Raw Thoughts - May 26

· Wow, who would have thought that a bloke playing Stan Kroenke would be first out on Raw. Oh, right – everybody.
· And who would have thought that Stan Kroenke says “each and every one of you” just like each and every.....I mean all of WWE’s employees do.
· Pleased to see JR on Raw. Let’s see if he laughs uproariously when Santina shows up.
· XBA – that’s actually pretty funny. Good to see Vince poking fun at himself.
· I really don’t know whether Vince is going for a Penis joke or an Anus joke.
· Oh right, there we go. That should have been the cue for Val Venis, really.
· Interesting that Vince didn’t make a reference to L. Brent Bozell III, former leader of the PTC who tried to take advertisement money away from WWE Smackdown – this prompted the frankly tedious Right to Censor.
· Average women’s title match. It was a smart idea to make the focus a bit of a bitchfght rather than a wrestling match, as that doesn’t really suit either girl. Finish was a confusing copout though. If Maryse was DQ-ed, why was the referee counting before he threw the match out?
· So, its a triple threat, fairly important because the winner gets to face the US champion next week. So important, in fact, that said champion, MVP, strolls to the ring to get a better look. JR calls “business has just picked up” every one gets excited.......so its advert time. I know that it is done so that people should be hooked and won’t change channel during the advert, but it is so frustrating. Surely hooks can better than this.
· Having said that, nice feel to the show so far. I liked the opening melee, which felt like old-school Raw that I reference last week, and I’m intrigued to see who the mystery partner will be
· My guess, though, would be Vince
· I liked the triple threat, interesting decision to go with Kofi as MVPs opponent. I look forward to the match, but I don’t know if that will draw many fans.
· Enjoyed the intensity between Randy and Ric, even if it was short. Handled that part of the seg well.
· I don’t understand the inclusion of Kennedy at this point, unless he is turning during the main event. To me, you build the surprise all night. Get Cody to run into Randy in the dressing room and whisper who it is, and have Randy sell his dismay. Then have MVP and King talking, and then someone opens a door. They look off camera, and say “you’re our partner? Cool” then fade out. Then you’ve got a build throughout the show.
· “Marella Original” – got nothing, but good line.
· Are you going to buy Extreme Rules for a Hog Pen match?
· I say a history of Hog Pen match DVD is in order. If only to see them release a DVD almost exclusively featuring Triple H getting shit all over him.
· I like the idea of the Kendrick partner search, as long as he eventually finds one to suit him and they have a good run. The execution thus far, though, has been tedious.
· Not a bad ten-man finale. Went on a bit, frankly, and I’m guessing my English lack of knowledge about basketball meant I missed a lot of references.
· Bit of a nothing ending. No real Kennedy involvement, no Flair run in. Just a bit flat.

Raw Thoughts - 24th November

· Really liked the opening to Raw, with Shane arriving in a Porsche (or maybe a Ferrari, I’m not good with cars) then running to the entrance.
· The Shane and Steph ever-so-slightly arguing is getting old already. I don’t mind the concept, it’s just that you know that this is going to be all McMahon for several weeks.
· Shane is a natural babyface, but Steph is just no convincing in that role. Or in any role.
· Cole says that Rey was “One of the sole survivors” – they aren’t going to do this are they? Not another phrase (Like ‘Unforgiven’ or ‘25th anniversary’) they can’t get right.
· What do you know, Rey took a move from Sonjay Dutt!
· I loved HBK’s crawl along the ropes to make a tag.
· JBL kicking Morrison to save HBK? I have no idea why, but I love it when stuff like that happens. Gives you something to think about.
· Did Kennedy say he was going to Cross the Line?? Can’t think where he got that phrase from.
· When Lillian was introducing the IC title scenario, and mentioned Regal, I’m sure she said ‘lime’ instead of ‘time’. I know Americans called us Brits ‘Limeys’ but come on......
· Excited by the triple threat, but seems a strange place on the show to put it.
· The advantageous Chris Jericho? No, Michael, one who takes advantage is not known as advantageous. Problems with your tenses again.
· Now I love William Regal, but his commentary was a little muddled. He talked at times about how great CM Punk was, and they would have a ‘feud for the ages’ but then said he’d destroy him.
· Err..............divas match – Candice’s music, and Melina’s video? Oops. Jerry Lawler covers, but Cole makes an even bigger ass of himself by pretending not to have seen the Melina graphic on the huge Titantron.
· Not sure what destroying Jericho like that achieved really. I’ll reserve judgement in case somewhere down the line it is explained, but Cena beating the hell out of Jericho hardly builds a title match fans would want to buy. That’s essentially two nights running that Cena has got the upper hand.
· We end with Kane looking on. Cena v Kane? Is that really going to assist a higher rating?
· Odd Raw. We tease McMahon sibling rivalry (again) and Cena dominance (again) deliver a lacklustre start to an IC title tourney which Punk is likely going to win anyway and see little of the stuff that has made interesting viewing. For example, short stuff from Marella and just one shot of Orton with Manu and Cody.

Royal Rumble Live Notes

00.58am The Royal Rumble. My favourite Pay Per View all year, and I’m really excited about tonight’s event, which has a great looking card. As long as the finishes involved stand up to scrutiny, this could be the best WWE PPV for sometime.

01.02amWe’re at MSG, and I’m delighted that the stage is set up with the aisle in front of the camera, as it was in 2000. The NYC crowd in the Garden are almost always electric, and lest hope tonight is no example.

01.04amRic is out first, to a great reception, and I’d totally forgotten that Coach was the SD commentator (I haven;t seen Smackdown for a few weeks). Customary “Wooooo” and another great Flair promo to start the night. Making everything feel like a huge deal every time he has a match now is a very wise move, because you want to think that when Ric finally goes that it will have that special feel. It won’t be tonight though.

01.06amNice touch to get MVP to walk that aisle (sorry Ric) and have his music hit when Flair was still talking, generate more heat for him, as if he needed it. Ironically, the words of MVP’s theme song says “Can you hear the clock ticking?” and “I want you to remember me”. Prescient words?

01.15amRelatively short match, but an appropriate beginning to the show. Flair goes over clean, and in a match which was certainly more than adequate. Some nice spots, expcially whe Flair was counted out for the fall, but ironically it was referee, L’il Naitch, Charles Robinson who saw his mistake and noted Flair’s foot on the ropes.

Flair wins with a Figure 4 and continues the angle of his retirement. Who will be next? (I don’t mean Goldberg)

01.17am
Vince gives Hornswaggle a pep talk backstage, telling the little bastard that he shouldn’t trust anyone. Certainly not his make up lady. Who keeps putting dirt on his face, dammit?

01.20am
Back to ringside, and JR introduces us to Mike Adamle (that is his surname, I know it looks like half a name) who looks terrified, frankly, despite JR telling us that he is an experienced broadcaster. His job is to introduce the vignette about the Y2J/JBL rivalry. I think so, anyway, because all I can look at is his hair. Its about a foot high on his head. An all this in the very famous arena where, at Wrestlemania 10, Cy Spurling, of the Hair Club for men make Howard Finkel a wig. Spurling for the Hall of Fame celebrity wing 2008!

01.22am
Jericho is on his way to the ring, and if you are watching this in Liechtenstein (I got my ‘Stein reference in before King this time) it is 2.22am. How fitting.

01.34am
As we thought, this one ends in a DQ, with Jericho landing a chairshot on the head of JBL. Jericho bladed like a mad thing in this one, and this one had some believable offense from both guys. However, the actual wrestling was sub-standard, and because the outcome was fairly expected, the edge was lost form the match.

In fact, the biggest reaction came after the match when Jericho hung JBL with a cable, much like JBL did to Jericho a couple of weeks ago. I’d expect a strap match to come between these two next. The obvious plan is to go more than one PPV with this programme, and you get the feeling that a NO DQ stip will help them no end.

01.40am
Santino gets a few seconds on camera, maybe more than he’ll get in the actual rumble match. He berates Ashley for trying to recruit Maria to her ‘boobie’ magazine. Haha, this is ironic because Ashley clearly does not have boobies, but instead has two fitted plastic contraptions on her chest.

01.47am
We have the announcements for the World Title match, and I’d say that Edge is more over than Rey here. Split crowd, but like when I talk about Cena, at least people have an opinion. Michaels Cole is normally full of horse you-know-what, but this, as he said, really does feel like it has a ‘big match feel’.

02.01am
That was nearly a classic. Very well thought out match, with the story being Rey having a hurt leg, and having to make a comeback with moves other than his usual. This led to a fantastic spot where Mysterio did a baseball slide to Edge on the outside, but slid head first and pulled Edge into a DDT. To me, the ending was both exceptional and annoying. I loved the final spot, where Edge speared a mid air Rey, who was bouncing over the ropes with a springboard attack. However, I think this ending was strong enough without them having to do a spot before this, where Rey had the 3 count over Edge, only for Vickie to pull the ref. I don’t think it was necessary to hurt Edge in that way. If he is supposed to be a legit contender to take on Taker, shouldn’t he be able to beat a one legged little fella?

02.07am
Fun little segment backstage with Kennedy, Flair, Batista, HHH and HBK. Maybe Flair will put KK over at Mania?

02.14am
Fantastic in-ring segment. Basically the premise was that Ashley asked Maria to do Playboy, which of course prompted Santino to emerge. Good lord that man is superb on the stick. He got cheered massively when he came out, only to have the whole arena booing his within seconds. Genius.

02.19am
Orton v Hardy is next. Wait, no, its Jeff HARVEY apparently, as the new, experienced broadcaster gets the number one contender and the hottest guy in wrestling right now’s name wrong.

MSG pops big for Jeff, but I’m now fearing my own rule. I said in the preview that if this match was pre-Rumble then Orton would win. Post Rumble and I’d go for Hardy. Its pre, so as much as I hate it, I think Orton will go over.

02.40am
Damn. I suppose it was always the most likely scenario, but even though I’d written how I thought that Orton would win, in my heart I still thought Jeff could do it. And although the ending was neat – RKO from the Twist of Fate – there was very little warning. I know that you want a bit of an impact at the end, but Jeff never even got a few false finishes to make his fight seem credible.
I’d suggest that Jeff will go very close in the Chamber then win the Money in the Bank. They have to give him a shot, surely, at some point.

02.48am
Michael Buffer (WCW guy) is here to tell us the rules we all know, the rules of the Rumble – we probably know better than you, Michael. He has to read it off of a card.

A nice video aired to hype the Rumble.

Buffer does some Triple H gimmick infringement (I kid, I know he did it first) Man, I would have marked if Buffer has said “Suck it”.

02.51am
The Rumble will be 90 seconds for entry this year, and now we know why. Undertaker has drawn number one, and takes 26 minutes to reach the ring.

So either the Deadman is going ‘coast to coast’, or my prediction will go up in smoke. And, oh my HBK is number two.

02.56am
Santino is three, and to a big pop. The next big pop is HBK’s boot on his jaw. Taker throws him out. Still love you Santino.

02.58am – and that’s the last of the timechecks.....

Khali is four, and once again he is gone before the next guy comes in. Big “you can’t wrestle” chant for the big Punjabi block of wood, and Taker gets rid of him. HBK is sneaking up on Taker but getting nowhere.

Hardcore Holly is 5, and it seems the ring may begin to fill with midcarders?

Yep, here’s Morrison at 6. Michaels throws Morrison but the former Mr Nitro does a cool survival spot. HBK hits a top rope elbow, but looks like he has a busted mouth.

Big reaction for Tommy Dreamer as number 7. He might be the most over guy in the ring right now. I am not kidding.

Batista is 8 and beats on guys until facing up to Taker. Interrupted by Dreamer, who gets thrown out by the Animal. Big Dave with a spear to Morrison, and we go back to standard Rumble action.

