longest episodic weekly programme this side of Neptune or whatever, and largely ignore the action in the ring.

Flair takes over with a long sleeper, and after Perfect fights out, slaps on the Figure 4. Perfect recovers, and gets on top, but it's another break time. After the ads, Vince tells us there are nine minutes on the broadcast. Once again, an interesting allusion to reality. They talk about what will happen if the match ends after the broadcast ends. McMahon says they'll fight to a finish and they'll show the result next week. I mean, we both know it will finish before the end, but even lip service to it being real is nice, isn't it?

Flair clocks Perfect with a foreign object, but Hennig gets a foot on the ropes. This is a very good match, and I'm taking into account the fact that I know who wins, because should you not know the outcome, you'd be even more into this. ]

Just as Vince asks Bartlett why he is so quiet, Perfect starts, well, hulking up, basically. Irish whip. back drop, clothesline, then Flair's upside down corner bump and so forth. A series of nearfalls, to which the crowd seem largely apathetic. Hmm.

They soon wake up, though. Flair reverses an Irish whip to the ropes, and drops the head. Perfect hooks it, and hits a Perfect Plex. The directing and camerawork leaves much to be desired, as it is unclear whether Perfect gets three, but the large cheer, referee raising Hennig's hand and music playing all give small clues.

Heenan goes into overdrive. Vince tells Bobby it's his (Heenan's fault), and Heenan's response is bleeped out. Heenan leaves with Flair, who wouldn't be seen on Raw again in person until 2001, the day after the InVasion ended.

A plug for WWF mania is next, and then Vince telling us they are about to name a big match for next week. But first there are more ads........this better be a big match.......

IT'S.........Typhoon v Doink. Ooh, craptacular. That was worth waiting for. Meanwhile, Vince says that Flair will honour his obligations through the weekend - presumably they were fearing some house-show backlash if he didn't turn up as promised.

So, Typhoon v Doink, huh? Can't wait for that............That's so exciting, I'm going to have to continue these old Raw reviews now. Oh well..........

Raw number 2

I had some fun with the retro review of Raw #1 last week - more than I did this week's 900th effort, anyway - so I thought I may step on a week and see how WWE followed up their first ever Monday Night flagship show.

If you didn't see the review of the first show, then either scroll down a little bit, or if you are particularly lazy, just click here. http://robmcnichol.blogspot.com/2010/08/900-to-1.html

S0 lets fire up the time machine, and head back to January 18 1993, six days before the Royal Rumble of that year.

The show starts with Vince McMahon, Randy Savage and Rob Bartlett - a man who I had forgotten the existence of until review last week's show, and I realise exactly why my brain had chosen to blot him out. I prefer Michael Cole.......just.

Bartlett rips up a piece of paper with a picture on it, and says "fight the real enemy." I couldn't see who the picture was of (Heenan maybe?).

In a fun start, Savage is attacked from behind by Barry Darsow, in his guise as The Repo Man. Vince and Rob talk to Savage, as the very annoying opening siren drones on. Macho Man appears to have lost his hat. Oh dear. Sorry, I mean, OHhhhhhhh De-yuh!

After the opening theme music, it's......well, what do you know, TNA head of Talent Relations, 'Terrific' Terry Taylor. (Don't say rooster, don't say rooster, don't say rooster.......) His opponent is Mr Perfect, who was really over as a babyface at this point, having turn in the build up to Survivor Series, 1992, accepting the position as Randy Savage's tag team partner, replacing The Ultimate Warrior who had disappeared following one of his 465 sackings from WWF.

Savage meanwhile, on this show, hasn't spoken so far, so I'm assuming he's gone backstage and will re-emerge to wrestle Repo later on.

The match begins, and Vince acknowledges that Randy is 'on the prowl' looking for Repo Man. He soon returns, and says Repo Man clocked him, but he'll get him at some point. Perfect meanwhile, dominates the early stages, and the crowd chant "We Want Flair".

They've got Heenan on the phone now, and it apparently was Heenan's photo who Bartlett ripped up. Heenan plugs All American Wrestling. Savage asks about Repo and his hat. Uh, there's a match on. They go to a break, and they are all over the place.

Back from ad, and Heenan is still on the phone, Taylor on top in the ring. Heenan tells Vince he is calling collect - Vince says to hang up. Funny.

Perfect gets back on top, while the commentators plug the Rumble. Oh, here's Flair. He's looking old and telling the President of the company they are drop dead gorgeous. Oh no, that was Impact last week. Here, Ric looks like he did for most of career - like the challenged brother of Naked Gun actor Leslie Neilson.

