Backlash Live Blog

01.00am
Welcome to the WWE show with the TNA theme. It's Backlash with a lack of bash, while in TNA Lashley's back.

01.05am
Speaking of TNA, it's Christian Cage! Did JR, one of the 3-man broadcast team, say that Christian has been away for five-and-a-half years? Is that really true? Swagger out and we're good for an ECW Title opener.

01.08am
Christian seems over in Rhode Island. In fact he is over.....the tope rope. Nice throw by Swagger, and a cool opener to make him look dominant. I like the idea of Christian chasing this match.

01.17am
A really sound opener. Of course, Christian winning the ECW title means relatively nothing, but you have to give the credit to the match itself. A lot of fun, both men on good form, nicely paced, and most importantly for me a really good story told through the action. It was the big guy who can amateur wrestle against the quicker, smaller, more experienced guy.

It was structured, and more importantly fun to watch. Nice, clever ending with logic to it, and I'll forgive my usual dislike of a babyface using a heel tactic.

Well done, gentlemen.

01.22am
Wow, Edge and Christian. New champion Cpt. Charisma takes a wander with his new shiny silver belt and encounters his 'brother' Edge. Totally understand the logic behind this, because it's allowing Edge to put over why he hates Cena. But Edge not quite on his game and perhaps the meeting of the 'brothers' should have meant more.

01.24am
Jericho to attempt to slay a Dragon. We know the fire still breathes inside him. Let's use it to toast our crumpets.

I went too far with that analogy, didn't I?

01.25am
JR talks about Steamboat wrestling Austin at WCW Bash of the Beach. I like JR in this role in a three man team, because Cole can become more of a presenter while JR can analyse and use his historical knowledge. I still think they could do with Striker, though, since King doesn't offer heel insight anymore. Striker could have a little more edge.

01.28am
Can somebody ask Jericho (ASK HIM!) about his hair? It's really bad. Is it mange or something?

And yes I did just want to say ASK HIM.

01.37am
HUUUGE near fall for the crossbody from Steamboat. Crowd have woken up to this match after a slow start.

01.39am
And that's the right ending. Some fun with finishing impact moves not getting it done and then Jericho gets Steamboat to tap to a second Liontamer. Held it just a second ot two more to make the point, too.

A really nice match. Didn't quite have the factor that Mania and Raw did, but still fun to watch. Ricky had just one moment where he didn't quite nail it, not quite finding the figure four he was looking for, but apart from that it was more than pleasant.

A nice send off for Steamboat, good to keep Jericho in people's minds. All good so far.

01.40am
Backstage filler with Santino, Beth and Rosa. Could have stayed with Steamboat saluting the fans for a few seconds more before cutting to Santino and the performing caterpillar on his forehead.

Analysis of the segment. Rosa looks like a cat. That is all.

01.42am
Punk and Kane out for their attempt to stall before we get to some meatier clashes. King talks up Punk's ability to use the briefcase at any time. Seeding for later tonight, perhaps?

01.44am
Good start here. More logic, which will always get a thumbs up from me. Punk works on Kane's chokeslam arm, hits a nice looking knee from the top, gets Kane to shout "get him off" when locking his arm round the ropes, then a really nice escape from a chokeslame attempt on the outside.

Unfortunately, King has just brought up whether Punk could cash in the briefcase tonight. Telegraphing usually doesn't work in WWE.

01.52am
Hey, what do you know? They conjured up a fun match. I'm not crazy about Kane beating Punk from a booking perspective if Punk wants to have another go at a legitimate title run, but once again the match was logically thought out, with Punk working the arm throughout and then Kane finding a way to hit the modified Chokeslam.

Two spots to mention. One was that not only did Punk and Kane try the same spot they had to repeat last Monday again, but they hit it and made it look awesome. OK, it wasn't exactly the same, because it was a pinning combination on Raw, but the new version still looked impressive. The second was a kick from Punk to Kane's head which looked like it rang Glen Jacobs' bell for a minute or two.

The undercard is doing it's job exactly how it should. The best PPVs should have a couple of high profile matches which deliver, with a host of moderate to good matches to build up to what people should have paid for.

01.57am
Time for a couple of Hardys. Just a small note, I'm surprised that Michael Hayes hasn't made an appearance in this feud, since he was the guy on-screen who built the Hardys up.

Scorecard for Matt and Jeff so far reads an average effort on a huge scale, and a good effort on a much smaller one. The extreme rules match at Mania didn't click, stretcher match on SD a lot of fun.

Third time lucky, boys........

02.03am
Decent start to this one. Two negative points to make, though. Cole called Jeff Hardy's deceased dog "the love of his (Jeff's) life" which is utterly ridiculous.

Second, the microphone is not being made enough of during the match. The idea is that they say I quit for the world to hear. Trash talking in the mic is allowed.

02.05am
Just a quick note I forgot to say earlier, I did call the Kane victory as being there to set up a future programme for Punk as champ in a potentially crowded title picture what with Edge and Cena chasing retribution too. That does get a step closer after The Big Red Machine's victory.

02.11am
That was ridiculous. This has been quite a nice match so far, but two things have just soured it. Jeff with a Texas Cloverleaf locked in elicited a tap from Matt. But then when asked to quit he said no. Why did he tap then?

Then, blatent miscommunication with Jeff and Matt having different ideas about whether they were going to hit a twist of fate or not. It looked bad. Still going here, Jeff now has a table........

02.19am
You know what, I liked that. It had some down moments, and was far from a classic. But I really admire them trying something. Jeff tying Matt to the table, Matt trying to talk his way out of it. The defeat doesn't hurt Matt because the reason he quit was because he was trying to beg off. The only real change I'd have made to the end was to have the ref hold the mic to Matt's mouth up until the point where the move hit. It would have sounded really dramatic.

02.21am
That was a really, really good build up promo from Randy Orton. I love the psychology tonight. Trying to get inside Big Dave's head is exactly what a clever strategist like Orton is supposed to be would do.

02.24am
Hey, SantinA doesn't have a unibrow. Whats up with that?

02.32am
Well, that dragged a bit. Some funny bits. Anytime Santinoa (not a typo) is on the mic it's pretty fun. Highlight for me was JR seemingly getting irate for real about Santina proclaiming her love for him, since I don't see anyone (read: Vince) liking him saying to Michael Cole "Who fed you that line?" after MC called him 'Mr Barbecue Man"

Time for Santina to come to an end now, and some sort of resolution between Santino and Beth needed too. It's getting a bit too silly. Santino is too brilliant a character to be ruined in this way.

02.35am
Legacy v McMahons now? PUNK TO CASH IN?????? It's the type of thing to go off the air with. I didn't think there was any way this show wouldn't end with Triple H. Interesting.

02.40am
Personal tally so far reads 2 out of 4, with predictions for Kane and Jericho coming, but I missed Jeff and Christian. I've just realised that I've picked five out of six heel victories. For the record I've got Triple H to win here.

02.43am
Judgment Day is here in three weeks (three weeks? Really? Oh man, I hate these short build ups. That's way too short.) and it's in..........CHICAGO? I didn't know that. I offer you once again my theory from earlier. That is that Edge beats Cena (possibly with help) and Punk appears post match. Edge escapes or Punk doesn't attack, they simply set up the match for next time. The fact that its in Chicago makes a Punk title bid more likely.

But then why beat him with Kane. Oh my head hurts. It's very late here, you know........

02.46am
Where the hell is Orton? An intersting though illogical start to the match. Triple H fights Orton up the ramp before the opening bell, they disappear, and only Triple H returns. Match starts and as I type is a couple of minutes in, but still no Randy. Benefit of the doubt given about the logic its mostly been sound tonight. I'll assume it plays out.

02.53am
Randy's back, playing the character to the hilt. His facial expressions are spot on tonight, and even his usual slow (dare I say, verging on boring) style is replaced with a dynamic, hard-hitting one befitting the situation. The match is not a classic - was never going to be - but you really don't know where the title will go at this point.

I wouldn't have minded seeing a little more teasing of count outs and DQs though.

02.57am
An error there. Shane - in a frenzy, apparently - starts to take apart the announce desk. I'd have had Triple H run around the ring and stop his brother-in-law from potentially jeopardising his title belt. Instead, the camera moved to Trips standing idly on the ring apron.

03.07am
OHHHH, someone might get fired. Poor communication between referee, bellringer, booker or someone. Orton hits an RKO, Trips kicks out late but the bell rings. WTF? Confusion reigns as we try to take in whether that should have happened or not, and meanwhile Orton kicks Trips silly mid face. That really is it.

So Batista had a chair when Trips noticed it, and Orton capitalises. We could see that coming somewhat, but that doesn't always make it bad booking. It's an easy job people like me have. We complain when the booking doesn't make sense, and when they do exactly what we say we complain it's too obvious.

I think this makes sense. It allows more friction between Batista and Triple H because Trips can legitimately claim that Batista's near trangression with the chair cost the match, since Hunter lost focus.

03.12
Right now HHH is on a stretcher being wheeled out. (I think they make too much of this sometimes, as if it really goes wrong it seems like a storyline) Where are Steph and Vince? Wouldn't they be running down to show concern?

I wonder how long Triple H will sell this? Backlash? Whiplash, more like.

Good work by the three commentators, by the way, speaking sensibly about the ramifications of the Orton victory. I'm enjoying the three-man dialogue, by the way. I think it works terrifically. I just hope they let those left off the team join in occasionally.\

03.20am
Cena on his way to the ring as I type to face Edge, and I've realised didn't really give thoughts on the last match as a whole. In all honesty it wasn't terrific when you consider it went the best part of 25 minutes. As a guy who isn't a huge fan of tag wrestling bear in mind that I'll be more down on a match of this type, though.

It seemed a bit formulaic to me, and certainly dragged in the middle before Triple H came roaring in. It's storyline functionality was strong though, and once again delivered in the logic department like so much of tonights stuff has.

I assume that'll mean that Batista challenges Orton for the title in Hunter's brief absence. How about an early guess that HHH arrives to save Batista at the PPV from a 3-on-1 but ends up costing Big Dave, so they are effectively 1-1 on that score?

03.23am
Ding ding, underway for the main event. I make it thirty seven minutes before we run out of time. I wonder if Mr Brooks has his briefcase combiination to hand?


03.25am
I LOVE the start. Less than two minutes in, no move hit, but about four avoided, all signature moves. Really clever stuff. Good facial selling from both men, too.

03.37am
This is ok but no better so far. Once again, I'm perhaps not the best judge because it's a match type I don't like. The nature of the numerous ten-count means that the match struggles to ever gain momentum, it tends to be staccatto and not gain rhythm.