Comedy at 9 – its Hornswaggle. And, to a good call from JR, shades of Jerry Lawler as l’il Horny hides under the ring. Batista and Taker going at it a lot here, HBK does another standard piece of athleticism, i.e going over the top and under the bottom.

Palumbo completes the first third of the match. Santino, Khali and Dreamer the only men out so far.

These 90 seconds feel quick. Predictably, Noble is out next to face up to Chuck, and gets quite a decent ‘Jamie Noble’ chant. It doesn’t last long, because he is gone within a minute.

In one corner Palumbo is beating down Undertaker, perhaps telling him that he is best at the biker gimmick. Which of course may or may not be true.

Great reaction for Punk, who lands a load of knees before getting levelled by Taker. Palumbo marginally survives on the apron before Punk knocks him down.

Cody Rhodes is number 13, and it means both he and Holly are in the ring. Cody helps Holly from a Taker beating, and actually gets Taker to sell........eventually. By the way, Michaels has done another clever piece of survival since I last reported on, but I can’t be bothered to do it every time, so just assume it keeps happening.

Umaga is 14, and is in brand new blood red tights. He lands a few stiff looking shots all over the place, and then Samoan Spikes Hardcore right out of there. Beatdown for Batista by Umaga, before UT breaks it up.

Snitsky at 15 as HBK continues to fly around the place like he is on a pneumatic bungee rope. Cody does a nice spot trying to eliminate Snitsky quickly, with both of them going over the top but holding on. JR compares Morrison to Michaels, and in fairness Morrison has looked good so far.

The Miz, complete with “X-Pac heat” goes right for Punk. Undertaker and Umaga are spending a lot of time matched up at this point – remember that this feud has been talked of for a while.

Can’t believe we are up to 17 already, and its Shelton. Massiev vertical leap to the top rope to knock both Miz and Morrison down. I don’t know what they were doing up there, I guess fighting each other.

However, despite Shelton being a likely candidate for going a long time, he is superkicked out by HBK. I guess there is some stopping him.

From a superkick to a superfly? 18 is.......Jimmy Snuka? Ok, the husk or the corpse of the Superfly anyway. He gets a few shots in, and has already lasted longer than Shelton. What’s the point of that?

Huge pop for number 19 (including me) as Piper is next. A nostalgia section, perhaps. Everyone has stopped to see Piper and Snuka get it on. Piper hasn’t brought a coconut to hit Snuka with.

Party pooper time. As everyone gets back into it, Kane is next, and dumps both Piper and Snuka. Massive chokeslam for Miz. Seriously, that was fantastic to see Roddy back. Hopefully his health issues are also eliminated.

Taker teases a chokeslam for Kane but goes after HBK the spider monkey instead. Carlito is 21, and has some nice interaction with Morrison and CM Punk.

22, wow this is going quick, is Mick Foley. Notables still to come are Triple H, Ken Kennedy, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry and Finlay. There are literally bodies flying everywhere, and it should be pointed out that although #2 Michaels is flying everywhere, Taker hasn’t looked like being threatened.

23 is Mr Kennedy, to a big reaction and chant. I don’t care what he says in interviews that make him look an idiot, I love Kennedy. I still say he is the next Steve Austin. He eats a chokeslam pretty quickly here though.

Taker clatters Umaga and Snitsky, and then HBK and Morrison. Second wind for Taker.

Speaking of seconds, here is a man who likes to go back for seconds, Big Daddy V.

And as he arrives, the complexion of the match changes. Taker throws Snitsky, is blindsided by a Michaels superkick which eliminates the Deadman, but Kennedy gets rid of HBK.

Taker takes out frustration on Snitsky outside with a legdrop on the table......apparently, because it wasn’t shown on TV.

Mark Henry is next, and as Miz is hanging over the ropes, Hornswaggle emerges to pull Miz out. He then dives back under the ring, and we then get a replay of Taker’s leg drop on Snitsky.

If you believed that ECW was an equal brand, forget it now because Chavo is 26. So a world champion wants to win a match to get a word title shot.

Morrison is out, and as Hornswaggle tries to pull another one out, Mark Henry pulls him in. Big V and Henry look ready to squash Horny, but Finlay comes in with shillelagh to pound them. The two boys in green leave, but haven’t been eliminated.

JR now tells us that Finlay is DQ-ed for jumping the gun. Don’t know about Hornswaggle. Burke is 28, so Triple H is still to come, and I guess Finlay was 27, because we’ve jumped a number. So much for lucky 27 this year.

Triple H is 29, so minimal workload for him, but there are a lot of midcarders to squash. Gone is Cody first of all. Gone is Big Titty V. Triple H and Foley hook up, and Trips throws him out, straight into Burke who gets taken out in the melee. Batista got a spike from Umaga a few minutes ago and is still on the floor. I also missed CM Punk getting eliminated.

Number 30 is...........John Cena!! Everyone is stood back and watching, as Trips stands mid ring. Still mixed reaction for Cena, but its getting more positive as he throws out Chavo, Carlito and Henry.

Cena nd Trips get it on with Trips hitting a spine buster. Umaga, Kane, Kennedy and Batista are the only ones left. Except Hornswaggle I guess. Good god.

Batista eliminates Kennedy and Umaga, then Batista and Triple H throw Kane out. Fast eliminations, and its Cena, Triple H and Batista remaining.

If anything, I think the crowd is behind Cena. They are certainly rabid for the staredown. Each man does their ‘taunt’, and Triple H’s crotch gets the biggest cheer. Shut up, I meant a DX crotch chop.

This now resembles a triple threat, with Batista getting the upper hand. He Spinebusters Cena then counters a pedigree into one as well.

Cena backdrops out of a powerbomb and Triple H clotheslines Batista out.

Cena and Triple H. Wow I never saw this coming. This really is awesome. Nice spot as Trips points to the Mania sign in the arena. This is superb stuff but I’m terrified that they are going to do something with Hornswaggle.

Fistfight ensues and the crowd are behind the Game, firmly. Cena does a 5-knuckle, and I think JR called it as being like Van Hammer???? Each man counters the other’s finisher and we get a double clothesline. Both men down.

Trips runs at Cena on the tropes, but Cena gets his feet up. Cena tries to FU Trips out of the ring, but counter and a DDT by The Game.

Game puts Cena on the shoulder and tries to haul Cena out. Cena escapes and looks for the FU again. Triple H escapes but Cena gathers him up again. FU to the outside. Cena wins the Rumble.

CENA WINS THE RUMBLE.

I can’t believe I just typed that.

Fabulous Rumble match. Magnificently booked throughout, and if I have any gripes it’s that a few people were made to look very average indeed (Kennedy didn’t do much, Shelton lasted about 30 seconds, Chavo eliminated Punk) but generally fantastic.

The undercard of this PPV was a big letdown, but the main attraction was terrific. The Undertaker and Michaels elimination spot was handled very well indeed. The legends face off was pretty cool, and the crowd was ultra hot. In one way you’d like to have more than one Rumble a year, but it would lessen the impact. It truly is a great event.

Now if the WWE can just learn to stop booking the general storylines so bloody predictably we could be on the way back. The talent IS there. There are a lot of people over as well.

Now that people are back fit after injuries, look at the roster. Triple H, Edge, Orton, Cena, Batista, Taker, HBK, Kennedy, Umaga, Punk, Rey, Flair, MVP, Hardy. All are over, most are talented.

I’m only giving this PPV 7 out of 10 because I thought for nearly two hours that it was pretty poor. The Rumble match saved it.

I’m really looking forward to Raw, and will try to do a live recap of it if I can for you.

Royal Rumble preview

Ah, the Royal Rumble. Is, was and ever shall be my favourite ‘concept’ Pay Per View, and just chock full of great moments, some of which we have been living in the blog. It is obvious that I’m not going to be able to get through all the past Rumbles before this Sunday’s show piece, but I shall continue to do the retro reviews, and once I’m done with that, we may as well get started on Wrestlemania, I think!

Anyway, looking at this year’s event, and frankly, though I don’t say this very often, it looks a mouth-watering card. It’s very easy for people to sniff at WWE booking, and lord knows I do it enough, but as fans we should appreciate a positive when it comes along, and this has the potential to be just that.

Of course, we have had our expectations shattered before. But with a strong undercard and a loaded Rumble match we could be in for a hell of a night.

Worth paying attention to the match order here, potentially. The Jeff Hardy v Randy Orton match has been built up magnificently, and looks like the main event. Sometimes the Rumble match is on last, sometimes it isn’t, depending on the outcome. Look at 1997 which is the latest Retro Review – HBK in his hometown winning the title was the big babyface moment to round the show off. Put that in the middle of the show and end with Austin winning the Rumble and you change the complexion of the show.

I’d suggest that we see the Royal Rumble before Hardy/Orton then there is a stronger likelihood of Hardy going over, since you would think that to end with a huge babyface upset would be a better way of ending show than whoever wins the Rumble celebrating.

Will Hardy go over, that’s the tough one to call? Was he considered a real contender by us about 6 weeks ago? What about by the WWE hierarchy? I think that people misjudge the writing and booking sometimes, because I have seen loads of opinion pieces saying that the WWE are now looking at Hardy more seriously than before because of how the crowd have reacted in the last few weeks. What that argument conveniently forgets is that in the storyline Hardy earned his title shot by virtue of beating Triple H. Triple freaking H! Not a Beat the Clock, not a crooked GM making a match, but a clean pinfall victory over The Game.

I would suggest to you that if Triple H thinks enough of Hardy to job to him clean on PPV then Hardy may have been pencilled in for this monster push for longer than people think.

Jeff probably didn’t decide to Whisper in the Wind off the cage onto Umaga, or Swanton off the structure by himself, you know. That would have been written in as a device to raise his popularity, and it is working. The reactive forces within the WWE must now decide whether the reaction has exceeded expectations, met them, or fallen short. I think it is probably between the first two.

So does he get a run with the title? My gut reaction is that he won’t, but I certainly feel he should. One good Pay Per View will not arrest the slide that WWE has been experiencing, but this is an opportunity to open the year strongly, and we only have one more PPV between the Rumble and Wrestlemania, which has been the strongest show of the year in recent times. It certainly was in 2007.

There are three weeks after the Rumble until No Way Out which is scheduled to feature an elimination chamber match. Book a Smackdown superstar to win the Rumble go after the SD title. Have an elimination chamber match and book Trips to win. Stack the card with some other top matches and lets roll on to the six week build up to Mania.

I cannot see Jeff Hardy headlining Wrestlemania. I think they will go with Orton v Triple H, so let’s have Jeff beat Randy at the Rumble, and book a No Holds Barred contest at No Way Out and have Orton go over clean in a brutal one. That gives Jeff his big moment and spikes the crowd at the Rumble, and still gets you towards the proposed main event at Mania.

If you look at the PPV you have Edge v Rey which should be good. The emotion around JBL v Y2J has been well built, and I suspect this will not stop at the Rumble. Ric v MVP also has emotion and I’d expect both men to step up here and produce a good one. Then of course you have Jeff and Randy.

A big problem could come with clean finishes. Perhaps Ric will beat MVP on a DQ or count out so that he doesn’t retire and Porter keeps his belt. Edge could well have Chavo and Vickie help him screw Rey out of the belt. And Y2J and JBL might well go to a no contest to prolong the feud. Having 3 non-clean finishes may hurt the PPV, but having Jeff win a belt would probably temper this.

I’ll give my individual thoughts on each match, and tell you who I think will win and how I would book it. They will likely not correlate.

Ric Flair v MVP
I’ll be honest, I’m not really that drawn in to the whole Flair is Retiring angle, though I appreciate its value. The problem this I think most people seem aware that it will likely go to Wrestlemania, pending a huge swerve which would be completely self defeating. Therefore the heat isn’t so big. However much MVP has improved, Ric isn’t going to have his last match against him. However, the angle thus far has allowed Ric a little more mic time, which is of course where he shines.