Taylor knocks Hennig to the outside, and Flair attacks with the ref's back turned. Perfect is rolled back in the ring. Triple T attempts a suplex, but Hennig responds with.......well, it's known as a Fisherman's suplex, and Perfect called it the Perfect Plex. Vince calls it a Superplex. I guess I shouldn't get so annoyed with Cole when calls Randy Orton's powerslam a scoop slam, should I? Perfect gets the win and runs to the back, obviously to attack Flair.

A sign of the times - the camera gets to the curtain and stops. No going backstage in 1993.

After a break, a slightly skanky ring girl hold up a sign, before we get the same ICOPRO and Slim Jim ads as last week, as well as Lord Alfred plugging X-Men and Spiderman on SNES. I feel old.

Bret is next, appearing on Raw #2, where he was slightly more relevant than at #900. Decent interview, with the most notable thing being that Vince asks Bret about his strategy. They talk about being a technical wrestler, and about how he plans to win. Good lord, how we don't hear that any more. That should be the primary focus of World Title matches. Sure, have a reason for them to feud, of course, but they'll get that 'big fight feel' that they love to talk about if they actually treat wrestling as a serious sport.

After Bret, it's Paul Bearer and Taker in the blue screen interview room, where they talk about the Headlock on Hunger event to raise money for Somalia. No, I'm serious. Couldn't they have found someone other than THE TWO PEOPLE IN THE COMPANY ASSOCIATED WITH DEATH to try and get people to pledge money to, uh, stop people dying. The big guy says "No-one should starve to death". Uh, thanks Take, for those words of exquisite wisdom. That was just odd.

Marty Janetty v Glenn Ruth (DJ - Designated Jobber) is next. Marty on top, and Shawn is on the phone. He calls Janetty a simpleton, amongst other things, and says Sherri will be in his corner at the Rumble. Janetty eventually wins with the Rocker Dropper (Vince doesn't recognise it)

Crush isn't going to the Rumble apparently. We flip to WWE Superstars from the previous weekend, where Doink took out the big Hawaiian with a fake arm. Lawler and Savage on commentary do a really nice job, but Vince freaks out that Doink took his own arm off. I can't believe how bad Vince is, listening back. I thought he was good when I was a kid.

Poor Sean Mooney is still stood outside the building, just like last week, only this time he finds Repo Man, not Bobby Heenan. Repo has the hat, and Savage goes beserk, even though he changes his hat every week. They talk via the earpiece, and Savage takes off again. Repo Man is one of those gimmicks/acts that shouldn't work, but somehow did via the ridiculously over the top performance by Darsow.

Gene Mean is back with another Rumble plug. Razor with a brief threat to Bret. I loved that Razor character. I thought Scott Hall was fantastic for about three years as Razor. Gene Mean runs down some of the Rumble competitors. The gimmick of the graphic is that the still photos are 'bursting' through the wall. Which sounds lame until you see a picture of Fred Ottman (Typhoon) grinning ludicrous, and if you're like me you have a Shockmaster flashback. Poor Uncle Fred.

Back to Mooney outside, and Savage runs past him. Savage looks like such a bizarre, campy clown with all his purple tassles. I don't care how good a wrestler he was (and he was awesome) I always felt his attire hurt him around this time. Savage can't find Repo, so it's back to the ring.

Vince McMahon calls Tito Santana one of the greatest ever. So why did you dress him up like a bloody bullfighter? He is wrestling Ric Flair, with his appallingly bad midi file 2001 (A Space Odyssey) entrance music. Savage is back, and it'll be interesting to see how much he comments on Flair, since the pair of them had a rivalry that lasted most of the previous year.

It's no fun listening to anyone except Heenan call a Santana match. I miss Bobby. Does he get back onto Raw? I can't remember. Two minutes into the match and you start to recall why Flair was so great. He hasn't even got close to an offensive move yet, he has just fed for Tito the whole time, making him look good. I mean, Tito was pretty good, but Flair's way was to build the opponent convincingly, only to knock him down. Classic.

On commentary, Vince confirms Savage v Repo Man for the week after. Savage says he has to think of what to do for 7 days. Vince suggests, uh, the Rumble? Savage says "you're right". Nice to know the runner up cared so much.