Too much steel steps action, too. Since Shane, in the previous match, took the steps a la Foley and Taker, i.e knees first and spiralling over them, these guys have done at least three collisions unnautrally with the shoulder first. One saw Edge change direction in running to collide with them.

Both men down as I type. Crowd seem as hot as they have been all night, having cheered and booed as they like at a series of punches.

03.39am
That was nice. Edge counters the "Attittude Adjustment" three times before hitting a back suplex.


03.55am
You know what, I like it because they did something different. The run into the crowd looked just right, had the right feel for the characters involved. The ending sort of worked. It gives Cena something to do on Raw (not that it will be that interesting, I don't think) but also may make people want to tune in for the explanation of why Show did it, explain working with Edge, etc.

I'll say it again, that finish, not just the last act but the last few minutes, were different. I'm not always a big fan of the big stunt ending, but I never saw it coming. Plenty will be impressed.

03.56am
By way of a nice irony, I'm fairly certain that the last wrestler other than Cena and Edge to be shown on screen was CM Punk, showing concern for the former champion. I wonder if that was deliberate?

04.00am
So then, I make that four minutes short of a full three-hour show. Not bad.

Overall, I had fun. There wasn't a bad match on the card, although there was not a standout one either. Swagger and Christian opened strongly, though I'd have liked to see a match where they were given a little longer and didn't have to curtain jerk. Kane and Punk exceeded my expectations, and once again Steamboat shone and Jericho was Jericho (and that's a compliment, by the way.)

Hardys didn't tear the house down but told a great story, especially at the end. Similar sentiments for the six man, where action got a little a sluggish but the storyline held up during the match and the ending was well executed.

Finally, a gradual build for a match between two guys who we've seen battle many times ended in something shocking, if perhaps not to everyone's taste.

No Money in the Bank. All three titles change.

Judgment Day looks tentatively Batista v Orton, Cena v Show and perhaps Punk v Edge bearing in mind the Chicago factor.

Big week of TV, since they have to set the draft out and start booking matches for a PPV three weeks away.

Good fun tonight, hope you enjoyed it.

RMc

Summerslam live notes

Summerslam Live

01.03am
We’re live for Summerslam, the biggest blockbuster of the summer. I’ve got my popcorn, I’ve sat through the trailers, there’s a bloke in front me getting in my way, and there’s a kid behind me kicking my seat and eating crisps loudly. Maybe I took this cinema thing too seriously.

01.04am
Jeff Hardy is out for the opener against MVP and Tazz is with JR on commentary. Still with the sell of the Mick Foley injuries. I speculated earlier today that Mick may appear in the HiaC match, but an online report says otherwise.

01.08am
There hasn’t been a bad build up to this, but it does seem at this juncture that the feud is over who has the best cornrows. You’d have to go with Montel, but then if he is that highly paid he can afford a decent stylist. Jeff’s house burned down, taking with it all his hair-care products.

01.16am
Well, I nearly got it right. I said that MVP would win by cheap means, and he sort of did. With Jeff set for a Swanton, Shelton Benjamin appears and Jeff dives onto him. The pause means he misses the swanton, and MVP hits the drive by kick.

No acknowledgment of Shelton by MVP – maybe a triple threat for the US title?

01.21
After more awesomeness by Santino, we have the combined IC and Women’s title match. No mention of Kofi’s countrymen winning medals, like the mention Michael Phelps got earlier. On refelction, probably because Ghana haven’t won anything.

Note in case WWE lawyers are reading. He is Jamaican. He’s called Kingston. It’s so obvious.

01.28am
Points to me. I went for Santino causing Kofi to me out of action and Beth to beat Mickie. OK match without being anything other than you’d expect. Santino absolutely spot on with his mannerisms, and a typical superb post match celebration. Beth carried Santino out on her shoulders, as he told the IC belt “I missed you.”

01.34am
Shawn’s out here with his wife Rebecca. He says that the Doc has told him to walk away. He says he will heed the advice of the docs. He’s explaining the reasons he is leaving, including virtuous reasons like being a good husband and father.

Meanwhile, though, we see a shot of someone in the crowd wearing a HBK hat. You read that right. Someone bought that horrible straw cowboy hat thing. Mind you, he has got a Spanish flag, and they dress in dopey matador outfits and wear sombreros so they are beyond salvation.

01.43am
Jericho comes out to confront Shawn, to claim that he is responsible for Shawn’s retirement, not a build up of injuries. They are in each other’s face, suitably angry, but in a tone that makes it look real. Full of emotion and such a great lesson that you don’t have to shout to get the point across.

Segment ends with Jericho getting the admission out of Michaels, but with HBK getting the vocal upper hand. As Rebecca tries to get Shawn to leave, Jericho swings, misses HBK and clocks Rebecca. Wow, she took that well. I don’t think there was contact, but she fell well. HBK plays the concerned husband rather than attacking Chris, and Jericho in turn looks concerned and embarrassed.

Just a wonderfully done segment. Tremendous stuff. I would think that this will be the impetus for HBK to reverse his retirement decision.

01.51am
Striker on commentary with Todd Grisham in the brand new line up, and I’m really pleased for Matt. I really enjoyed interviewing him last year, and although he basically had nothing interesting to say about his storylines an position in the company, he was a very funny, likeable guy, who I remember stating that he’d like to be a commentator. Pleased for him.

01.54am
Err........ok. ECW as an afterthought once again as Matt hits an early Twist of Fate, but Atlas pulls Matt out. The bell rings after less than 30 seconds and we have another piece of bullshit to further bury the ECW legacy.

Atlas continues to beat on Matt, before Jeff comes out to save him. Wow, that doesn’t make Matt look good. Not really sure what the point was of that. The Hardys suplex Henry on the outside, but it’s basically a farce. What was the point of that? Seriously.

02.02am
Decent reaction for Punk as we get the World Title match underway. Nice video package to help build this. This needs to be a decisive one for CM, because otherwise, if he can’t look good against JBL, how would he be against Cena or the like?

02.14am
Clearly not a priority match this one, and I’d simply describe it as functional. Punk gets the clean win he needed, and there was a sick clash of heads which may have caused this to finish a bit early.

02.18am
Looks like the other World title match is next, so they’ve really gone with the high-profile non-title affairs in the main event slots. Surely they’ll close with Undertaker and Edge.

02.33am
I am on a roll tonight! Triple H, as predicted, builds the attempts at the Pedigree during the match, but fails a couple of times. He hits it at the end to a huge – and I mean HUGE – reaction to win. Not horrific, certainly not as bad as could have been.

02.40am
Cena and Batista to get it on with 80 minutes of the show to go. I don’t think they’ll go right to the very end of the time, but if you allow for this to go twenty, and the show to finish at 3.45am, that still gives the Cell to be 45 minutes. Hmm. I’d expect a long, long main event.

02.56am
Right, plenty to say.

Firstly, I did not expect Batista to win that cleanly. My predictions, which were flying until now, take a hit, and I can’t decide whether or not I approved of the match or not. I quite liked the way it was booked, with a heavy emphasis on two things – on them trying to hit their signature move, and on each man trying to break down the other’s leg.

Seeing Batista break out a figure 4 was a surprise, as was a Rear Naked Choke, although the STFU was less of a shock. I was disappointed that the holds were put on very sloppily, though, so that some realism was lost. Both men wrestle very staccato, so can put on decent matches with great workers and ring generals like Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, but together they didn’t completely click.

The ending was decent though, and I suppose it is hard to criticise them for the effort very much. I thought the finish, after a couple of false ones, was pretty creative.

You have to look at where they go from here? A rematch so that Cena can even things up? Possibly. Punk is now free for action with someone, and Batista would be the logical number one contender, but they went at it on PPV and on free TV not long ago. I don’t know where Cena goes apart from back to JBL, which no-one wants to see. If Rey is with Kane, and Jericho v HBK continues, I’m lost for ideas.

03.20am
I was still typing when this match started, but we are not well into Edge v Taker, and Edge is well on top. I love Edge’s mannerisms in this, and this really has the big match feel – the first time tonight. Good so far, and props being set up indicate big stuff to come.

03.38am
Very, very good cell match. Very good indeed. Plenty of good, innovative spots. An Edge jump into Taker on the Cell wall broke the structure to allow for an Edge spear through an announce table after running over the other two.

A chokeslam through two tables that had been set up earlier was a nice touch, as was Edge missing Old School but Taker hitting a spear.

Plenty of false finishes (not helped by the referee’s lack of conviction on the third count) ensued before the end arrived – and it wasn’t simple. Chokeslam through tables, then the spear, then a camera broke over Edge’s head. One man con-chair-to next, before a Tombstone to finish. I’m all for Edge looking good, but thank God he didn’t kick out after all that.

Post match was a bit unnecessary, with Taker returning to the ring to Chokeslam Edge off of ladders through the ring, and the gap eventually going on fire.

Terrific main event though, and the really interesting thing to take out of the Pay Per View is that a lot of matches were blow off matches. Edge, Taker, Triple H, Cena, Batista, Punk, JBL – all looking for something new.

A pretty decent show. No terrible matches, just the abortion that was the ECW ‘contest’. Terrific main event to cap off a better than average PPV.

Summerslam Preview

Summerslam

The hottest night of the summer, the biggest blockbuster of the summer..............or the biggest letdown of the summer?

Tonight is Summerslam, which we are often told is considered to be the Number Two PPV on the WWE calendar.

To this end, they’ve hotshotted John Cena v Batista to feature in this card, with the very strange admission from Cena before the match was made that it should be at Wrestlemania, not Summerslam. As I noted in a previous commentary, I agree with this sentiment, and think they could have built a really decent Mania campaign. However, they haven’t, and I wonder if it may get lost in the sprawl. More on that in a minute.

It’s an odd card all round, really. The two biggest matches are not title contests, and these championship matches have been given a secondary position on the line-up. I can understand both pieces of booking, and would think they are for character development purposes more than anything.

Elsewhere there are a couple of bouts with possibilities to be good, bad or indifferent. It’ll be interesting to see which way they swing and what bearing they will have on the show.

Onto predictions and thoughts..........

Matt Hardy v Mark Henry – ECW Title
I thought I’d get this one out of the way. ECW has become such an afterthought that the only reason I can think of that ECW now exists (apart from the money it may make from syndication) is as a glorified development territory. Give some of the fellas you have nothing for some time in “The Land of the Extreme” and fill the rest of it with emerging talent.

Ricky Ortiz (Atlas DaBone) and Evan Bourne (Matt Sydal) are on the show now, and apparently, according to Teddy Long, there are still more to come. Perhaps Colt Cabana, having debuted last week as Scotty Goldman on Smackdown, may end up in ECW too.