Ric is not going to retire at the Royal Rumble next week. He may not even retire at Mania, but it ain’t gonna be end of his journey just yet. Mania might be Space Mountain, this isn’t even the Ghost Train at the local Carnival.

I predict: Ric to win by DQ
I would Book: a real shocker. I’d maybe channel the spirit of Dusty to put in a dodgy finish. I’d book MVP to win this 1-2-3 and retire Ric Flair..........until Raw. I’d have Ric have a leg under the ropes which the official wouldn’t see, and so on Raw the decision could be somehow reversed, perhaps by a one night only return of Linda McMahon. Make Raw a tribute show to Flair, look back at his career and say how fitting that he lost at MSG, home of champions. This would put the younger viewers firmly aware of the storied career of Ric Flair. I’d have HBK and Triple H speak with Ric and plead with Vince to overturn the decision. Ric, however, would show dignity and not beg, but accept it with pride. I’d then end the show with Linda McMahon giving the announcement that he is exonerated.

Y2J v JBL
I think that this match has been very sketchily built up. JBL coming back was portrayed as a bigger deal than it ought to have been, I think, and his demolition of Jericho went way over the top, making Bradshaw look too dominant over a guy that only a month or so ago was battling for the WWE title.

However, their promos have been superb, particularly Jericho’s last week on Raw, when he pitched it perfectly. It seemed heartfelt and intense, but without resorting to shouting and hollering and generally making it look false. It was a major league promo, a money promo, and I don’t think this feud will end at the Rumble.

I’m a little surprised that they booked a match, and didn’t put both guys in the Rumble, costing one another the win.

I predict: Y2J will win by DQ. JBL to get frustrated that he can’t put Jericho away, so ends up just smashing him with a chair or something. This then leads to a NO DQ match at Mania.

I would book: something largely similar, but I’d have a double count out or simply a no contest. Just have the pair of them fight up the aisle and in the crowd and so forth. I wouldn’t be too concerned about the in ring action, but I’d have Jericho hit JBL with some serious punishment as a receipt for what JBL did to Jericho on Raw the other week. This gives Jericho the upper hand in terms of dominating on the night, but not giving either man the clean win just yet.

Rey Mysterio v Edge
Likely to be a **** match or thereabouts. Edge rarely has a bad match, and if Rey Mysterio is on and they add a touch of decent psychology then we could have a belter. I’m far from a huge Rey mark, as I felt his initial title run was to begin with implausible and then distinctly mismanaged. I also think he is a bit of a spot monkey. Don’t get me wrong, he is entertaining an hugely talented, but not always my cup of tea.

However, Edge is fantastic in the ring and I think the strongest hand that the WWE has right now. He deserves to be in the main event at Wrestlemania, and barring injury he likely will be.

I predict: Edge to win, probably with a little assistance from Vickie and/or Chavo and/or the Edgeheads . Hopefully not much more than a distraction.

I would book: Edge to win cleanly. I don’t see a problem with booking heels to be quality wrestlers who are hard to beat. I’d make it close so that Rey doesn’t lose face (mask?) and perhaps makes a bad decision, rather than getting outclassed, but since I would be trying to book this Rumble very strongly because of reasons explained above, I’d try to have the main title encounters go over clean, especially since I don’t see this feud going any further.

Jeff Hardy v Randy Orton
Very little to add after the thoughts added above really.

I predict: Orton will win. And I think they’ll do it cleanly as well. I’m almost predicting so that I don’t mind being wrong, but I just don’t see them putting the belt on Jeff yet. I also think that if Triple H is to regain the title at Wrestlemania, he won’t want Orton dropping it in order to regain it, just to lose it to The Game.

I would book: Hardy to win. I’d switch it back at No Way Out, but I’d give Jeff his moment (three weeks) in the sun. He’s worked for it, he is best superstar to watch at the moment, and he is so over it is incredible. Let him have a run.

The Royal Rumble Match
It’s a strange sort of Rumble line up, this. There are lots of people who could win, but not many who you’d say would win.

Time to breakout the patented McNichol Eliminator v2.0 - I’ve gone through the confirmed entries and listed 8 candidates below, including people that might take it as a surprise.

A Mystery Entrant – The official website at WWE.com lists 24 entrants thus far, and as I recall from reading Smackdown spoilers there is no other entry, unless Jimmy Yang being Domino was a qualifier. Even then, I don’t think he would be on the shortlist.

One of the extra entrants might well be CM Punk, who I’ve listed below separately. Filling up the list are likely to be the odd mid-carder from somewhere in the company, returns of former stars for the nostalgia pop (see Honky Tonk Man in the past) or maybe those that have signed new contracts.

The last example includes, of course, such names as Ron Killings, Chris Harris and Big Show. The latter is the most likely to show up. This is mainly because he doesn’t need any build up, and will be recognisable from his music. Harris and Killings, firstly are not guaranteed to have signed, and even if they had I think WWE would try to build their characters using vignettes rather than ploughing them into the Rumble straightaway.

I can’t see the Big Show or any other surprise winning the day, even if that is a wildcard like Hogan or someone. Or maybe it’s a conspiracy to bring back Lashley!

CM Punk – Now this would be a shock, especially since he hasn’t really been pushed to the moon since his arrival, even though he was given the ECW strap. At this stage he is surely not ready to go to a Main Event at Mania, although it is good to see him being pushed to matches with the likes of Edge. I’m interested in him losing the belt, wondering whether this means he will switch brands.

Umaga – I wouldn’t think the Samoan Bulldozer is the most likely candidate to win, especially since main eventing Mania would probably involve, you know, talking and stuff.

However, look for him to have a good run, probably into the last 4 or 5, with it taking one of the big guns to get rid of him.

Mr Kennedy – its been a hell of a year for Young Kenneth. Winner of the Money in the Bank Ladder match at Wrestlemania 23, he looked destined for a big year, but injury and stupidity have held him back. He couldn’t help the first one, but he could have kept his big mouth shut about not taking steroid before being suspended for exactly that.

However, that big mouth is probably the best asset of Ken Kennedy-Kennedy (KKK? Ouch) because he is perhaps the best talker around at the minute. He is in the frame, I would expect a decent run for him, and you should remember that when he won the Money in the Bank he promised to hold it back until Wrestlemania to cash it in. They obviously had it in mind that he could be at the level they wanted by this March. If you are thinking they’d hold him back because of his misdemeanours, remember who is in the main event at the Rumble.

Not this time, Kenny boy, but soon.

Batista – Hmm. The Animal is one of 4 previous winners in the contest, and it is these four who are likely to be the four most likely to take this contest. I have it in my mind that the winner will be from Smackdown, not only because the Elimination Chamber match is supposed to be a Raw main event (Trips, Hardy, Jericho, JBL, Kennedy, HBK?) but also because it seems likely that Triple H will be the contender at Wrestlemania for the WWE title, and you could see Vince and co. spending longer trying to halt his progress.

Batista is on the shortlist, without a shadow of a doubt.

Undertaker – And so is the Deadman. The biggest albatross round his neck is that he won last year, and it isn’t very creative having him win twice. The other people who have won twice were the hottest properties in the business – Hogan being everything about the WWE in 90/91, HBK being the biggest rising star in 95/96, and Stone Cold rising through the Stratusphere (not Trish) in 97/98 – Undertaker is not exactly a new, up and coming star. Rather, he is the most established star in the company. He is one of the most over and he has existing issues with Edge.

I would like to think that as this business is all about entertainment and not really about achievements, that Undertaker would relinquish the Wrestlemania streak. And who better than Edge, with his own Mania streak, to be put over the Deadman on the biggest stage of all? Taker is at the stage where one defeat doesn’t really hurt him, but beating him means a lot to his opponent. The above scenario is not beyond possibility.

Shawn Michaels – Aiming to be the second man to win this three times in his career, HBK was second to Taker last year, and has had a decent year, bringing John Cena through some belting matches in their programme, and is part of a entertaining series Kennedy. They have had some interesting battles, but too many matches for this programme to go to Mania. JR even called their Raw match this week a ‘rubber match’. I think their programme could be over, so perhaps HBK could be back in the title picture.

The thing is, there is no reason for him to go after Edge, and I can’t see the babyface combo again this year if it were to Jeff Hardy, and he has had extensive exposure to Orton. Add all this into the equation with my theory about Raw guys, and I’d say HBK will not win

Triple H – Very dependant on the involvement of Mr McMahon and co and of course the path of Randy Orton, but Trips would be the most likely to scupper my “Smackdown will win” theory. Not much can be said about Triple H that hasn’t already been said, but I really think his issue with Vince will drag on and he’ll win in the chamber.

The Verdict:
I desperate want to say anyone but the man I will predict, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to go with what everyone seems to be saying. Simply looking at the most likely scenario, The Undertaker has to be the selection here. Taker v Edge makes sense, Batista v Edge doesn’t. The Raw spot looks like being Triple H, and of course into the equation has to come the Elimination Chamber.

I’d love to see a Kennedy or a Punk come out of nowhere to win (although I think Punk could be in line for the Money in the Bank briefcase this year) but I really can’t see it.

I think it should be a great event. If I wasn’t excited before writing this, I certainly am now. I’m be watching the event live and will provide my usual as-live commentary, typically posted within minutes of the event finishing.

Enjoy the Rumble
Rob

Armageddon Live Notes

1am - So another WWE PPV is about to start which I am feeling rather apathetic towards. I always look forward to PPVs, because I’d rather be watching wrestling than not watching wrestling, frankly, but I don’t really know what to expect.

Last month I didn’t expect much and was pleasantly surprised. Last Monday I didn’t expect much and was very pleasantly surprised. I’m not expecting much tonight. I hope the system continues to work.

1.03am
The opening video seems to put Orton and Jericho in the main spotlight, so that may well be the main event. I’d be very impressed if this was a great match, because Jericho has been out for so long.

1.04am
Its US title action first, as MVP faces Rey Mysterio. MVP appears sans bubble dome, and Rey appears with a mask on, covering his erm......mask. The extra mask also seems to be some sort of Halloween costume. This is Christmas, Rey. Not Halloween. I wonder if he went trick or treating in a Santa outfit.

1.18am
Match ends with a bit of a bullshit finish, but slightly understandable. Basically, Mysterio nails MVP on the outside, and just as Porter is about to re-enter the ring, he opts not to, takes the 10 count, and loses via count-out.

This match was ok, but it was one of those Rey Mysterio matches that I struggled to enjoy. You know, I’ve kept quiet really, but I’m not much of Mysterio fan. Some of his spots are fantastic, and his energy and athleticism cannot be questioned. But, he is not a great wrestler, he is a small guy who is very athletic and needs his opponent to help him by selling majorly. I think it looked very obvious that MVP was assisting Rey with almost every move.

That said, the match was watchable, and the finish was presumably written like that in order to either have an MVP v Mysterio in the future which is in a cage or something, or its because they had nothing for these two guys, and just threw them together, although they didn’t want MVP to drop the belt, and couldn’t have Rey lose cleanly, apparently

01.21am
Interview with Jeff Hardy, and he says that he has been in all kinds of matches. He lists some, and they are quite a range. “Everything from ladder matches, to TLC matches, to Money in the Bank matches.”

Aren’t they the exact same match but with different names?


01.24am
Its the moment that no-one has looked forward to, as Big Daddy V and Mark Henry will attempt to make a sloth look like the Roadrunner. But unless ACME sell a product which makes excruciating matches watchable, then this is going to be tough.


01.36am
I won’t lie to you – that was not pretty. However, CM Punk continues to look impressive, and surely it is only a matter of time before he gets called up to Raw or Smackdown, and gets programmes with some top guys.

The other positive, I suppose, was the ending, which saw Big Daddy V catch Punk, who was on a roll at the time, in mid air, and hit a Samoan drop. It was extremely creative, and will be used, I suspect, to put over Big V and suggest he is the number one contender. No other reason to have the champion pinned.

The rest of the match was excrement.