Tito hits his big forearm, but for some reason doesn't cover Flair. He waits for him to get up, then charges again, misses, and falls to the outside. As he does, Perfect emerges to pull Flair out, drawing a DQ. Refs and agents come to break it, and they do the whole wild brawl spot. Savage calls it a Pier 9 brawl. I thought it Pier 6 was the rough one? Trouble must be spreading.

They brawl backstage, and Vince asks we can get a camera back there. Apparently not, since we now get a ten second close up of the curtain. They promise a word with Flair or Perfect after the ads......

Or not. Flair and Perfect fight through the curtain again. They split apart, and Flair heads to McMahon. Mic time......Flair says the WWE isn't big enough for him and Mr Perfect, so he is challenging Perfect next week on Raw in a Loser Leaves Town match.

Perfect soon wanders over, after Flair leaves. Perfect says he'll take it in a heartbeat. He calls he and Flair the two best athletes in the WWF. His music hits and the crowd cheer. I loved Perfect's music. One of the best ever.

The show ends with Repo Man having possession of that hat and a car. Oh yeah, I should have told you. Bartlett kept droning on about checking his car throughout the show, I just thought he was telling a bad joke.

Well, ok, he WAS telling a bad joke, but it was actually leading somewhere. I apologise for the omission. Please try to sleep tonight, won't you?

Retro Mania - Five

It’s the same intro as last year, and the same arena last year, for Wrestlemania V. This year Vince yells at us that The Mega Powers will explode, and then it’s Gorilla. It’ll be him and Jesse again this year.

Rockin’ Robin, women’s champion sings a version of America the Beautiful, and it’s mercifully short. Let’s just be kind and say that Aretha Frankling or Gladys Knight she ain’t!

King music, and it’s not Harley Race, and not Jerry Lawler, but King Haku. Bobby Heenan wants you to bow to Haku, and my advice is to do it. Sometimes you get mixed vibes and reports on wrestlers, but everyone I’ve ever spoken to says that Haku (or Tonga, as they call him. Well, it is his name.) is one of the nicest guys around. But you don’t cross him, because he’s a tough SOB who will tear your eye right out if you get on his bad side.

His opponent is Hercules, now a babyface it seems, and sans Hernandez.

This is actually a pretty good contest. It’s not fast paced, but it has a decent ebb and flow, and considering the standard of last year, it’s admirable. It’s traditional heel gets the upper hand and babyface struggles to get a comeback stuff, but eventually Herc hits a big move or two. His ascent to the top is met with a kick, but Haku’s second rope follow up also misses.

Herc then hits a back suplex into a pin, and – nice attention to detail – gets a shoulder up and pins Haku. Decent stuff, and a nice babyface pop to start the show.

Backstage to Gene Mean, and he’s with Marty Jannetty, and the first appearance at the big one Mr Wrestlemania himself, Michael Shawn Hickenbottom.

The Rockers....wait, I just have to say, that’s a really lame name, you know. The Midnight Rockers has some ring to it. These guys are party animals, they are still rocking at midnight. “The Rockers” sounds at best a couple of guys with bad ‘dos who like very ordinary metal music, and at worst like two rocking chairs. I guess Midnight was dropped due to similarity with the Express of that ilk, but what it left was horrible.

Anyway, The Rockers are to take on Akeem and Big Boss man. Good lord, you can’t believe that that’s the One Man Gang in that blue and yellow Easter egg costume. Poor sod, I wonder who he pissed off to get that assignment?

This is another surprisingly good match, meaning Mr Wrestlemania gets one notch in his positive column right from the start. Boss Man could really move for a big guy, and The Rockers were unlike any team that WWF had had until that point.

The Twin Towers, as Akeem and Boss Man were known, get the win, after an awesome finish. I’m not sure what Shawn was supposed to be attempting with a jump from the top that left his legs straddling the standing Boss Man, but the big guy turned him in mid air and hits a devastating powerbomb. An Akeem splash, and this one is over. I enjoyed that. Good start to this show so far.

To the back, and oh my, it’s the Greatst Announcer in the History of Our Sport, Tony Schiavone. I didn’t realise he got to contribute to a Wrestlemania. Why isn’t he in the Hall of Fame?

Tony is with Ted DiBiase and Virgil, in front of absolutely-not-a-set-but-the-locker-room, honest. It is so the locker room, even though no-one ever was in the same room and the lockers appeared to be in the toilet.