Anyway, this match is simply two Smackdown middle carders dressed up as being World or potential World Champions. I feel sorry for Matt, as I feel that he was doing well for himself on SD, and if anything would have been more suited to a move to Monday nights, where he could have been a good candidate for the IC title.

Anyway, I can see quite a babyface night on this PPV, so for the interests of balance, I’ll go for Henry to win. I can see them giving Hardy a bit of a longer chase, so I’d day he loses through interference courtesy of Tony Atlas, prompting a cage match or similar at Unforgiven.


Prediction: Mark Henry to retain

Kofi Kingston and Mickie James v Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix
Beth and Santino have been a riot thus far, and I think this is set up for them to win and gain some more television exposure. WWE are known to react strongly to positive feedback on certain characters and scenarios, and many people have given the thumps up to duo of Glamarella.

Look for Beth to beat Mickie, probably with Marella distracting Kofi. This allows Kofi to drop the title without looking bad. Beth beating Mickie doesn’t destroy Ms James, since she has is pretty over and has beaten Beth cleanly. It also gives Beth a timely boost, and would give a focus to Beth and Santino’s relationship.

Prediction: Beth and Santino, as described above. Also, I’d suggest that developing this further Santino would keep defending the title and look like losing, but Beth saves him.


MVP v Jeff Hardy
These two met in a surprise match at Judgment Day which felt like a regular TV match (It hadn’t had any build up) but this will likely be better. The build to this match has been pretty good, as MVP is a very good antagonist, and Jeff Hardy just a naturally popular babyface, so the chemistry seems right.

I am slightly put off by the last few drops of preparation for this one, though, since it has caused a couple of decent Jeff v Shelton Benjamin matches to end in non-finishes, and I can see this either going a similar route or at least having some sort of conclusion other than a clean one.

I’d most likely take MVP to win, since his is the character worth building up more, and heels are needed on Smackdown. Apart from the brilliant Edge (Superstar of the year thus far, for me) you are only really looking at The Great Khali, whereas babyfaces at a top level range from the champ Triple H, Jeff himself, The Undertaker and the Big Show.

Umaga is injured, (he would have likely faced Big Show at this PPV) so the landscape is barren for the heels. I can’t see Khali winning nor having another shot at the belt (oops, spoiled my prediction for later) so MVP may well be needed to make the step up and be a top heel, if only temporarily.

Prediction: MVP to win, but not cleanly. Probably a feet-on-the-rope job, or maybe a pulling of the tights. He needs the win more, but they won’t job Jeff out.

Triple H v Great Khali (WWE Title)

They’ve teased on Smackdown that Triple H can’t put the pedigree on Great Khali, so I’d think that this will be the story of the match. Trips all over him to begin with, and trying to apply his signature hold, but Khali fights back. Triple H keeps coming back, to no avail, often trying for the pedigree and failing. Khali hits the brain chop, but The Game kicks out, and suddenly hits the Pedigree.

Or something like that.

Prediction: Triple H. Because Khali is That.........Damn.........Bad


CM Punk v John Bradshaw Layfield (World Title)
The battle of the paradoxes, this one. CM Punk is the world champion but doesn’t really get pushed. He is the champion but not on top of the card. The writers (allegedly) don’t like him, the agents (allegedly) don’t like him, but Vince (maybe) does.

JBL is probably the best hand the company has on the microphone. He has sold this match brilliantly, and sold himself brilliantly, in the mic time he’s had to pump this one up. Unfortunately, as my editor at Fighting Spirit James Denton says in the current issue, his in-ring work “sucks a dick”. (So eloquent, that boy.)

Hopefully this is the clean, high-profile win that Punk needs to raise him up at least half a level. Other than beating Cena in a gimmick match, JBL’s wins of late have been a little scarce. A loss to CM Punk wouldn’t really hurt much, but it would give Punk a fillip he sorely needs. I think he will win, I just hope it isn’t a cheap win, because that if they are going along that route, then it’s just pointless.

Prediction: Punk cleanly, and hoping that my heart isn’t ruling my head.

John Cena v Batista
This is the one I talked about above. The one match that you could forgive the probably poor quality of it if you can exchange it for the spectacle. Think Rock and Hogan at Mania. I’m not saying that either Cena or Batista are at the Rock or Hogan level, but that match back at Wrestlemania X8 is recalled as a classic, and the workrate wasn’t exactly stellar

The name value was, though, and when it comes to Wrestlemania the WWE can pull out all the stops, marketing wise. I keep going back over this in my mind, and I envisage Cena and Batista drawing one and two in the Rumble, with one nearly eliminating the other on more than occasion. After 30 have entered, both men are still there, but neither end up winning, with someone perhaps eliminating them both while they are fighting.

Now, however, this is simply the slinging together of two names in the hope that people will buy the Pay Per View because of it. This happened last year with Cena and Lashley. The two men were the unstoppable, runaway trains of WWE and you really didn’t know who would win. Instead of a heated clash, we got the old ‘respect’ angle, which nearly always fails to draw.

I truly wish this was a mania match, and I am truly fearful this will be very dull. Batista and Cena are the archetypal WWE-style main eventers who the company will be proud of. They are not great wrestlers like Hart, Michaels, Flair, Jericho, (whisper it) Benoit, Hennig, Steamboat or any other you care to mention of this ilk. Therefore, I see no reason to want to watch these two wrestle, especially with no belt on the line. Apart from Batista saying “stay out of my way” and the hackneyed “tag team champions who hate each other” act, there is no real animosity here.

Sorry, but apart from kids who won’t know who to cheer for, I sense a big dud here.

Prediction: Oh yeah, I have to pick a wrestler, don’t I? You know what - I smell bullshit all over this. Either a double count-out or double DQ. Or perhaps one of those deals where Batista gets the visual pin but the ref is down, and then Cena wins over all. I’d say that Cena to win is most likely, with Batista feeling he was screwed over, and showing more signs of a heel turn.


Edge v Undertaker (Hell in a Cell)
This is the money match here, if any. Edge v Taker has been done over and over this year, but Edge’s work the last few weeks has been off the charts – probably the best of his career.

Now I’m not really salivating over this because frankly the Undertaker act is not one of my favourites. That is not a slight on the guy. He is a certifiable legend in the WWE, deservedly so, and I am very much in a minority in finding him a bit stale.

I sometimes worry that the Hell in a Cell format is overused, because matches like Triple H v Kevin Nash and DX v Vince, Shane and Big Show have watered down the format.

Fun facts – this is the 16th Hell in a Cell. The only HiaC to not feature either Undertaker or Triple H was Mankind v Kane, but that was on Raw not a Pay Per View. So the intention is that you will only pay money to see Trips or Take.

Back to this match, and I do think the timing of this one is good, and that the match will likely deliver. I just want to know what route they will go with each competitor post-Summerslam. Edge has been the main man of late, and Taker is basically untouchable.

Typically I would suggest that the Undertaker should lose a match like this, because he will always retain his aura, whereas Edge beating UT would send him to the moon.

However, two things go against that. Firstly, I don’t see Edge v Triple H happening again, so soon after it was done recently, and quickly. Secondly, my booking card wants Triple H and Undertaker fighting at Wrestlemania.

That. Is. Money.

And although it was a previous Wrestlemania encounter, with Taker back as the Deadman (last time they fought he was a biker bad-ass) and Triple H a babyface makes it a completely new concept. If The Undertaker is going to face Triple H for the title at Wrestlemania, then he has to be protected.

I’d have Taker win, for the reason above and for the fact that I still believe in the fact that most long term good versus evil storylines ought to end with redemption for the good guy.

Prediction: Undertaker. Sending Edge even more over the.....ahem.....edge.

Other stuff – Shawn Michaels is due to make an announcement about his future. Perhaps I’m over-thinking this a bit, but I’d suggest that if he was going to simply say “I’m not going to retire” and Jericho then attacks him, that’s a third quarter segment on Raw, not a PPV feature.

This is also not a big enough thing to draw a PPV spike. A TV rating for a quarter-hour, maybe, but not a reason to part with hard earned cash.

Therefore, I’m of the opinion that this goes two ways. Either it’s a strong “I’m not retiring, and I challenge you to a Last Man Standing/Ironman/Two of out Three Fall/invent your own concept match at a future PPV” or it’s “I’m retiring.”

Now I’m not advocating the latter, but I can see it happening. I personally believe that Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho has been the best feud in wrestling in 2008. Maybe Edge the standout single guy, but HBK/Jericho has been just superbly scripted. Better than Angle/Styles, better than anything, anywhere.

They may look to do the following: Michaels says that he will listen to the doctors. He’s finished. Jericho spends more time bragging about how he ended HBK’s career, and wins the title. He is the main man, and he is oh-so-cocky because of what he did to Shawn.

From afar (kayfabe) Michaels sees Jericho with the glory and realises it is bogus. Jericho never beat Shawn Michaels, Jericho sneakily injured him. Shawn says he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror (and I don’t mean because his eyes are fucked) if he allowed Jericho to lord it over the WWE when he (Shawn) knows that he is better than him (Jericho).

This gives Michaels the opportunity to come back and challenge Jericho once more. Maybe it’s for the belt, maybe it’s at Mania, but it could feasibly work.

My worry is that what they will do is have Michaels retire (so that would be Taker and Shawn within six months of Flair’s emotional send-off.) but come back by Survivor Series, panicking that people will have forgotten about the situation. I wouldn’t blame them for this, because HBK is one of their top men, and to not have him for an extended period of time might be bad business. Although maybe Shawn is injured and needs a rest.

Either way, I think he’s going to retire. If they can keep the storyline tight, play up Jericho’s elation about his shelving of Shawn, and emphasise Shawn’s disappointment at being out of commission, it’ll work. And I hope and pray that it does, because this fabulous story does not deserve to end (and the two protagonists don’t deserve it to end) in a flimsy manner.

Also to consider:

Kane and Mysterio
We probably won’t see anything from these two, but just keep it at the back of your mind, should Kane wish to play up the madman angle.

By the way, now we are looking a PG product rather than a more adult-oriented one, so things ought to be considered aimed at kids, anyone else think it could have sounded to kids like Kane had killed Rey Mysterio?

Mick Foley
I know Mick is alleged to be leaving (and even heading to TNA, so we’re reporting, from a credible source, at The Sun) but is there a chance that he could come back, to spite Edge, and take a leap off the cage? Maybe that’s his grand exit from WWE, (nearly) re-enacting his most famous moment.