01.42am

After an Edge and Vickie backstage segment which achieved nothing unless Edge ultimately turns on her after she helps him win a title, we have Kennedy and Michaels in the ring. This should be a good’un, but the build up has seemed a little forced to me.

01.58am

I am a happy bunny again. HBK v Kennedy was absolutely superb. That is one of the best PPV matches I have seen all year. It may not get the credit it deserves because it was not chock full of big spots, but the psychology used throughout, with Kennedy doing an awesome job of selling his hand injury, and Michaels favouring his back.

Whoever booked the intricacies of the match deserves hearty congratulations. The story of the match was told brilliantly, and it achieved that holy grail of matches. False finishes where you bought the ending, entertaining action, and a clean finish which did not hurt the loser.

2.06am

Triple H v Jeff Hardy. The third chance tonight for upward mobility, and so far it is 0-2. Although, I will let the HBK/KK match off because it was so good. Jeff Hardy to win this match would absolutely make his career. It really would. Would a defeat really hurt The Game that much?

2.23am

Good Lord, he actually did it. Hardy got the win, albeit in a match which I never thought flowed. JR wrongly called a lateral press as a cross body, so even he wasn’t up to speed! Jeff missed an early rail spot, and I think things like this are why he won’t be more than just a one off contender at Royal Rumble.

However, fair play to the WWE for giving us an upset, for giving Hardy a chance, and for Triple H to defy his all conquering image in order to put something over.

2.35am

PPV filler next, as Finlay beats The Great Khali in a slow one. Basically the referee was confiscating a shillelagh when Hornswaggle interfered, low blowed Khali, handed Finlay a second shillelagh. He bashes Khali with it, wins and no-one cares.

I hope they are going to go somewhere with the Hornswaggle thing, because he is all over TV and it is not really that entertaining. I can only think by giving him TV time and Finlay a PPV win, that they are building to something. We’ll see.

2.44am

Lillian has just finished the intros, and we are ready for the first of the two World title matches. Seems I was wrong about the main event. Jericho is definitely not getting a huge reaction.

3.00am

Hmm. Well, to contradict my last statement, during the match the atmosphere certainly improved. By 10 minutes in the crowd were very pro Jericho, and there were some significant near-falls and big moves. However, that really was a bullshit finish. It IS possible to put people, and indeed keep people, over without having to resort to interference DQs.

I also have a problem with consistencies with the realities of the system, which is supposed to be based on realism. Firstly, Jericho would not warrant a title shot having been out for two years, he would need to earn it. But since he had one, as he actually won the match, surely he should get another shot. Actually, come to think about it, by that logic, didn’t Ric Flair pin the WWE champion? That would make him number one contender wouldn’t it?

Oh, I give up trying to find logic. Putting that aside, I assume that what we’ll now see is JBL and Jericho in a war of words, leading to JBL costing Jericho the Royal Rumble, and then a build up to a match at Mania, since we are told JBL wants to return to the ring.

3.16am

Beth v Mickie has just ended, and it was standard fare really. Beth wins, it was never really in doubt. Video for the triple threat now airing. Not sure about this one. I don’t really dig triple threats, they always seem to drag a bit, and they lose some realism, because one guy seems to take a powder after a clothesline they would normally bounce up from, but instead lie on the floor for two minutes.
However, there have been some crackers (HBK v HHH v Benoit springs to mind) so I’ll give it a chance.

3.42am

You know what, I liked it. It was far from a classic, but Edge takes the title AND manages to further his character. I like the ‘ultimate opportunist” idea and gives him a gimmick of being smart enough to outdo bigger rivals like Batista and Taker.
Folks, I am exhausted, it’s been a long day for me. Not a bad PPV, but without being a classic. Lookin forward to Rumble, and I’ll be building to that very soon. Keep checking back, I’ve got a few surprises in store before the first PPV of

Just some random thoughts......

We’re at the halfway point (ish) between Cyber Sunday and Survivor Series, and since I promised you my thoughts on the last PPV, I thought I’d combine that with some thoughts about the current product leading up to Survivor Series.

The concept of Cyber Sunday, and formerly Taboo Tuesday, is a good one, but the execution is less stellar, as only the most foolhardy and ‘green’ of WWE fans will believe that they have very much influence. There was really only one surprise in the voting, and that was a largely unwelcome one. The Miz was never a very credible number one contender to CM Punk’s ECW title, so any mystique as to whether Punk would drop the strap was gone. If Morrison had won the vote, it may have been a different story.

There were two BS finishes to championship matches. Randy Orton was intentionally disqualified in his defence against the fans’ choice of Shawn Michaels, and we were robbed (through no fault of WWE’s) of what would have likely been a great contest, when Kane replaced Matt Hardy in the US title match.

I can’t say whether Hardy would have taken the belt from the Ballin’ Smackdown superstar, but whichever match was chosen – be it wrestling, boxing or MMA – would have likely been a good’un. These two have been the strongest pairing on any brand in the last few months.

The highlight for many will have been Batista going over the Undertaker in the main event. The fans choice of Stone Cold Steve Austin as ref was again very much a lame duck selection, as although he had some physical interaction with Mick Foley and JBL before the bell rung, he had no bearing on the match itself.

Although I have been impressed with the whole Batista v Undertaker storyline, particularly the Pay Per View matches, stretching back to Wrestlemania and beyond, I thought the decision to put Batista over so strongly was strange.

I’ll concede that the way the match was put together worked extremely well, making Batista look amazingly strong rather than Taker looking weak. However, I can’t help but feel that Undertaker losing cleanly could have been saved for someone else. I’d be delighted if someone could prove me wrong, but I don’t think Taker lost cleanly (I mean pin or submission, no interference) since No Mercy 2006, when he lost to Kurt Angle. Prior to that, I can only think of Brock Lesnar that’s been allowed to cleanly defeat the Deadman in the last few years.

To me, Batista is as big, popularity-wise, as he will get. In fact, I think in his initial run with belt after he beat Triple H he was the most over wrestler in the company, but that was his first run as a babyface. Now that he is a more established name, his star has faded a little. Plus, let us not forget that he is no spring chicken. Big Dave is 38, the same age as Triple H.

I would have thought that Undertaker would have been better served putting over Edge, Kennedy or Orton, or someone like that. Look at the face to heel comparison on the roster: (Ignore injuries)

For the face side of things, you’re talking Cena, Lashley, HBK, Triple H, Mysterio, Undertaker, Batista, and Punk. Heels of note are Orton, Edge, Kennedy, Umaga, Khali, Henry, Finlay, Big Daddy V.

I might have missed a couple out, but essentially I think you’ll agree that the balance is out of proportion. Of the heels named, several really are not up to it in terms of putting on a great match. There of course is a big name to come back in Mr Jericho.

So you’d be looking at nine high level faces looking for opponents, and finding the numbers coming up well short. I think The Game may well be overdue a heel turn, possibly for one last run with HBK (I’d say after Wrestlemania) but unless they push Kennedy or Edge to the moon, they are struggling to balance the books in terms of the good v the bad guys.

Speaking of Jericho, one can’t help but feel he’ll be back any time now, with the night after Survivor Series being touted as the most likely date. But with whom does he feud? Will they take a gamble and thrust him straight back into the title picture? Or will they offer up a midcarder for him to squash first. Maybe a Royal Rumble win is on the cards? Armageddon follows Survivor Series by 4 weeks, and then it’s a six week gap until The Rumble. That could very well be the destination for a major Jericho triumph.

As someone said (it may have been Chad Kroeger) - they say that a hero will save us..........

Rob on Tour: Birmingham, October 2007

Apologies for the lack of updates as of late. I was indeed at the Raw and Smackdown tapings in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago, and I’ll give you some observations in just a second.

I’ve been on the road around the country for the past couple of weeks, so I haven’t had much opportunity to clock in with you, especially for Cyber Sunday. However, it was a hell of day when I got back home with two weeks of Raw and a Pay Per View to watch (I don’t always bother with Smackdown). I strapped myself in for a 7 hours WWE marathon, and waited to see the return of Y2J...........

Well, that went well.

Thoughts to follow, but let me give you the brief highlights of my time in Brum.

I got up there on the Monday, with the exciting prospect of having some interview time with some WWE superstars. I was attending the shows, as in April at Earl’s Court, as a guest of Sun Wrestling head honcho Simon ‘lilsboy’ Rothstein, but he was otherwise engaged on that Monday morning, despatching me instead to get some words of wisdom with the guys, rumoured to be Jeff Hardy, William Regal and Layla from Extreme Exposé.

It was not to be. Instead of the Intercontinental champion and the UK’s own GM of Raw, I joined Sky Sports’ Richard Parr and a group of Swedish journos in a kind of mini-press conference with Raw Diva Maria Kanellis and newby Cody Rhodes.

Cody seemed a little pensive and would have been happier to have been elsewhere, but I am pleased to report that Maria is a beautiful in person as she appears on screen, and a lovely person to boot.

After getting a few little gems from the superstars (including an exclusive on Maria’s relationship with CM Punk) we reconvened in a sort of lobby area, just in time to see tag team champions Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch meeting a greeting some lucky youngsters, who believe were form the Make a Wish charity. The champs posed for many pictures and came across as two cracking guys. Murdoch in person, by the way, looked much leaner than on TV.

Simon arrived in due course, and after a catch up beer or two with Rich, his brother Matt who is a very talented magician (check out http://www.mattparro.com/) and the Daily Star’s Patrick Lennon, who took great joy in explaining how well his 45-minute interview with William Regal had gone!

We headed to the show, and found ourselves sat directly behind 100 metre runner Jason Gardner. I don’t know whether Jason is a big WWE fan, but this Raw taping would not have converted him if he wasn’t.

Nowhere near the quality of the Earl’s Court show which came shortly after a strong Wrestlemania and featured a 50-minute John Cena v Shawn Michaels, the highlights of the night were seeing the late, great Davey Boy Smith’s son Harry in action (albeit a dark march), and a surprisingly strong Brian Kendrick v Highlander Rory contest.

We retired to the plush Hotel in which the office staff of WWE UK were staying, as I made it my mission to inform new employee, the lovely Claire, exactly what was right and what was wrong with the WWE. I’ll let you know when my new ideas get implemented!

We managed to gain the knowledge of the hotel at which the superstars were staying, and as it happened it was basically next door to our own lodgings. We had a wander by, and saw Ken Kennedy, Jeff Hardy, Gene Snitsky, Umaga (sans face paint) and Santino Marella hanging outside the hotel’s front door.

Simon interviewed Mr. Kennedy recently and Jeff Hardy not so long ago, so got chatting and they invited us to join them for a drink. Unfortunately, the bouncer (who was only doing his job, please don’t hurt me) wouldn’t grant us access as we were not staying at the hotel.

The following morning, however, we were having breakfast at a Cafe when last night’s debutant Harry Smith walked in. Mr Rothstein once again declared a past interview, and we were able to wish Harry all the best for being called up to the roster. It’s good to see him on TV now, as DH Smith, and I predict a big future for him. Another nice, seemingly down to earth guy.

We headed to the arena with the prospect of Rey Mysterio and CM Punk being our interview guests on Smackdown/ECW day, but again hopes were dashed when the, still creditable but slightly lacking star power, duo of John Morrison and Matt Striker were introduced to us.
We got 15 minutes or so with each man. Morrison seemed keen to conduct the interview in character, but we managed to talk him out of it quickly. He was a very low-key individual after the transition, somewhat at odds with his on-screen persona.

The most controversial moment of the two days came during this interview, when Simon enquired about the former Tough Enough winner’s alleged breach of the wellness policy, but was quickly interrupted by the presiding WWE official, who simply told us “No Comment”. Interesting.

Matt Striker was a great interview, except for the fact that we had nothing to ask him. The WWE policy on who we were granted interview time was very strange. You’d think that being on tour in their third biggest market outside of the US and Canada, something they only do twice a year maximum, would be an opportunity to allow us time to speak with some of the top names, such as Batista, Orton, Mysterio or Punk.