Next sees the aforementioned DiBiase wrestle Brutus Beefcake, and as I say each time Brutus was really over back then. I wouldn’t think it’s to with his music, which sounds like a Midi file of the Wrestlemania theme. In fact, that was a joke, but the more I listen, I really do think that might be an early working of said theme. Slacking, Jim Johnson, slacking.

Another decent effort here. Not enthralling, but taking into account the time in which they are wrestling (I mean the year, not length of time) it’s ok. Midway through the commentators start talking about each man losing their hair. I’m not sure if this is meant to be a hair match – first I’ve heard of it – or whether they are just speculating as to what could happen.

In the end, it’s a hark back to the year previous, as we get a double count out for the two of them fighting outside, with Virgil also getting involved. They have a bit of a fight back inside, Brutus gets the upper hand, and Virgil and Ted scram when he reaches for some shears. Actually, why the hell has he got shears. Can you imagine going to get your haircut and your barber brings out garden shears? You’d run a mile.

To footage of the Wrestlemania weekend brunch, with Lord Alfred Hayes talking to the Bushwhackers. Its silly stuff of the Kiwis talking with their mouthful and showing no table manners, but their target audience were kids, so it’s more than forgiven. What isn’t is the woeful questioning of Hayes, who stumbles over words and makes an idiot of himself. Why didn’t they do another take, for goodness sake?

Bushwhackers wrestle their usual nonsense with the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers to begin with, and then things ease up so that the “All American Boys” take over. I understood the gimmick of them pretending to be American but not making a good job of it, but why did they have the Fleur du Lis on their tights?

Rougeaus dominate for a bit, then celebrate for a while, allowing the Bushwhackers to get up, hit their Battering Ram move, and win. Hmm, ok.

To Shaun Mooney, the Adamle of twenty years ago, who does nothing but get licked by the Bushwhackers, then we go back to Gorilla and Jesse. I supposed Mooney can’t “Pull an Adamle” if he doesn’t get time to say anything.

Next, we have, to no fanfare, Mr Perfect. Hennig’s here? Now we’re talking. A reasonable start to this Mania, and now one of the best wrestlers (that’s w-r-e-s-t-l-e-r) I have ever seen.

Speaking of which, it’s the Blue Blazer. For those unaware, this is Owen Hart in his first shot at the big time. And what a shot it was. This is a match which shows the genius of Curt Hennig. He bumped like a mad thing almost throughout in a match that was essentially a showpiece for Owen/Blazer. Perfect wins with his Perfectplex, but 90% of the match was Owen showing what he can do. It was terrific stuff.

Jesse promises a surprise, but it’s really just him waving to the crowd. Then to Lord Alfred who is at the site of a 5k race which was part of Mania’s festivities. Mr Fuji runs it (well, he starts and finishes) and he says it is to prove that his Powers of Pain will win the tag team titles. Yep, if running five kilometres in a suit doesn’t prove that Warlord and Barbarian are good wrestlers, then nothing will.

This just in..........nothing will.

Run DMC get in the ring and shout “ho” and “Wrestlemania” a lot for no apparent reason, before we go to highlights of Survivor Series the previous year. It seems that Demolition were managed by Fuji and were heel, while Powers of Pain were babyface, and during this match they did a double turn.

This one is two on three, with Fuji actually wrestling alongside his team against Demolition. This, predictably, brings the average of this show down a notch or two. All four regular competitors are big power guys, and Fuji had been retired for quite some time.

At least the right result is achieved. Demolition win by pinning Fuji, after the evil manager missed his throw of Fuji Dust.

Next, after Schiavone fails to interview Macho Man, it’s the French National anthem played for.......Dino Bravo. What is it about these French Canadians that forget that Quebec is actually IN Canada? He will face Ronnie Garvin, who is announced like a jobber. Out of nowhere, Fink introduces Jimmy Snuka, I guess to be in Garvin’s corner.

Garvin looks like Lance Storm spent a long time at the buffet line and then fell asleep in the sun.

Staggeringly tedious match, here, which Dino eventually wins with a Sidewalk Slam, referenced here as a side suplex Of course, he hit this move right at the point where Jesse and Gorilla were talking up Garvin’s stamina. Hmm. I agree with Jesse next, though, because Garvin attacks Bravo’s manager, Frenchie Martin (why isn’t it pronounced Mar-Tan?) for little reason. I hate when babyfaces do that.

Time for WCW legends on a WWF show, as Tully and Arn hit the ring. They’ll face Strike Force, and it’s frantic early stuff because there is barely a time where only two wrestlers are in the ring. Eventually Tito attempts his flying forearm and hits Martel.