William Regal
Is there a chance that Regal could appear? They have kept talking about him as a free agent, so I wonder if they’ll use that to switch his brand. I’d especially love to see him go to ECW, just to have him wrestle Finlay every week. Regal can also do comedy, so if you insist on using Hornswoggle, then Regal would be a good foil for skits, and could also have great matches.

For Summerslam, maybe he’ll appear to attack Matt Hardy, or to get involved in MVP and Jeff Hardy. It’s more likely you won’t see him, but it might be a way of getting him involved in something more important than beating up Jamie Noble.

Randy Orton
Tricky subject. Maybe Randy Orton had a motorcycle accident, and maybe he nearly died, and maybe he will be out for several more months. If this is the scenario, then I hope Randy has a speedy recovery and feel genuinely sorry for the guy having such a harrowing occasion.

However.........

Over the years we have been trained that WWE.com comes up with bullshit. There have been no reports from the local press when Randy is supposed to have had his accident. Plus, he is said to have been thrown 300ft. Three Hundred? Are you sure? Think about how far that is, then consider that he broke a collarbone that was already weak. Seems odd.

He may be there tonight. He may not. If he is, then I don’t know where he would appear. I’m just saying it is possible.

Playing Wrestling Nostradamus

Sitting here of a Sunday night having just watched Smackdown, I thought I’d have a little look at the WWE landscape and offer some thoughts and predictions.

I cannot believe that The Great Khali has been promoted into another main event slot. Obviously the recent publicity tour over in India by the Punjabi superstar has done good business and India appears to be a thriving WWE market. I expect that Vince and co. like the fact that the Indian press seemed to report that the people over there think that Wrestling is real. I would highly doubt that Indian WRESTLING fans think that it is real, but if the media do then WWE will try to capitalise.

If India is loving the WWE right now, why not put Khali into a position to challenge for the title? Makes sense.

However, for the rest of us, it’ll be torture. As much as I respect the Game, and as good as Paul Levesque has been for many years, Triple H matches are no longer something I eagerly anticipate. Not saying they are not satisfactory, but they don’t get you excited the way that matches involving the likes of Edge, Jericho, Michaels and Jeff Hardy do.

Triple H will surely win, and I guess it’s just something for him to do while Edge has to deal with the Undertaker. Look at it this way – Edge has been THE story of Smackdown for the past couple of months, and of the Undertaker transcends titles, so HiaC will be top billing - at least from Smackdown’s point of view. (Although, saying that, they aren’t exactly piling all their stock on Punk, so I’d think that Edge v Taker would headline the whole show)

I guess we should be relieved, because this could be an opportunity for them to put Jeff Hardy or Mr Kennedy into a top spot only to have them lose to Triple H. At least Khali getting squashed isn’t much of a loss. Hardy or Kennedy getting the shot and losing would enable the opportunity for their doubters to argue to their fans that they had a chance and blew it – that the match wasn’t important and the reaction very little.

By the way, how many times did JR and Mick call Jeff Hardy “the Charismatic Enigma” on Smackdown? Surely they haven’t ditched the Rainbow Haired Warrior epithet and nicked a TNA one.

Elsewhere amongst the bigger names on Smackdown, we are looking like heading towards Umaga v Big Show and Jeff Hardy v MVP, although whether we will see all the matches at Summerslam is unknown.

Over on Raw, it’s Punk v JBL at Summerslam, which will have precisely no-one excited. I’ve talked on the Sun website about how Punk having the belt isn’t necessarily the best thing for the Straightedge Superstar. I think Punk will beat JBL, as there as even less point in Bradshaw having the title, but I’m doubtful it will be clean.

Other matches are unclear, as Chris Jericho has laid up Shawn Michaels once again in the storyline almost unanimously considered to be the best of the year – by miles. We may see another match between these guys, but I think more likely is that they’ll let HBK sell the eye injury a bit more, and then have a blow-off down the line. Also, backing up that theory, a blow-off match is already taking place at Summerslam, between Edge and Taker. It would be wrong for Jericho and Shawn to go under the radar in that fashion.

Then there is Cena, Batista and Kane. If they do the slow burn then Cena v Batista is a possible Wrestlemania encounter. (more on that in a minute) For now, I’m not sure where they are going to go. Kane’s insanity has lost a bit of momentum, but he is still in the mix. The biggest problem with Raw right now is that although having JBL, Punk, Batista, Cena and Kane featured prominently and in each other’s business keeps them strong and promotes the belt, because that’s what they are all aiming for, you cannot get excited about many matches between them. The only match two matches I’d like to see out of that group would be Cena v Batista (but only with the right build up) and Punk v Cena.

I mentioned Mania just then – I’d suggest three contests that you could get hold of and build Wrestlemania around.

John Cena v Batista
Triple H v Undertaker
Shawn Michaels v Rey Mysterio

What do you think?

Cena and Batista are modern day Sports Entertainers, with the package of the look and character being more important that the wrestler, but while I’m not a fan of Batista and don’t go crazy over Cena (although I respect the hell of out the guy for his work rate and what he has achieved) even I’d be interested in them building this one and manipulating the fans. I’d have the belt involved, too, because without it I don’t think you’d generate the right kind of dislike between the two men.

Over on SD, I think there is enough of a roster to sustain Triple H repelling contenders and Taker having some fun as well, without them needing to meet. Edge could step up and meet The Game again somewhere down the line. It wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. I make it eight Pay Per View events before Wrestlemania. A combination of matches with Khali, Jeff Hardy, MVP, Kennedy Big Show, Umaga and Edge again would sustain Triple H and Undertaker before Mania. With perhaps the odd hint dropped between Taker and Game that their paths will cross at some point.

I can envisage Undertaker and Big Show locking horns a couple of times, certainly, and Triple H having another little episode with Jeff Hardy could help Jeff out.

Mysterio v Michaels is a match I can’t recall seeing, and one which would whet the appetite like Angle and HBK did a few years back. I think Michaels is the best in the business right now, which is amazing considering he has just turned 43 and basically retired in 1998.

I’m not as crazy about Rey Mysterio as a lot of people are, but I think the anticipation of these two locking up would be mouth-watering, and the match would likely steal the show.

Finally, the GM situation on Raw. And another Mania match I can foresee.

Apparently Shane McMahon will be on Raw this week, and I’d like to lay a marker right now that this is step two of the Mr McMahon angle.

I’m saying that Shane will address the rising chaos on Raw. Citing the example that for months before Mr McMahon’s accident things were ok, needing to install an experienced hand and not having time himself, he will re-appoint William Regal as General Manager of Raw.

Regal will go back to his character pre-Suspension, although perhaps not to the extent of the frequent lights-out jobs. Order will be restored of a fashion, and things will pan out very slowly but leading to...........

Regal being revealed as the man behind the attack on Mr McMahon. Regal would know the setup of Raw, he would know the stagehands etc, so he would be able to engineer the attack (I know WWE doesn’t always worry about legitimate set-ups, but at least I can offer background). The motive would be that Mr McMahon sorted out the firing, and that Regal wanted his job back and showing it was chaos without him proved he was needed.

Vince tries to fire Regal, but Regal produces a contract he signed when Shane re-hired him which says he is guaranteed a contract for a certain amount of time. In the end, they go head-to-head at Mania for control of Monday Night Raw.

Vince McMahon v William Regal at Wrestlemania 25. You heard it, on July 27th 2008, here first.

No Mercy live notes and reaction

01.02am

No Mercy is underway, and after a opening video sequence featuring Cena, Orton and a dove (religious symbolism, maybe another allusion to Jericho?) here comes Mr McMahon and William Regal.

Straight to business with the ‘Cena is out’ announcement. Usual mixed reaction.
Vince says he is going to give us what we want.......

A huge moment follows. A huge “Y2J” chant erupts in the arena. Vince says, in direct response “I’m not going to give you that.” Hmm, interesting.

A double blow in the opening minutes, as Vince now awards the belt to Orton. See that makes so little sense it’s unbelievable. But he did say there will be a title match. Meanwhile, as I ponder, Randy parades the belt to the fans, and gets a mixed reaction, probably more positive that Cena has been getting.

Regal tells Orton that he can choose his opponent. Oh right, that sounds realistic. Can you imagine that in Boxing? “Here you are Muhammed Ali, you’re the champ. Who do you want to face? Ken Norton, Lister, Foreman, Frazier?”

“Fuck, no. I’ll take on a shitty cruiserweight.”

Oh, shit, its going to be Hornswaggle isn’t it?

01.12am

After Orton rags on Cena for being injured, he states that no-one can come close to him and is interrupted by...............?

Brooklyn Brawler!

No, I’m sorry, it’s Triple H.

Triple H basically asks Orton for match, gets refused, then turns to Vince to cut a “Roget Promo”. Boy does Trips get some use out of that Thesaurus. Let’s see an excerpt from it.

Coward: yellow, spineless, gutless, no balls, weak.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley: Triple H, HHH, The Game, The King of Kings, The Cerebral Assassin.

Weapon: Sledgehammer..............I’m out.

01.18am

The shit is on! Remember the slow build to Wrestlemania with Triple H and Orton? They lasted 14 minutes. Vince caves to Triple H’s ‘mind games’. It’s Orton v Triple H for the belt. Common sense dictates this will be a count out or DQ finish. Why? Well, otherwise, why give the belt to Orton in the first place? If he is to lose clean, then they may as well have asked Orton to choose his opponent in the match for the vacant title, rather than give him it and then have him pick a contender. (which, of course, he didn’t anyway.)

01.22am

JR pimps Trips as a ten-time champion. Which makes me think of Ric Flair. Maybe part of Flair’s last big run, and the real history making moment, will be a Flair return, and indeed heel turn, costing The Game?

01.30am

So what do I know? On about 12 minutes, Triple H with a schoolboy rollup and The Game is the champ. This match was outstandingly booked. I know Chicago crowds are almost always hot, but they were so into this it was unbelievable. The psychology was terrific with Orton playing the battling champ shocked at the match being made, Triple H as the rampaging face on a mission.

Orton sold like a madman here, almost as if the guy he was facing was going to be his boss someday.

Oh, right.

Anyway, terrific opening half hour. But what about Umaga?

01.36am

After the unannounced title match, here comes a “bonus match”. Six man tag action coming our way, and its seems that Jeff Hardy and Londrick are together once again. Out come Cade & Murdoch, and they announce their new and improved partner. Mr Kennedy.

It seems that the Tag Team Champions realised that their former, short lived partner, Shelton Benjamin, has won like one match in two years.

This should be a good’un, and surely will be a lead in to a Hardy/Kennedy programme.

01.39am

After chanting for Y2J earlier, the Chicago crowd begin this match with a chant for their hometown boy CM Punk.