I can understand the likes of Triple H, HBK or Undertaker being held back from scrutiny, I suppose, but surely a guy with bigger profile than Matt Striker could have been found for us.
That said, he was a heck of a guy, and fun to talk to. I’d love to see him translate the charisma he showed to us to a larger scale. He would make a great Colour Commentator some day.

The show that night was marginally more exciting than the previous evening’s offerings, but by very little. The Smackdown/ECW ‘talent trade’ is just a way of trying to cover the cracks of a paper thin roster, and seeing Kane and Big Daddy V repeatedly is not quite like seeing Austin or Rock in their heyday, is it?

Possibly the coolest moment of the trip was waiting for Morrison and Striker to show up. We were position basically in a hospitality unit at the top of the stand, awaiting the ECW stars’ arrival. Through the blinds in windows, we were able to look upon the ring and view developmental talent working out under the watchful eye of various agents like Michael Hayes and Arn Anderson. Wrestlers like Elijah Burke and MVP were working with the likes of the Major Brothers and Drew Galloway, and you could see a host of wrestlers chatting away with each other.

I had only been talking to Claire from WWE about how the backstage experience, getting to see what goes on behind the scenes must be very enlightening, and she said yes, but I’d likely never see it. It was nice, even through glass from 100 feet away, to get a little glimpse of what goes on.
I’ll give you my thoughts on Cyber Sunday in due course, and will make a concerted attempt to update this page a little more often.

Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to keep checking The Sun’s Wrestling section at the link on the left of the page. I’ve done a piece about Santino Marella which should be posted in due course.

Have a great weekend,
Rob

No Mercy live notes and reaction

01.02am

No Mercy is underway, and after a opening video sequence featuring Cena, Orton and a dove (religious symbolism, maybe another allusion to Jericho?) here comes Mr McMahon and William Regal.

Straight to business with the ‘Cena is out’ announcement. Usual mixed reaction.
Vince says he is going to give us what we want.......

A huge moment follows. A huge “Y2J” chant erupts in the arena. Vince says, in direct response “I’m not going to give you that.” Hmm, interesting.

A double blow in the opening minutes, as Vince now awards the belt to Orton. See that makes so little sense it’s unbelievable. But he did say there will be a title match. Meanwhile, as I ponder, Randy parades the belt to the fans, and gets a mixed reaction, probably more positive that Cena has been getting.

Regal tells Orton that he can choose his opponent. Oh right, that sounds realistic. Can you imagine that in Boxing? “Here you are Muhammed Ali, you’re the champ. Who do you want to face? Ken Norton, Lister, Foreman, Frazier?”

“Fuck, no. I’ll take on a shitty cruiserweight.”

Oh, shit, its going to be Hornswaggle isn’t it?

01.12am

After Orton rags on Cena for being injured, he states that no-one can come close to him and is interrupted by...............?

Brooklyn Brawler!

No, I’m sorry, it’s Triple H.

Triple H basically asks Orton for match, gets refused, then turns to Vince to cut a “Roget Promo”. Boy does Trips get some use out of that Thesaurus. Let’s see an excerpt from it.

Coward: yellow, spineless, gutless, no balls, weak.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley: Triple H, HHH, The Game, The King of Kings, The Cerebral Assassin.

Weapon: Sledgehammer..............I’m out.

01.18am

The shit is on! Remember the slow build to Wrestlemania with Triple H and Orton? They lasted 14 minutes. Vince caves to Triple H’s ‘mind games’. It’s Orton v Triple H for the belt. Common sense dictates this will be a count out or DQ finish. Why? Well, otherwise, why give the belt to Orton in the first place? If he is to lose clean, then they may as well have asked Orton to choose his opponent in the match for the vacant title, rather than give him it and then have him pick a contender. (which, of course, he didn’t anyway.)

01.22am

JR pimps Trips as a ten-time champion. Which makes me think of Ric Flair. Maybe part of Flair’s last big run, and the real history making moment, will be a Flair return, and indeed heel turn, costing The Game?

01.30am

So what do I know? On about 12 minutes, Triple H with a schoolboy rollup and The Game is the champ. This match was outstandingly booked. I know Chicago crowds are almost always hot, but they were so into this it was unbelievable. The psychology was terrific with Orton playing the battling champ shocked at the match being made, Triple H as the rampaging face on a mission.

Orton sold like a madman here, almost as if the guy he was facing was going to be his boss someday.

Oh, right.

Anyway, terrific opening half hour. But what about Umaga?

01.36am

After the unannounced title match, here comes a “bonus match”. Six man tag action coming our way, and its seems that Jeff Hardy and Londrick are together once again. Out come Cade & Murdoch, and they announce their new and improved partner. Mr Kennedy.

It seems that the Tag Team Champions realised that their former, short lived partner, Shelton Benjamin, has won like one match in two years.

This should be a good’un, and surely will be a lead in to a Hardy/Kennedy programme.

01.39am

After chanting for Y2J earlier, the Chicago crowd begin this match with a chant for their hometown boy CM Punk.

01.42am

Brian Kendrick just did the most original fall to the outside I’ve seen in ages. As Kendrick ran the ropes, Trevor Murdoch actually stood on the bottom rope and lifted the top. Brilliant stuff.

01.44am

Lawler mentions the ‘Stein. 44 minutes to beat next time, King.

01.48am

Another cracker ends with a fantastic series of moves to end it. Kennedy off the top with a Green Bay Plunge to London. Terrific 6-man match with some of the best talent in the company at the moment, in terms of character and quality.

01.50am

Backstage, the obligatory cross-over is here, with Triple H and Batista, now Smackdown and Raw champs respectively, with a history between them of course. Generic waffle ensues, before Triple H walks into Vinny Mac. Basically, Vince tells The Game that he’ll still face Umaga tonight, and its for the belt. Yes, score one for continuity.

01.52am

ECW title match is on. Pepsi v Peptic Ulcer.

01.55am

Well that was quick and pointless. Punk wins by DQ after a weak-ass interference from Matt Striker. Big Daddy Mabel destroys Punk after the match.

So after a great start, the Chicago crowd are simply not allowed to enjoy their hero in action. The aftermath of watching replays and seeing Punk stagger away form the ring actually goes longer than the match. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad this wasn’t a long match and all, but that was staggeringly pointless.

01.59am

For some reason, they are plugging the MVP/Matt hardy combo facing The Brothers of Destruction next week on Smackdown.

02.01am

Oh, that’s why. Another competition. Tazz is in the ring, for a pizza competition between MVP and Matt Hardy. I’d criticise the pointlessness, but here comes Melina and Maria, who make anything worth tuning in for. So, I’ll hold back my instincts to complain.

02.03am

MVP is very confident it seems? Wearing white to a pizza contest?

02.08am

MVP and Hardy jaw jack for a while, and Tazz shuts them up. He doesn’t want them talking tough, thats not extreme. He wants them to eat pizza. Tazz, you fought Sabu, you went through a ring with Bam Bam Bigelow. They better be paying you well for you to be commentating on a pizza eating comp.

02.12am

Yeah, MVP and Hardy are entertaining, and this segment could have been worse, but ECW got 6 minutes for a title bout (the match going 3) and Smackdown get more than 10, basically to work up to a vomit joke.

Oh, I was right about the white clothing by the way.

02.16am

A promo hyping Umaga v Triple H has just aired.

Lillian begins the announcements for this match in the 77th minute of the show. So far, the amount of pre-announced material used so far has totally a paltry (and uninteresting) 6 minutes.

02.23am

I feel deflated, and it seems so does the live crowd. The Game got nowhere near the same reception as earlier, and the tension just feels non existent for this one.

02.27am

And it’s over. So is any expectation of The Undertaker v Umaga, if that is to happen, being an exciting programme. This unstoppable Samoan monster can’t beat a man who only returned from injury a month or two ago, and who had a supposedly gruelling 12 minute match earlier on in the night.

Triple H wins with the Pedigree in about 10 minutes. Are you surprised?

02.31am

Punjabi Bischoff tells us that Khali is meditating. Oh, I thought he was asleep. Damn, I wish I could tell the difference between sleeping and meditating. I tell you what, to make it easier, I’ll assume that when the Prison make comes on, the crowd are all ‘meditating’.

02.33am

Oh my god. Security better protect the wrestlers, it seems a komodo dragon has got onto the stage. I thought you got them in the south Pacific, not Illinois.

Oh, no, wait its Rey Mysterio with a mask on, hiding his err, other mask.

Anyway, he’s here to meet Finlay, and I’ve been looking forward to this one.

02.46am

I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled.

Short reprise. Rey Mysterio dropped a leg on Finlay, when he was hanging over the bottom rope. Finlay fell backwards to the floor, in a legit stiff bump. The ref checked on him, it looked like a work. When the ref wasn’t looking, Finlay looked up as if playing possum.

Then referee Jim Korderas threw the dreaded ‘x’ sign. The ‘x’ sign should be sacred. That should be the symbol that all is not well. Not some kayfabe bullshit, but when something is seriously wrong.

It was effective. I would imagine the live crowd didn’t see Finlay glance up as if he was ok. They bought the injury and the sell job Rey did of looking concerned. They even chanted Finlay.
The Irishman then jumped from his stretcher, neck brace and all, and attacked Rey. The crowd chanted “Finlay sucks”.

You know you come out here and you talk about your Psalms and your Rey 619? Well Finlay 619 says I just fooled the marks.

02.49am

What do you know? Another ‘mysterious’ futuristic video aired. I definitely saw something saying 2nd Coming in there, and it also looked like rev.212 was in there to me. As was Save_US.222 again. Of course this will soon be doing the rounds and probably on the WWE too. I still think it isn’t cut and dried to be Jericho. Hart Foundation and HBK still possibilities.

Incidentally, did you read the “Savior Self” info that 8.2.11 was in there? If you take the numbers to be letters, where 1 = A, 2 = B and so forth that 26 = Z, 8.2.11 would be HBK.

However, as a note, Cyber Sunday is advertised as being on 10.28.07 (28th October). Times? Well it starts at 8pm Eastern US time. The show is in Washington DC, which is on Eastern Time.

What if 8.2.11 means 8pm until 11pm? i.e. the timings on Cyber Sunday.

And what if rev.212 and Save us.222 means that 2 hours and 12 minutes into the show something will happen, and ten minutes later, at 2 hours 22 minutes, so does something else.

Something to ponder

02.50am

Guess what? We’re having a rematch. Orton has invoked the rematch clause – tonight. I’ll give them credit. There are some nonsensical events occurring tonight, but considering Cena’s injury was 6 days ago, that’s some good storyline writing to keep the action rolling on.

02.57am

There goes another title change. Beth Phoenix destroys Candice and actually shows a flair for cutting a promo too. The match was instantly forgettable, of course, but I’m just thankful that the belt is finally off of Candice. I’m sure she is a lovely person, but she is not, repeat NOT, Trish Stratus.

03.00am

It appears to be Punjabi Prison time. Cue usual build up video and entrances.

03.10am
Yep, that took ten minutes. Ten minutes of generic clips, waffle from Michael Cole (breaking a world record for saying the word ’structure’) and horrible Batista promos.

And thirty seconds in, Khali goes his caught in the ropes spot. I know you learned it from Andre, Khali, but every time?

03.12am

The viewing of this match is greatly hindered by the masses of bamboo on the (say it with me, Cole) structure. I don’t mean hindered, do I? I mean improved. I can hardly see the shambles inside the ring.

If Batista is an unidentified ‘Animal’, why doesn’t he be a Giant Panda tonight? Then he can eat the bamboo and escape.

03.21am

JBL says this match like a scene from Jurassic Park. Funny, I don’t remember the bit where Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill show no athletic ability and get out of the raptor cage.

Or maybe he meant the bit where they find the dying Triceratops. “That is one big pile of shit.”