This turns out to be the moment where Strike Force split up. Santana battles on effectively alone for a while, but when Martel is finally back on his feet he refuses a tag and walks out. Tito of course gets beaten, and Martel cuts a promo with Gene Mean saying that Tito was riding his coattails and he’s happy to get rid of him.

In the ring, Finkel talks about someone controversial who has his own talk show, and that “when you hear the word ‘Rowdy’ there is only one.........” Cue bagpipes. It’s Piper’s music, but very little reaction for him. The curtain goes up and it’s actually Brother Love. I’m guessing Piper was advertised, then, because the way Finkel talked it up it sounded like a surprise, but the reaction is very lukewarm.

I always found Brother Love extremely annoying, and although his Piper impression isn’t that bad, we get a couple of tedious minutes of him squawking. Next out is Morten Downey Jnr, who was a talk show host at the time, famous for smoking on TV. Apparently. He is rude briefly to Brother Love, but then Piper appears. This is dull so far. Piper insults Love when gets there, for quite some time. Yawn......and no-one in the arena is caring either.

Eventually Piper turns attention to Downey, who keeps blowing smoke from his cigarette in Piper’s face. Roddy continually asks him to stop, while they trade childish insults. “Where did you get your skirt?” “From a Polish warthog.” “I didn’t know your girlfriend was Polish.”..........and so forth.

Eventually Piper gets Downey to turn round, and when he turns back blasts him with a fire extinguisher. This is an iconic moment, but it takes forever to get there. ZZZZZZZZZZ segment.

Gene Mean then takes us to a preview of Hogan’s debut lead role in a movie, No Holds Barred. The film was of course terrible and a huge flop. Made the Marine look like Full Metal Jacket. Next, Sean Mooney conducts a supremely boring interview with Donald Trump, and then it’s back to Gorilla and Jesse. It’s all talking now, what’s happened to the wrestling?

Jesse wakes things up by cutting a great promo on Hogan for invading his territory. Shame he’d retired. Ito highlights of how the Mega Powers, Savage and Hogan, fell out over the course of a year. To be fair, it was pretty well done.

Hogan cuts a standard promo on Savage and........wait a second, he just said WWE? Was that an amzing mistake/coincidence? I have to rewind several times to see that, but they’ve dubbed Hogan saying WWE, presumably on a more recent appearance, over the WWF reference. Clever. I nearly didn’t even notice.

John Studd heads to the ring to the music that Hacksaw Jim Duggan has no, only without the “Hooooo” noises over the top. I think that’s in the arena and not dubbed onto the DVD. It’s very hard to tell now. Studd is a special referee for a match between Andre the Giant and Jake Roberts.

It’s not a technical classic, but it’s actually quite a lot of fun. It starts with Andre pushing Jake into a mysteriously open turnbuckle, and takes over the match. The story is essentially Andre dominating until doing his usual stuck-in-the-ropes routine. Jake keeps teasing getting his slithery pal involved, and when eventually he thinks about it, he gets jumped by Ted DiBiase, who kidnaps (Snakenaps?) Damien.

Back in the ring Studd is attacked by Andre. Jake gets the better of DiBiase, Andre spills to the floor, Jake gets in the ring..........and I guess it’s a DQ. A bit odd, but quite enjoyable. The crowd were hot for Jake.

To Mooney, who is up the Gods with an idiot fan shouting for Jake. He’s either drunk or an idiot. R maybe both. Don’t know why Mooney even spoke to him. Maybe his colleagues on the floor simply sent him to the back seats to get him out the way for five minutes.

Next, it’s Schiavone who forgets Sensational Sherri’s name. She talks about how Rockin’ Robin can’t sing (true) and that she’ll beat her later. She also laughs at Elizabeth’s predicament and says she is more beautiful. Yeah, and Colin Delaney was more built than Chris Masters.

Out come Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine (I don’t know if this is before they called themselves Rhythm and Blues and had Hammer dress like Honky or after) and they face the Hart Foundation. Very standard stuff, although an interesting reference mid match.

Jesse talks about Honky being the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, and Gorilla counters with Pat Patterson. Jesse calls him a relic.

Patterson, a relic? Maybe he’s thinking about Rellik, the TNA gimmick of Johnny ‘the bull’ Stamboli, who was originally going the same gimmick but calling himself “Redrum”. It’s Murder backwards – although Patterson doesn’t think so.