01.42am

Brian Kendrick just did the most original fall to the outside I’ve seen in ages. As Kendrick ran the ropes, Trevor Murdoch actually stood on the bottom rope and lifted the top. Brilliant stuff.

01.44am

Lawler mentions the ‘Stein. 44 minutes to beat next time, King.

01.48am

Another cracker ends with a fantastic series of moves to end it. Kennedy off the top with a Green Bay Plunge to London. Terrific 6-man match with some of the best talent in the company at the moment, in terms of character and quality.

01.50am

Backstage, the obligatory cross-over is here, with Triple H and Batista, now Smackdown and Raw champs respectively, with a history between them of course. Generic waffle ensues, before Triple H walks into Vinny Mac. Basically, Vince tells The Game that he’ll still face Umaga tonight, and its for the belt. Yes, score one for continuity.

01.52am

ECW title match is on. Pepsi v Peptic Ulcer.

01.55am

Well that was quick and pointless. Punk wins by DQ after a weak-ass interference from Matt Striker. Big Daddy Mabel destroys Punk after the match.

So after a great start, the Chicago crowd are simply not allowed to enjoy their hero in action. The aftermath of watching replays and seeing Punk stagger away form the ring actually goes longer than the match. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad this wasn’t a long match and all, but that was staggeringly pointless.

01.59am

For some reason, they are plugging the MVP/Matt hardy combo facing The Brothers of Destruction next week on Smackdown.

02.01am

Oh, that’s why. Another competition. Tazz is in the ring, for a pizza competition between MVP and Matt Hardy. I’d criticise the pointlessness, but here comes Melina and Maria, who make anything worth tuning in for. So, I’ll hold back my instincts to complain.

02.03am

MVP is very confident it seems? Wearing white to a pizza contest?

02.08am

MVP and Hardy jaw jack for a while, and Tazz shuts them up. He doesn’t want them talking tough, thats not extreme. He wants them to eat pizza. Tazz, you fought Sabu, you went through a ring with Bam Bam Bigelow. They better be paying you well for you to be commentating on a pizza eating comp.

02.12am

Yeah, MVP and Hardy are entertaining, and this segment could have been worse, but ECW got 6 minutes for a title bout (the match going 3) and Smackdown get more than 10, basically to work up to a vomit joke.

Oh, I was right about the white clothing by the way.

02.16am

A promo hyping Umaga v Triple H has just aired.

Lillian begins the announcements for this match in the 77th minute of the show. So far, the amount of pre-announced material used so far has totally a paltry (and uninteresting) 6 minutes.

02.23am

I feel deflated, and it seems so does the live crowd. The Game got nowhere near the same reception as earlier, and the tension just feels non existent for this one.

02.27am

And it’s over. So is any expectation of The Undertaker v Umaga, if that is to happen, being an exciting programme. This unstoppable Samoan monster can’t beat a man who only returned from injury a month or two ago, and who had a supposedly gruelling 12 minute match earlier on in the night.

Triple H wins with the Pedigree in about 10 minutes. Are you surprised?

02.31am

Punjabi Bischoff tells us that Khali is meditating. Oh, I thought he was asleep. Damn, I wish I could tell the difference between sleeping and meditating. I tell you what, to make it easier, I’ll assume that when the Prison make comes on, the crowd are all ‘meditating’.

02.33am

Oh my god. Security better protect the wrestlers, it seems a komodo dragon has got onto the stage. I thought you got them in the south Pacific, not Illinois.

Oh, no, wait its Rey Mysterio with a mask on, hiding his err, other mask.

Anyway, he’s here to meet Finlay, and I’ve been looking forward to this one.

02.46am

I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled.

Short reprise. Rey Mysterio dropped a leg on Finlay, when he was hanging over the bottom rope. Finlay fell backwards to the floor, in a legit stiff bump. The ref checked on him, it looked like a work. When the ref wasn’t looking, Finlay looked up as if playing possum.

Then referee Jim Korderas threw the dreaded ‘x’ sign. The ‘x’ sign should be sacred. That should be the symbol that all is not well. Not some kayfabe bullshit, but when something is seriously wrong.

It was effective. I would imagine the live crowd didn’t see Finlay glance up as if he was ok. They bought the injury and the sell job Rey did of looking concerned. They even chanted Finlay.
The Irishman then jumped from his stretcher, neck brace and all, and attacked Rey. The crowd chanted “Finlay sucks”.

You know you come out here and you talk about your Psalms and your Rey 619? Well Finlay 619 says I just fooled the marks.

02.49am

What do you know? Another ‘mysterious’ futuristic video aired. I definitely saw something saying 2nd Coming in there, and it also looked like rev.212 was in there to me. As was Save_US.222 again. Of course this will soon be doing the rounds and probably on the WWE too. I still think it isn’t cut and dried to be Jericho. Hart Foundation and HBK still possibilities.

Incidentally, did you read the “Savior Self” info that 8.2.11 was in there? If you take the numbers to be letters, where 1 = A, 2 = B and so forth that 26 = Z, 8.2.11 would be HBK.

However, as a note, Cyber Sunday is advertised as being on 10.28.07 (28th October). Times? Well it starts at 8pm Eastern US time. The show is in Washington DC, which is on Eastern Time.

What if 8.2.11 means 8pm until 11pm? i.e. the timings on Cyber Sunday.

And what if rev.212 and Save us.222 means that 2 hours and 12 minutes into the show something will happen, and ten minutes later, at 2 hours 22 minutes, so does something else.

Something to ponder

02.50am

Guess what? We’re having a rematch. Orton has invoked the rematch clause – tonight. I’ll give them credit. There are some nonsensical events occurring tonight, but considering Cena’s injury was 6 days ago, that’s some good storyline writing to keep the action rolling on.

02.57am

There goes another title change. Beth Phoenix destroys Candice and actually shows a flair for cutting a promo too. The match was instantly forgettable, of course, but I’m just thankful that the belt is finally off of Candice. I’m sure she is a lovely person, but she is not, repeat NOT, Trish Stratus.

03.00am

It appears to be Punjabi Prison time. Cue usual build up video and entrances.

03.10am
Yep, that took ten minutes. Ten minutes of generic clips, waffle from Michael Cole (breaking a world record for saying the word ’structure’) and horrible Batista promos.

And thirty seconds in, Khali goes his caught in the ropes spot. I know you learned it from Andre, Khali, but every time?

03.12am

The viewing of this match is greatly hindered by the masses of bamboo on the (say it with me, Cole) structure. I don’t mean hindered, do I? I mean improved. I can hardly see the shambles inside the ring.

If Batista is an unidentified ‘Animal’, why doesn’t he be a Giant Panda tonight? Then he can eat the bamboo and escape.

03.21am

JBL says this match like a scene from Jurassic Park. Funny, I don’t remember the bit where Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill show no athletic ability and get out of the raptor cage.

Or maybe he meant the bit where they find the dying Triceratops. “That is one big pile of shit.”

03.24am
Well, it’s finished, mercifully. I suppose considering the limitations set with this match, it wasn’t a letdown. But then how can you be let down if your expectations are rock bottom.

Oh, Batista won, by the way.

03.33am

Orton v Trips Last Man Standing match is underway. The back story is now that Triple H has bad ribs and that Orton can capitalise.

03.53am

Wow. We have a new champion. Well the old new champion. The one that was new, but not the newer new champ, I mean the new old new one. Err, Orton won anyway.

That was a fantastic match. Absolutely superb. It wasn’t Hart/Bulldog from Summerslam or Savage/Steamboat at WM3, but a brilliantly told, to-and-fro battle, with twists, false finishes and served to make both men look good.

03.55am

And we’re off the air. As near to the full 3 hour pay per view as we’ve seen in a while, and I’d probably venture the best PPV of the year except for Wrestlemania. Yes, the ECW match barely registered, and the Punjabi Prison match was torturous, but the storytelling of both Orton/HHH matches was top notch, and remember this is a last minute rewrite show. They’ve saved Jericho (or whomever) for the future. (I’d bet big money on Cyber Sunday)
No Mercy? Oui, Merci.

A new champion plus the possible return of Y2J? Oh, have Mercy!

I can’t recall a build up to a WWE PPV, or indeed any pro wrestling event, anything like the one building up to this week’s No Mercy event.

A brief history lesson, as if you need one, would involve modules detailing the tragedy of Chris Benoit, the subsequent steroid scandal and resulting suspensions, and the injuries to several big name stars.

Two weeks ago, we had a fairly standard card building up – a predictable third go-round for John Cena and Randy Orton, a Batista v Khali Punjabi prison match, and Rey Mysterio and Triple H continuing their rehabilitation and mega-pushes.

Then a video aired. A matrix-like vignette featuring several coded messages which appeared to point to the return of Chris Jericho was seen on RAW nearly a fortnight ago. It is known as the Save_US.222 video.

The following RAW, the last before No Mercy, saw not only a follow up video entitled Savior_Self, but an injury to a wrestler. Not just any wrestler, but the WWE champion. Not just any WWE champion, either. The WWE Champion for over a year. The alleged ‘most controversial champion ever’. John Felix Anthony Cena.

So we go to a PPV, which I strangely feel really excited about Chris Jericho and the main event. I don’t know if Y2J is going to be there, nor do I know the main event.

I’ll try to give you my thoughts, match by match.

Candice Michelle v Beth Phoenix
I’m going against the grain here. All and sundry are predicting that the Glamazon will take the strap but I’d say that it’s the old bait-and-switch we are used to seeing with John Cena. Build up the monster heel competitor for the plucky babyface to beat, only to find no-one really wants the alleged babyface to actually conquer. Heart says Beth, but head rules – Candice to win.

Finlay v Rey Mysterio
This will likely be the best match of night, and typically I’d just say that Rey will go over because, well, you know, he’s Mysterio. However, the wildcard here is JBL. The Smackdown Colour man has been the antagonist for this, apparently still harbouring a grudge against Mysterio, so if Rey does not go over, it can only be because of JBL’s interference. I’m still going to go with a predictable win, though, with perhaps Finlay and Bradshaw attacking Rey post-match. Mysterio to win.

Triple H v Umaga
Obviously Triple H is the golden boy, but the WWE are high on Umaga, so the only way out I can see here is a Triple H win via DQ. A Vince McMahon-inspired beatdown I think is likely, with Umaga still looking like a savage monster and Triple H being a cross between Jesus and Robocop.

CM Punk v Big Daddy V
You see, I’d say that there is no way they’d put the belt on a guy like the former Viscera, but this is the often farcical ECW, where a tournament between 4 men was held to find the number one contender. It was a really good concept, so they went and ruined it by having it won by someone who wasn’t even in it.