03.24am
Well, it’s finished, mercifully. I suppose considering the limitations set with this match, it wasn’t a letdown. But then how can you be let down if your expectations are rock bottom.

Oh, Batista won, by the way.

03.33am

Orton v Trips Last Man Standing match is underway. The back story is now that Triple H has bad ribs and that Orton can capitalise.

03.53am

Wow. We have a new champion. Well the old new champion. The one that was new, but not the newer new champ, I mean the new old new one. Err, Orton won anyway.

That was a fantastic match. Absolutely superb. It wasn’t Hart/Bulldog from Summerslam or Savage/Steamboat at WM3, but a brilliantly told, to-and-fro battle, with twists, false finishes and served to make both men look good.

03.55am

And we’re off the air. As near to the full 3 hour pay per view as we’ve seen in a while, and I’d probably venture the best PPV of the year except for Wrestlemania. Yes, the ECW match barely registered, and the Punjabi Prison match was torturous, but the storytelling of both Orton/HHH matches was top notch, and remember this is a last minute rewrite show. They’ve saved Jericho (or whomever) for the future. (I’d bet big money on Cyber Sunday)
No Mercy? Oui, Merci.

A new champion plus the possible return of Y2J? Oh, have Mercy!

I can’t recall a build up to a WWE PPV, or indeed any pro wrestling event, anything like the one building up to this week’s No Mercy event.

A brief history lesson, as if you need one, would involve modules detailing the tragedy of Chris Benoit, the subsequent steroid scandal and resulting suspensions, and the injuries to several big name stars.

Two weeks ago, we had a fairly standard card building up – a predictable third go-round for John Cena and Randy Orton, a Batista v Khali Punjabi prison match, and Rey Mysterio and Triple H continuing their rehabilitation and mega-pushes.

Then a video aired. A matrix-like vignette featuring several coded messages which appeared to point to the return of Chris Jericho was seen on RAW nearly a fortnight ago. It is known as the Save_US.222 video.

The following RAW, the last before No Mercy, saw not only a follow up video entitled Savior_Self, but an injury to a wrestler. Not just any wrestler, but the WWE champion. Not just any WWE champion, either. The WWE Champion for over a year. The alleged ‘most controversial champion ever’. John Felix Anthony Cena.

So we go to a PPV, which I strangely feel really excited about Chris Jericho and the main event. I don’t know if Y2J is going to be there, nor do I know the main event.

I’ll try to give you my thoughts, match by match.

Candice Michelle v Beth Phoenix
I’m going against the grain here. All and sundry are predicting that the Glamazon will take the strap but I’d say that it’s the old bait-and-switch we are used to seeing with John Cena. Build up the monster heel competitor for the plucky babyface to beat, only to find no-one really wants the alleged babyface to actually conquer. Heart says Beth, but head rules – Candice to win.

Finlay v Rey Mysterio
This will likely be the best match of night, and typically I’d just say that Rey will go over because, well, you know, he’s Mysterio. However, the wildcard here is JBL. The Smackdown Colour man has been the antagonist for this, apparently still harbouring a grudge against Mysterio, so if Rey does not go over, it can only be because of JBL’s interference. I’m still going to go with a predictable win, though, with perhaps Finlay and Bradshaw attacking Rey post-match. Mysterio to win.

Triple H v Umaga
Obviously Triple H is the golden boy, but the WWE are high on Umaga, so the only way out I can see here is a Triple H win via DQ. A Vince McMahon-inspired beatdown I think is likely, with Umaga still looking like a savage monster and Triple H being a cross between Jesus and Robocop.

CM Punk v Big Daddy V
You see, I’d say that there is no way they’d put the belt on a guy like the former Viscera, but this is the often farcical ECW, where a tournament between 4 men was held to find the number one contender. It was a really good concept, so they went and ruined it by having it won by someone who wasn’t even in it.

It’s like a flashback to the heady days of King Mabel, the glorious summer of ’95 when Nash was stinking up title matches left, right and centre. Except here we have a champion with talent and a flair to put on good matches. Only they thought, to hell with that, we’ll put the up-and-coming CM Punk in a match with an obese veteran with little discernable talent or heat.

Anyway, I’ll say Punk to win, because I can’t bear to say that V might beat him. It’ll be short and not sweet.

Batista v Great Khali
A Punjabi Prison match. Hmm. Do you remember the first one? The first Punjabi Prison was supposed to hold Khali and Undertaker captive within the structure. You see, Khali is from the Punjab, right?

Yep, well it featured Taker and the Big Show. Basically because Khali couldn’t be trusted to be in a match of such importance. (oh wait, no, he had ‘elevated liver enzymes’) So here we are, 15 months later, with Khali the former champion looking to retain the gold.

Rumour has it that Cyber Sunday will see Undertaker v Mark Henry v Great Khali v Batista, so maybe a spot of interference by Henry and the Deadman will be in order. If not, I’ll take Batista to scrape through.

WWE Title.
Fuck knows.

Seriously, how can I elaborate, I don’t know the match will be?

Oh ok then, I’ll say that Randy Orton will likely win it. I don’t think that’s really sticking my neck out, is it? Considering he was touted to beat Cena anyway, and have a long programme with Triple H.

The big question is whether Jericho will appear. I doubt it, because I think they’d want to drag out the Save_US/Savior_Self campaign for a little longer, probably until Cyber Sunday.

The type of match? Maybe a match where former champions are eligible, so then Kane and Undertaker could join in? Perhaps a battle royal or even a Royal Rumble-like match?

You have a few major RAW superstars that are currently without a match. Jeff Hardy, Mr Kennedy, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito. And over on Smackdown, Kane, Taker, Matt Hardy , MVP, Mark Henry and (whisper it) Ric Flair are without anything to do.

Hopefully it’ll be a chance to have some fun, and really create some memories.

This has been a really tough time for the WWE, I prey they make this a good show. My faith is waiting to be restored.

Unforgiven: its not even a word, you know........

Apologies for the short update here, but I have very little time.

I'll rattle through all the matches, give my opinion, and then I'll be back at the end of the Pay Per View with my usual post-PPV, as-live thoughts.

So then........

Smackdown Tag Team Title match: Deuce and Domino v Matt Hardy & MVP.
I have been massively impressed by the improvement of MVP over the last 12 months or so, and it was a huge blow to see him held back by the news of his Heart problems. It seems that having him compete in Tag Matches is the way to keep him going.
The MVP/Matt pairing has chemistry, the classic protagonist/antagonist relationship, and I would suggest this is how we will move forward. Look for The Greasers to regain their straps, when MVP walks out on Hardy.

RAW Tag Team title match: London & Kendrick v Cade & Murdoch
I'd expect this to be a good one, possibly a show opener, and I'd tend to say that it would be The so-called Redneck Wrecking Crew who will prevail. I love London & Kendrick, and would be happy to see them more often, but they are precisely the kind of wrestlers that the WWE likes to trot out as show ponies every now and again, but will stick with the tried and tested 'characters'. That said, I like Cade and Murdoch, who are far more enjoyable and old school than the dressed up Deuce and Domino will ever be.
The only way Londrick gets a win is if WWE decides to finally get behind Lance Cade. They have been threatening to do so for a long time. I'd say a singles title for him before the end of 2008.

Women's Title Match: Beth Phoenix v Candice Michelle
I can't see past Beth in this match. Only makes good sense to create a monster heel of a champion to reign for a while, dominate the women's scene, then attempt to build up an honest, hard-working Babyface as a conquerer of sorts. Candice Michelle looks as if she is the pet project right now, and it wouldn't surprise me to see Beth continue to dominate the scene, with Candice eventually getting the best of the 'Glamazon'. Not tonight, though. Beth to win.

ECW Title: CM Punk v Elijah Burke
In order to determine the order in which I'd write these predictions, I checked the WWE.com site, and worked from the bottom up. So, according to them, this is the 5th most important match. Hmm, 3 equal brands my ass.

Anyway, this hasn't really been built up much, and though I like Burke, I'd think that Punk would be keep over, and that the rumour I've heard which suggests that he'll keep the belt until Nitro returns is quite likely. CM to win.

Triple H v Carlito
If you think this is going to be anything other than a Triple H win, then I'd take issue with you. I want to know where the whole Mr. McMahon angle is going in regards to Trips, because he has been involved all the way since he got back. I also don't know how long until HBK comes back, and that would be interesting to know, really.
Can't see The Game losing, but I'm intrigued as to where they take him. I'm wondering whether they'll now think in terms that he is bigger than the belt, and putting the strap on him woon't help him any. I'm not sure. I'll take him to win tonight, maybe in the face of mighty interference on the part of Hornswoggle McMahon (I can't believe I'm writing that).

Undertaker v Mark Henry
Err, return of the dead man? Come on, Mark Henry has about about as much chance as Chavo Guererro and King Booker did in their matches against Triple H and Rey Mysterio. Short one, Taker to win comfortably.

World Heavyweight Title - Great Khali v Batista v Rey Mysterio
This one has me puzzled a bit. I am leaning towards Mysterio more than I was. Originally, I'd have said that my money would have been on Kahli retaining, but the addition of Batista has made me think twice.

The reason being that if you have Great Khali v Rey Mysterio, and you want to belt to go onto Rey, how do you make that believable? Answer is, you can't. Add Big Dave into the mix, and all of a sudden you have you have a plausible way. After a battle between them all, you let Batista blast the Punjabi giant with a Spinebuster or spear or something, and have Rey basically steal one.

I'm more tentative about this call than any other. But I'll take Mysterio to regain the strap.

John Cena v Randy Orton
Usually, when you have a main event decided in a clean finish and then you have a rematch a few weeks later, it annoys me, because firstly what says the result will be different, and secondly why does the contender deserve another shot?

This time, it has been well executed, with Orton's cold persona going a step further and attacking John Cena Senior (or Cenia, I suppose). Here's my theory. The belt was going over to Orton, but the web got wind of it. Vince opted to swerve those who think they are in the know, and kept the belt on Cena. This time, with opinions a little more wavy, the title does switch, and this also is another avenue in which Triple H can get involved in the title picture, with his hostory with Orton.

Orton to win.

Thats all for now, update available just after the PPV.

I believe Vince's son is..............

So tonight is the night when we find out just who Vinny Mac's l'il boy is. And it ain't Booker T. Sucka.

It seems the man formerly known as GI Bro has gone off in a Huff, man.

Have you noticed that pretty much any wrestling site you go to - news, columns, opinion, funny stuff. No one is telling you who the bastard son is. Sure, we all knew it was originally Mr Kennedy, but most seem to have their mouths and keyboards shut.

So, in order to work it out, I'm going to take you on a whistlestop tour of the roster. Lets start with Raw.

Cena? No point, too big a name. Also wasn't around the ring when Vince said it was a superstar

Jeff Hardy? For the sheer fact that he has nothing else going on, he could be the man. However, this role is going to require a great deal of time with mic in hand or acting with Vince and Trips. Jeff's strong suit is not his promo skills.

Cade & Murdoch? Not big enough names, and in programme with Londrick.

Lashley? Too injured

Brian Kendrick & Paul London? See Cade/Murdoch and flip the names.

Carlito? hmmm. Is facing Triple H this week, and The Game will surely be involved in this angle long term. Carlito is good on the mic, and is of the level that needs to be elevated. However, Carlito's father is legendary grappler Carlos Colon, so you would doubt that would be contested.

Charlie Haas? Nope.

Cody Rhodes? Once again, he is best known for being Dusty's boy. Can't be.

Daivari? A joke foreign heel? Not a prayer. (leave it)

Duggan? Nooooooooooooooooooooo

Lawler? Of course not.

Coach? No, but thankyou for asking, Sir?

King Booker? Hahahahahahahaaha. Sucka.

Mr Kennedy? Absolutely no chance.............................no chance.

Randy Orton? Cowboy Bob and the fact that he wasn't around the ring say no for him. This is a rumour killer.