That may be the most contrived joke I’ve ever done.

Hart Foundation win, but it’s not a classic by any stretch.

Rude and Warrior are up next, a match which came out of their “Super Posedown” at that year’s Royal Rumble, which was a terrible thing to charge people Pay Per View money. Warrior is IC champ at this point, and on a mega push. He dominates the early part of the match, then there is a period where Rude gets on top. The match is very formulaic. A few big moves, then a rest hold, and repeat.

Credit to Rude, he flies around this ring making look Warrior’s every move look devastating. Either that or Warrior isn’t taking a whole amount of care over his opponent. Probably a bit of both.

The match ends when Warrior tries to suplex Rude and Heenan grabs the ankles, allowing the Ravishing one to fall on top of his tassled opponent. Heenan holds one, and Rude steals one. Fair enough finish, as it allows Warrior to retain dignity (stop laughing) and drop the IC title to go after the big one.

Post match Warrior chases Heenan, eventually catching him and hitting him a couple of times. He picks The Brain up and promptly drops him, and only quick reactions from Bobby stop him getting hurt. You can see why guys didn’t like wrestling Warrior.

Next is Bad News Brown against Hacksaw Jim Duggan, in what is to all intents and purposes a time filler. Having said that, we are over three hours already here. Nothing really happens before Duggan hits his finisher, which knocks Brown to the outside. Bad News gets a chair, Duggan picks up his plank (I know what it’s called, but I like calling it plank) and they scrap. Double DQ. Pointless.

Maybe the point was simply to have a gap between Heenan appearances. After getting dropped by Warrior, it’s Bobby the Brain v Terry the Chicken. This is Terry taylor in his ridiculous “Red Rooster” gimmick, which I’m sure has never, ever been brought up by any guys who Terry has worked with backstage over the years.

After entering to the strains of Cock a Doodle Doo, bound to strike fear into any opponent, Rooster takes on the already hurt Heenan and beats him in seconds. Wow, that sure helped his career. To show what level he is on, he is attacked after the match by the Brooklyn Brawler. No, I’m not joking.

I think it’s the main event next. Liz talks to Gene Mean, and says that she hopes neither Macho Man nor the Hulkster gets hurt. Nt only was she mighty fine looking, she wasn’t a bad talker either. She is truly a very sad loss, and it’s a shame she got tangled up in wrestling really.

First in, after pointless bits with Schiavone and Mooney which I ignore, it’s the Champ, the still-to-enter the Hall of Fame Macho Man Randy Savage. After he has entered, they play his music again to welcome Elizabeth. She’ll go to a neutral corner. Today, you just know she’d cost Hogan the match, but back then not so much.

Real American (quietly) hits and out comes Hogan. Jesse wonders why the champ came out first. What do you expect, Jess? It’s Hogan. I really liked Jesse’s distaste for Hogan all the time. It added something that people on commentary could actually hate people and not have to have a feud with them. I know he got involved from time to time, but it reminded me of Lawler saying how much he hated Bret for years and years. He didn’t have to keep wrestling him, but it just gave things a different dynamic.

This isn’t a great match, not one for the ages, but it’s perfectly acceptable when you consider the combatants (well, one of the them) and the era. The fans are completely into this, so the slow. Staccato nature of the match isn’t a hindrance really. There is a nice ebb and flow to the match, even if Hogan’s comebacks are a little bit out of nowhere, and the fact that Liz tries to help both guys makes things interesting. Savage is able to get a ton more heat by mistreating her.

He forces her away from ringside, and a backstage guy escorts her out. Uh-oh, the guy puts his arm around her, Savage is going to kill him when he gets back beca......oh, wait now, it’s Patterson, it’s fine. Definitely no danger Randy, back to the match.

Savage takes over, and builds to the big elbow. He hits it, and of course Hogan kicks out at two and begins the “hulking up” process. Right hands, big boot, legdrop, it’s history. No false finishes for Hulk, no sirree!

A decent enough show, that, for me. There were plenty of decent matches on the card, and Perfect v Owen is a huge treat, especially since I’d forgotten this was part of the menu.

I think this is possibly the best mania so far, in terms of overall match quality. Many will point to Wrestlemania 3, and I’ll agree that the spectacle was immense, but apart from Savage and Steamboat it wasn’t stacked with great wrestling. The famous Andre v Hogan may well have been the most important match in wrestling history, but it’s not exciting to watch again.

Five down, (nearly) twenty to go...........