It’s like a flashback to the heady days of King Mabel, the glorious summer of ’95 when Nash was stinking up title matches left, right and centre. Except here we have a champion with talent and a flair to put on good matches. Only they thought, to hell with that, we’ll put the up-and-coming CM Punk in a match with an obese veteran with little discernable talent or heat.

Anyway, I’ll say Punk to win, because I can’t bear to say that V might beat him. It’ll be short and not sweet.

Batista v Great Khali
A Punjabi Prison match. Hmm. Do you remember the first one? The first Punjabi Prison was supposed to hold Khali and Undertaker captive within the structure. You see, Khali is from the Punjab, right?

Yep, well it featured Taker and the Big Show. Basically because Khali couldn’t be trusted to be in a match of such importance. (oh wait, no, he had ‘elevated liver enzymes’) So here we are, 15 months later, with Khali the former champion looking to retain the gold.

Rumour has it that Cyber Sunday will see Undertaker v Mark Henry v Great Khali v Batista, so maybe a spot of interference by Henry and the Deadman will be in order. If not, I’ll take Batista to scrape through.

WWE Title.
Fuck knows.

Seriously, how can I elaborate, I don’t know the match will be?

Oh ok then, I’ll say that Randy Orton will likely win it. I don’t think that’s really sticking my neck out, is it? Considering he was touted to beat Cena anyway, and have a long programme with Triple H.

The big question is whether Jericho will appear. I doubt it, because I think they’d want to drag out the Save_US/Savior_Self campaign for a little longer, probably until Cyber Sunday.

The type of match? Maybe a match where former champions are eligible, so then Kane and Undertaker could join in? Perhaps a battle royal or even a Royal Rumble-like match?

You have a few major RAW superstars that are currently without a match. Jeff Hardy, Mr Kennedy, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito. And over on Smackdown, Kane, Taker, Matt Hardy , MVP, Mark Henry and (whisper it) Ric Flair are without anything to do.

Hopefully it’ll be a chance to have some fun, and really create some memories.

This has been a really tough time for the WWE, I prey they make this a good show. My faith is waiting to be restored.

Unforgiven? Unfullin' more like.......

12.58am
Its mere seconds before yet another WWE Pay Per View, and as is customary I am trying to decide whether I should be looking forward to it or not; how high my expectation level should be. Although, I should note, here in the UK this is a free show.

I think the performance level, the match standards, will be generally average. Cena and Orton told a great story last time, and with competitors like CM Punk, Elijah Burke, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Triple H, Carlito, MVP and Matt Hardy on the undercard, you’re looking at a decent quality of performer. But no matches jump at you as being set for a classic.

I also think that a few title may change hands, including maybe Cena and Khali giving up their coveted belts.

01.03am
The video package to open the show is all about the Undertaker. Whomever wins the belt on Smackdown may well face the Deadman sooner rather than later.

Now I think about it, Khali winning the match and retaining the strap makes more sense. Who better to take the belt off him than Taker?

01.07am
The ECW title is so important, apparently, that it will open the show. Elijah Burke, the number one contender, isn’t important enough to even have his entrance televised. Instead, highlights of Punk winning the belt are shown, presumably to an audience who only watches ECW matches when they are on Pay Per View, rather than actually watching the wretched show.

1.17am
Plenty into the opener, a decent match at that. Burke just used rolling German suplexes. Haven’t seen that......oh, right, yeah. I’m saying nothing.

01.20am
CM Punk retains in very solid opener.

I like matches like that, where both guys use some technical moves, and the win comes from an unexpected source. No GTS or Elijah Experience attempts, but a quick roll up for a win.

Very Bret Hart like. Hitman used to wrestle well, take a hell of a beating, sell his ass off, and would actually rarely win with the Sharpshooter. Great stuff from Punk, Burke no slouch either.

01.24am
Haha, Cole looks a moron as he so often does. He referred to Smackdown 6 weeks ago about 0.63 of a second before ‘7 weeks ago’ popped up on a bracket. Anyway, a small matter, as we are about to see MVP/Matt Hardy v Deuce & Domino.

JBL describes the tag pairing of Porter and Hardy being like Mother Teresa and Britney Spears teaming up. I hope not. Vignettes of Matt Hardy talking to sick people around the globe will be Ludvig Borga-like in boredom, and I sure as hell don’t want to see MVP coming out of his little inflatable entrance with no underwear on. I was never confused.

01.30amThe tag title match is well underway, with Matt and Montel antagonising each other, but dominating the match. This could be against anyone really.

I believe it is Domino in the ring right now. I don’t care for his wrestling, but his Pizzas aren’t bad. He tastes them himself, you know. Only the other day I heard that Deuce saw him munching on Cherry’s pie. Said it tasted of Anchovies.

01.37am
Well, I nearly got that right. I thought MVP would properly desert Matt, but they decided to keep the belts on the ‘dysfunctional duo’. And aside from predicting wrongly, I don’t mind, because these two play their roles well, and I find them probably the most entertaining thing on Smackdown.

Game/Carli next.

01.44am
Triple H is out first – are we going for faces first tonight in every match? Unusual.
I decide to look up ‘Genibus Nitito Canus’, which basically means “On your knees, dog”. So, that’s how he proposed to Stephanie.

(NOTE: That’s a bit harsh, and yes I did write that for the cheap gag. I would like to point out that regardless of creative, backstage decisions, if Stephanie didn’t have a ridiculous set of implants and a ‘nails on a chalkboard’ voice, she’d be the most attractive female in the company.
Except Maria, I love Maria.)

01.54am
JR has just referred to Carlito’s prolonged use of Trash cans in this match by calling young Colon a ‘carribean Garbageman’. Now that is a missed gimmick if ever I saw one.

Duke “The Dumpster” Gonzalez.

01.56amThe thing is sealed with a low blow. Which, incidentally, is how Stephanie accepted the proposal (look, I can’t help it, ok?).

Triple H finishes the match with a Pedigree, and with the WWE in the midst of Drugs controversy, ends up with white powder all over his face.

“Hello, is that United States congress?”

02.00amWe are a third of the way through the allotted time, and I would like to report the lack of Leprechauns thus far.

Batista cuts a generic promo about getting his title back. Maria does the interviewing, and looks amazing as always.

Then comes a shot of Candice followed by Beth Phoenix. Making Maria look even better.

02.02am
Ah, maybe I have it. It isn’t faces that get announced first, its winners. Beth is out first here.

Here comes Techno Candice. I just don’t get what they are trying to push on us with Candice. A year after the original retired, they are blatantly trying to copy the formula that made Trish as popular as she was. Or maybe its a female John Cena?

But, as nice as I’m sure Candice is (by all accounts, she is a very sweet and hard working person) Trish had a better personality, had better promo skills, worked effectively as face or heel, and could wrestle. Looks department you can argue all you like, but I’d take Trish in that category too. Add in the fact that Candice bumps like a Marshmallow falling on a cushion, I’m not convinced.

02.04am
Liechtenstein alert.

02.12am
Oh, come on! I’m hoping that the lack of title changing activity thus far is an indication that we’ll see some further down the line tonight.

To be fair, although I’m annoyed that Candice won, the match was ok by usual standards, with a decent wrestling counter to finish. But it just isn’t believable that Beth wouldn’t destroy Candice.
02.15am
Cool piece of imagery as Khali crushes a masked cantaloupe representing Rey Mysterio and a Watermelon supposed to symbolise Batista. Punjabischoff then goes into a bizarre chant somewhat resembling Cassius Clay’s “Ali Bumbaye!” chant.

You can do your own McMahon/Hornswaggle/Grapefruits joke.

02.32am
Holy Spinebusters, we have a new champion. You know what they say, 236th time lucky.

Batista wins a typical triple threat, and one assumes a Rey v Batista friendly rivalry programme will now take place.

To be fair, it was pretty good this, considering the limitations provided by the line up. I’m just glad that the belt is off Khali, but Smackdown is really starved of a top heel. Batista, Rey, Taker, Kane, Flair all are high on the babyface list. Its only Khali and Henry on the other side really.

02.36am
Bastard – there’s that darn leprechaun. So we get to see the McMahon (little and large) on RAW. Cool. Forgive me if I am not trembling with excitement.

02.40am
Triple H encounters Batista backstage, and they share a moment over the title. I wonder if that’s the last time we see a former member of evolution with a belt tonight.

02.42am
Tag team titles with Londrick and, erm, Maid?

02.54am
Reasonably standard tag team fare from these two, but that is not meant as a criticism. Very solid, but again unspectacular.

I don’t want to sound like a stuck record, but WWE PPVs consistently fail to produce enough great matches and/or shocks. The thing is, with another on 3 weeks away, we’ll probably get a very similar car for No Mercy.

Cena and Orton have to deliver, big time.

3.15am
Err...........I make it 45 minutes before three hours is up. Cena is DQ-ed for punishing Orton too much, and post-match Cena Senior kicks Orton square in the mush.

Is that it?

Oh yeah, Taker match. I kid you not I thought that was show over, I was starting a rant about the show not delivering.

Maybe something big is going to go down in the Taker match? Nah, probably more likely to be a way of finishing the show with a Taker win rather than a crappy DQ ending. ]

3.39am
Apparently, according to JBL, what Mark Henry has was given to him by God.

How long has God been issuing ten year contracts?

03.45am
Oh, the Undertaker won, quelle surprise.
Just how stupid is Henry? “He tried to powerbomb me and I blocked him. I rule all. I know, I’ll climb to the middle rope so as to advance the process a couple of stages”. Just so, so poor.

Michael Cole closes the show, and among his last words tonight are “Don’t be afraid, be terrified”.

Oh, I am Mikey Boy. I’m terrified that next month I’ll have to pay actual money to watch this garbage.

Poor, poor show, because if you go by the fact that the two last matches are the main and semi main, they were very dull and left us very unfulfilled.

I will not be forgiving the WWE in a hurry for that.

Unforgiven: its not even a word, you know........

Apologies for the short update here, but I have very little time.

I'll rattle through all the matches, give my opinion, and then I'll be back at the end of the Pay Per View with my usual post-PPV, as-live thoughts.

So then........

Smackdown Tag Team Title match: Deuce and Domino v Matt Hardy & MVP.
I have been massively impressed by the improvement of MVP over the last 12 months or so, and it was a huge blow to see him held back by the news of his Heart problems. It seems that having him compete in Tag Matches is the way to keep him going.
The MVP/Matt pairing has chemistry, the classic protagonist/antagonist relationship, and I would suggest this is how we will move forward. Look for The Greasers to regain their straps, when MVP walks out on Hardy.