The Highlanders? Ahh, those modern day Bushwhackers, what happened to them? Anyway, its not them. Vince isn't ginger for a start.

Santino? If he didn't suck in the ring, and his build up wasn't so crap, then this would be more feasible. He is more likely than most mentioned thus far. But still no.

Sandman? I shouldn't have thought so.

Shawn Michaels? Unlikely, although if they have a convaluted script on hand, they might try to use his star power to boost the angle. He doesn't have to wrestle for a bit, and they could play off his chemistry and history with Trips and Vince. Possible, but unlikely.

Shelton Benjamin? I jokingly wrote about an encounter between Vince and Momma Benjamin, but honestly, and I don't mean this in a racist way, he'd be a proper candidate if he wasn't black. I think it being a black man would be too complicated in a genetic manner. Sorry Shelton. In a side note, though, he is due a push again.

Snitsky? No. But if I'm wrong, it isn't my fault.

Super Crazy? ay, ay, ay. No es bueno.

Triple H? The Game is the central antagonist in this whole thing, he cannot be the son. That throws into the question the fact that Triple H married his sister........no. Even the WWE........no.

Umaga? Regal? Nope, suspended and have no chance.

Val Venis? yep, thats it. a 36 year old jobber. (note sarcasm)

So thats Raw.

Now, the thing is, ECW and Smackdown were both taped last night. You'd think that if someone was Vince's son, they would not just go and wrestle on smackdown or ECW, with no explanation. So by that logic, it could well be someone who didn't take part in the ECW or Smackdown tapings last night. So lets take a list of ECW and SD wrestlers who did not take part in the taping.

John Morrison, Marcus Cor Von, Dave Taylor, Chavo Guererro, Hardcore Holly, Edge, Helms, Funaki, Ric Flair.

Morrison, Chavo, and Funaki are absent due to the steroid scandal. Helms and Edge are too, but are injured. Cor Von is a long term absentee because of a personal issue. Holly is injured, Flair as we know is having one or two issues with WWE at the moment. Dave Taylor is not a lot more than a jobber, and has barely been seen since Regal went to Raw.

By the laid out criteria that it can't be anyone from Raw that we've worked out, and that it could be someone who should have been on Smackdown..............then it leaves two men.

Rey Mysterio and Hornswoggle.

Please god tell it can't be Hornswoggle. You can't involve Triple H, Mr Kennedy, the whole McMahon clan, and then have it be Hornswoggle. No way. (I hope)

Rey Mysterio wasn't around the ring, which would stand against him, but I think he has the most chance of anyone else.

He had a major altercation with Vince for seemingly no reason a while back. "Things are looking up" could well be a swerve so that you think its Kane or Khali or something, but its actually the short Mysterio. He was not on Smackdown, and they have changed the SD main event for Unforgiven to include Batista. They could edit Rey right out of that. He is a main event level star that they could use.

One thing against is the fact that he has already been involved in a paternity thing with Eddie, and that might could against.

Anyway, that my guess, I'm going with Rey Mysterio. You (may have) heard it here first.

Quick Raw Thoughts

Just got through watching RAW for Sept 4th – the first show after the announcement of suspensions.

So did this help us decide who may be gone? A little, but not entirely.

The names from Raw that were rumoured to be on the hitlist, in one way or another, were Mr. Kennedy, Intercontinental Champion Umaga, General Manager William Regal, Randy Orton, King Booker, Santino Marella and Charlie Haas.

So how did they all get on………….?

Mr. Kennedy: - Well, until the last 15 minutes or so of the show, Kenny Kenny was nowhere to be seen. Unfortunately, I had got wind of a little spoiler of the show, which was tape this week, so when the quartet of McMahons were chatting away in the ring, I knew he must show up at some point. Otherwise I think I might have popped privately for when he came through the curtain.

Well, anyway, he gave a great performance vocally, as per usual, where it was basically announced that he is not in fact Vince’s son. (we should find out next week). But that was basically a near certainty, really, that he would be the bastard son. That he isn’t has to taken as a sign that we won’t see him any more in this storyline.

Umaga: - The Samoan Bulldozer actually pulled a double header in the ring, and was all over the show. Not, I was thinking, the ideal way to de-push the man.

The IC title match was ok, but I felt the finish was weak. For an unstoppable savage, falling off the top rope and getting winded seemed a bit feeble to me. It strikes me that a small package or the like might have served the purpose better. Jeff Hardy didn’t come off as a strong character, and Umaga just came off as a bit clumsy and unable to fight being winded. If Jeff rolls him in an inside cradle, then at least it looks like Umaga was simply outsmarted. And Samoan savages don’t regularly win Mensa contests.

The last match on the show saw Umaga team up with Carlito for a meaningless handicap match Triple H, where a quick DQ ensued, but ended up with Umaga being destroyed by The Game, a chair, and, you’ve guessed it, a sledgehammer.

This all makes perfect sense. Umaga will serve his 30-day suspension, and return in four or five weeks to destroy Triple H. A Triple H and Umaga programme makes sense for two of the biggest names on Raw, possibly with Umaga being used as Vince’s hired gun again.

William Regal: - Regal was also featured significantly in the show, but not in his usual comedic role. Cena destroyed him after the GM showed a little compassion towards Randy Orton (more on him in a minute). Coach will fill in for a few weeks, then Regal will return when “fit again”. Possibly as more of a heel, trying to stack the odds against Cena.

Randy Orton:- It looks as if the WWE’s Teflon man is at it again. I never saw Orton compete when I was at the Raw show in London because he’d caused a ruckus in a hotel room in Italy. He didn’t get suspended or fired then.

He’s certainly been caught by the Wellness Policy in the past, and was implicated in the scandal here. Now, not that anyone else has officially been sanctioned, it seemed pretty clear from the way Raw went that several people are in trouble. Orton was advertised as being in the main event for the next Pay Per View. Seems he is safe.

Other have taken this quite badly. Seems it’s quite a kick in the teeth.

King Booker: - Jury out. Booker was wrestling in the main event last week, he wasn’t on the show at all this week. He doesn’t have an injury as far as I am aware. He isn’t long back from an injury and does have a territory to book, so there may be extenuating circumstances. We’ll see.

Santino Marella:- I think he will be ok. Essentially, very few people care about him, so to continue, albeit minor, his association with Maria, as well as introduce a link with Sandman. He also said his arm was getting better and threatened Ron Simmons.

On the flip side, they could suggest that his arm got damaged again and it keeps him out for a month. If you forced me to stake money, I’d say he stays.

Charlie Haas:- Newsflash. Haas loses a match. In other news, Dog Barks, night is dark and The Warrior says something mental. Who knows?

I will try to update later in the week, and we’ll take a genuine look at the Vince’s kid angle.

On the 'roid to nowhere.......

I suspect that by now you have read about the controversy which has been stirred up once again surrounding steroids and wrestling.

If you have not, please go to www.thesun.co.uk/wrestling and let them fill you in. The rest of us will wait.



Ok, you’re back, lets get on.

So is this a positive or negative occurrence for the WWE and wrestling in general?

The significance of the people alleged to be involved makes the situation much more……well, significant. If this were 10 names of the undercard, wrestlers in developmental or something, this wouldn’t make much of an impact. You’d see loads of people like me having a pop at the WWE not having the bottle to censure the top names. There can be no such accusations here.

As well as minor names like Sho Funaki and Charlie Haas, you have holders of minor titles like Shane Helms and Chavo Guererro, the latter of course having been a part of Summerslam against Rey Mysterio, and more importantly a man closer than anyone on the roster to Eddie and Chris Benoit.

That leaves six names, which are rumoured to be William Regal (Current Raw General Manager), Umaga (Intercontinental Champion) John Morrison (ECW Champion), Edge (former world champion, still would be if not for injury) Randy Orton (Number one contender in the biggest push of his life) and Ken Kennedy (Destined for the top, major part of every broadcast, and more importantly penciled in to be Vince’s kid and be in the main event at Wrestlemania)

There’s no punches pulled is there? 6-8 big names are gone. For a month anyway.

I make it that if Umaga and Morrison have to lose their belts, it’ll be at least SIX occasions this year that a title plan has had to change. Edge and The Undertaker had to drop the straps when injured, the Benoit tragedy led to Morrison picking the ECW belt up, and Kennedy would surely have won a title with his Money in the Bank contract.

I cannot and will not comment on the accusations against the wrestlers, and indeed what their futures may hold.

I will, though, say that this could make or break the WWE. If they lose star power in droves, their fanbase may react in kind. Next week, you could have three TV shows which features a roster devoid of:

Shawn Michaels
Bobby LashleyThe Undertaker
Chris Benoit
Rob Van Dam
Edge
Big Show
Ken Kennedy
Umaga
John Morrison
William Regal
Randy Orton

Factor in that Batista and King Booker are both on the list of suspected users of Pharmacy, and that Triple H and Rey Mysterio have only been back a week, you are looking at a roster which has as its top 10 stars, apart from those above, maybe:

1) John Cena
2) The Great Khali
3) Mark Henry
4) Carlito
5) MVP
6) Jeff Hardy
7) Matt Hardy
8) CM Punk
9) Kane
10) Finlay

That’s pretty weak (although to be fair I’ve left out Flair) as a roster goes, so why should we watch?

Well, there is an argument which suggest that in the face of a seriously average product, a serious incident such as what happened with Chris Benoit occurs, and although the ratings dropped to below the desired level as far as the WWE are concerned they didn’t dip too low. Consider that crisis talks came when Raw’s rating went down to 3.4, and Raw’s replacement this week on USA Network, The US Open Tennis, drew a 1.0.

So maybe people will watch wrestling come what may. The people that now watch are the hardcore, the true fans, those that are probably too set in their ways to stop watching wrestling. If there was a credible threat they may stop watching WWE itself, but there is no such competition, so that’s moot.

Why not then, allow a bit more creativity to emerge. Get rid of slow moving goons like Mark Henry, Khali and Viscera that have never drawn any money. See what kind of wrestling, yes wrestling, talent you could get hold of. Let Punk do what Punk wants to do, and try to get the Brian Danielson’s and such to the big leagues and let them wrestle.

Khali, Batista, Masters, Knox etc – no one cares.

Morgan, Test, Tomko, Steiner – no one cares.

It was said that a monopoly in wrestling would harm the business because there would be lots out of work and no upward mobility. Possibly.

However, although there is still one main company, it is kind of a duopoly thanks to TNA.

The trouble is, both rosters have elements of festering, boredom inducing rubbish polluting the airwaves, pushing down the more stellar talent.

Those mentioned above clearly suck.

The ‘best of’ roster, however, looks awesome. Imagaine a company populated with:

Samoa Joe, Finlay, Carlito, CM Punk, AJ Styles, Shawn Michaels, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian, Rey Mysterio, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Shelton Benjamin, Jeff Hardy, Christian Cage, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Super Crazy, Homicide, Chris Harris, Petey Williams, MVP, Matt Hardy, Jay Lethal, Senshi/Low Ki, Jamie Noble, Elijah Burke, Elix Skipper.

Then add your extra talent like John Cena, Kurt Angle, Sting, Jarrett, Abyss, Taker and a few others. That’s what you want.

I’ve seen quite few Ring of Honor and other independent events, but from what I have seen and what I’ve heard, the likes of Mistico, Nigel McGuiness, The Briscoes, Colt Cabana (I think he is in developmental now) Doug Williams, Claudio Castagnoli, Matt Sydal.

Factor in Teddy Hart, Harry Smith and the like and you might be onto something.

Surely its worth thinking about.

Actually, no, scrap that. What the world wants is a Snitsky and Big Daddy V monster push, and a return for Chuck Palumbo and Johnny Stamboli.

Obviously.

Summerslam Live Notes

00.55am
Are you ready to partake of a PPV? The Biggest Partaking of the summer? Thought so. Hop in.

As usual, I’m here in the UK, with my laptop, writing live notes on the Pay Per View. For all of you watching in this in the states, remember your friend across the pond stays up until 4am for you.

I also make sure I stay completely sober and lucid so that I give a good account and also that I have to work in the morning. However, if Summerslam sucks, that’s it, I’m getting wasted next time.

01.03am
Well, the opening pyro is going off, and the video preview has aired. The build up still focuses on Triple H, who has the climb the mountain of a guy who has defeated, erm, a 50+ year old who wrestles on RAW about 4 times a year. Oh, and he punked out a non-wrestling 60 year old. The only more frightening bookers are the ones who write the damn stuff.

01.05am
And it’s Kane. Out to face Fit Finlay in the opener. Cole tells us that this started when Fit spilled coffee on Kane. Hang on, didn’t that happen to Kane before, with the caffeine dropper that time being Jericho?

No truth in the rumour that The Big Red Dentist retaliated by throwing hot tea over Finlay’s leg. Fit didn’t feel it, obviously.

01.15am
Not far off a ten-minuter, and a pretty darn decent opener. A genuine back and forth encounter with Finlay selling his ass off and also looking like a legitimate tough guy. Couple of fake finishes, clean finishes. No problems here.

01.20am
After a little backstage skit involving all the general managers, coach, Vince a lack of babes (“go get the scrubbers”) Santino Morella (“Every week I have to put up with that. Moron.”) and MVP, Vince goes to far.

He said……………….erm……he said……………..that…………….

He said English women are ugly. Listen, I know plenty of Americans. Many are fat. That doesn’t make them all fat. English women, on the whole, are no uglier than anywhere in the world. Except Sweden, they are all babes. Oh, and Holland. And maybe Norway.

When the WWE comes to Birmhingam here in the UK in October, and I will be there, I hope I get to interview one of the men involved. And I tell you what, if I was a more interesting persona and didn’t live such a sad existence, so that I actually had a girlfriend, then I’d show them a picture of her. Actually the last one was a bit of a dog, so that might be……oh, I’m mad, ok. Bloody annoyed, you get the idea.

01.27am
I spent a long time writing that rant, and the IC title match is underway. It has also pretty much followed the plan I outline in the preview earlier on today.

01.29am
So Kennedy nails Umaga with a monitor. OK. So it’s no DQ. So why don’t they all just go mental with chairs and shit.

01.31am
I just went to the website of Aka the Wild Samoan, apparently his class involves teaching fellow Samoans the ability to hit someone to make them fall in a sitting position against the turnbuckle. Only Samoans can do that, you know. Oh, and X-Pac, but he shagged Chyna, so he doesn’t count. For anything.

01.32am
Well, its finished, and strictly speaking I’m now 2 for 2 for predicting matchwinners, although I did think that Kennedy would not be the one to job. Weird booking to me, but anyway.

01.36am
So we are about to witness the return of Rey Mysterio, and Chavo is out. He is wearing a poncho with Warrior written on it. Warrior? Are you kidding? Rey’s back, Triple H is back, Taker is coming back, and now the Warrior?

Now on WWEShopzone, Sombreros with “Destrucity” written on them, Piñatas which break when you shake the ropes, and a talking doll that says “Queering don’t make the world work, Gringos.”

And here I was having a go at English stereotypes.

01.40am
The match is underway, and speaking of the Ultimate Warrior, Rey is covered in silver paint for some reason. Those crazy Mexican make up ladies. A hundred body paints. I bet they have a thousand masks. And a Million Mascaras.

01.50am
After the secret stipulation was completed (the match couldn’t end until Rey’s body paint had worn off) Rey Mysterio does the usual for a returning superstar. That is, kick out of an apparently unkickoutable (fuck off, I know it isn’t a real word, but its nearly 2 in the pissing morning, gimme a break) move, hit his big move after 3 attempts and get the win. In the big story of the evening, I’m 3 out of 3.

01.54am
Todd Grisham gets acted off the screen by a stuffed parrot before interviewing Booker T, who both annoys and kills me at the same time. He will beat Triple H apparently. Booker, you book your own territory, so does The Game. Work it out son.

02.00am
Divas battle royal time. Women get elimitaed here and there, but because WWE divas are only cast out of one mould, JR and King don’t really know who is being eliminated.

02.05am
The phrase I would choose to sum up the Divas Battle Royal is: Assisted Bumps.

I’ll leave it up to you to decide if I mean that the girls had to practically throw themselves out of the ring, or their surgically enhanced chests.

02.08am
Beth Phoenix’s celebrations (4 from 4, by the way) are interrupted by Monty Porter. Maybe this is the contest he was talking about challenging Matt Hardy to? Diva Fucking!!

Hardy is a veteran, of course – Lita, Ashley. Matt will beat him at that, and then win the most acrimonious break up contest.

Nah, its beer drinking. Or is it. Matt says he isn’t going to compete in a beer drinking contest. He has a substitute. Quicker than you can say “The Condemned is now available is retail store and bagain bins for a buck 99” the fans are chanting for Austin. (I’d piss myself laughing if its Sandman!)

And its…………….Gillberg!!!!

No, wait, its Austin. And he is psyched for the hardcore beverage consuming contest. Fuck fear, drink (light) beer. Ernest “The Cat” Miller Lite. No mic time for Austin, just a stunner and a celebration with beer.

The ring is now covered in beer, which is now reacting with the silver paint and starting to merge to form the shape of a human man from the future. No wait, that’s Terminator 2, isn’t it?

And Judgment Day was back in May.

02.19am
OK, I gave Cryme Tyme some stick earlier on. But I’ve got to say, getting Coach, Teddy Long and then Regal to circle Vince chanting “Money, Money, Yeah, Yeah” was a masterstroke. Round it off with that damn Simmons guy (not Richard) and that was a funny segment. Regal is the funniest (and Whitest) guy in the history of the WWE.

02.22am
ECW is on fourth last then – a ‘world’ title isn’t as valuable as Triple H’s return, which is fair.

I’ve just realized I haven’t commented much on match quality since the opener. Well, the IC match was average at best, Rey and Chavo was great, would have been excellent if could have gone longer (a lot to ask of Rey, though, admittedly) and the Divas battle royal was laughable.

Punk kicks out of a few early covers, but not because he wants to win, but because he daren’t lay on the beer stained mat for too long. He’s straightedge, you know, the alcohol might permeate into his body.

02.32am
Morrison retains (and the bastard ruins my undefeated streak) in the most pissweak ending of a title match in months. That was a shame, because up until the sham of a finish, this was a solid match. To the live audience, it doesn’t matter either way, because they appear not to know who either man was. At one point, a small “CM Punk” chant started up. I swear about 10,000 people then said “ah, that’s him. And other guy looks like that kid who used to be on Tough Enough.”

Tazz says that a great man once said “By any means necessary.” Yes he did, Tazzwell, but now that man only says “Damn”, and other homophones.

02.37am
After a fantastic visual where Booker poses in the aisleway and looks like his hair is on fire, and an announcement that JR might be bias – hope that guys who broke your arm gets his ass kicked, huh Jim? – here comes the returning Triple H, complete with 3 part theme music.

The intro included the “Gentleman, we can rebuild him.” I would say that about 4% of the WWE’s target audience actually get that reference. If you do, I hope you share with me the irony that the line in question was used for a character called Steve Austin.

Not the WWE’s Steve Austin either. Not the Bionic Redneck, but the Bionic Man. Or the Six Million Dollar man. Or are they the same guy? Anyway, I don’t mean Steve Williams. Not Dr. Death Steve Williams, the other Steve Williams.

The bell has gone, and Booker attacks………….

No, not Tiger Woods’ caddy Steve Williams, I mean the wrestler, who isn’t Dr Death. And not Dr Death the Batman Villain, nor Jack Kervorkian or Harold Shipman.

(If you don’t know who Jack Kervorkian is, then here is a random line from his Wikipedia page – “In the 1980s, Kevorkian wrote a series of articles for the German journal Medicine and Law that laid out his thinking on the ethics of euthanasia. fuckin bitch who does this kinf of shit. go to hell”. I’m not kidding, that’s what it says. Go take a look - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Kevorkian)

Anyway, its Triple H, not A Texas Rattlesnake, not Dr Death, not a Six Million Dollar man, not a golf caddy, not a killer medical practitioner.

Back to the match, and…………oh its finished.

Anyway, big entrance? Check. Dominant performance? Check. Kick out of a finisher (The Book End)? Check. Three attempts to hit his move (Pedigree)? Check. A win?

If you don’t know the answer to that, you are too stupid to live, to own a computer or to write for the WWE creative team.

02.52am
And if you thought the people were pumped up for the return of The Game, how excited do you think they’ll be for a Great Khali match?

02.57am
A video airs for the Smackdown Title match, and basically puts over the Indian Giant’s now vice grip move. Please, please, please let me see him do that move on Hornswoggle, That would be awesome.

03.08am
Did you know that the common Dormouse can breed once or twice a year, have a typical size of 2-3” and live about 5 years? Too boring? OK, how about the fact that the largest employer in Liechtenstein is a company that manufactures concrete fastening systems? Still boring?

OK, try this Batista won by DQ after Khali got bored (who didn’t) and hit The Animal with a chair. Still bored.

OK, here’s a hot chick. http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=385082

Am I forgiven? Good

Anyway, after a “boring” chant, Michael Cole announced that the fans were understandably irritated. JBL, at the close of the match, refrained from shouting ‘ball game’ and instead denounced the ending, stating that the fans deserve better. Bradshaw, my old friend, you are spot on.

As for my prediction, technically I was wrong, because I said Great Khali would win. But he did retain. Can I have a half point? If you let me have a half point I’ll give you another hot chick. I’ll wait to hear from you.

03.19am
Its time for the main event. The usual mixed Cena reception, but nothing too postive towards Randy either.

03.21am
King just dropped a Liechtenstein reference, I swear to God I did mine first!

03.24am
Maybe I was wrong – noticeable support for Orton. Say what you like about limited movesets for these guys and the superior talent of someone like Punk, Punk wrestled solidly for 10 minutes to no reaction. Orton got a headlock in then knocked Cena down with a shoulderblock and the roof nearly came off the Meadowlands.

03.41am
Orton just missed his big punt, and Cena has the STFU applied. Orton reaches the ropes. I just want to note know that I think Orton did a little Iron Sheik homage by tapping his boot on the mat three times.

03.42am
This just in from the Sheik:
“RandyOrtonjaghsnosdfndgbdswonkydonkeyfbkdskndsfbkjnculcbskdbcbslovealbatrossfnsdvfsvsasextyphoonfbdsdfbsdbfsbdstarofstallionfarmvvvvvsadsdldonkldsncsndcnsancsdncn” Or something.

03.43am
Damn it. Cena got the win. Not that I’m a huge Cena hater or an Orton mark. I just thought the time was right. I thought that match was decent. It had the big fight atmosphere, as JBL said (wrongly) about the previous match. I would liked to have seen a little more believable set of false finishes, because as soon as Randy hit the RKO out of the STFU, he played up an injury, meaning you knew Cena would kick out of the pin. 10 seconds later, it was over after an FU.

A better main event than I expected.

Predcitions were 5-3 tonight, and ironically the 3 I got wrong were all title matches!

Overall I thought that it was an average Pay Per View, better than a lot of ones we’ve seen this year, but that’s like saying stale bread is tastier than tree bark. Seeing Austin was cool, but for me every PPV needs two or three of that size of events. No-one turns face or heel, returns unannounced, or pulls off a miraculous result anymore. That’s the biggest problem. The match quality wasn’t, and generally isn’t high, but in the modern product, that is secondary to good psychology and entertainment. That is why the main event was good. It had the crowd completely into it and told a story.

Forced into a numbers rating I’ll go 6.5/10. Not fantastic, but passable, and much better than a lot of 4 or less out of 10 shows we’ve seen of late. Nowhere near Wrestlemania though.