RAW Tag Team title match: London & Kendrick v Cade & Murdoch
I'd expect this to be a good one, possibly a show opener, and I'd tend to say that it would be The so-called Redneck Wrecking Crew who will prevail. I love London & Kendrick, and would be happy to see them more often, but they are precisely the kind of wrestlers that the WWE likes to trot out as show ponies every now and again, but will stick with the tried and tested 'characters'. That said, I like Cade and Murdoch, who are far more enjoyable and old school than the dressed up Deuce and Domino will ever be.
The only way Londrick gets a win is if WWE decides to finally get behind Lance Cade. They have been threatening to do so for a long time. I'd say a singles title for him before the end of 2008.

Women's Title Match: Beth Phoenix v Candice Michelle
I can't see past Beth in this match. Only makes good sense to create a monster heel of a champion to reign for a while, dominate the women's scene, then attempt to build up an honest, hard-working Babyface as a conquerer of sorts. Candice Michelle looks as if she is the pet project right now, and it wouldn't surprise me to see Beth continue to dominate the scene, with Candice eventually getting the best of the 'Glamazon'. Not tonight, though. Beth to win.

ECW Title: CM Punk v Elijah Burke
In order to determine the order in which I'd write these predictions, I checked the WWE.com site, and worked from the bottom up. So, according to them, this is the 5th most important match. Hmm, 3 equal brands my ass.

Anyway, this hasn't really been built up much, and though I like Burke, I'd think that Punk would be keep over, and that the rumour I've heard which suggests that he'll keep the belt until Nitro returns is quite likely. CM to win.

Triple H v Carlito
If you think this is going to be anything other than a Triple H win, then I'd take issue with you. I want to know where the whole Mr. McMahon angle is going in regards to Trips, because he has been involved all the way since he got back. I also don't know how long until HBK comes back, and that would be interesting to know, really.
Can't see The Game losing, but I'm intrigued as to where they take him. I'm wondering whether they'll now think in terms that he is bigger than the belt, and putting the strap on him woon't help him any. I'm not sure. I'll take him to win tonight, maybe in the face of mighty interference on the part of Hornswoggle McMahon (I can't believe I'm writing that).

Undertaker v Mark Henry
Err, return of the dead man? Come on, Mark Henry has about about as much chance as Chavo Guererro and King Booker did in their matches against Triple H and Rey Mysterio. Short one, Taker to win comfortably.

World Heavyweight Title - Great Khali v Batista v Rey Mysterio
This one has me puzzled a bit. I am leaning towards Mysterio more than I was. Originally, I'd have said that my money would have been on Kahli retaining, but the addition of Batista has made me think twice.

The reason being that if you have Great Khali v Rey Mysterio, and you want to belt to go onto Rey, how do you make that believable? Answer is, you can't. Add Big Dave into the mix, and all of a sudden you have you have a plausible way. After a battle between them all, you let Batista blast the Punjabi giant with a Spinebuster or spear or something, and have Rey basically steal one.

I'm more tentative about this call than any other. But I'll take Mysterio to regain the strap.

John Cena v Randy Orton
Usually, when you have a main event decided in a clean finish and then you have a rematch a few weeks later, it annoys me, because firstly what says the result will be different, and secondly why does the contender deserve another shot?

This time, it has been well executed, with Orton's cold persona going a step further and attacking John Cena Senior (or Cenia, I suppose). Here's my theory. The belt was going over to Orton, but the web got wind of it. Vince opted to swerve those who think they are in the know, and kept the belt on Cena. This time, with opinions a little more wavy, the title does switch, and this also is another avenue in which Triple H can get involved in the title picture, with his hostory with Orton.

Orton to win.

Thats all for now, update available just after the PPV.

Summerslam Live Notes

00.55am
Are you ready to partake of a PPV? The Biggest Partaking of the summer? Thought so. Hop in.

As usual, I’m here in the UK, with my laptop, writing live notes on the Pay Per View. For all of you watching in this in the states, remember your friend across the pond stays up until 4am for you.

I also make sure I stay completely sober and lucid so that I give a good account and also that I have to work in the morning. However, if Summerslam sucks, that’s it, I’m getting wasted next time.

01.03am
Well, the opening pyro is going off, and the video preview has aired. The build up still focuses on Triple H, who has the climb the mountain of a guy who has defeated, erm, a 50+ year old who wrestles on RAW about 4 times a year. Oh, and he punked out a non-wrestling 60 year old. The only more frightening bookers are the ones who write the damn stuff.

01.05am
And it’s Kane. Out to face Fit Finlay in the opener. Cole tells us that this started when Fit spilled coffee on Kane. Hang on, didn’t that happen to Kane before, with the caffeine dropper that time being Jericho?

No truth in the rumour that The Big Red Dentist retaliated by throwing hot tea over Finlay’s leg. Fit didn’t feel it, obviously.

01.15am
Not far off a ten-minuter, and a pretty darn decent opener. A genuine back and forth encounter with Finlay selling his ass off and also looking like a legitimate tough guy. Couple of fake finishes, clean finishes. No problems here.

01.20am
After a little backstage skit involving all the general managers, coach, Vince a lack of babes (“go get the scrubbers”) Santino Morella (“Every week I have to put up with that. Moron.”) and MVP, Vince goes to far.

He said……………….erm……he said……………..that…………….

He said English women are ugly. Listen, I know plenty of Americans. Many are fat. That doesn’t make them all fat. English women, on the whole, are no uglier than anywhere in the world. Except Sweden, they are all babes. Oh, and Holland. And maybe Norway.

When the WWE comes to Birmhingam here in the UK in October, and I will be there, I hope I get to interview one of the men involved. And I tell you what, if I was a more interesting persona and didn’t live such a sad existence, so that I actually had a girlfriend, then I’d show them a picture of her. Actually the last one was a bit of a dog, so that might be……oh, I’m mad, ok. Bloody annoyed, you get the idea.

01.27am
I spent a long time writing that rant, and the IC title match is underway. It has also pretty much followed the plan I outline in the preview earlier on today.

01.29am
So Kennedy nails Umaga with a monitor. OK. So it’s no DQ. So why don’t they all just go mental with chairs and shit.

01.31am
I just went to the website of Aka the Wild Samoan, apparently his class involves teaching fellow Samoans the ability to hit someone to make them fall in a sitting position against the turnbuckle. Only Samoans can do that, you know. Oh, and X-Pac, but he shagged Chyna, so he doesn’t count. For anything.

01.32am
Well, its finished, and strictly speaking I’m now 2 for 2 for predicting matchwinners, although I did think that Kennedy would not be the one to job. Weird booking to me, but anyway.

01.36am
So we are about to witness the return of Rey Mysterio, and Chavo is out. He is wearing a poncho with Warrior written on it. Warrior? Are you kidding? Rey’s back, Triple H is back, Taker is coming back, and now the Warrior?

Now on WWEShopzone, Sombreros with “Destrucity” written on them, Piñatas which break when you shake the ropes, and a talking doll that says “Queering don’t make the world work, Gringos.”

And here I was having a go at English stereotypes.

01.40am
The match is underway, and speaking of the Ultimate Warrior, Rey is covered in silver paint for some reason. Those crazy Mexican make up ladies. A hundred body paints. I bet they have a thousand masks. And a Million Mascaras.

01.50am
After the secret stipulation was completed (the match couldn’t end until Rey’s body paint had worn off) Rey Mysterio does the usual for a returning superstar. That is, kick out of an apparently unkickoutable (fuck off, I know it isn’t a real word, but its nearly 2 in the pissing morning, gimme a break) move, hit his big move after 3 attempts and get the win. In the big story of the evening, I’m 3 out of 3.

01.54am
Todd Grisham gets acted off the screen by a stuffed parrot before interviewing Booker T, who both annoys and kills me at the same time. He will beat Triple H apparently. Booker, you book your own territory, so does The Game. Work it out son.

02.00am
Divas battle royal time. Women get elimitaed here and there, but because WWE divas are only cast out of one mould, JR and King don’t really know who is being eliminated.

02.05am
The phrase I would choose to sum up the Divas Battle Royal is: Assisted Bumps.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide if I mean that the girls had to practically throw themselves out of the ring, or their surgically enhanced chests.

02.08am
Beth Phoenix’s celebrations (4 from 4, by the way) are interrupted by Monty Porter. Maybe this is the contest he was talking about challenging Matt Hardy to? Diva Fucking!!

Hardy is a veteran, of course – Lita, Ashley. Matt will beat him at that, and then win the most acrimonious break up contest.

Nah, its beer drinking. Or is it. Matt says he isn’t going to compete in a beer drinking contest. He has a substitute. Quicker than you can say “The Condemned is now available is retail store and bagain bins for a buck 99” the fans are chanting for Austin. (I’d piss myself laughing if its Sandman!)

And its…………….Gillberg!!!!

No, wait, its Austin. And he is psyched for the hardcore beverage consuming contest. Fuck fear, drink (light) beer. Ernest “The Cat” Miller Lite. No mic time for Austin, just a stunner and a celebration with beer.

The ring is now covered in beer, which is now reacting with the silver paint and starting to merge to form the shape of a human man from the future. No wait, that’s Terminator 2, isn’t it?

And Judgment Day was back in May.

02.19am
OK, I gave Cryme Tyme some stick earlier on. But I’ve got to say, getting Coach, Teddy Long and then Regal to circle Vince chanting “Money, Money, Yeah, Yeah” was a masterstroke. Round it off with that damn Simmons guy (not Richard) and that was a funny segment. Regal is the funniest (and Whitest) guy in the history of the WWE.

02.22am
ECW is on fourth last then – a ‘world’ title isn’t as valuable as Triple H’s return, which is fair.

I’ve just realized I haven’t commented much on match quality since the opener. Well, the IC match was average at best, Rey and Chavo was great, would have been excellent if could have gone longer (a lot to ask of Rey, though, admittedly) and the Divas battle royal was laughable.

Punk kicks out of a few early covers, but not because he wants to win, but because he daren’t lay on the beer stained mat for too long. He’s straightedge, you know, the alcohol might permeate into his body.

02.32am
Morrison retains (and the bastard ruins my undefeated streak) in the most pissweak ending of a title match in months. That was a shame, because up until the sham of a finish, this was a solid match. To the live audience, it doesn’t matter either way, because they appear not to know who either man was. At one point, a small “CM Punk” chant started up. I swear about 10,000 people then said “ah, that’s him. And other guy looks like that kid who used to be on Tough Enough.”

Tazz says that a great man once said “By any means necessary.” Yes he did, Tazzwell, but now that man only says “Damn”, and other homophones.

02.37am
After a fantastic visual where Booker poses in the aisleway and looks like his hair is on fire, and an announcement that JR might be bias – hope that guys who broke your arm gets his ass kicked, huh Jim? – here comes the returning Triple H, complete with 3 part theme music.

The intro included the “Gentleman, we can rebuild him.” I would say that about 4% of the WWE’s target audience actually get that reference. If you do, I hope you share with me the irony that the line in question was used for a character called Steve Austin.

Not the WWE’s Steve Austin either. Not the Bionic Redneck, but the Bionic Man. Or the Six Million Dollar man. Or are they the same guy? Anyway, I don’t mean Steve Williams. Not Dr. Death Steve Williams, the other Steve Williams.

The bell has gone, and Booker attacks………….

No, not Tiger Woods’ caddy Steve Williams, I mean the wrestler, who isn’t Dr Death. And not Dr Death the Batman Villain, nor Jack Kervorkian or Harold Shipman.

(If you don’t know who Jack Kervorkian is, then here is a random line from his Wikipedia page – “In the 1980s, Kevorkian wrote a series of articles for the German journal Medicine and Law that laid out his thinking on the ethics of euthanasia. fuckin bitch who does this kinf of shit. go to hell”. I’m not kidding, that’s what it says. Go take a look - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Kevorkian)

Anyway, its Triple H, not A Texas Rattlesnake, not Dr Death, not a Six Million Dollar man, not a golf caddy, not a killer medical practitioner.

Back to the match, and…………oh its finished.

Anyway, big entrance? Check. Dominant performance? Check. Kick out of a finisher (The Book End)? Check. Three attempts to hit his move (Pedigree)? Check. A win?

If you don’t know the answer to that, you are too stupid to live, to own a computer or to write for the WWE creative team.

02.52am
And if you thought the people were pumped up for the return of The Game, how excited do you think they’ll be for a Great Khali match?

02.57am
A video airs for the Smackdown Title match, and basically puts over the Indian Giant’s now vice grip move. Please, please, please let me see him do that move on Hornswoggle, That would be awesome.

03.08am
Did you know that the common Dormouse can breed once or twice a year, have a typical size of 2-3” and live about 5 years? Too boring? OK, how about the fact that the largest employer in Liechtenstein is a company that manufactures concrete fastening systems? Still boring?

OK, try this Batista won by DQ after Khali got bored (who didn’t) and hit The Animal with a chair. Still bored.

OK, here’s a hot chick. http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=385082

Am I forgiven? Good

Anyway, after a “boring” chant, Michael Cole announced that the fans were understandably irritated. JBL, at the close of the match, refrained from shouting ‘ball game’ and instead denounced the ending, stating that the fans deserve better. Bradshaw, my old friend, you are spot on.

As for my prediction, technically I was wrong, because I said Great Khali would win. But he did retain. Can I have a half point? If you let me have a half point I’ll give you another hot chick. I’ll wait to hear from you.

03.19am
Its time for the main event. The usual mixed Cena reception, but nothing too postive towards Randy either.

03.21am
King just dropped a Liechtenstein reference, I swear to God I did mine first!

03.24am
Maybe I was wrong – noticeable support for Orton. Say what you like about limited movesets for these guys and the superior talent of someone like Punk, Punk wrestled solidly for 10 minutes to no reaction. Orton got a headlock in then knocked Cena down with a shoulderblock and the roof nearly came off the Meadowlands.

03.41am
Orton just missed his big punt, and Cena has the STFU applied. Orton reaches the ropes. I just want to note know that I think Orton did a little Iron Sheik homage by tapping his boot on the mat three times.

03.42am
This just in from the Sheik:
“RandyOrtonjaghsnosdfndgbdswonkydonkeyfbkdskndsfbkjnculcbskdbcbslovealbatrossfnsdvfsvsasextyphoonfbdsdfbsdbfsbdstarofstallionfarmvvvvvsadsdldonkldsncsndcnsancsdncn” Or something.

03.43am
Damn it. Cena got the win. Not that I’m a huge Cena hater or an Orton mark. I just thought the time was right. I thought that match was decent. It had the big fight atmosphere, as JBL said (wrongly) about the previous match. I would liked to have seen a little more believable set of false finishes, because as soon as Randy hit the RKO out of the STFU, he played up an injury, meaning you knew Cena would kick out of the pin. 10 seconds later, it was over after an FU.

A better main event than I expected.

Predcitions were 5-3 tonight, and ironically the 3 I got wrong were all title matches!

Overall I thought that it was an average Pay Per View, better than a lot of ones we’ve seen this year, but that’s like saying stale bread is tastier than tree bark. Seeing Austin was cool, but for me every PPV needs two or three of that size of events. No-one turns face or heel, returns unannounced, or pulls off a miraculous result anymore. That’s the biggest problem. The match quality wasn’t, and generally isn’t high, but in the modern product, that is secondary to good psychology and entertainment. That is why the main event was good. It had the crowd completely into it and told a story.

Forced into a numbers rating I’ll go 6.5/10. Not fantastic, but passable, and much better than a lot of 4 or less out of 10 shows we’ve seen of late. Nowhere near Wrestlemania though.

Summerslam Preview

Summerslam.

The biggest party of the summer? Maybe. The biggest talking point of the year? Potentially. The most laboured intro I’ve written for a while? Probably. Let’s get on……….

Summerslam is hours away, and as is customary, I would like to give you some thoughts of how I see this evening planning out.

I’m going to start with a rumoured match, because if it goes ahead it seems like a credible opener.

Cade and Murdoch v Cryme Time (Raw Tag Titles)
Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch were given a run with the Hardys. It was entertaining. They were given the belts. Fair enough.

Then what? They’ve been underused almost the point of me forgetting they were the champs until I saw a belt on their shoulders. Cryme Tyme are a team for whom I struggle to find affection. Their ‘comedy’ skits are not to my mind all that funny, and they are hardly Tully and Arn in the ring, are they?

So this match is much of a muchness, really.

For the record, I think if this does go ahead, I’ll go with the belts switching to Cryme Tyme, purely because I think the WWE Creative team think they could do more with them than Cade and Murdoch.

Now, what I’d prefer to see, usually, would be the match left out, so that the rest of the card could go longer. However, pretty much every match has a reason why it probably shouldn’t be stretched, due to weaknesses, either talent-based or due to injury, so adding a match, especially a babyface title change, makes sense.

Selection – Cryme Tyme

Diva Battle Royal
This may go on one before the main event, which presumably will be Orton v Cena, although I have one idea of an alternative, which I’ll explain in a sec.

This is an excuse to do 2 things: get a whole host of beautiful women on the screen (No complaints here) and find another opponent to Candice Michelle.

I can see just two credible contenders. One is Beth Phoenix. She seems to be the most pushed heel on RAW, and would be akin to feeding a monster heel to Candice. The other idea is that they could do a Smackdown v Raw type thing, and have Victoria win. I’d say the first theory is the most credible.

Selection – Beth Phoenix

Kane v Finlay
I’m told this is going to be a ‘comedy’ bout. AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Damn it, you have less naturally gifted wrestlers on the roster now than anytime in the last 20 years, and with one of them, Fit Finlay, you have him playing second fiddle to a midget wrestler masquerading as a leprechaun.

Fine, do whatever, it just annoys the hell out of me. I’d want people like Cody Rhodes, people like Harry Smith, Teddy Hart, and so forth working with and learning from a guy like Finlay. Stands to reason.

I don’t particular care who wins this, but I’ll go for Kane, just because life’s a bitch like that. (By the way, I have no problem with Kane, but Glen Jacobs isn’t exactly the future).

Selection – Kane

Umaga v Ken Kennedy v Carlito
Blurring the line of faces and heels come these three, feuding for the IC title, and I suspect this will be the old triple threat formula.

We start out with the monster (Umaga, obviously) taking out the two plucky underdogs, before they eventually team up sufficiently (i.e. they cheat) to get the upper hand. Eventually, they get rid of him, and turn on each other, before the big guy come back and cleans house.

Now, most people are suggesting that Kennedy will take the strap here, but I’m going to go against the grain. I’m taking Umaga, who will defeat Carlito to retain. Kennedy doesn’t need a belt if the big plans apparently in store for him, in my mind, and as long as he is not involved in the decision he wouldn’t lose much credibility.

Selection – Umaga

Rey Mysterio v Chavo Guerrero
Triple H v King Booker
I’ve mixed these two matches in together, because I can’t see anything other than big wins for the returning faces. If we are to believe the rumours, Trips is set for the big run with the McMahons and Kennedy, while Rey is a former champ who surely would not lose his return against the guy who put him out. No complications, simple booking.

Selections – Triple H and Rey Mysterio

John Morrison v CM Punk
That’s right, this one again.

I don’t really understand why some sort of stipulation isn’t added for this. I mean, I’m not talking Mink Coat on a Pole match or anything, but maybe a submission match or two-of-out-three falls or something. It really does portray a small time image that they can’t think of anyone else to fight in the main event for ECW, and does sort of stick two fingers up to us, the fans, that a match that wasn’t even great the first couple of times round is rehashed.

Its one thing doing Kurt Angle v Shawn Michaels three times, and as much as I like these guys, HBK or the Olympic Hero they ain’t. And to be honest, every time I think about these two having a match, I think about Benoit. And I hate think about that guy now.

I like Punk, and I think after having him lose a couple of times, they might just give him a run.

Selection – CM Punk

Batista v The Great Khali
Now if Punk chasing a title for a third time is incredible, Batista must be on challenge 238 or something by now. I’m not a huge Batista fan anymore, but frankly I’ll be marking out harder than anyone if they finally get the belt of the big Indian lummox.

However, head ruling heart, I don’t think he’ll do it. I see Khali retaining, Taker returning to beat Mark Henry, then going for Khali and taking the belt.

Selection – The Great Khali

John Cena v Randy Orton
Summerslam is Orton’s event. This is where he won his first title and beat the Undertaker. OK, he lost to Hogan, but you know, what do you expect?

To me, the time is right. Cena has been a fantastic champion, and say what you like about the guy, has carried the company in a down period, as well as carrying a lot of guys to decent matches, regardless of what people may say.

He is in danger, though, of burning out his fuse and outstaying his welcome as champion. So I think that Orton may well do it tonight.

If the projected Kennedy/McMahon storyline is set to drag all the way to Wrestlemania, they need to take it slow. And if so, I wouldn’t expect The Game to be involved yet. So the original Triple H v Orton idea could yet happen. I don’t know how they’d feature Cena – maybe a Triple Threat – but I’m sticking with that theory.

Enjoy Summerslam if you are getting it.

Have a good night,

Rob